Roger stood in the bathroom staring at the bath tub. Sure, it had been four months since April died (or was it five? He was beginning to lose track of the time) but he still felt the need to replay the scene in his mind at least a few times a week.
He walked into the bathroom looking for her, and then caught the first scent of blood…
"Roger?" Collins interrupted his mourning.
"I'm in here." He called softly.
"Come on, man. You gotta stop this. Let's go hang out tonight. I think Maureen is performing at the Life Café."
"Maureen. Because we all know how much I get along with her." Roger retorted.
"Okay, fine. We could catch a movie, or maybe a concert. Seriously, man. Let's get out of the house. It'll do you good I swear. Not to mention I didn't ride all the way here on that god awful smelling bus from MIT to sit around in this shit hole all week."
"Fuck off." Roger snapped.
Collins ignored him. "Mature."
"Shut up. Where's Mark?"
"Um, I think he is…uh…busy." Collins hesitated.
"You mean he's cranking one out in his room?" Roger had lost all tact in the last few months.
Collins laughed. "Look, I'll level with you. Let's split a pizza. You can get dressed and perhaps even shower, but you won't have to leave the house."
Roger frowned. "Fine." If he didn't give in, Collins would be riding his ass all night. At least this way he could be alone sooner.
They retreated to the living room of the loft. Collins phoned in there pizza order and they sat down. Just then Mark entered the room.
"Have fun in there?" Roger gave a half-smile.
Mark turned beet red.
"Ah, leave him alone Roger. He's lonely. Maureen's out of town." Collins gave a wide-toothed grin. "Isn't that right, Pookie?"
Roger rolled his eyes.
The pizza showed up and the three guys sat around cracking jokes and laughing. Even Roger laughed a little. It felt good to be happy. But he knew it wouldn't last. He tried to push the thought of April to the back of his mind. Mark was recounting some gag-worthy story about him and Maureen's trip to some carnival or something. He wasn't really listening.
"I won her this huge stuffed purple bear. And then…"
"Mark, spare us the Maureen stuff. For real. We're trying to cheer Roger up and you're driving him further into the ground." Collins said.
"I'm trying. But he's just so …mopey."
"Way to talk about me like I'm not in the room, guys." Roger scoffed.
They tended to do this often. It's like Roger couldn't hear them or something. He strongly resented it. Suddenly, there was a very loud thud coming from outside.
"What the hell is that?" Mark wondered aloud.
Collins got up and glanced through the window. "There's a moving van outside."
Roger and Mark got up to look. He was right. It looked like they had some new neighbors. Or by the looks of the single twin bed that was being unloaded, a new neighbor. Then a young-looking girl got out of the van. She was dark-skinned with jet-black curly hair, and she looked damn familiar.
"Wow. She's gorgeous." Mark said in amazement.
"She's cute. I guess." Collins said passively.
"Like you would know, Collins." Roger joked.
"Well, she's not exactly my type." He smiled.
"Yea. She's got tits." Mark laughed. Even Roger chuckled at this. And he did have to agree with Mark. She was beautiful. But she looked so young. Like she was still in high school. Yet she seemed to be alone. It was a warm night tonight, and she had on a small tank top and a skin tight mini-skirt. God, but she had a great ass.
"You really think she's moving in here?" Mark asked.
"I hope not. She sure deserves more than a rat trap like this." Roger responded. He felt terribly guilty that he found another woman so arousing so soon after losing April. But this new girl intrigued him. Where did he know her from?
"Forget the girl. Check out that moving guy! Those muscles." Collins stated playfully. It had been over two years since Collins came out, but sometimes it still weirded Roger out to hear him talk about guys this way. He wasn't homophobic by any means, but it just felt so awkward for him. He just brushed it off. After all, it never seemed to bother Mark.
Just then Roger saw someone emerge from the alley across the street. It was E.J. The son-of-a-bitch who got April addicted to smack and frequently beat and raped her after she was too wasted to resist. He had been their dealer. Roger had done everything in his power to keep her away from him unless he was around. But he wasn't Superman, for Christ's sake. She always seemed so drawn to him. Roger had the sneaking suspicion that E.J. was the reason Roger had to take daily AZTs. The reason his life was ruined and the reason April had cut her life short. He loathed him.
Suddenly he saw the new girl cross the street and approach E.J. They backed into the alley. He was dealing to her. Roger could tell. Fuck.
"What are they doing?" Mark asked, apparently oblivious to everything.
"She's his client." Roger said, disgusted.
"His what? Huh?"
"Mark. Shut up." Collins warned. But it was too late. Roger had already retreated back to his bedroom and closed the door.
Was he only attracted to addicts? Women who could never actually care for him? Was he doomed to a very short life of nothing but misery? Apparently so.
He reached for his drawer where he kept his emergency drugs. All he had left were illegal prescription pain-killers that he had acquired months ago. They would have to do. Roger took three, just enough to make him numb to the world. He fell back onto his filthy sheets and slept hard.
But he dreamed of the new girl.