Behind These Hazel Eyes
She sat beside the grave. The grave's earth was fresh, brown – recently filled in. Sitting on the cedar root that protruded from the ground, her lilac robe was getting dirty. She didn't seem to care. Her black hair was slightly curly. It was tucked behind her ears; with just a few wisps escaping.
Her view was on the headstone. She wore half-moon glasses in front of her hazel eyes. Her mother had had brown eyes and her father's had been bright green.
Seems like just yesterday
You were part of me
The headstone was stone, light grey. It had words etched into it in gold lettering:
R.I.P.
Harry Potter (b. 31st of July 1980)
Died 7th of March 2015.
Husband, father, vanquisher of You-Know-Who.
The girl – Lily – couldn't believe that her father was… dead. Even to think that word – dead – seemed so final; so cruel.
He had died protecting her and her mother.
She could hear the screams that caused his death.
She had been standing in the cottage in which they lived when it happened. A woman had opened the door. Lily turned around, saying, "How was work, Mum?" she stopped in mid-sentence. It wasn't her mother. The woman had black, straight hair. She was heavy lidded and there was a dark, dangerous beauty surrounding her.
She looked normal but when she spoke, Lily realised that she was insane. "Where's your Mummy and Daddy little girl?" her voice was high pitched but harsh.
Lily bristled with anger at being called 'little girl'. She was fifteen!
"Please leave," replied Lily. She hoped that she sounded stern and not weak.
The woman laughed cruelly. "No! Now move!" The woman pushed Lily to the ground and stepped over her. She walked up the stairs, screeching Harry! Harry! Auntie Bellatrix is here to see you!
Lily's mother appeared at the top of the stairs. "You… What do you want?" She didn't get to say any more as Bellatrix sent a Stunner at her. With out time to block it, she became limp, then collapsed.
Lily screamed. Bellatrix turned around and snarled viciously: "keep your mouth shut or it won't be stunners I shall send!"
Harry walked out of a room enjoining the landing. "Bella! I haven't seen you since I defeated your Master. How's things?"
Bella looked venomously at him. "Things will be better when you die!"
Harry drew his wand from his back pocket. "It doesn't have to be this way…"
Bellatrix looked down at her feet. Just then, Lily stupidly yelled up to Harry, "Go on, Dad! Don't let her insult you like this!" Bella turned back to Harry and screamed, "AVADA KEDAVADRA!"
Time seemed to slow and Lily cried out "No!" She could have sworn that Harry looked at her and mouthed: "Love you…" Harry crumpled and Lily went stiff. "Dad…" she murmured.
Bellatrix turned to face Lily. "Guess what? You're next!"
Lily felt in her pocket for her wand: it wasn't there… She knew that she was going to die unless she did something. The only thing was… but they hadn't covered it in Charms class yet…
She thought as hard as she could, "AVADA KEDAVADRA!"
There was a flash of green light and then…
Nothing…
I used to stand so tall
I used to be so strong
Your arms around me tight
Everything it felt so right
Unbreakable like nothing could go wrong
Lily shivered; there was a cold wind and it seemed to tell her what she already knew: it was her fault that Harry was dead.
If she hadn't yelled at him to kill Bellatrix, maybe he might still be alive…
If she had locked the door of the cottage, maybe Bellatrix mightn't have entered…
If she hadn't screamed when her mother had been stunned, maybe Harry wouldn't have come out…
If…
Maybe…
"NO!" she screamed, breaking the silence of the graveyard.
She and her mother had done this horrible and cruel mind-game just after the funeral. They both knew it didn't work; just made trouble; caused internal pain. There was no point to it. What had happened had happened – it was over.
But still…
With her father gone, Lily was weak. She couldn't do any thing; bar stare emptily into space; blaming herself.
Now I can't breathe
No I can't sleep
I'm barely hanging on
At times, she would wake up in the middle of the night, lie in her bed, and unwillingly relive the horror and pain of that fateful day. She knew her mother suffered similar; she had it worse thought; she would see it flash before her eyes and her lungs and heart would clench in pain. She couldn't breathe.
Both mother and daughter looked like zombies; they could barely hang on to life.
Here I am
Once again
I'm torn into pieces
The two of them were torn to pieces. They had had their lives destroyed. Their only reasons for living were each other.
Can't deny it
Can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes
Lily was trying to hold it together – just pretending to – for her mother. She wouldn't cry, and if she did, Lily would close her eyes so no one could see her tears of sadness.
I told you everything
Opened up and let you in
You made me feel all right for once in my life
Harry had been their rock.
If Lily had any problems, she would tell him all. He could always say or do something to make her feel better.
Now all that's left of me
Is what I pretend to be
So together but broken up inside
She could manage to escape the house – her mind – by going out. Even then she was just pretending that everything was normal.
Pretending had become natural by now; it just seemed a daily routine. She pretended that she was together – nothing was wrong – while inside everything was wrong; broken up.
Swallow me then spit me out
For hating you, I blame myself
Lily felt like by killing Bellatrix; she had become like her.
A killer…
A murderess…
She had been swallowed into the depths of despair and doom. She had to kill Bellatrix; she HAD to.
Lily knew that playing the blame game was wrong; but sometimes – juts sometimes – when she played it; she broke the rules.
She blamed Harry for dying; for ruining her life; her mother's life; even his own life. His death had changed everything: She was no longer happy-go-lucky.
Just seeing you it kills me nowStill staring at the headstone; Lily knew she would never get over her father's death.
It wasn't to be…
Hearing a yell from behind her; she turned.
"Lily!"
It was her mother. She was running towards her; her bushy, brown hair bouncing with each step - it had escaped the clasp that Lily insisted that her mother wear. Her dark-blue robes were trailing on the ground.
Lily got up and walked to meet her. She spoke her mother's name, using her first name – which was how she had called Harry and how she continued to call her mother.
"Hermione."
Hermione put her arm around Lily and together they walked back to the red Opal parked in the car park.
An onlooker might have heard Hermione whisper something to Lily and Lily whisper back.
"Are you okay?"
"Yes, I'm fine."
I don't cry
On the outside anymore…