Beating up a CEO, in a back Alley
I don't own Yugioh: (
(oneshot)
Me and Ar, have been laughing our heads off about this idea, for a long time, so I finally decided to write it down. (Because AR is too lazy :P )
"Cancel my 1:00, Mr. Lawrence McHaggush; I want to go for a walk in a back alley."
"Wha-… ? Are you crazy Mr. Kaiba? I mean, isn't this a once and a lifetime opportunity for a business deal with this man, who I must add, is extremely important."
"Yes, I am well aware of that, Mr. Lawrence McHaggush, but… I just need to go in a back alley, right away It is urgent. Now, go before I punch your nose up to your eyebrow."
"Yes sir, right away sir."
"Fewf… now for that walk…"
The CEO walked out of his office to his elevator, and pushed the button.
"What's taking so long? Oh well, I'll just take the stairs." Mr. Kaiba walked to the stairs. (Let it be known, that as soon as he turned the corner, away from the elevator, it blew up… ummm… I mean it opened.)
"Ummm… sir, what are you doing?" Random guy in hallway asked.
"I'm going for a walk in a black, I mean back alley. What does it look like?"
"No… I mean, why are you taking the stairs?"
"Well, wouldn't you if your elevator broke down?"
"I guess, but… You do realize you're on the 56 000th floor?"
Mr. Kaiba just waved the man off. "Pish posh, I have to cut down on the drugs I'm secretly stuffing into the employee meals. I'll have to use something weaker like heroine."
"What was that Mr. Kaiba?"
"Oh.. nothing!"
"By the way Jock (for that was his name), I want a bag of Dorit"-
Whatever Mr.Kaiba was about to say, was cut off as he fell down 56 000 floors worth of stairs.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" (if this was rated T or M, there would have been a lot more curses and cusses.)
Mr. Kaiba's journey down the stairs:
Bang
Smash
Crack
Twist
Snap
Bleed
Cry
Squish
Blackout
Crank
Wake
Smash
Black out again
Concussion
Broken bones
Rip
Limp
Step
Step
Step
Exit building
"Wow, I'm so lucky that I only bumped into that guy, who for some reason, resembled Yugi, (let the record show that that man was actually Yugi Motu)
and caused him to fall down the stairs instead of me! Thank you very much sir! Say.. How much do you make?"
"(cough, cough)… About 80 000 a year (cough), sir…"
"Oh good, that calls for a raise. Let's see… I think 200 000 a year will do."
(horribly injured man smiles and takes an intake of breath)
"But wait,… including the replacement of stairs, new wall paper, plumbers, new clothes for me, cleaning maids, architectures and new blue print plans… that brings us down a bit. Although, I don't know where we'd get the money for it. Of course, I have billions at my disposal, but I don't feel like visiting the bank, which I visit 3 times a week, so I'll just deduct that off your pay. That brings you to about minus 100000000$. Well… have a nice day. : ) !"
(horribly injured man starts crying)
"Now back to my walk in the back alley."
Step, step, step…
"Wow, it's soo sunny and bright outside, just breath that fresh air! Alas, I have spotted a dark, polluted stenchy alley. I shall head over to it."
Mr. Kaiba walks across the street.
Mr. Kaiba's journey across the street.
step
step
screech
crash
bang
slice
scream
fire
explosion
smack
skid
legs fall off
but kicked
tumor
ambulance
step
step
step
"Wow, it's a good thing I found a random person to through in the street, befor I walked across, to help stop the cars. It is quite curious that that person reminds me of someone I know. (thinks back to Yugi). Oh well…" : )
(let the record show, that that person indeed was Yugi Motu. : P )
Holy moley, this back alley is filled with some sort of radioactive substance… I should have worn my sneakers… FOR SNEAKING! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Clears throat. "Sorry about that, I get carried away sometimes." (:i)
"Damn high heels… Ummm.. I mean, DAMN BOOTS! Yeah,.. those are manly."
Mr.Kaiba walked to the back of the back alley and rested against the garbage can. "Wow, this walk sure was what I needed: )"
A bang and twist in the distance, fills the CEO with terror.
"Who's there?"
"BWAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"Who are you?"
"It is I, your worst nightmare!"
"Joacquine from Inuyasha?" (for those who don't know, he is this tiny shrimpy dude, who's green and extremely ugly. He's also very annoying and cowers behind his coolio master) (I DON'T KNOW HOW TO SPELL HIS NAME, BARE WITH ME)
"Wha-no! Ummm… OK, maybe your second worst nightmare."
"Mr. Lawrence McHaggush?"
"Ummm… no."
"plugged toilets."
"Maybe your fourth worst?"
"Big aunt Bertha?"
"This may take a while…" The disguised person said with a sigh.
(2367 guesses later.)
"Mr. Sexy McSexalot?"
"N- wait! Yes, yes exactly!"
"Wow, that's who you are? Geeze, I'm not that scared of you."
"You will be… BWAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"I doubt it."
"Shut up! Now… DIE!"
"Eeeek!"
Mr. Sexy McSexalot took a grab at Mr. Kaiba that could crush his face with one swipe, and leave him EXTREMLY ugly.
Thinking fast, Mr. Kaiba grabbed the closest thing near him, and threw it at the man, to use in his place. Strangely enough, the thing was a him, who strangely reminded Mr. Kaiba of someone familiar. Thought's of Yugi crossed his mind.
(let the record show that the person was actually Yugi Motu)
The person did distract Mr. Sexy McSexalot for a second, but Kaiba tripped in some radioactive waste puddles, and got knocked unconscious against a mettle random hobo. Indecently, making his situation a whole lot worth.
"Owwwww… that hurt!" He yelled as he drifted out of consciousness.
"Darnit, how am I supposed to beat up a knocked out guy? Oh… I know how…"
The man randomely started punching Mr. Kaiba all over, quickly making him look like a demented piece of used toilet paper. I would also like to mention that that toilet paper was growing mold.
"Wow, this is hard work, but I can't stop now… I know, I'll do something that requires less energy!" Mr. Sexy McSexalot took out some huge barber scissors.
"Although, I don't know how I'll get to the other side of Mr. Kaiba's head, seeing as he is lying on his side, and his face is too fatly swollen to move. Oh well… I'll have to make with what I have."
(Mr. Sexy McSexalot started cutting Mr. Kaiba's hair)
(30 minutes later!)
"Wow, I'm almost done, I'll just even out the sides here and be on my way! I have a modeling shoot in 3 minutes. Tata!"
(the next day…… still in the alley)
"Geeze my head hurts! I have to punch something before I get a migraine. Oh… here's something!'
Mr. Kaiba found a large lump passing by, and quickly beet the living pooh out of it.
"Strange… it looks like someone familiar!" Thoughts of Yugi passed his mind.
(let the record show, that the person was actually Yugi Motu)
"Golly me look at the time! I have to get to work!"
Mr. Kaiba walked out of the alley, stepping on a lump on the ground, that let out a moan.
"Yugi! What the devil are you doing here! You should be at school or your family shop, not random places like the back of a radioactive waste filled alley!"
Yugi just groaned in response. Mr. Kaiba took in notice the fact the Yugi was missing various limbs.
"Tsk, tsk… remind me never to ask you for a helping hand again!"
with that, the CEO activated his special watch, that allowed him to disappear in a puff of smoke, and appear any place he wished. Today, that would be his office.
"Top of the morning Mr.Kaiba!"
"Good morning Mr. Lawrence McHaggush!"
"Ummm… what did you do yesterday Mr.Kaiba?"
"Oh, yes! I got beat up in a back alley: )"
"Oh… you didn't go to the barber?"
"No, why?"
"Take a look for yourself!" The man brought over a large mirror to Mr. Kaiba.
"Ahhhhhhhhhhh! My perfect hair.. is..is… unperfect!"
It was true. Half of mr.Kaiba's hair had been cut off, and small random patches of puffs of hair, were sticking out at odd angles. Although his other side was perfectly perfect. Oh, no! For absolutely no reason at all, Kaiba's eyebrows had been waxed too. The middles were missing.
"Now people are going to call me Mr. half-bald-odd-hair-puffed-four-eyebrows-man! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! My dignity!"
"Oh well, could be worse."
"How so?" Mr.Kaiba asked, while crying into a beach towel (like that would be enough)
"Well your appointment with Mr.Sexy McSexalot could be in 3 minutes enstead of 4."
"NNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Wait a second... how would you know about my fear of Mr.Sexy McSexalot?"
"Because, Mr. Kaiba……………….. I am him!" Mr. Lawrence McHaggush transformed into Mr. Sexy McSexalot, and ate Mr. Kaiba.
"Darn!" Mr. Kaiba thought befor he died a quick, horably painfull and torturous death.
Knock, knock, knock…
"Who is it?" Mr. Sexy Mc Sexalot asked.
"You have a telegram Mr. Kaiba." came the voice from behind the door.
"One moment please." Mr. Sexy McSexalot transformed into the CEO, Mr.Kaiba. "Enter!"
DUN, DUN DAHHHHHHHHHHHHH………………………
Ac: WOW. WHAT A STORY, GLAD I GOT THAT OFF MY CHEST. I FEEL BETTER. I LAUGHED SO HARD WRITING THIS…….BUT FROM NOW ON, I'LL STICK WITH MORE SREIOUS, EDGE OF YOUR SEAT STORIES………..EXCAPT FOR MAYBE A COUPLE OF ONESHOTS THAT I'LL THINK UP OF ON THE SPOT.
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA MHEH HEH HEH
Untill next time, and remember "Yo ho ho, and a bottle of bum!" (starts punching a random pillow while singing) "Hey Yugi, what are you doing here?" "Pillow" groans.