The next day, at breakfast, Izzy was reading Prufrock Prep's weekly memo, The Daily Dormer.

"Look at this," she claimed. "There's an article here that says there's a poetry contest coming up." "You're entering?" I asked. She nodded. "I guess so. I'll probably do contemporary. I wouldn't have much to win with now with just couplets."

"But you're good at those," Quigley said, taking a bite out of a biscuit with strawberry jelly. "I myself would probably enter if there was a cartographic section of poetry."

We got a big laugh out of that. "Quigley, you are hilarious," said Violet, sitting down, followed by Klaus and Sunny. Klaus had a heaping tray-full of food.

"You're really hungry, aren't you?" Izzy said.

Klaus nodded. "I'm on another growth spurt. And I have to gain some weight. If I don't eat up, I'll be as skinny as my sisters."

Sunny bit his arm. "Ow!" Klaus cried. "Sunny, if this were bleeding, I'd have to send you to the pound."

"We are not skinny, Klaus Alexander Baudelaire," Violet said sternly. "We just haven't had good food in a long time. And Sunny, no biting. But what the heck-"

She took a hit at Klaus's torso. He yelled, "Enough already! If you were Mafian hit men, I'd be dead by now."

"Like in Scarface?" Sunny asked.

Violet groaned. "Isadora, you shouldn't have let her watch that movie."

Isadora and Sunny spent the day together over the last weekend of summer. I was out with Jenny, Violet and Quigley were at the movies, and Klaus was hanging out with Ollie Westin.

Isadora bought Scarface and was watching it when she thought she was alone. Then Sunny came out and watched it with her. Stupid Izzy was so absentminded she didn't even make Sunny close her eyes at the graphic parts.

Violet and Quigley and I got back when they were just ending it. Violet yelled, "Isadora Quagmire! Letting Sunny watch an R movie practically alone! Are you out of your mind?"

"Hush!" Isadora screeched. "I'm trying to see if Al Pacino plays the main guy."

"It says so on the cover, retard," Quigley said, picking it up. "That's the last time we leave Sunny alone with you. You'll probably play Dirty Dancing and let Sunny be present."

"No, silly," Isadora said. "The Graduate is so much better."

Back to reality.

Pierce Farms walked by our table and shook a fist at Quigley. Then he mouthed, "29 days left."

"What was all that about?" Isadora asked.

I opened my mouth to speak, but Quigley said, "Nothing. Don't worry about it."

"Pierce is threatening to kill Quigley, because he thinks he stole his Axe," I said aloud. Quigley glared at me.

"What's Axe?" Sunny asked. "Is he going to cut Quigley down like a tree?"

Quigley buried his face in his hands and grumbled something.

"Its spray deodorant for men," Klaus said. "Violet, don't quit your day job. Sunny here still needs an education."

Violet slugged him in the arm and said, "Can't we report Pierce or something? That's called a threat."

"I know what a threat is, and I've got everything under control," Quigley grumbled.

Klaus shrugged. "What'll he kill you with? A machete? A sniper-rifle?"

"Those are too big," I teased. "But I did see Pierce with a switchblade-"

"Shut up!" Quigley yelled. "Just stay out of my business, all of you! I can handle the guy, and I don't need any of your help!"

He took his tray and went to sit at a solitary, distant table.

"He's going through serious depression," Isadora said. "Talk to him, Duncan."

"I offered him my help before and he declined," I said. "If he wants to handle this himself, I can't help him."

"Dad always said-" "Now you want to talk about what Dad always said?" I growled. "I'll tell you what he always said. He always said, 'Eventually a man has to learn to stand on his own two feet. No one can help him. It's something he has to do for himself. That's what he always said."

I stood up and emptied my tray into the trash and said, "I'll see you guys in class."

I went to my locker, and withdrew the book I'd need for Mr. Hawkins's class.

When I shut the locker door, I saw Summer Sanders standing there. "Hi Duncan," she said, smiling.

"Hi," I said, heading into the classroom. When class started, and Quigley was at the pencil sharpener, I saw a note sail through the air and land on his desktop. It came from the direction of Pierce Farms' desk.

I picked it up and read it. It said, Quagmire, hand over the Axe in 29 days or… Then there was a crude sketch of Quigley, and a knife hovering to the left of him. Anybody could tell what it meant.

I stuffed it into my shirt pocket and when Quigley returned, he handed me a freshly sharpened pencil, then one to Violet. We had to write about our summers. We all wrote the same thing.

Even little Sunny had to write one. Guess what she wrote, the little darling: This summer I got to see Scarface starring Al Pacino. Isadora Quagmire let me watch it with her. One day, I hope to stand alongside Tony Montana and show Don Vito Corleone how a real gangster fights. I also got to see The Godfather another time. Marlon Brando is such a good actor, I'd nominate him for the Oscars if I could. Oh, and I went shopping and met lots of people. But I can't remember where we got all the money. Also, I saw some show called Hell's Kitchen on FOX Network. Some reality TV show about cooking and some cranky guy that always says bleep too much.

I have to admit, though, she spells better than most second graders.

Violet, however, wasn't pleased. "Sunny, we got the money because we saved Carmelita Spats, remember?" she said. "And you don't have to write about movies like Scarface or The Godfather. What about Willy Wonka or Toy Story?"

"Those were okay," Sunny said, "but Scarface was awesome."

Violet gave up in a huff and walked away.

At lunch, I wasn't eating anything when my cell phone rang. "Jenny?" I said. "I haven't eaten anything. Isn't it your break right now?"

"Yes," she said on the other end. "Great!" I said. "I can sneak off campus, you can pick me up and we could grab a bite."

"I don't think so," Jenny said. "Why not?" I said. "I won't get in trouble. I'll be extra careful."

"See, my car's in the shop," she said reluctantly. "It'll be at least another day till we can go do something."

My heart sank. We hardly did much together as it was.

"Oh," I said. "Another time, then?" "I hope," said Jenny. "Bye."

She hung up.

I turned to Isadora. "When are you going to enter that poetry contest you were talking about at breakfast?"

"Submissions are due tomorrow," she said excitedly. "I'm already done."

"That quick?" Klaus said. "So that's what you were doing all during class."

"Can I read it to you guys?" Isadora asked. "Sure, why not?" Quigley said, slurping a carton of juice.

"I call it, 'Pierce's Piercing'," Isadora said.

"Oh, Lord," Quigley moaned.

"It's a limerick," she continued.

"There once was a guy named Pierce.

He was very fierce-"

"You're telling me," Quigley interrupted. "Shut up and let her finish," Klaus said.

"-He got a piercing,

In his rear's end;

Now Pierce isn't so fierce."

At the end, she beamed. "How was it?" she asked.

Klaus kept slurping his grape juice until there was nothing but the sound of sucking air and struggling juice being forced up the straw with heavy difficulty and strong effort.

Violet elbowed him in the ribcage and said, "Isadora that was very…interesting. What do you think, Klaus?"

"It was beautiful," he claimed soulfully. Izzy looked flattered.

"Yes, it was beautiful," he said again. "Beautifully informative!"

"Hey, what's that supposed to mean?" Izzy asked.

"It was beautiful," Klaus said yet again. "It was so beautiful it put a beautifully ugly pit in my stomach! Thanks a lot!"

Isadora opened her mouth to speak, when a cafeteria lady came buy with a platter of lasagna. "More helpings, kids?" she offered merrily.

She flipped a slice onto Izzy's plate, then mine, Violet's and Quigley's.

When she got to Klaus, he refused. "I'm sorry," he said, looking straight at Isadora. "But someone…or something put a top on my esophagus. Also, that is the ugliest lasagna I have ever seen in my life. It has green gunk growing out of the inside, and blood seeping out, with human meat baked right in."

The lady made a face and then said, "Kid, the green gunk is spinach, the blood is tomato sauce, and the meat is ground beef."

She started off, when she turned and yelled, "One last thing: for all complaints about cafeteria-produced food, call 1-800-BITE-ME!"

She stomped off.

After five minutes, Izzy pulled a folded piece of notebook paper out of her shirt pocket and said, "I have a backup poem. This time, I'll take NO NEGATIVE COMMENTS!"

She read it. "Called 'The Lilies Bloom,'" she announced.

"The lilies bloom, as the sun ascends

Straight into the blue-painted sky.

With elves dancing and deer springing,

Worries, off banks of seas, dry.

Shepherds tend and flocks explore

Various meadows of green.

They merge together as up builds the weather

As the most beautiful sight ever seen."

She finished it off. "So what do you think?"

Everyone, even Klaus applauded. Even people at the next few tables applauded her. She beamed deeply. "I hope the judges will like it," she said.

"They better," Quigley said. "That was awesome, sis."

"Thanks," Izzy said.

Just before daily classes ended, Izzy submitted her poem.

We were all waiting outside the classroom.

"What is the prize, anyway?" Klaus asked. I shrugged.

When she came out, Klaus asked her.

"The prize is five hundred dollars and a free tuition for a year," she said. "The free tuition probably wouldn't do that good," Violet said. "Unless we were to get Ollie Westin back here for his senior year."

"You know that's not going to happen," Quigley said.

"Let's sneak off campus later for a celebratory dinner," Klaus proposed.

We all agreed, and planned to walk off campus to dinner that night.