Queen's Own: This chapter has been a little slow because I have been devoting an enormous amount of time to rewriting the first chapters. Revised Chapters One and Two are up and Three is on it's way! Also, four reviews is not sufficient incentive to update. I will give you all a second chance, and post this anyway because I love to write it, but I'm warning you. No less than ten this time.
Reviewer Responses (for Chapters 7 and 8)
Giggles: (blush) I'm incredibly flattered by that review. I don't think I'm anywhere near that kind of quality but thank you so much.
Walking Through Shadows: Jay is a Herald lifebonded to Sunpriest of Vkandis Malkum. Kenin is Jay's Companion, Dena is a Firecat attached to Malkum. That covers the main characters; hope it helps!
elfin: Thank you very much. The fluff will be increasing slightly over the next few chapters but there won't be any fluff past Chapter Ten (sorry guyz!)
Airotciv: Ulia heard the bit about the dreams! Sorry if they were annoying- Jay agrees on that point. More fluff, as you requested. So sorry about the co-authoring thing. How's MP coming with your chapter?
Lurks In Shadows: Fluff coming! And thank you for that comment- I do try to keep my characters as human as I possibly can. There's no worse way to ruin a story than by having unbelievable characters.
wizard116: I try, I really do.
Breezefire: Kenin isn't emotionally unstable in any sense other than the fact that she hates Karse- and really, what Companion doesn't? They're only- well not exactly human- But anyway, Kenin corrects her emotional instability fairly quickly, and neither her nor Jay are any the worse for it. Actually, fighting with the people you love can make you love them more.
Kirsa: Hmm…good point…although I've gotten rubs across the top of my palm just where my fingers start. She would probably also have gotten them between her fingers too.
M3m0rii: Thanks! I try to be original. I'm glad you like the personalities. As for the tension, that's the desired effect. Glad it's working!
Starlight-Dagger: (laughs)
Also thanks to Sarah, Kayla and milky way bar for reviewing!
Chapter Nine: Of Wishing and Wanting
It was when she woke up the next morning, that she realized that nothing would ever be the same. Jay snuggled closer in Malkum's arms, before realizing that she was probably a mess and she needed to get up and do something. So, she crawled carefully out of the bedroll, gathered up a few pairs of clean articles of Whites and retreated to a corner to change behind Kenin's protective bulk. By the time she'd combed all the knots out of her now-dry hair, Malkum was up.
After a quick kiss good morning, Jay excused herself and Kenin to go get water for breakfast. On the way down to the stream, Jay stared at her feet before getting up the nerve to speak.
:It's never going to be like last night again, is it?: she said regretfully. Kenin's eyes were sad.
:As much as I'd like to say it will,: she said gently. :The likelihood that it will is slim. The way the situation between Karse and Valdemar stands right now, you two have-:
:No chance,: Jay finished bitterly. :The fact that we're lifebonded will count for nothing- he hasn't been Chosen.: The words were sent with what was almost a silent plea, a last glimmering of hope.
:And isn't likely to be,: Kenin said. She heaved a sigh. :I'm sorry.: Jay waved it off. She hadn't expected any differently. This was real life after all, not a love ballad.
:We'll make the best of what we have,: she said. :Rushed as it may be. And when Haven comes- we'll see what we can do.:
The walk back to the Waystation was spent in companionable silence. Malkum met her at the door and took the water from her. His eyes too were slightly sad, as though he knew what she was thinking. Then again, she thought wryly. He probably does at some level. No one knew how deep lifebonds extended- it was just one of those mysteries.
Breakfast was quick, and they were on the road within a candlemark, after packing up all the strewn clothing. As they turned a bend in the road, all sight of the Waystation was lost, as well as any of the carefree nature with which they had acted the previous day. They were more than halfway to Haven and they were running out of time.
The next week was strained. Every kiss was rushed, every touch savored. They met more and more Heralds, a few of which Jay even knew vaguely. Every time they had to put on their act of fear and disdain, Jay felt as though her heart were being twisted. Their kisses, which grew more and more heated, and talks, which grew increasingly more personal, went some way to helping heal the wounds. But the better they grew to know each other, the more she realized how hard this was going to be.
It was three days before they were to reach Haven. A Herald who Jay knew slightly from the Collegium –he'd been three or four years ahead of her- had joined them for dinner and Malkum was on the verge of nervous breakdown. When Jay showed the other Herald out of the Waystation, he watched her back and found his vision growing blurry. When Jay returned inside, she found him crying.
Immediately, she was by his side. He pulled her into a tight embrace. "What's wrong?" she asked, concerned.
"Lose you, I cannot," he said softly. She began to cry too.
"You won't," she said. But they both knew that it was an unsure promise.
They just held each other for a long time, until the tears began to subside somewhat. Then, Jay kissed the remaining tears from his cheeks, until she reached his lips. Their kiss tasted of salt and sorrow.
After a while, Jay pulled back from the kiss, eyes full of thought. "You can't go into Haven." It was a fact, not a question. "It's dangerous. You wouldn't be safe." Her eyes still shone with tears and her voice quavered slightly. But they were determined as well, full of a need to impress the seriousness of this statement upon her lifebonded.
"To Karse," he said softly. "I should return?" She nodded.
"You may or may not know," she began. "That Kenin had to remain in contact with the Queen's Companion and the Spymaster's Companion. They have told her some of what awaits you in Haven, and it's- not pretty. Not safe. And if I lost you-" Her voice broke off in the sob she could not contain. "I don't think I-" He shushed her, a finger held to her lips.
"In question," he said. "That is not. The question is how?"
:I can take you,: Dena said suddenly. The Waystation went quiet. :I can take you to Karse instantly,: the Firecat repeated.
"How-" Understanding dawned on Jay's face. "You can Fetch!" Malkum looked from one to the other, confused. Jay elaborated. "Dena has a –well I suppose you'd call it magic, though it isn't true magic. Anyway, he can transport you from here to there, though I didn't know it could be done with humans."
:I am the avatar of a god,: Dena said smugly. :There are many things about me that you don't know.: Jay rolled her eyes.
"But the point is," she continued. "He can take you out of here. Instantly. You could be back at the village where we met right now if he wanted." She hugged him tightly. "We have a way! You'll be safe, and-" She realized the reality of the situation, and stopped.
"See you again, I will not," he said, following her thoughts as usual.
"But you'll be safe," she said, voice choked by a large lump. "And that's all I want. For you to be safe." His eyes welled up.
"Never see you again, I will," he repeated. "Think, will you, that meet only a few weeks ago, we did. Now, without you, my life living, a possibility is not."
"But you have to," she choked out. "It's the only way."
"Come with me," he begged. She shook her head.
"I can't. I have duties, to my country, my queen, my friends- I'm a Herald, Malkum." She thought it would be impossible for him to understand, but he sighed in comprehension.
"A woman, I knew," he said. "When a novice I was. Solaris, her name was. To Karse and the One God she was dedicated. Believe in Vkandis she truly did. Hear from her since, I have not, but know I do, that love Vkandis she always will. To him, she is dedicated. To her country as well. This feeling, I have never felt. But understand it, I can try."
"Thank you," she said. She kissed him.
As she lay in his arms that night, she spared a thought for Haven. It suddenly hit her with a painful clarity that made her cling to his hand around her waist that the situation they were talking about was not an abstract one. They had two more days, and on the third he would leave. And she was going to Haven with Kenin, to tell lies to the people who had been a family to her.
:Shh: Kenin soothed. :We'll deal with what happens when it comes. And I will always be here for you.:
:Is it horribly un-Heraldic of me to wish that we could all just run?: Jay asked. :Far, far away to go-: She thought of the most outrageous place they could go. :-join a Shin'a'in clan: Kenin sent soft mental laughter.
:Good luck with that Chosen: she said. :If you succeed, let me know. Haven won't be so bad: she said. :You'll have Ady, and-: She hesitated. :-and Fas. Who will be your friend no matter what: she said, stopping Jay's protests of guilt. :Neither of you began this liaison really expecting it to last.: Her mindvoice was firm. :In any case, both of you are mature adults and he willunderstand that you cannot stay together if you've found someone else- or whatever lie you want to tell him. I think you should tell him the truth. But if you don't want to, that's your decision not mine.: Jay smiled weakly into the dark room.
:I love you,: she said softly. Kenin sent love down their bond.
:I know.: The Waystation rang with silence for a few moments. Then gradually, the noises of the night inside began to infiltrate the room. Crickets' chirping was interspersed with soft bird calls and occasionally, the sounds of larger animals calling each other. Jay sighed.
Suddenly, the room felt too small and suffocating. She needed to be outside. Quietly, she slipped out of Malkum's arms and the bedroll, unlocking the door silently with an automatic extension of her Gift. She pushed the door open and tiptoed out into the dark night.
The breeze held a bit of a nip that had been hidden in daylight. It was enough to shiver slightly and wrap her arms around herself as she leaned against the outer wall of the Waystation.
: Kenin's sleepy inquiry filled her mind and she chuckled quietly.
:I'm fine love,: she Sent. :Go back to sleep.: Sleepy assent signified the Companion's return to the arms of sleep. Jay smiled and inhaled the night air deeply. It smelled of spring, of newly turned earth, the crops growing in fields not far away. And there were other smells too, the sources of which were much harder to trace. As her eyes adjusted to the night, she could see through the thin barrier of trees to the field beyond. She sighed at the familiar sight; Herald though she was, she would always be a bit of a farmgirl at heart.
A pair of strong arms wrapped around her waist, making her jump slightly. The arms tightened slightly in response.
"Escaping, you were," a familiar voice breathed in her ear. Warm breath tickled her ear and neck and she laughed, settling back in the embrace.
"I tried not to wake you," she said by way of apology. Malkum laughed in her ear.
"Succeed, you did not," he said. "And mind, I do not. The night, peaceful is." She sighed in contentment.
"That it is," she said. She put her hands over his, picking up one to interlace her fingers with his. "What would it be like if we were in Karse?" she asked, trying to look up at him.
He tucked her head under his chin. "Quiet as well," he began. "In some parts, the same it would be. A little warmer maybe." He hesitated suddenly, and she squeezed his hand. "Some villages- loosed, demons are, at the Son's will. There, silence is. Heavy on the air, fear hangs. Locked, every door and window is. Even the animals silent are. Only once such a place was I in. Scared, I was."
"No shame in that," Jay said softly. "Those priests are the demons, those who order those monsters released." She shuddered at the thought.
"Think they do, that Vkandis' will working, they are," Malkum said quietly.
Jay shook her head slightly, trying not to dislodge Malkum's chin. "Their teachers are at fault." She sighed. "Someday, someone decent will take the Sunthrone and hold it. If there is a god, eventually he has to intervene. Otherwise, why would anyone have worshipped him?" She twisted in Malkum's arms to face him. "I only wish that day would come so we could see it," she said softly, brushing hair out of his eyes. "But even if we don't see it, someone will. Someday." He kissed her, soft and sweet. She clung to him, pouring out all her hope and love into that kiss.
He was the one who pulled back then. "Someday," he repeated, voice hoarse. "See it we will." She kissed him softly, closed lips on closed lips.
"I only hope," she said. Her arms were wrapped around his waist, and she rested her head on his shoulder. His grip around her waist tightened, and they stood there. The quiet spring night went on around them, uninterrupted. Gradually, the sound of their breathing and the beating of their hearts slowed, blending in with the chirping of the crickets and rustling of wind.
"Stay here forever, I could," Malkum murmured in her ear, as though to himself. His hand rested on her bare back, his thumb running over her spine absently. His other hand had shifted to hold her upper body tightly against his.
"Me too," she responded quietly, voice muffled by his shirt.
He opened his mouth to respond, but she cut him off by kissing him fiercely. Their breath mingled, and then he began kissing his way down her neck, pushing aside her shirt to kiss her exposed shoulder and collarbones. Jay slipped her hands beneath his shirt, tracing patterns on his stomach and back.
By the time they broke apart, Jay's shirt was mostly unbuttoned and Malkum's way lying on the ground. She pulled away gently, breathing quickly. Their eyes met, darker than their normal hues.
"Can you do this?" she asked breathlessly. At Malkum's non-comprehending look, she elaborated. "Can you as a Priest of Vkandis make love to me- to any woman?"
"Yes," he answered. "But- your wish is it-?"
She cut him off with another fierce kiss. "Stop being such a gentleman," she breathed in his ear, kissing his neck. "We don't have much time- let's make use of that which we have."
She expended a bit of power to open the door, and he pulled her inside. And they made use of what time they had.
Malkum woke before Jay the next morning. In the half light, he brushed hair from her face. As he shifted slightly, she turned and burrowed her face in her shoulder, mumbling something incoherent. His arms wrapped around her waist loosely, one hand running up and down her side.
It had become clearer and clearer to him that this was becoming something out of a bad tale. He had found the woman of his dreams; she was smart, capable, sweet, funny and absolutely everything he could ever want. If he believed in such things, he would have called her his soulmate. And in two days, he was going to have to leave her and probably never see her again. It truly was something from a bad story.
Jay stirred slightly, murmuring softly in her sleep. Slowly, her eyes opened and she blinked drowsily. As dreams and sleep receded from her eyes, she looked up at Malkum and smiled.
"Morning," she said, sleep still clinging to her voice. She kissed his lips lightly, hands resting on his chest.
"Morning," he replied, her smile driving away his thoughts of earlier. "Sleep well did you?"
"I think so," she said, a mischievous glint in her eye. "Although it was rather late before I got to sleep. Someone was keeping me up." Her tone was light and teasing.
"Really?" Malkum answered, a wry smile twisting his lips. "Such a thing who would-" She cut him off effectively with a kiss on the lips.
"I think you know very well who would do such a thing," she replied, a smile curving the side of her mouth.
"So little respect, you show," he said. "Perhaps punishment you require-" Jay gasped as his hands wandered slightly.
"I think I will continue being disobedient if that's the punishment I can expect," she replied, laughing eyes darkening slightly.
:Lovebirds: Dena interrupted. :Time to rise and shine!: Jay groaned and threw the first thing that came to her hand at him- her breastband. A flush colored her cheeks when she realized what she had hurled at the cat. :I'm touched,: the cat yowled.
"Spoilsport," Jay retorted.
:Be more respectful of an Avatar,: Dena sniffed. :My punishment isn't nearly so pleasant as your lover's.:
"Good," Jay joked. "You're really not my type anyway. I prefer them with only two legs, furball."
:Chosen we do need to go,: Kenin said. :Although I do hate to interrupt your fun.: Jay took care to throw something non-embarrassing this time. Kenin ducked her head to evade the flying tunic.
:So violent,: Dena commented. Malkum rolled his eyes.
"Surrounded, we are," he said. "Get up, we might as well." Jay sighed.
"You're right," she said, brushing a kiss across his lips. With a sigh, she conceded the point to Dena and Kenin. "Let's get up."
"Right you are," Malkum said reluctantly. Jay smiled, stretching.
It took a candlemark, but they were out the door in enough time to satisfy Kenin. They made good time that morning. Around midday, they were stopped by a Herald who had been only a year ahead of Jay at the Collegium. He insisted on eating a quick lunch with Jay, pointedly ignoring Malkum. The act had the two dancing on the edge of a knife by the time Herald Bryon made his excuses and left.
Once back in the saddle, Jay knotted Kenin's reins on the pommel and leaned back against Malkum, pulling his arms around her. "I'm sorry," she said softly, as Kenin made her way along.
"What for?" Malkum asked, settling his arms around her.
"For making you so tense around Bryon," she said. "I'm sorry that we had to stay with him, and I'm sorry that I had to act as though I didn't care. If I had any choice at all, I wouldn't. But it can't just be reports to Caryo and Kantor, if I want the queen to believe me. I-"
"Apologize, you do not need to," Malkum interrupted. "Understand I do." Jay curled against him.
"I know," she said. "But I still feel like I need to apologize."
He just held her tightly as Kenin picked her way carefully along the road. And for them, it was enough. They talked about Karse, then they talked about Valdemar. Jay teased him about his childhood antics, he teased her back about her horrible nicknames many of which still stuck with her today. Dena scouted ahead for other Heralds, Jay in faint mental contact with him the entire time. Interspersed with the conversation were quick lessons in Valdemarean- useless now, but still something Malkum wanted to learn.
Kenin stopped in front of a Waystation just as dark fell. Malkum quickly got her untacked and groomed, while Jay started a fire. Dinner consisted of a few meat pies that had been supplied by Bryon when he discovered what was keeping Jay from stopping at inns. Someone had also left tea in this particular Waystation, so Jay brewed two cups which they drank with dinner.
As hints of after-dinner activities began to fly, Kenin and Dena announced that it was now warm enough for them to sleep outside. Jay laughed at Kenin's many additions to the message.
"Be back in a moment," she promised Malkum, shooting him a glance that made him smile. She let the Companion and the Firecat out of the Waystation, and bolted the door firmly behind them.
She walked back to Malkum easily. Giving him a mischievous glance, she stood in front of the dying fire, just out of reach. She rolled her shoulders, yawned, and stretched like a cat, moaning softly. "I'm tired," she said teasingly. "I think I need to get some sleep."
"Of course," Malkum said with mock solemnity. "To bed, we should go." Jay raised an eyebrow, and all but purred.
"We?" she asked. "Who said anything about we? Don't you think I would like to get some sleep? Maybe I'll go sleep out with Kenin and Dena." She smiled flirtatiously. Malkum reached out to grab her wrist, but she evaded him easily. She shook her head with mock sorrow. "Can't you control yourself?" she asked, eyes sparkling with laughter.
"When around, you are, then no," he replied. He tripped her and she went tumbling onto the blankets. When she opened her mouth, he cut her off with a kiss. "Think, I can, of better ways time to spend."
And then there really wasn't much talking.
Queen's Own: And there's your chappie! Lotsa fluff for all you people who love it. It reads like a romantic ballad at some points, but that kind of comes with the lifebond. Review and the next chapter will be posted sooner.