… Well, probably. You see, I'm lazy. But that's okay! Cause we're gonna rock the night away!
… Sorry about that. I'm in party mode! I feel the need to get on the roof and sing golden oldies! Let's party like it's 1965!
A Tale of Two Idiots
Chapter 4:
As per Pharaoh Yami's instructions, there was a helicopter that arrived on the castle's roof about ten minutes later. Since the other pilots were on break, Heidi was ordered to fly them over. She mildly disagreed, but then her hands were threatened yet again and she put on her gear. With the guards still holding onto Marik and Malik, tightly, they hopped onto the aircraft.
"Damn it, let go of me!" Marik shouted over the buzz of the copter's propeller. They were on the roof and their pilot had already gotten in. She was just waiting for the fifteen guards to get enough control over Marik and Malik to put them in the cargo space.
"Oomph!" Finally they tied the boys up and threw them in along side a large cart of clucking chickens.
Heidi sat in the pilot's seat, strapped on her seatbelt and started the copter, raising it off the ground and saluting to the guards watching down below. They stuck their tongues out at her. Obviously upset that their Pharaoh would trust her with such a mission and not them.
In the cargo space, Marik was already thinking of a plan to get off the helicopter and get back into the castle.
"Okay, all we have to do is get these ropes off, ambush the pilot and turn this thing around!" Marik said, fidgeting with the ropes that bound him to his hikari.
Malik rolled his eyes, "Yeah, one problem. We don't know how to fly a helicopter."
"… Isn't it a bit early in the day for your negativity, Malik?"
"I can see it now. We kick that lady out of the helicopter, she falls to her death and we stay here for about a minute until we fall to our death."
Marik thought for a minute, "I like that plan. Oh, except the last part. Let's do it."
"…" Malik blinked, "… Yeah, okay."
Even though the boys thought the Spike Patrol were just a bunch of bumbling cops, their knot proved to be harder to get out of. It was only when Marik fished a house key out of his hikari's back pocket did they manage to cut most of the rope.
Malik was brushing the last of the broken bondage off of his torso as Marik got up and looked towards the front of the copter, at the lady who was singly softly to herself.
"Marik, we're going to have to use tact when we… Oh, never mind." Malik sweat dropped when he noticed his yami tiptoeing over to the pilot, arms outstretched and about to strangle her.
Of course, being not any older than Marik and Malik, Heidi seemed completely unaware, "You'll take the high road and I'll take the low road and I'll slaughter helpless sheep before ye…"
"HIYA!" Marik yelled in mid-karate chop.
She blinked and, in one move, dug in a pocket of her coat, pulled out a stun gun and delivered a high voltage shock to Marik's arm. He shrieked and fell into a heap on the floor, his arms twitching by itself.
"Ra… That's not fair…" He whined.
"I told you to use tact. Not scream 'hiya' at the top of your lungs and announce your presence. But am I listened to around here? Nope. Not Malik."
He winced, "Malik, if the right half of my body wasn't in shock, I'd smack you."
"Nya nya."
"Alright, now both of you cut it out!" Heidi yelled, putting the helicopter on autopilot. She stood up and pointed an accusing finger at Malik, "I want you to sit down. I'm annoyed right now."
"If you're so annoyed, drop us off here and we'll leave you alone."
"I can't! Can't you see that's why I'm annoyed? My very ability to scratch myself is being threatened by two pintsized spikes that enslaved the earth."
Marik looked up from his resting place on the floor, "You mean you hate Yami and Yugi, too?"
"Yes…!" She groaned, "Oh, Lord… I hate them more than I hate Oprah! More than I hate the fungus that grows under my toenails! More than I hate the flies that congregate around my bathtub! Do you know what I mean?"
"…" Malik rubbed the back of his head, "Uh… Yeah, I-I do… Ahem. Anyway, if you hate them so much, why don't you let us go and beat them up?"
"Because! Since they've taken over, anyone who denies their wants or needs gets another group of people seriously hurt. And I don't want anyone to suffer because of the fact that I can't stand them." She sighed and sat back down at the controls, taking it out of autopilot and continuing to fly west.
"Guh… Well, this sucks!" Marik exclaimed, trying to shake his arms, though they thumped back onto the ground, "And just where are we going!"
"Happy Chicken."
He blinked, "… Oh, that helps! What the hell is a Happy Chicken?"
"… I'm sorry, but you'll just have to find out when you get there." She nodded to herself. There was little to no conversation for the next four hours. By the time that Heidi announced they would be going over Cairo in a matter of minutes, the effect that the stun gun was worn off and Marik was able to move around once again. Although he didn't try to attack Heidi again, for fear of her using that again.
"Well, here we are, boys."
Marik and Malik looked out of the window, below them was an entire ocean of sand, sand and… sand. No trees, no water or cities. Malik felt really at home and Marik felt bored.
"Oh wow! I haven't seen this much sand since… Well, since I was like twelve! Ah, such memories…"
"Eh… I don't get it." Marik shook his head, "Where's the Happy Chicken…?"
"I can't drop you off there. The location is a secret. You wait here and in a few minutes, Cody will come pick you up. Of course, you'll have to be blindfolded." She winked and gave them a salute, "See ya."
"But we-"
Before Marik could finish his statement, Heidi opened the hatch and both boys fell about thirty feet only to land, face first, in hard sand.
"Pah! Pfff…" Marik sat up, wiping the sand out of his mouth and spitting. He shook his head and stood, shaking his fist up at Heidi who had the helicopter still hovering above them, "You witch! You could've at least lowered the damn thing! If Malik, here, hadn't broken my fall, I could've died!"
"Eh… Y-You're welcome…" Malik mumbled and coughed. He was pinned to the sandy floor and was unable to move seeing as how his yami was standing on his stomach, "Marik…!"
"Hmm? Oh, sorry." He stepped off and Malik took in a fresh breath of air.
"Hey, you guys!" Heidi called.
Marik looked up, "What!"
"Make sure Cody gets this, okay! I can't stay to give it to him, myself!" She opened the hatch yet again and was pushing that large crate of chickens out. Marik saw what she was doing and scrambled out of the way. Malik, however, was not as aware of this and the crate fell on him.
"Ack!" Was the only thing audible from under the loud birds.
"Malik!"
Heidi gasped, "Dammit, I'm sorry! Is he okay?"
"Get out of here, you demon!" Marik shouted at her. She smiled apologetically and turned the controls, flying into the sun and was soon out of sight. Marik worked hard to get that large box off of his hikari and he almost gave up, but Malik kept complaining that the chickens were pecking him through the holes.
"Oh Ra…!" Malik breathed in and sat up hurriedly before anything else could fall on him. "That's what you call pain…"
"Well, let's go." Marik said, motioning for the boy to follow him.
"Go? Go where? Marik, we don't know where we are! We're in the Sahara; trapped in thousands of miles of sand!"
He turned on his heel, hands on hips, "Then what would you have us do? Wait here for Cody?"
"… Who's Cody?"
"I DON'T KNOW!" Marik roared, scaring Malik half to death, "And I don't want to meet him, either!"
"He could be a nice, good person!"
"Anyone associated with a place called 'Happy Chicken' is not a 'nice' or 'good' person! And, think about it, if they're with Yami and Yugi, why would we want anything to do with them?"
"… When you think about it, Happy Chicken doesn't sound so bad. It sounds like it could be the next hottest hairstyle."
"…" Marik scowled, "Say one more thing about chickens or happiness and I'll cut off your arm."
Before Malik could respond to that, a sound came from the north. Out of the quietness of the desert, this particular hum got louder and louder until, over the horizon, a figure came bounding at full speed at the two Egyptians. As it got closer, Marik recognized the thing as a jeep and once it was parked right in front of them, they noticed a shaggy, silly looking man driving. He waved at them with the wine bottle he had in his hand and got out.
"Hey there, fellas!" He staggered over to Malik, patting him on the back, "You two the new transfers? Eh… Marik and Malik, right?"
Malik winced and coughed, removing the man's hand from his back, "Transfer? Well, I-"
"No." Marik said, shifty-eyed, "We're not Marik and Malik, we've never heard of them. I'm George and that's Patty."
"PATTY?" Malik shouted, teary-eyed. "B-But wait a minute!"
"C'mon, Patty. We're leaving. See ya." He grabbed Malik's wrist and they began to walk away.
The man scratched his head and then smiled, holding onto Malik's other wrist, "Uh… Ha ha! Hold on! Ya can't pull the wool over my eyes! I may be drunk, but I've got twenty-twenty vision, even with beer goggles on!"
"Ugh…" Marik groaned.
Malik pulled his arms away from both men's grasp, pouting and mumbling, "I am not a Patty."
"I'm Cody!" The man wiped his hand on his blue and white stripped shirt. He extended it to Marik and although Marik refused to shake hands, it was forced, "I'm assistant to the warden over at Happy Chicken! I tell ya, it wasn't no easy thing getting that position either! I had ta whack off a few people! Ha ha!"
Malik cringed, "Jeez…"
Marik blinked, "Awesome."
"So, c'mon, get in! We gots ta put sand behind us!"
"Ah… Oh, wait." Malik pointed to the crate of chickens that was still sitting behind them, "That lady who dropped us off here said you needed these."
"Hmm? Lady? Was she about this tall? Brownish, reddish hair? Lopsided smile?"
"Yeah." Marik and Malik nodded.
Cody's eyes widened and he pulled on his ragged, gray hair, "Heidi? Aw, dammit! You two should of made her stay until I got here! Drat…"
Malik tilted his head, "How come?"
"I been tryin ta get with her since Wednesday! Under all those heavy jackets, I heard she's got a pair of bazoomas that would make a cow jealous!" He grinned, "And I'm not doin to badly, myself."
Mental images flashed in Malik's mind and he retched.
"… Guh… Too much info." Marik shuddered. "Well, she was in a hurry, we couldn't do anything about it. How are we going to take these birds in a little jeep, anyway?"
"Eh, leave em here. I'll pick em up later. C'mon, then." He hopped into the driver's seat and, slowly but surely, Marik and Malik wandered over into the vehicle. Marik had the backseat to himself and Malik assumed the passenger's position.
"To Happy Chicken it is!" Cody winked and took a swig of what was left in the wine bottle before putting the key into the ignition and zooming off.