I mean, how badly can I mess this up, anyway?
… C'mon, don't look at me like that! I'm trying my hardest! Jeez… Can't get no satisfaction.
A Tale of Two Idiots
Chapter 6:
Back in Domino, the helicopter that had previously dropped off both Marik and Malik was landing back on the roof of the Pharaohs' palace. Heidi stepped out and was greeted by a castle that seemed to be in a mad frenzy. But over what, she did not know.
"General Heidi, ma'am." She was saluted by one of the Spike Patrol, "Pharaoh Yami has been looking for you and his orders were to have you come to him right away."
"Oh, damn! A-Am I in trouble? What did he say? Did he seem mad?"
The guard looked taken aback, "I… couldn't tell. He always has that constipated look on his face, lately, I can't-"
He was interrupted by Heidi's giggles. "Too true!"
"I-I'm sorry! Don't tell our Pharaoh I said that!"
"Relax…" She smiled and began to walk away. Finding people in this gigantic place was never an easy task but Yami and Yugi usually hung out in either their throne room, or the cells below where they threw coconuts at the prisoners.
After five minutes of going down stairs, and taking an elevator the rest of the way, Heidi, much to her surprise, found Yami and Yugi in the courtyard out front. They were surrounded by men in orange, working suits and a few guards stood on the sidelines.
In the center of the courtyard where there used to be just a small water fountain, now there stood a fifty foot tall, golden statue. One of those peeing angel things, only the angel was replaced by Yami.
"… M-My Pharaoh?" Heidi blinked, starring up at the obstruction.
"Oh. There you are Heidi, what took you? No matter, I have something I wish to discuss with you." Yami looked at her briefly, noting her reaction to the statue, "But, before I do, what do you think of my statue?"
"…" She blinked again and shook her head, trying to come up with an answer that wouldn't get her hands chopped off, "I-I… Well, I mean, it's… W-What's it doing here, my Pharaoh?"
Yugi folded his arms, sending his yami an agitated look, "It's not fair. My statue should've gone in front."
"Where is yours, Pharaoh Yugi?" Heidi asked.
"In the back of the castle, and it's being used as a clothesline!" He shouted.
Yami rolled his eyes, "Hikari, I've told you, there's only room for one out here. And besides that, the backyard needed a little sprucing up and I think your likeness did it justice."
"… Thank you, Yami." Yugi coughed and blushed, lightly.
"Okay…" Heidi said, not to sure of what was going on. She turned to Yami and pointed at the top of the golden monument, "This… ahem, is very… interesting my Pharaoh. But why is it here? It's very… large and obstructs the view of your lovely palace."
"I'm aware. You see, Heidi, we have reached phase two of our plan."
"Phase two, my Pharaoh?"
He nodded, "We have just about the entire planet under our control, you know. Save a few countries… like those damned Germans! … Ahem. The physical side is taken care of, anyway. I want the emotional side of Earth to be with me, as well, the… spiritual side."
"I-I'm sorry, I don't-"
"We are building a religion."
"S'right." Yugi chimed in, "Not only are we going to be Kings of this planet, but we plan to be Gods, too. Our planet, our rules, our beliefs. No more Christianity, no more Buddhism… no other religion will be allowed."
Heidi had stopped walking with the two boys about five steps back. They turned around and took note of her unhinged jaw and wide eyes.
Yami eyed her before saying, "What do you think, General Heidi?"
"… T-Think? I THINK this is a very bad idea! No disrespect, my Pharaohs, not at all, but I think this will be a mistake! You… You can't take away the people's choices! That's inhuman-"
Both boys scowled at her, but said nothing.
She got the hint and cleared her throat, "Pharaohs, how do you plan to put such a plan into action? Surely, this will be too much of a hassle."
"Not at all." Yami gave her a genuine smile and turned around, "You see, we are in the process of publishing our version of… the bible."
"…" Heidi blinked, "You must be joking."
Yugi had been talking to a foreman and had just come back into the conversation. He had a small note in his hand and handed it to his other half, who scanned it and grinned at both Yugi and Heidi, "General, are you up for a minor task?"
"Task? I-I mean, yes, your Highness!" She bowed slightly, thinking, 'Anything to get away from all this changing religion nonsense…'
"You are to go with regiment 6 to every major city under our control and erect these statues." He pointed to the one behind him, "And when you're finished, report back here. I expect you back by the next full moon."
"… Gah! M-My Pharaoh, surely you are showing your sense of humor? The next full moon is in one week! We must have at least thirty cities to go to! There's just no way that can be done."
He grinned and took her hands in his, tracing her sleek veins, "You know, Heidi… It really would be a shame to get rid of such wonderfully soft hands…"
She swallowed hard, pushing her hands quickly into her pockets and as she walked away, called back, "I will return, my Pharaoh."
In the semi-busy hallways of Happy Chicken, two blonde Egyptians were walking behind a semi-drunk older gentleman, by the name of Cody. They'd been walking down the corridor only for a few minutes and Cody was explaining things to them that Happy Chicken Man had conveniently left out.
"So, there are NO other clothes I could get?" Malik whined, looking down at the black and green polka dotted uniform he held in his arms.
"Nope. All the prisoners have to wear em!" Cody said, matter-of-factly, "They're special! Pharaoh Yugi designed them just for this and that's why we wear em!"
"Yugi? He designed these? Ugh!" Malik turned up his nose in disgust, "How tacky…"
Marik rolled his eyes and whispered to Cody, "Forgive him. You really can't expect much from a guy who idolizes Martha Stuart."
At first, he only blinked and then asked who Martha Stuart was. Marik sweatdropped and didn't want to try and explain. It was only another moment until they reached their supposed destination.
"And here we are, folks! Block 2, this is where you're gonna be stayin. So, I'll see yas soon, ah, yup yup."
Cody opened a door of iron bars. Inside was a group of about five terrifying looking men, tattooed and rugged. Unshaved, for what looked like weeks, and they were all starring at Malik. A few were eyeing Marik, but he gave them the finger and they quickly turned their attention to the slightly smaller one.
The cell, itself, was less than welfare conditions. The walls were gray, devoid of color and there was a hole in the ground in the corner. Flies buzzed around it and Marik and Malik figured out what that was supposed to be.
Malik looked a bit faint, "C-Cody… This is a joke, right? Please, tell me this is a joke!"
But Cody was already walking down the hallway, whistling to himself. The cell had been locked and they were now officially trapped and imprisoned.
"Well, this sucks." Marik blinked, looking around.
"Eek!" Malik lifted his right foot in order to let a cockroach pass, "Has this place even been cleaned, lately?"
"Malik, I think you're missing the purpose of being in a place like this. Happy Chicken does not exist so that we can marvel at it's cleanliness."
"Oh, I'm so sure-"
Before his statement was finished, one of the men that was stationed in the other corner made his way over to Malik, who meeped and scooted close to his yami. Who, in turn, pushed him away and muttered, "Sissy…"
"Yo, what chu in fo, mac?" He said, gruffly, leaning toward Marik and nodding his head.
Marik blinked, "Ah. Yami and Yugi took our millennium rods and condemned us to this awful chicken bucket."
"Whoa! You da rod holders, man?"
"Were. But we're going to get them back! … Um, just as soon as we get out of here, you know."
"Hate ta break it to ya, but ain't no one gettin out a here. We tried dat afore and wes got shot." He admitted, pointing to a bullet hole going through his arm.
Marik shrugged, "I've gotten shot before and I'm going to keep trying. Chances are, I'll probably get shot again, but I'll still be out there."
"Heh heh! Hey, I like you, rod man. Whas your name?"
"Marik."
"I be Hott Dawg."
At this, Malik busted out laughing, coming out from behind his other half and having himself a good old laugh at the burly man's expense. "O-Oh my gosh…! Is that really your name?"
Hott Dawg scowled, "You think my name is funny?"
"It's priceless…!" He continued to laughed and say the name out loud over and over again.
Whilst he did that, Hott Dawg turned to Marik and whispered, "Dat your boy?"
"What! No, no… Um, that's my friend. Who happens to be going crazy at the moment. Eh, his name is Malik, pay no mind to him."
"S'alright, man, bunch a guys in here gone crazy. Lemme introduce ya." He motioned to the five guys over in the corner to come over and he introduced them one by one, "Dat's Corn, Twirls, Peeps, BoxxBaby and der be Ron. He new. Yo, guys, dis be Rod Man."
"Yo." They nodded to him.
Hott Dawg pointed to Malik, "And dat der be Lick. He wit Rod Man. Dey cool."
"It's Malik. Ma." Malik winced. "Ma-lik."
"Like I said. Lick."
Marik raised an eyebrow at being called 'Rod Man' , but decided to let it go. When you thought about it, having a nickname given to you by prison thugs wasn't so bad. As long as it wasn't anything like 'TippyToes', he could live with it. By this time, Malik had over come his laughing spell and was now leaning on Marik's shoulder.
"So, this is like a jail, right?" He asked, "Sure does look like one."
"Hey!" A light bulb flashed over Marik's head, "You remember how people were saying that the millennium rings hadn't been found?"
Malik nodded.
"Well, maybe Ryou and Bakura are here. In one of the cells somewhere and they've hidden their millennium items, so they wouldn't be taken away." Marik turned to Hott Dawg and the rest of his crew, "You guys ever seen two boys with white and pink hair? Pale skin, odd accents?"
"Nah, man. Ain't seen no pink hair here. 'Cept Twirls. But his pink hair ain't on his head…" Hott Dawg rolled his eyes.
Malik sighed, "Well, I can't say I'm surprised. Can you imagine what Ryou's life would be like if the other inmates found out about his love to dance?"
Ring Ring Ring!
A siren sounded off throughout the cells. Everyone sighed except Marik and Malik who peeked around and asked, "What? Is that a fire drill or something?"
"Oh ha ha ha!" Ron was the first of many to bust out laughing. "Nah, man. That's just the boss-man signaling that it's time for the chicken dumping."
"… Chicken dumping?" Malik blinked.
Before anyone filled him in, Cody was coming down the hallway, swinging a ring of keys in his hand and opening different cells. When he came to Block 2, he opened it and let the men out.
"Ah, yup yup! You guys know that drill! S'go!" He smiled and chauffeured both Marik and Malik out as they were the last ones to exit the cell.
They, along with just about the entire cell base of Happy Chicken, were led out into the compound. Which was surrounded by a fifty-foot, brick gate and lined with barbed wire. The whole yard was filled with a bad smell and feathers lay on the ground in assorted piles. There was a ramp on the side that led all the was up to a part of the gate that wasn't armed with the wire.
A large, white truck came up it and then the back opened, slowly, dumping out about five thousand chickens. They came falling down and finally landed on the ground, running around and clucking and carrying on.
Malik gasped, "Oh my gosh, look at all these chickens! What's going on?"
"Here ya go, fellas! Hurry up and get ta work! You know Happy Chicken Man doesn't like it when ya laze around!" Cody ran around, cheerfully handing out axes to the prisoners. When he gave one to Malik, he fell down under the weight of it.
"Eek!" He shouted from the floor. "I-It's so heavy…!"
Hott Dawg was holding his ax on his shoulder with ease as were the other guys along with Marik. He looked down that the squealing hikari and whispered to Marik, "Is he for real?"
"Scary, isn't it?"
"Hell yeah... Well, les go ta work, den." Hott Dawg lifted his ax above his head and chased a particular chicken around, when he caught up to it, he brung the ax down on it's neck and the head went flying off somewhere as the other inmates did the same thing.
"…" Marik blinked, "This is what we do?"
"Yeah, man." Corn answered, picking up his bloody weapon again, "We come out here about twice a day and kill the birds. Then the other side of da joint comes and picks em up."
Malik had finally gotten his balance and looked on in horror as the carnage took place, "M-Marik…! We're not really going to take place in this are we?"
He looked up and out of the window, saw Happy Chicken Man's sour face and scarred nose. "Hmm. We will until we get out of here, Malik." That said, he raced of to tackle an unsuspecting bird.