Sunday, November , 2005

A/N: Continuity sucks. If something doesn't quite match up with what happened in the animated show, my answer is "That never happened," okay? Okay. Further, although I'm reading the transcripts now, I'm still unable to watch the show in it's animated glory, so my fics diverge from sometime after Season 2, okay? Okay. Now, feel free to tell me what sucks, and I'll try to correct it.

Disclaimer: No claim to Teen Titans or anything related to it. I wrote the story, but I really don't have claim over that either. At least lemme know when you pilfer it, okay? Okay.

Titan Wet: A Fiction About Fiction

Part Two: Wham, Bam, Thank You Beast Boy!

"Hi ladies!" Cyborg finally returned from his business trip to Tahiti. "Big Daddy's home!"

"Husband-Cyborg!" Starfire ran to greet him. She wrapped her arms around the absurdly sexy robot and squeezed him tight. "We missed you!"

"Fun in Tahiti?" Raven didn't take a step towards him. "Enough young girls in skimpy grass skirts for you?"

"Aw, don't be like that, Baby Girl." Cyborg said. She did this every time. "Big Daddy could only love Sweet Thang One and Sweet Thang Two."

Finally she broke a cautious smiled and hugged Cyborg hello. "You don't know how hard it is keeping Starfire happy for two weeks without you."

"And I'd love to hear all the nasty details my Dark Bunny Hon. But first let's go upstairs...

"'...and I'll show you what the Million Dollar Man spent nine hundred, ninety-nine thousand, nine hundred, ninety-nine dollars on?'" Beast Boy read aloud.

"Do you like it?" Cyborg asked him.

Did he like it? "The dialogue is a far cry from reality, the situation is bizarre, and the sheer ego radiating off the pages is offensive!"

"...So you don't like it?" Cy asked.

"This isn't writing, Cy. It's sleaze! It's smut! It's gratuitous, cheap porn!"

"...So you do like it?"

BB couldn't think of how to tell him--BB couldn't think. "Just...can we do this tomorrow? I wanna turn in." Before Cyborg could press further, Beast Boy closed the door.

"Wow...Acrobatic!" Robin mused, reading one of Beast Boy's unfinished works.

"Do you mind?" BB snatched the paper from Robin's hand.

"Fictional Robin, played by Dirk Diggler." Robin ignored Beast Boy's outrage and went rummaging through the various sheets of notes, ideas, and half-written paragraphs. "How long can Fictional Me hold that position?"

"What are you doing in my room?"

"Crime fighter, stallion, Orgazmo's got nothing on me," Robin wouldn't shut up."

Beast Boy opened his door and shoved Robin out. Raven, apparently just standing in front of his door, jumped in alarm.

"Oh...hello, Beast Boy."

Could he not get some peace? This had better not be about the stories or he swore to God--

"'Because I looked into your eyes, saw your soul, and confronted you in a moment of human honesty. You love me, and that's okay, because I love you.'"

Beast Boy didn't know what to say, "Um...wow. That's nice."

"You wrote it."

Crap. "Raven..."

"You were talking to me when you said that. You can't make stuff like this up."

"Fictional--" Raven didn't let him finish. She grabbed Beast Boy by the shoulders and went to kiss him. Diving in for the smooch with a little too much zeal--and way too damn much force--their faces collided instead of meeting and Beast Boy cut his lip on Raven's teeth. "Aw, dude, I'm wounded! I'm wounded! My mouth is a bloody mush!"

"Oh. That was bad!" Raven chided herself, turning an ashen pink. "I'm sorry! Please don't be mad!"

"Like, only a Flying Grayson can pull one of these moves off..." Robin thought aloud, still reading.

"Oh my--I'm so embarrassed!" Raven was on the verge of tears. Various pieces of furniture in BB's bedroom were quickly becoming unstable. Why him? It wasn't fair!

"I just made a total fool of myself in front of Beast Boy and Robin," Raven continued to admonish her lack of self control while totally preparing to punish Beast Boy's stuff for it. "Don't be mad, Beast Boy. Are you okay?"

"My abs must be rock-solid from this kind of workout," Robin didn't seem to notice the commotion.

"Calm down, Raven. I'm okay." Holy crap! No he wasn't! Man down! Man down! Could he get a purple heart for "fatal wound in battle of sexes?" Damn, his lip hurt! "Robin, get outta here!"

"I'm such an idiot," Raven kept whimpering.

Robin got up to leave, then turned around at the doorway. "You may not have noticed, but Starfire and I...have this sort of...awkward thing going."

Who was he kidding? "I may have noticed, yes," BB responded, not hiding the irony in his voice.

"Just throwing myself at a younger man, like a desperate spinster," Raven went on irrationally. "Omigod: I'm Demi Moore."

Robin didn't notice his teammate's sarcasm. "So I was wondering if you could suggest a line--"

"Apparently something about her eyes and human honesty does the trick," and with that Beast Boy slammed the door in Robin's face. Jeez. He turned to face Raven. She was dabbing at her eyes with his bed sheet. Where to start? "Raven..."

"We don't have to talk," Raven pleaded. "Just...sit with me."

What had the world gone to? What had the Titan's gone to? Why did he have to show them the damn stories! There was a knock at the door, and for once tonight, the changeling was glad for it. Anything to save him from what was sure to be the awkward conversation.

It was Cyborg. He was waving another packet of papers. "I revised it! Just tell me--"

"I don't like anything that uses the word 'spooge.'" Beast Boy said simply.

"Oh...okay. I'll need to give this one more edit." Cy turned to leave then stopped. "And by the way," he said, " In my story, you listen to Pink. Turnabout, and all that."

"Cyborg, I was there when you bought it."

"I THOUGHT IT WAS TUPAC!...Oh, hey Robin."

Robin waved idly, still reading. "Whoa. 'Velvety;' I like that."

"I can't do this." Beast Boy admitted defeat and ran from his room, shouting "I'll be right back!" even though he planned to sleep in the day room. He was fumbling around for the light and finally hit the switch when he saw Starfire on the sofa, curled up, reading. He didn't know what she was reading, but he could guess who wrote it...

She turned to look at him, her eyes as large as dinner plates. "I never noticed how sultry Raven was until I read this..."

"I don't want this conversation..." Beast Boy wept. "I just want to go to sleep."

A/N: This was only supposed to be a one-time thing, but this produced the best response I've got so far, so...Hope this is just as good as the first one. Y'all take care now, y'hear?