Okay, well I'm pretty sure I should change the channel…
1, 2, 3... Click! Ah. I didn't do it. 1, 2, 3... Click! I DID IT!
A Tale of Two Idiots
Chapter 11:
From the time they heard the upsetting news to the next morning, Yami and Yugi were in a rage. At first, their anger was directed at each other. Blaming each other for something they didn't do. And then, once they realized this senseless arguing would get them no where, they turned to the guard who delivered the bad news and had two of his fingers chopped off before sending him to the shadow realm.
And then about ten more random guards suffered before dawn came and looking at the new sun gave the Pharaohs their senses back. They then proceeded to get a hold of everyone in the surrounding area and ask - no, demand that they explain what happened.
"P-Pharaoh Yami, we now have Happy Chicken Man on hold, would you like to-"
"Gimme that, you fool!" Yami immediately snatched the phone out of the guard's shaking hands and pushed it to his ear whilst shooing the man out of his bedroom. When the door closed and he and his hikari were the only living souls in the room, he cleared his voice, "Flyswatter. Care to explain what happened last night?"
"I-I… Um, I mean… Y-You see…"
"Spit it out!"
"Ah! Yes! Um, during the weekly movie, it seems there was a fight between two of the inmates-"
"Between Marik and Malik?"
"N-No, it was…" Ruffling could be heard in the background, "Inmates number 1265 and 2635. I believe their more common names are Corn and Twirls. Ahem. When they began to cause a seen the guards in the room rushed over to stop it, and I think that's when the boys along with a few other inmates escaped."
Yami sneered, "You mean to tell me more prisoners escaped?"
"Uh, no, sir. You see, they tried, but three of them we eaten by our attack chickens and another took approximately fifty-two bullets on Marik and Malik's account. He's lucky to be alive."
"… Riiight…" Yami scratched the back of his head, "… I wasn't aware we had attack chickens, Flyswatter."
"Oh, well we needed something to help out the guards take down escapees."
"Ah."
"My Pharaoh, I can assure you this was a one time thing. I-I mean, nobody has ever escaped from this facility before. I don't understand how they could've…"
"Let me informed you, Flyswatter, that Marik and Malik are nobodies."
Yugi nodded in the background, "Too true."
Yami switched the phone to his other ear and examined his nails while saying, "Well, now that I'm aware of the circumstances, I think I'm a bit calmer now."
A large sigh was blowing through the line, "Oh thank you, Pharaoh Yami! I assure you, we did everything in our power to keep them here, but they seem to be good at getting away."
"Mmm-hmm… And now that it's cleared up, I'm scheduling your execution for Tuesday."
"… WHAT? But, my Pharaoh! It wasn't my fault, your grace! PLEASE! Reconsider! We had a lot to cover that night, they were just lucky! We had so many things to do! And we had a drop in surprise, we had no idea the general would be attending a-and…!"
"Hold." Yami stood up from his seat, glaring into the receiver of the phone, "General Heidi was at Happy Chicken that night? Was she watching the movie?"
"Uh, yes!" A bit of ruffling was heard, "I-It says in the report I was given that she was sitting next to Marik and Malik… It seems she was Cody's date, your leadership. Come to think of it… she would've been able to see or hear any conspiracies that went on that night, wouldn't she?"
"…" Yami's eyes widened and he threw the phone across the room, it hit the wall and smashed into about twenty small pieces. Yugi's eyes were a bit wider than normal as he tilted his head, unaware of why his yami has just broken his favorite Dark Magician phone.
"Grr… HEIDI!"
Somewhere in the Sahara Desert, about ten miles from the Happy Chicken prison camp were two tanned bodies. The sun beat down on them as the morning moved into early afternoon and by now Marik and Malik had been walking for almost eight hours. For the first few hours after their escape, Marik said they couldn't stop running because they might come after them. But after the first two hours and no sign of any artillery or anything of that nature, they slowed down a bit, though still kept on.
Malik wasn't a fan of the way his yami got them out of that last jam. But, he couldn't argue that Marik's methods got results. They were out of Happy Chicken, and that was the goal. And, of course, Malik had to admit that place was wearing on his last nerve. Having to stay in a stinky cell with big burly men was one thing. And even the hole in the ground for a toilet was something he could handle. But the green and black polka dotted jumpsuit was a different story…
"Marik!" Malik whined, trekking through the sand behind his yami, "I don't want to wear this… this damned Yugi-suit!"
"…"
"It's so ugly! And I'm hot in it! And not in the good way, either, I'd forgotten how the sun could drive a man crazy, out here…!"
Marik growled, mumbling, "That's not all that can drive a man crazy…"
"I heard that, you know… And anyway, it's hot!"
"I'm aware."
"Yeah," Malik sighed wiping the sweat from his brow, "And, you know, the thing that's making it a lot hotter are these awful suits. I want to take mine off, now, Marik. It's hot and I'm sweating and I'm unfashionable!"
"Malik! Cut it out! I know you're hot! I am, too!" Marik turned on his heel and glared at his light side, "But what would you like me to do about it? This is all we have to wear! Our other clothes were thrown away."
His hikari sighed and looked around. All he saw was sand and sun, sun and sand. Not much else. Except for the occasional rock or two. He looked back to his yami, smiling, "There's no one around. We can go in our birthday suits."
"…" Marik tilted his head, pondering that for a moment. He'd forgotten exactly what a birthday suit was until he then remembered, "NO!"
"Aw, c'mon… What, are you embarrassed or something?"
"I am NOT embarrassed!" He shouted, cheeks flushed, "It's just absolutely ridiculous! What if someone passes by?"
Malik frowned, "Well, you do what ya want. But, even naked, I'd look more stylish than in this."
"Oh, I'm so sure."
Without warning, Malik ripped off his green and black jumpsuit and revealed himself for all the world to see. Marik groaned and turned his back, walking in a bit of a faster pace. When Malik was done fixing his hair and the old clothes were smothered in sand, he trotted to catch up with his yami.
It took Marik about five minutes to get used to his hikari's new… attire. Which consisted of shoes, socks and a bunch of raw, tanned skin. But soon, he was treating Malik much like he always had and the absence of cloth on his body was forgotten.
"So, where are we going now?" Malik asked.
"Ah…" Marik scratched his head, "Well, I think our best bet would be to find Ryou and Bakura. There'd be no point in going back to Domino just yet because we don't have the rods to work with."
"Right, but we have no idea where they could be." He waved his arms around in the air, "I mean, this place is huge! And that was just a rumor we heard in Happy Chicken that they're around here… no guarantee that it's true."
Marik raised an eyebrow, "I find it interesting that even when you're naked, you're still that negative hikari of mine."
"Humph!"
"But, I'm sure if we look hard enough, they'll show up. I mean, how hard can it be to find two albinos with odd colored hair in the desert? It'll be like finding a white rose in a field of weeds."
"More like finding a needle in a haystack…"
"Tch. Negative."
Malik tossed his hair into the wind, and struck an alluring pose, "Don't hate me because I'm beautiful."
"That's not why I hate you."
"Oh!"
Back in the cells of the Pharaoh's palace, the sun had woken the prisoners up about two or three hours ago. They were now awake and thinking of ways to help the salvation of the earth. But, of course, in a position such as this, there weren't many options.
"That's the stupidest idea I've ever heard." Kaiba snorted, turning his head.
Joey stood up, "What'd you say, Kaiba?"
"I said it's DUMB!"
Before anyone could be punched in the face, Mokuba stepped in the middle of the two teens and sighed, "Okay, you two, cool it. We need to give constructive criticism! Um, okay… Joey. I think your idea has potential. Mmm, but we can't just shoot Yami and Yugi out of a cannon. That'd be a little hard…"
"And stupid." Kaiba added.
"What!"
"Alright, stop it!" Tristan intervened this time. He had been patiently sitting there watching the arguments unfold, all the while, he had Otogi's head in his lap. Sometime during the night, Otogi stopped his bouncing around and ridiculous statements and conked out. Conveniently enough, Tristan was there to catch him when he fell. He was sleeping soundly now, snoring only occasionally. "I have an idea."
"What is it?" They asked.
"Mokuba, since Otogi's sleeping and everything, he wont be able to mess you up when you're out there." He pointed towards the window that was still missing three bars. "You should go again."
"Again?" Mokuba sounded surprised.
His elder brother nodded, "I think that's a good idea, Mokuba. We need to learn more about our situation before continuing with any plans to help Marik and Malik. Maybe if you listen to Yami and Yugi's conversations, you might be able to see or hear something that could help."
"But it's in broad daylight. I'll get caught."
"Just try and be careful." Tristan advised.
Mokuba blinked then looked back to the window. "… Okay, guys, I'll see if there's anything I can find out." He then climbed up and out, giving one last wave to his friends.
He stood up, faced with the brightness of the sun. The grass was wet with a bit of leftover dew and, down the hill, he could see the Inner City, surrounded by the wall and beyond that, even a bit of the Outer Limits. Mokuba turned around and walked, carefully around the corner of the castle, his body pressed to the walls.
All that was seen in the way of security was a few guards that walked back and forth in front of a large statue of Yami. He looked up and saw that the drainpipe from last night had not been knocked down like he thought it was. It looked a little bent, but other than that, Mokuba considered it fit for climbing.
As he continued his way up the pipe, stopping to peep in each room on the way up, he made sure he had a tight grip on it, not wanting another fall like the one last night. He could've sworn that he might've almost broken his spine if Otogi wasn't there to break his fall.
"Ah… Here we go…" He whispered to himself, finding Yami and Yugi's throne room yet again. The glare from the sun on the glass window was annoying him, but it was nothing he couldn't handle. He squinted and scanned the room and it seemed there was no one there for the moment. Mokuba sighed and decided to wait and see.
Five minutes passed and the boy was getting bored. And tired from holding onto the pipe. His hands were chafing. Just as he was about to give up, two figures in gold robes and tassels came striding in, followed by one of their Spike Patrol.
Mokuba blinked and watched as both Yami and Yugi sat in their respective thrones and looked down at the man.
"I want that backstabbing demon here, tonight!" Yami yelled, his eyes red and large.
"B-But, my Pharaoh, General Heidi is on a mission…" He informed the yami, "One of which you have appointed and-"
"I KNOW WHAT I DID AND I WANT THAT GIRL HERE!"
"Gah!" The young man was cowering in fear as he bowed before Yami, "Yes, your grace! Anything your heart desires! She will be here soon! I-I have sent word for her to come back…"
"…" Yami turned away, thinking.
"I-Is there anything else either of my Pharaohs would like?"
Yugi blinked, "I want some Cheetos."
"Y-Yes, Pharaoh Yugi, right away!" He ran away, through the threshold of the large door to retrieve the young king's cheesy snack.
After he had left the room, Yugi turned to his other half, "Yami, Marik and Malik aren't that important. Without the millennium rods, you know they're powerless."
"No, Yugi, they're not. If they were powerless, they couldn't have escaped from Happy Chicken… They will never be powerless and until we have them under our thumb yet again, they will be a matter of great importance."
"… We still haven't found the rings yet, Yami. Shouldn't that be our number one priority?"
He nodded slowly, "We almost have them…"
"W-We do?" Yugi's eyes rounded.
"They were rumored to be seen in the Sahara. And now we've confirmed that. They've been sited, not far from Cairo and suddenly disappeared. I think I know where they are, though, it's just a matter of finding it."
"Where?"
"We don't have all the world just yet and so there are a great deal of people who aren't on our side. Though they aren't seen often. I'm aware of a place somewhere in Egypt that is an alliance of sorts… a cult bent on taking us out of power."
Yugi rolled his eyes, "Heh. Yeah, right."
"They must have Ryou and Bakura. There's no other way they could've gotten away from our army's eye so easily unless they were being protected." Yami stretched and yawned, leaning his head back.
"… Tired?"
"Not really. I'm saving my strength for when Heidi comes… I want to be fresh in order to strangle that girl. I knew hiring her was a mistake…"
"Pharaoh Yugi!" The guard came trotting back into the throne room, an orange bag in his hand, "I have your sodium and fat-filled snacking substance!"
"Yay!"
As Yugi continued to eat his Cheetos and speak to Yami about their plans, Mokuba was outside, watching with curiosity. He thought this was all very interesting and sad at the same time. Yugi being in charge of what was going to happen to him and his friends? Not a pretty picture.
Suddenly, a white flash came by his eyes and knocked him in the head. He yelped briefly, more out of surprise than pain then turned around to see a white dove sitting on the windowsill.
"Oh… Hello, there." Mokuba gave a lopsided smile, "Don't peck me, okay? I'm busy."
Even though the boy was sweet in his request, the bird denied him and him wishes and proceeded to use his beak to injured Mokuba's forehead.
"Ow! Hey! S-Stop it, plea- Ow!"
The dove kept at it and all of a sudden, Mokuba heard a shout from the vicinity of the ground. He managed to look down and saw, to his dismay, two guards. The same ones from last night, it seemed.
"What are you doing up there, kid?"
"AAHH!" He screamed, coming falling down into a smashed bush. The same one he fell in last night, only instead of falling on Otogi, he landed on the guards. They looked at him with hate and suspision and he answered with an impish grin.
Of course, the results were the same. In less than five minutes, he was back in his cell along with his friends and brother who were really surprised to see him back so soon.
"What happened this time?" Joey asked.
"Grr…" Mokuba went up the window, pointing out into the sky, "There was some crazy bird who came and started attacking me! I guess I made so much noise, the guards heard and came to arrest me again…"
Tristan looked up, "Did you find out anything?"
"Ah… Sure did! A lot. Like how Yami's mad at this woman named Heidi. And he thinks Bakura and Ryou are out in the Sahara Desert with a cult, and that's where Marik and Malik are, too, and he's trying to capture all of them."
Kaiba thought for a minute, "That's really useful, Mokuba… But a lot of good that'll do us, it's Marik and Malik who really need to get to Ryou and Bakura if they have any hope of defeating these jokers… W-We need a way to get that information to them."
Joey shrugged, "Anyone got a stamp?"
"We're not mailing it!"
Mokuba sighed as he looked out the window yet again. All of a sudden, a dove came inside the cell, landing on Mokuba's head. He looked around and shook his wings.
The boy gasped and pointed to his head, "Hey! Here's that bird that got me caught!"
"… Hey, let's roast him. I'm hungry." Joey said, a blank stare on his face.
Kaiba rolled his eyes, then looked at the dove as an idea came about, "I've got it! You know how people sometimes use pigeons as message carriers? This may not be a pigeon, but it couldn't be too different. I say we try giving him a message to give to Marik and Malik."
"Ha!" Joey laughed, "And you called me stupid…"
"No, that could work, Seto. Let's see…" Mokuba walked over to Joey and tore off a piece of his clothing. He took a piece of chalk he had in his pocket and wrote down a short note. It took only a moment before he carefully took the bird off his head and set him on the floor.
He rolled up the piece of cloth and tied it to the bird's leg, "Okay, Mr. Dove… I know you probably can't understand me, but I'm going to try anyway. I want you to take this note to Marik and Malik. As I understand it, they're somewhere around Cairo… Got it?"
The bird blinked.
"Ugh… Just go, 'kay?"
He got up and flew out of the window, towards the sun and as he flew away, Joey said, "… My cannon idea would've worked…"