Her Sweetness: Oh, yeah, baby! We've reached the twenty-chapter mark! Which is a spot I've only hit twice before in my fanfiction writing career. This is going to be so much fun, yes?
Ha ha! And here I thought this thing would be about seventeen chapters, but it turns out I'm taking a shot at doing most of the ideas I came up with.
Hmm… Wondering. Some people don't like fics that are too long. Are you guys gonna stick with me on this?
A Tale of Two Idiots
Chapter 20:
At the secret base of BAYAMS, right after the four boys held their meeting with Cody in his bedroom, they decided to get going. Well, actually, Cody decided to get going. He wanted to try and get to Domino before Heidi had any more damage done to her, physically and or mentally and emotionally. When he told Marik this, he simply laughed and patted Cody on the back, saying, "Don't worry, Cody, Yami isn't smart enough to try anything emotional on anyone. And he's lacking in the mental department as well."
Both Bakura and Malik agreed and although Ryou thought that was a rather mean thing to say, he snickered lightly under his breath. It was about an hour after that and the sun was high in the sky signaling that it might be a few minutes pasted noon. Cody had left the boys in peace so he could go pack and by now all four of them were waiting in the foyer of the mayor's home.
"I sure hope we get there in time to save the poor girl…" Ryou shook his head, solemnly, "It's just dreadful what Yami's doing to her, what could've gotten into him and Yugi?"
Bakura tapped the side of his face with two of his fingers, "Well, and this is just my personal opinion, but I think both of them have gone nuts."
"It must be all the pressure from saving the world everyday. It's probably gotten to them." The albino hikari agreed with his yami and both of them looked at the Egyptians sitting across from them.
"…" Marik and Malik looked at each other then back at their friends, "What?"
"Oh, don't act so innocent, Marik." Bakura rolled his eyes, "If this is the case, then it's all your fault."
"ME? What'd I do?"
"You're both after their puzzles almost everyday! And it obliviously drove them to turn the tables on you and take over the world." He continued.
Malik shook his head and turned away, "Hey, that's not my fault. I'm the one who just wants to stay at home and design clothes or watch Lifetime movies…"
"Ooh! Malik, did you see the one at the beginning of February about the girl who was out to find her long lost brother?" Ryou asked, excitedly.
"But she found this handsome stranger instead and had four of his kids before finding out that he was her brother's gay lover?"
"And then they decided to run away but the guy didn't want to leave the kids so he shot them and threw their limp bodies off a cliff?"
"And then he killed himself?"
"And the girl never met her brother till he was real old?"
"YEAH!" They said in unison and then slumped in their chairs, sobbing, "I-It was so sad…!"
"…" Bakura blinked before whispering to Marik, "Those aren't men at all, just girls who grew kickstands."
Marik nodded in agreement.
Suddenly, coming down the stairs came a figure stumbling down and fumbling with about five large suitcases. He wobbled down until he fell onto a heap, all the bags coming and crashing into his stomach, "OOF!"
"… Cody?" Malik asked, standing from the chair he was occupying and walking over to help the man from under the heavy luggage.
Ryou hurried over as well, dusting him off, "Oh, are you okay?"
"Ah, yup yup…!" He stood when the bags were off him and grinned widely, "Well, let's load up the jeep and get ta goin, yous four, wes gots Heidis ta save, you know!"
Malik blinked, looking at all the bags, "… Cody, you want us to put all these bags in the jeep?"
"Ah, yup yup!"
"Look at all this crap. This won't fit in that jeep of yours, Cody." Bakura shook his head, "We're going to go whack off Yami and his hikari, not to the Bahamas, you don't need these luxury items."
"These ain't luxury, it's necessity! This one's full of my underwear," He pointed to the one Ryou was holding, "This one's full of Metamucil, this one's got my wine, and this one has the 1950's version of Karma Sutra!"
Malik gagged.
"We won't be able to carry all this! The jeep has three wheels, it'll barely be able to carry us!" Marik exclaimed, inching around the suitcase full of Metamucil.
As they began to discuss what to leave and what to take, none of them noticed that the door to the foyer had opened and a man in a white shirt and red rose settled behind his ear had hopped in, cheery and all smiles until he looked down onto the floor and saw assorted suitcases.
"Um… what's going on?" He asked, but the question was too quiet to be heard.
"I said, I'm NOT holding the underwear!"
"Well, then take the Metamucil, cause there's no way I'm holding the Karma Sutra!"
"I'll take the Karma Sutra."
"Be quiet, Bakura!"
"Oh, dear… Do you think maybe we could throw out that dreadful book? It might given certain people ideas…"
A grin spread across Bakura's face.
"Excuse me! Sorry to interrupted this interesting conversation, but..." Terry had raised his hands above his head to get some attention, but midway through his statement everyone had already noticed him and he now had their full attention. "Oh. Well, I just wanted to ask what, exactly, was going on?"
"Um, yeah…" Malik scratched the back of his head, "Terry, I guess we forgot to tell you but we're leaving."
"LEAVING?"
"Uh-huh. It turns out you've been treating us so good we forgot why we came here," Marik added, motioning to Ryou and Bakura, "So, now that Cody's reminded us, we'll just be taking these two to help us destroy Yami and Yugi."
"And gets meh Heidikins back!"
"… That, too."
"B-But wait a minute!" Terry went flapping his arms around his head and ran over to the boys, hollering like a madman, scarring both Ryou and Malik into hiding behind their respective yamis, "Y-You cannot just leave us, we need you! You are our only hope!"
"… Only hope for what, Terry?" Ryou asked, meekly peaking over Bakura's shoulder.
"The future! If you leave now, you'll be captured, and then what will happen to us? Please, reconsider!"
"Look, I'm sorry, but-"
"Think of the children!"
"…" Bakura blinked, and then whispered back in Ryou's ear, "Do we have any kids, Ryou?"
"I think he means the children of BAYAMS, 'Kura."
"… I knew that."
"We're sorry, Terry, but wes gotta get out of here, right now, ain't got a moment to spare!" Cody spoke up and headed for the door, "C'mon, boys! Don't forget meh bags!"
They groaned.
Terry had to think fast. He did not want to lose the ring and rod holders at any cost but what could he do if they were leaving of their own free will? He growled under his breath and went running to the door, holding out his arms and blocking Cody's way out.
"I'm sorry, Cody, old friend, but we just can't risk having these boys captured! They're staying right here in BAYAMS and that's the end of it!"
Outside in the Sahara Desert, there were about ten large and white tanks rolling through the sand at an unbelievably fast pace. At first they had started out going at just about 45 mph, but then they went much faster when they realized there was no speed limit where sand was concerned. So now the large chicken head that resided on the top of each tank was rotating happily and the banner it had between it's beak, saying, 'The happiest chicken on earth' was flapping in the hot breeze.
In the first of the many tanks, riding out in front, there was a fat, sweaty man in the belly of the vehicle who was talking to one of his privates.
"Number 3, just how much longer do we have until we get to this secret hideout?"
The man held up the stall door again and looked it over, tracing the creases and cracks with his fingers, "Ah, Happy Chicken Man, sir, we should be there shortly… but, the thing is, I don't know how we're going to recognize this place…"
"Hmm? What do you mean?"
"… Well…"
"Speak up, private!"
"W-Well! I mean, our troops have been back and forth over the supposed location thousands of times and they reported that they saw nothing there each time. I don't know if it's underground or what. And if it is, the possibility of us finding it is 1,739 to .0002."
He grimaced, "You and your statistics, Number 3. I even wonder why I keep you around."
"Ah… I'm sorry…?"
"Sir! It seems we've located something suspicious!" Called the man driving the tank down to Happy Chicken Man. "Have a look!" He lowered the telescope that was peaking out of the top down to him and Happy Chicken Man stuck his face into it.
"Oh, for Yami's sake!" He called out, "Everyone, out of their tanks! That's an order!"
As everyone got out, Happy Chicken Man thought about how anyone could be so stupid as to not tell their commanding officer something like that sooner. What he had seen was a red jeep that had one busted tire and license plates saying 'Cody4U' in front of a doorway coming up out of the ground. He thought that would be the epitome of suspicious.
When they were all out, Happy Chicken Man along with Numbers 1-5 accompanied him over to the doorway to make sure it was safe as the other privates cowered in fear of it, thinking something would jump out at them.
Number 1 and 2 were inspecting the jeep, thoroughly, "Sir, this jeep is indeed Cody's alright. All these wine stains have to be his… And here," Number 2 lifted a picture from the glove compartment, "This seems to be a picture of General Heidi. She looks mad…"
"That's ex-General Heidi." Happy Chicken Man growled over his shoulder then grinned, "Heh heh. That's one of the reasons we need to get those boys to the Pharaohs. As soon as they see how capable I am, he'll give me position as General of the Spike Patrol and, as an added bonus, maybe he'll kill her anyway."
They all stopped what they were doing and starred at him, "… What?"
"Shh. I think this is the entrance…" He had ventured about two steps down and motioned for the privates to follow him and they obeyed, although they did so stiffly, only now being aware of the fat man's true plan.
"You've got to be kidding. We're being held hostage by some guy with a flower in his hair…!" Bakura groaned, now knowing that Terry didn't want to lose them at any cost and was willing to go this far just to keep them in BAYAMS.
"Please, understand…" Terry lowered his head in a solemn way, "I do not mean any harm to you at all, your safety is only what concerns me. I, and I'm sure Cody would agree, really don't want Yami to find you, for if he does… He will certainly kill you!"
"Bologna."
Terry looked up at Malik, surprised, "What?"
"I said that's bologna. You know good and well the only reason you don't want us to leave is because when we do, the people of BAYAMS will see that you couldn't keep your promise about having the ring and rod holder on your side. Then they'll get mad and overthrow you as major."
"…" Terry hung his head in defeat, "Well… I suppose you're right…"
"Wow, Malik, how'd you know that?" Bakura asked, blinking.
"I saw something like this one a this Lifetime once, only instead of it being someone in BAYAMS, it was this peasant girl whose father was in the mafia." He smiled brightly, "I never knew real life was so much like Lifetime movies!"
Marik shook his head in pity, "Neither did I."
"… Well, then, now that that's all on the up and up, we'll be a'leavin, Terry!" Cody gave the mayor a hearty pat on the back and began to open the door, but before he did an extremely loud buzzer, almost identical to the chicken dumping alarm sounded out through the house and, assumingly, through the streets of BAYAMS.
"Oh my gosh, what is that horrid noise?" Ryou cried, holding his ears, which were on the verge of bleeding.
Malik shouted over the noise, "Maybe it's a fire alarm?" He was wrong the last time he said that, but maybe this time he could get it right.
"Oh, no!" Terry gasped, "We're in the middle of a break-in! Quick, hide the ring and rod holders!" He threw a sheet over the boys, which hung a little high off the ground and made them look like the ghosts of conjoined quadruplets in sneakers.
Marik lifted a corner of the sheet and whispered to Cody, "I'm convinced, he's insane."
"Ah, yup yup."
"Shh, shh! I'm going to see what's going on out there…" Terry shooed Cody over to stand in front of the ghost, and began to open the door, just to have a peek. What he saw made him cover his mouth, so as not to make the scream he was going to voice. The streets of his beloved BAYAMS were overrun with people in hair wigs resembling Yami and Yugi's. They were running into houses, kicking over food stands and eating all of their beloved and rare meat! Oh, the horror!
A few of the men held bazookas and, accompanied by five men heavily armed, a fat man was walking around with a heavy scowl on his face. He shouted, "Take whatever you feel you need! But find the boys and Cody and bring them to me! Remember, they are to be brought to the Pharaohs alive!"
As they neared the mayor's home Terry hurriedly shut the door and panted, running around the room in a circle, "Oh, they're coming! What should we do? What should we do?"
"Will you just calm down!" Bakura's voice came from under the sheet, "All we need to do is get out of here, unseen and we'll be fine."
"Yes, but they're everywhere! Oh, this is it! This is the end…!"
"Hmm… I gots it!" Cody shouted out. Everyone looked at him, "Ey, Terry, ain't there a back door to this house? If I 'member correctly, it should led us out to the spot where I parked the jeep, right right?"
"That's a great idea, Cody!" Came Ryou's voice from under the sheet, "Oh dear, but wait… Won't they have someone above ground as well?"
Terry shook his head, "It doesn't seem likely… They look like they have everyone from Happy Chicken in here, and they probably have no one waiting above ground."
"Well, then, what the hell are we waiting for?" Marik shouted, "Let's get out of here!"
"Cody, you take them to the exit, I'll try and hold off the men, for they will surely come in here!" As soon as the words came out of Terry's mouth, banging on the door had began and it was apparent that they were trying to get through. It was pure luck that Terry had locked the doors after seeing the men wandering his streets. As the pounding on the door and jiggling of the door handle continued, Terry waved his arms at them, "Go on, hurry!"
"'Kay, boys, let's get ta goin!" Cody said and led the ghost with four heads up the stairs and into another hallway. They bumped into a few walls before Ryou had the sense to say that maybe they should take off the white sheet. Everyone thought about this before agreeing and losing the sheet, following Cody once again and leaving Terry in the foyer when the door busted open and a bazooka fired.