Her Sweetness: I'm ON AIR! Wah wah wah…! So happy! And Ihave no idea WHY!

: sings in mispronounced Japanese:

A Tale of Two Idiots

Chapter 29:

"No… you shut up…"

"Just shut… up… dammit…"

"You f-first…"

Under the castle in the middle of Domino, a cell complete with four boys, two of which had been fighting ever since they were locked up, was beginning to quiet down. It seemed that Joey and Kaiba had been yelling and screaming at each other so long and so hard that they could no longer take it. And since neither was going to admit that they wanted to stop, they went on in monotone, lifting their fingers at each other listlessly while sitting in the corner opposite of Otogi and Tristan.

"S-Shut… up…you stupid mutt…" Kaiba finished his insult with a yawn and a struggle to keep his eyelids open, as they were getting way too heavy.

Joey managed to lift his arm and bonk Kaiba on the head, although it was barely felt. The blonde was really about to go to sleep and just couldn't take it anymore. Leaning into Kaiba's back, he scooted closer, unintentionally, and drifted into dreamland. Kaiba, who was about to protest this act of cuddliness, was too weak and exhausted and conked out as well, his head resting on Joey's.

Lazily looking over to the once quarreling boys, Otogi realized that they had given up the fight and whooped in victory, "Yes! Hey, Tristan, we won! They're finally shutting up!"

"Wonderful, but don't wake them up by screaming."

He gasped, as if enlightened, "You're right…! We should saver this moment!"

And they did so by going into a blissful sleep and as the cell was filled with content snores and some dream muttering, it was very peaceful. At least, for about a minute.

BOOM!

The ground shook and, immediately, all the boys in the cell came awake and looked to each other, ready to blame their cellmates for the sudden alarm.

"Mutt, you woke me up!"

"That wasn't me! It was-"

BOOM!

It seemed that the entire castle was moving as the ground shook yet again and when the boys looked at each other and saw that they were not the cause for the interruption, they decided to investigate. Looking out of that small, barred window that was on the wall, with Otogi on Tristan's shoulders for view's sake and with Joey trying to see over Kaiba's "fat head", they all saw something they never thought they would.

"… I… Hmm." Tristan blinked.

Otogi tilted his head. "Yeah…"

Joey nodded solemnly, "Mmmhmm."

"…" Kaiba thought for a minute before saying, "Do any of you realize… that there is a one hundred foot, naked, fat man who is rampaging down the streets of Domino?"

"Yup."

"Uh-huh."

"I do."

He nodded, "Just making sure."

"…"

There was a moment of silence before they all looked to each other and yelled at the top of their lungs, "AAAHHH! THERE'S A ONE HUNDRED FOOT, NAKED, FAT MAN RAMPAGING DOWN THE STREETS OF DOMINO! RUN!"

And, of course, they did run, but with such a small cell, they all ended up running smack into the concrete walls and that didn't do any favors for their dentistry bills. After a hardy yelp in pain, the boys fell to the floor in one big sobbing heap.

"W-What are we gonna do? He's gonna… gonna kill us all!" Otogi cried out, using Tristan as his comforting teddy bear.

Joey sniffed, having used Kaiba's jacket as a tissue, "D-Don't worry, you guys! We'll be okay, after all, he's out there and we're in here! What's the worse that could happen?"

"He could come in here!" Kaiba rolled his eyes.

Joey blinked in realization.

"WE GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE!"

Somewhere high in the skies, two jets with a 'Funny Bunny' logo on the sides were flying in the same direction, though were not destined to go to the exact same place. And, as if that wasn't enough drama, there was a small boy in the backseat of the black jet who was more upset than anyone about this particular misplacement of yamis.

"My POOR 'Kura…! H-He's probably so lonely without me!" Ryou sobbed into a frilly hanky given to him by Pegasus, "Marik, this is so upsetting! What ever are we going to do?"

"Well, we could be quiet." Marik suggested.

"OH!" Ryou wailed, "BAKURA!"

Marik's eyes widened as the young hikari screeched Bakura's name in his ear and was continuously crying his eyes out and flopping around in the backseat which rocked the plain and so there Marik was. Agitated to no end and still going.

Well, after five minutes of this pained Bakura howling, Marik just couldn't take it anymore. And though he was not one to be mean to the tiny Brit, he was going to get him to get control over himself, one way or another.

"Listen, Ryou-"

"OH, BAKURA!"

"But, Ryou-"

"MY BAKURA!"

"If you could just-"

"WHERE FOR ART THOU, BAKURA?"

"…"

An aggravated sigh here.

A shout there.

Chaos.

But all these things were quickly stopped when a strange noise came from the small headset that Marik had secured to his ears. First, static came through and then followed a familiar voice.

"H-Hello? Hey, is this on? Testing, one, two, three-"

"Bakura, you boob, it's on." Marik answered his fellow yami, his harsh and unfriendly tone was a result of Ryou's screams, "Your hikari is driving me nuts."

"Well, so is yours. He won't stop talking about Calvin Klein!"

Marik heard his younger self whining in the background, "Stop talking about me!"

Unfortunately, Ryou overheard his yami's voice on the headset and went absolutely insane, actually clawing his way onto Marik's head and slapped him around for a minute to get the headset away.

On the other end, Bakura blinked, hearing Marik cry out in pain, which was something he rarely did. He muttered, "Um… Marik, are you-"

"BAKURA, MY POOR BABY!" Came a distressed and clear voice over the headset. Bakura gritted his teeth, recognizing his hikari's frantic and concern cry.

"… Yes, Ryou. I'm alright; I'm over here with Malik."

Ryou now had the headset on his head as Marik rubbed his ears irritably and heard Ryou talking to Bakura, "'Kura, are you really okay? Do you want me to come over there? Is Malik bothering you? Are you safe? Are you hungry? I could throw a cookie over there, if you want!"

"R-Ryou stop that! I'm fine! Ra, can't you live five minutes without being next to me?" Bakura huffed.

"But, 'Kura, it's been six minutes! And fourteen seconds!" Ryou shook his head, worriedly, 'Oh, my poor yami… he can't even tell time! He must be so lost.'

"... Ryou?" Bakura asked, not hearing his other half.

Malik looked over the teen's shoulder and told him, "Let me talk to Ryou. You're probably boring him."

"No!"

Suddenly, Ryou shouted, "DON'T WORRY, BAKURA, I'M COMING TO GET YOU!"

Marik gasped as Ryou was now busying himself, opening the jet window and climbing out, seeing the pink jet that was flying right behind them. Both Malik and Bakura were wide-eyed as Ryou stood on the small wing of the plane, gripping the side and sizing up the jump. He nodded to himself and said with confidence, "I can jump that… I just have to fly the rest of the way."

As he prepared to jump, Marik scrambled out of his seat and grabbed Ryou by the waist, easily picking him up, "What in hell's name do you think you're doing, Ryou!" He shouted as he threw the boy back into his seat and forcefully shut the open window.

"Why did you do that!" Ryou cried, "I was gonna go rescue my Bakura!"

"…" Marik sweatdropped, "He's fine. We have more important things to deal with, Ryou! We have to shut down an entire factory full of sexy monkeys, Bakura will be fine. After all, he's got Malik with him." He thought about his last statement, "Hmm. That may not be such a good thing."

Ryou quieted down a bit, only because Marik let him have the headset and talk to Bakura which was soothing for the young hikari and, in the background, Malik went on about Calvin Klein's new fall line.

It was about two or three hours later, actually, when they arrived in Domino. It was now about twenty minutes passed midnight, and as the two jets zoomed over that large, beautiful palace, glistening in the moonlight, they heard a pained scream all the way up in the sky.

Now, they were at their separating point and as the black jet continued north to Factory Alpha, the pink jet was going down south, about 50 to 60 miles away from Alpha, to Factory Beta. The two teens in there were relaxing, kicking back in their seats as the jet was on autopilot and they would be landing in less than three minutes.

As Malik was watching the beautiful moon go by, he smiled, but his happiness was cut brief as something below them caught his eye and he came up close to the window, and looked down.

"B-Bakura…!" He stuttered.

"What is it?"

"Look…"

Bakura blinked and then looked down, kneeling right next to Malik. What they both saw was a humongous and bare sack of jiggling flesh, heading straight for Factory Beta. The large thing was stepping on some people below, causing car horns to go off and women from the windows of their homes to scream at their husbands to stop watching ESPN and shoot the darn thing.

Malik and Bakura looked at each other as their jet landed exactly twenty feet in front of the monster.

"… Oh, (bleep)."

Cody blinked as he had just heard a shrill cry from down the hallway, which was where he had just come from. He'd been out of the cell for a long while, and had not gone far, just down the way to sob in a corner and wail on the floor at this now clear rejection from the used-to-be love of his life.

After a while, though he had to move and duck inside a doorway and watch as two guards went inside the cell room, a jagged and rusty saw clinched in one of their hands. Of course, he wasn't stupid. He knew what they were going in Heidi's cell to do. And he wanted to rush in and save her. He didn't, though.

And Cody had very little pride at that moment, but what he had left, he was going to try and hold onto. Who saves the person who has just turned them down in the most mortifying and distressing way they've ever known? Not Cody. And so, there he stood, at the end of the hallway and walking away fast as Heidi's shrinking sobs grew fainter in the distance.

He sniffed, "N-Now what do I do? I came here for Heidi, but she don't want me, so… I guess I'll go on homey-home." Cody lowered his head in defeat and headed for the exit of the castle.

As he left, now stepping on the grass of the castle's front lawns, wet with dew, he remembered something and dug into his back pocket. In a second, he pulled out something most people would consider beyond disgusting. He pulled out a slender, peach-colored finger, detached from any sort of hand and was bloody on the end opposite of the fingernail. He snuggled it for a moment, remembering the fondness he'd felt in his heart the moment he picked it up off the floor among the others. But Heidi's ring finger had always been Cody's favorite.

And so, with his finger in hand, he walked off the lawns and began down the street.

In the throne room of the large palace, the Pharaohs had just gotten done planning which country they would make into their golf course. It was something of a hobby for Yugi, and Yami didn't mind watching. They were leaning towards the Netherlands, but they decided to use something bigger. And, of course, Canada was just sitting there, not doing anything. So, they decided that place would be perfect to tear down, put up fake turf and have the biggest golf course known to man! 9,471 holes.

After this decision was made, Yami ventured over to the balcony, just outside one of the windows. Stepping out into the fresh night air, Yami took in a deep breath and surveyed the night's land.

"Ah, it's beautiful, isn't it, Yugi?" He pointed out over the banister.

Yugi looked out towards where his other was pointing, "… Yami, there's a fat man stomping on the inhabitants of Domino and a dog is peeing on our lawn, what's beautiful about it?"

Yami glared at his hikari for ruining his moment. "My point, Yugi, is that after tonight all our problems will be solved. The Factories will be saved and Flyswatter will capture those boobs and we will have a happily ever after, ruling the world and playing golf!"

"…" He nodded thoughtfully, "That sounds fun. But, Yami, I've got a question."

"Yes?"

"Since Flyswatter will be returning Ryou, Bakura, Marik and Malik to us and we will probably end up killing every last one of them, will Heidi go free? Because… as I remember, you said the cutting of her fingers would only continue until the boys were caught. Well, if I'm right the ten days would've ended on Saturday and since it's now early Friday morning, she will be released, right?"

Yami nodded, "I feel sorry for Heidi. She's been put through all this just for people like Marik and Malik and, when I think about it, she really didn't do anything too terrible. It turned out working in the end…"

"So that's a yes, I'm guessing?"

"… She's been put through too much, Yugi. What could she possibly do in life with two fingers? Nothing. She'll be miserable. And since this is all my fault, I suspect it's up to me to fix it."

Yugi blinked.

"We'll kill her tonight." He stated.

"… Huh? B-But Yami, you just said that-"

"I'm aware of that! But I'm doing her a favor. She won't want to live the way she is now. Who would?"

"Well… not me… but, don't you think it's a bit drastic to just up and whack her? She's our ex-general, she deserves an honorable sendoff." Yugi stuck out his lower lip, telling Yami that he meant what he said.

"Oh, I agree. Which is why it will be almost painless!"

Yugi smiled, "Great, glad we're on the same page."

In the darkness of her holding cell, Heidi was now not only feeling regret about what she said to Cody, but was bleeding heavily and had just come out of unconsciousness. But then, getting another finger chopped off always did that to her. During in the procedure, right when the saw got through to her bone, she couldn't take it anymore, her throat being hot and raw and, with nothing left, she gave up and blacked out.

By the time she came to, the guards were gone and so was their saw, for which she was thankful, but then there was always the pain. It still hurt, just as much as before she blacked out, but it throbbed and after losing eight of her best and most beloved body parts, it seemed useless to even scream anymore.

"I shouldn't have said that to Cody… I mean… Maybe he is annoying… I mean, really annoying. Probably the most annoying person I've ever met! But… he was probably the only one who wanted to save me and I told him to go away!" She shouted to herself, partly to scold herself and partly to hear another human's voice, even if it was just her own.

Not only was she sure that she was going to die, and not only was she sure that no one was coming for her, but she was also considering herself to be legally insane. First she thought she saw an angel and it was actually talking to her, and that's kind of understandable. But not long ago, she felt a giant tremble shake the palace and soon after a large fat man, resembling Flyswatter broke through a wall and began walking down the street.

"… Maybe I don't disserve to live, anyway…" She pouted, thinking about all the things she'd done to upset her Pharaohs. She knew that eventually, when and if they killed her… (The 'if' chancing on the fact that they might have some pity. Yeah, right.) they would do it painfully and drawn out, like her recent suffering.

'I could end it now.' She thought, 'I could just hold my breath and not breathe and I'll just pass away!'

Heidi created her elaborate plan enthusiastically. If she killed herself, then the Pharaohs wouldn't have that pleasure! That'd show them. It was a sad and pathetic sort of revenge plot.

"Okay. G'bye world and all who inhabit it!" She shouted and held her breath. It was about a minute later when she started to feel uncomfortable, her face turned a light blue and she struggled, knowing she wasn't supposed to breathe, but she did it anyway.

"DAMMIT!" She cried after taking in a few deep breaths. "I… I'm no good at suicide…!"

Across the oceans, there was a lonesome island that was usually filled with nothing but the sobs of a lonely, rich man. But now that there was a cute little boy in the mansion, a Kaiba family member no less, the island was filled with gleeful giggles. And yes, those giggles came from Pegasus.

Pegasus was ecstatic when the boys let Mokuba stay with him. He'd finally have a playmate. Of course, there was always Croquet, but he wasn't any fun anymore and he rarely ever wanted to play games.

Mokuba, on the other hand, was not a happy camper. He was forced to play games that he'd never even heard of before and he believed that Pegasus twisted some commonly know games into odd things. Of course, Mokuba always shied away from the really terrible sounding ones. But when Pegasus finally suggested that he wanted to play Strip Go Fish, Mokuba immediately said he had to go to the bathroom.

"Alright, then, hurry back!" He called, waving a card that had a picture of a Jack in a licorice thong.

Mokuba went running through the east wing and found a bathroom right down the hallway. He quickly opened the door and gasped when he saw Croquet on the toilet, shouting at him, "Eek! Shut that door!"

"Oops! Sorry!" The young boy blushed and slammed the door shut, trying to find a way out of this castle. He finally found the balcony that Marik, Bakura, Ryou and Malik had jetted off of and Mokuba nodded to himself, confidently, "I've gotta go save Heidi, there's no way they can do it without me!"

He held up his small hands to the opposite sides of his mouth and screamed at the top of his lungs, "MR. DOVE!"

True, he hadn't seen the dove since they were back in Egypt and he didn't think that the dove would like him very much considering what he said to him, but he needed a way to get off that island and this was the only way possible. He waited only five minutes, eyes glues to the wheeling night's sky until, from out of the stars; a spot of white came fluttering down to Mokuba, a rather annoyed look on the bird's face.

'What is it, kid?'

"I-I need you to take me to Domino! Please, Mr. Dove, I have to go there to save a friend of mine, will you help me?" Mokuba pleaded.

'… You know, you interrupted me! I was about to get lucky with this cute little robin and then I heard your annoying voice!'

"Please!"

He shook his feathers, 'Alright, kid. But this is the last time I'm doing this. Afterwards, you're on your own.'

"Got it!" He nodded and Mr. Dove flew behind him and picked him up by the collar of his shirt. They lifted up slowly and began off, flying over oceans and other islands and left Pegasus alone, still waiting for Mokuba to return to play Strip Go Fish.