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Disclaimer: Everything belongs to Meg Cabot

CHAPTER 3

SECOND THOUGHTS

I don't know how long Jesse and mines' kissing session lasted, but from the look of it, quite long, since the next thing I knew, Dopey was hammering on my bathroom door – when had I given him permission to enter my room? – asking what our Spanish homework was. Startled, I broke away from Jesse.

"Suze? Yo Suze, you listening?" I opened the door.

"What?" I asked, irritated.

"What's – our – Spanish – homework?" Dopey asked slowly, as if I was dim.

"Uh, Dop- I mean, Brad- I don't even takeSpanish." Dopey looked at me confusedly.

"Oh- right." He said, after a couple seconds pause. "Well, whatever then. Just wanted to know what '¿Qué hace usted este sábado?' meant."

"What are you doing this Saturday." I heard a voice behind me say. I didn't bother turning around, I knew it was Jesse.

"Uh yeah, what are you doing this Saturday." Dopey looked at me strangely and blushed. Seriously. He blushed. What was going on? First Andy, then this? I'm telling you. My family – step family – is weird.

"Uh, nothing, why?" I rolled my eyes.

"No- I mean, Qué hace usted este sábado, yeah? It means, what are you doing this Saturday. And you're pronouncing it wrong. It's not 'hase' its 'Hah-say'". Dopey looked confused, and irritated at the same time. On any other guy, it would have looked cute, but hello? This was Dopey we were talking about.

"Since when do you know Spanish?" Oops.

"Erm, I don't." I said, quickly. It was obvious that he didn't believe me, but he shut up.

"Whatever, thanks."

"That was close." I said, as the door closed. I couldn't help but be mad at Dopey for having interrupted Jesse and mines' "special" moment. I crossed over to the window. The sun had already set, and the night sky was dusted with stars. Jesse came and stood behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist. I leaned my head back, onto his chest. We stood there like that for about five whole minutes. It was a nice feeling, and I never wanted it to end. But of course, that was impossible. Thanks to Jesse.

"Did you ask Father Dominic?"

"Yeah." I gazed sadly at the sea. "He wasn't happy with me at all. He started yelling at me and stuff. Saying this "wasn't why we were assigned this "gift." ", and how "It's not the way it should be done, that it's not-" " I broke off, incapable of going on.

"That it's not what?" Jesse asked. I shrugged, unable to explain. Jesse seemed to understand, however. "What if I go talk to him?" Jesse asked softly after a few minutes. I turned to look at him.

"But-" I said. I mean, Jesse hates visiting Father Dominic. Not that he has anything against Father Dominic. No, it's more like Father Dom having something against Jesse. Basically, he's against the whole Jesse-living-in-my-bedroom-thing. I mean, he is a priest. But Jesse and I get along fine. More than fine actually, as you might have noticed. I've mentioned this to father Dom, but you know what he's like. He simply won't listen. Especially when it comes to Jesse.

"He might give me a chance, Susannah." Jesse said. "You never know. And yes, I admit, the chances are not very big, but it's still a chance." I looked up at Jesse.

"I hate to ask this Jesse, but, are you really really really sure you want this?" Jesse cupped my face in his hands and kissed me.

"You ask me that one more time, and you won't wake up the following morning, querida." He said, imitating that guy in Oceans eleven. CeeCee and I had been watching it, and he had invited himself along. Not that I'd minded. "The question is, are you?" I looked up at him as if he was insane. Actually, for a moment then, I think he was.

"Jesse, are you nuts?" Jesse grinned, leaning down to kiss me again.

"SUZE!" Dopey yelled up the stairs. "Phone!"

Urg! I thought. Why do you have such bad timing? I sighed, and with an apologetically look at Jesse, grabbed the extension next to my bed-side table, sinking down onto my bed. "Hello?" I said.

"Hey, girlfriend!" I heard Cee Cee yell through the phone at me.

"Oh," I said. "Hey Cee."

"Just checking if you're still up for it tomorrow." I looked at blankly at the wall opposite me.

"Still up for what?" I asked confusedly.

"Very funny Simon. Don't tell me you forgot."

"Er... sorry Cee, but erm... I have no idea what you're talking about."

"The elections! For Vice President! Simon how many times do I have to remind you? Just stop thinking about your precious Jesse for one minute okay? Man if I ever get to meet that guy I will so kill him. All he does is distract you from everything that matters!"

CeeCee yelled at me through Adam's cell phone. Too loudly. I saw Jesse's eyebrows go up. Way up. Busted.

"Er... CeeCee?" I said, not looking at Jesse any longer. "I'm sorry. But I've told you, I don't want to be VP." There was a silence on the other end of the phone. Then,

"Whatever Suze. I was thinking-"

She went off in a rant. I'm telling you, she doesn't – she does not shut up. I ignored her, and started examining my hair. Good stuff. Only three split ends so far.

"So," CeeCee concluded, "is that cool or what?"

"Yeah" I said. "Yeah, CeeCee, that's great." Finally, finally she said bye and hung up. I heard Jesse laugh softly and turned my head to look at him.

"What?" I asked him.

"I just found the part about how I apparently "distract" you-" He made quotation marks in the air with his fingers "from anything that's "important"" – He did it again- "Funny. And the fact that if she ever meets me, she's going to kill me. I mean, it would be pretty impressive killing someone who's already dead, don't you think?" Which reminded me:

"But Jesse, what if Father Dominic says no?" Jesse sat down next to me, and linked my hand with his.

"He won't. And if he does, we'll just have to do it without him." I stared at him, wondering why I hadn't thought of this before.

"Oh. Right." I leaned forward to kiss him, but he drew away.

"Not now. You have homework to do." Great. Stupid, stupid homework. Although I might as well make a start. I don't want to fall behind. But I couldn't really concentrate. I kept thinking about Jesse, and wondering. What if it went wrong? What would Jesse do, once he was alive? I'm sure once Father Dominic got over the initial shock that Jesse was alive he would let him live in the rectory. And Jesse could take his exams and go to university. And… - this was so much more complicated than I had imagined. Jesse would live in the rectory. Therefore I wouldn't be able to see him every day.

He wouldn't be there everyday when I got back from school. He would be studying for his exams. Then he would go away, to university. And there, he'd probably find some other, more beautiful girl, with long blonde hair, and who knows how to salsa dance.

Then he would go off and graduate, and get married to her, and never want anything to do with me anymore. He'd be all like, yeah, you made me come back to life. But I didn't say I wanted to be with you. All I wanted was my life. And then my heart would be broken, because it is so obvious that he's the one and I would grow older, and become a spinster, and have all these cats and sit home and knit, and then die a miserable death.

As I was thinking this, I happened to look at Jesse. He looked so handsomely hot and all, (as usual). I tried, but I couldn't help it. Tears formed in my eyes, and spilled out onto my cheeks for the third time today. I don't know if Jesse noticed me looking at him, or if he heard me sniffling, but he looked up from his book Critical theory since Plato, (he was reading it for the second time), saw me crying, and immediately shut his book.

"Querida," he said, squatting down, so he could see my face. "Querida." He said again, prying my hands from my face. "What's wrong?" But I couldn't stop crying. Only when Jesse managed to pull me over to the window seat, and wrap his arms around me, did I stop. We sat there like that for a long time. Me in his arms, my head resting on his chest, and him stroking my hair. Until, of course, Jesse had to go ruin it all. But hey, you can't blame him.

I suppose it would be kind of odd not to ask someone - and not just someone either, but your girlfriend – why they were crying just 10 minutes ago, exactly. But what was I supposed to say? I can't give you your life Jesse, because if I do, you'll never be mine. That would be pretty selfish. So instead I went: "I don't know… nothing. It's okay." Hoping he would drop the subject. Yeah, right.

"No, it's not nothing. Querida, please tell me what's wrong." He looked so hurt, that I had to tell him.

I took a deep breath. "Well, it's just that, well…" I said, trailing off helplessly.

Jesse looked me straight in the eye.

"Well, you see the thing is when you get your life back then you'll probably be living in the rectory and studying for your exams so I'll never be able to see you only on Saturdays but then you'll probably still be studying and then you'll go away to university and it'll be far away so then I'll never see you then and there you'll meet someone else and then I'd die because Madame Zara told me about how I'm a mediator and then she told me I'd only have one love and that it would last for my whole life or for the rest of eternity and then if you go away and get married to that girl you'll meet at university, and I'll never hear from you again I'll die. You understand?" I asked looking up at him, my eyes filled with tears again.

But they dried up pretty quickly when I saw that Jesse was laughing.

"What?" I asked, irritated.

"It's just that you were talking really fast and then -" He broke off, when I glared at him. "I'm sorry Querida. But didn't catch a word you said. Do you think it would be possible to breathe, once in a while?"

I went in a huff and wouldn't talk to him. Fine. I though. Be that way. Not very mature, I know, but I was pissed. Finally Jesse stopped laughing.

"I'm sorry. You were just speaking so fast and I couldn't understand a thing you were talking about…"

I still wouldn't speak to him.

"Fine." He said. Two minutes passed in total silence. Then:

"I'm sorry. Please tell me again?" He looked so sweet too, that I gave up on being mad at him.

"- And I know it sucks, but I really would miss you so much." I finished. I could tell Jesse was trying not smile. But this time I didn't mind because he leaned down, and whispered against my lips

"Querida, where did you get that idea from?" Then closed the space between our lips and kissed me. After we resurfaced after a few minutes, Jesse smiled.

"I think you have been reading too many of your romance novels."

"Jesse?" I asked after a few minutes silence, "What does 'querida' mean?"

I saw him grin. Then, "good night querida."

(A/N: sorry, I know this chapter kinda sucks and doesn't make that much sense. Please review!)