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My name is Sarah McLachlan and I'm 26 years old. I have mid-back length blonde-brown hair and blue eyes. I'm about 5 ft 9 in and I weight around 112 lbs. I live in a small town in Virginia. My home is kind of in the country so I don't know if it would qualify as in a town. I'll leave that up to the city to decide. I'm currently in a two year long(and still going strong)relationship with Michael Roberts. Actually, Michael and I are engaged. We're getting married in a few weeks. I'm almost two months pregnant with his baby, but I haven't started to show yet. Mikey is an officer in the US Navy. He went through law school and is currently working at JAG(Judge Advocate General). I'm a dancer. I dance Jazz, Salsa, Swing, basically any typed of dance you can think of, I do or I've done. Since I can't dance until after the baby is born, I'm following another of my great passions and doing photography.
May 21, 2004
Today I have a doctors appointment to see how the baby is doing. I am laying down on the exam table and Michael is sitting beside me, holding my hand.
"So, how is everything going, Ms. McLachlan"
"Getting the morning sickness, but I take that as a sign that things are okay"
"Welcome to parenthood. Things will be like that for a very LONG time"
Dr. Peterson put the jelly-stuff on my stomach and moved the paddle around. She stopped when she found the heartbeat. Seeing my baby(even though it was only the size of a peanut)brought tears to my eyes and I'm sure it did the same to Mike.
"There is your beautiful baby, Ms. McLachlan, Mr. Roberts"
I felt Mikey give my hand a gentle squeeze and I looked up to see him smiling down at me. He leaned down, kissed my forhead then straightened back up. Dr. Peterson wiped my stomach off, and handed me the sonogram picture.
"You two, or should I say, you three are free to leave. Remeber, if you have any questions to call me. Go to the nurses counter to schedule your next appointment"
"Thank you"
"That's my job"
I got up and we went to the nurses desk and scheduled our next appointment. Mike and I went outside and got into our Black Dodge Dakota.
"That was really amazing"
"Seeing that heartbeat, knowing that I have a life growing inside of me, it's just amazing"
"I love you so much, baby"
"I love you too, Mikey"
We drove back to Falls Church(town that our house&JAG office is in) with smiles on our face. I walked in, took my shoes and jacket off, and went into the living room. Michael did the same. I p icked a photo album up off of the coffee table. We were making it so that when our child got old enough, they would have something to look back on. I flipped to an empty spot and slipped the sonogram picture into the slot. Michael had grabbed his guitar, sat down beside me. I leaned me head on his shoulder as he began to play. Mike had wrote this song for me when we began dating and it always calmed me down. When he finshed the song, Mike looked over at me and saw that I had fallen asleep. He picked me up bridal-style, carried me upstairs, pulled the covers down on the bed, and layed me down. Mikey pulled the covers up to under my arms, and sat my arms on top. He kissed my forehead and said,
"Night, baby girl. Love always"
I woke up a few hours later. I heard talking coming from another room. I got up, made the bed, and went to find the source of the noise. I went down the hallway, and stopped when I got to the top of the stairs. I saw Mikey and Bud at the door. It sounded like Bud was yelling at Mikey...again. I love Bud as a brother, he's a great guy, and an even better father to his kids, but sometimes, he can be a real jackass towards Mikey. I saw the door slam shut, and Mikey just standing there in defeat. I slowly went down the stairs. Mike looked up, saw me, and gave me such a sad smile, a huge change from his normal smile. I wrapped my left around his waist, and he wrapped his right arm around my shoulders.
"What was that all about, Mike"
"Nothing"
"You don't have to lie, Michael. It's just me. It's just Sarah."
"Let's go sit down"
We went into the living room, and sat down on the couch.
"Bud was getting on my back again, saying how I shouldn't have gotten you pregnant before we got married. How I should've married you a long time ago, that I'm going to be just like our father"
It really agrivated me that they were almost always fighting about me and the baby.
"Mike, I know you. You love me and this baby, and We love you back. It's not just your fault we got pregnant before we got married. After all, it takes two to make it happen. Trust me, Michael Roberts. We'll get married in our own time. Since it seems like you were fighting over me again, I'll go over to his house tomorrow, and talk to them about it"
"Don't worry about it. You're going to stay home with me all day tomorrow, so I can pamper you and make love to you over and over again"
I leaned over and kissed him. I turned so that Mikey's head was in my lap. My left hand was running through his hair, and he had a death grip on my right hand.
"Tell me your plans for us over again, Sarah"
"We're going to have a big house, with a white picket fence and a dog, in a very lovely community. We'll have two kids, who are very active, just like us. The girl will have my looks and your brains, and the boy will have your looks and my brains. We'll have cookouts on saturdays and you'll have all your friends over to watch football on Sundays"
"That sounds so nice"
"We can make that happen"
"Jeez, No pressure"
That made me laugh. Mikey sat up, saw me smiling and laughing, and kissed me.
"I love your smile, Sarah. I wish you would do it more often"
"I wish I could. "
My smile kind of faded away.
"Why can't you"
"Just different reasons"
For the next few hours, Mike and I just sat there, either talking or doing nothing. I must've fell asleep.
A few months went by. I was now 6 months pregnant with a little girl, who was to be named Elizabeth Rose. Mike and I were at our house with Harm, Sarah Mackenzie, Bud, and Harriet. Mikey got mad at Bud for something he said, and went into the hallway. I followed him. I sat my hand on his shoulder, and said,
"Michael"
"STAY AWAY FROM ME"
"Excuse me? What did I do"
"YOU SIDED WITH HIM"
"Sided with him? I agreed with Bud on one thing. ONE THING! He is the uncle to our child! We can't ignore him forever"
"WE CAN AND WE WILL! IF I SEE YOU TALKING TO HIM"
"OH MY GOD! You're telling me who I can and can't talk to"
I grabbed me keys and purse from the table.
"What are you doing, Sarah? You can't leave me here"
"I can and I will"
I went outside, got in my suv, and drove. I had no idea where I was going. All I knew was that I needed to get away from Mike before one of us did something stupid. I pulled over on the side of the road and answer my cell phone.
"Hello"
"Sarah, it's Harriet"
"Hey Harriet"
"Are you alright? I mean, we all heard the fight between you and Mikey"
"Physically, yes. Mentally, I don't know. Mike's never gotten that mad before"
"Well, uh, where are you"
"On my way to the airport. I don't know if I can stay here anymore. I will not let my child grow up in the same kind of situation that I did. Nobody deserves that"
"You do realize that it was just his anger"
"Yeah, but who's saying that his anger won't get worse? That one of these times, Bud's going to say something that really sets him off, and he wails off and just hits me, or you, or one of the kids. When a person gets angry, they lose all common sense"
"What about the baby"
"I don't know. She'll be the only reason I might stay. I mean I love Mike with all of my heart and I want him to be in our daughters life. I don't know. I need a while of peace and quiet to think it over. I won't leave the state but I need a few days away from everything"
"Alright. "
"Harriet, thanks for everything"
"You are going to be having my niece"
"Bye"
"Bye"
I hung up my phone and drove to this cabin that I owned. I was the only one who knew where it was. I went inside and took a nap. When I woke up the sun was setting, so I grabbed my coat and decided to take a walk to the lake. I put my hand on my stomach and said,
"Hey in there. I know everything is really screwed up right now, but mommy's going to try her best to make this work with daddy. He really loves you ya know. I love you too and so does Uncle Bud, Aunt Harriet, your cousins AJ, and Layla. They would do anything for you"
I went inside and back to sleep. The next day, I began having stomach pains. I called Harriet and had her meet me at a small coffee shop in Falls Church.
"How bad are the pains"
"Not horribly bad, but they are very noticable"
"Come on. I'll drive you to the hospital"
We drove to the hospital, and were soon taken to an ER.
"What seems to be the problem, Ms. McLachlan"
"I'm having some stomach pains"
"On a scale of 1-10, how bad would you say the pains were"
"This morning they were around a 3 but have gone up to a 7."
They transferred me up to the Maternity floor. Harriet was sitting next to me. She had called Mike.
"Mike Roberts"
"Mikey, it's Harriet"
"Harriet, what's the matter"
"Sarah's in the hospital"
"WHAT? WHY"
"Calm down. She was having stomach pains so I drove her to the hospital. The doctor said the baby was in a little bit of distress, so they're going to be running tests"
"I'll be right there"
Fifteen minutes later, Mike showed up next to my bedside. I was asleep, but he insisted on sitting there anyway. He held my hand and repeatedly kissed me and my hand. I stirred and opened my eyes.
"Are you okay? Are you in any pain"
"Mike, I'm so sorry"
"No, I'm the one who's sorry. I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have yelled at you like that"
He sat up and we frenched. He brushed the hair from my forehead and said,
"How are you feeling"
"A little better. The doctor gave me some pain meds. I'm a little scared for our daughter, however. I mean, what if something happens"
"We'll cross that bridge when the time comes"
The doctor came in with a very discouraging look on her face.
"Doc, please don't tell me that that look means what I think it means"
"Ms.McLachlan, Mr. Roberts, I'm really sorry. Your baby had a terrible disorder that nobody could've known about. That disorder caused the pain you were feeling, Ms. McLachlan"
"So you're saying"
"I'm saying that you've had a miscarriage, Sarah. I'm sorry"
I started crying and just reached my arms out for Mikey. He met me half-way, and we joined in a huge sob fest. Mikey just kept kissing me and saying,
'I love you, Sarah. This is NOT your fault. I love you so much'
After a few minutes, I fell asleep. Mikey layed me back against the pillows and covered me up. He went outside of my room and talked to the doctor.
"Doctor, it's more than just the miscarriage, isn't it"
"Yes, I'm afraid it is. Sarah may not be able to have anymore children. She has a 50/50 chance of ever bearing children again"
"Why? What happened"
"Nothing. It's nothing Sarah or yourself did. This disorder is hereditary in the McLachlan family. A lot of women overcome this and have children, but it's strictly a maybe"
"Is there anything we can do to increase the fertility? Sarah and I really do want kids someday"
He handed Mike a bottle of pills.
"Have her take one of these a day, right after she wakes up. This should help"
"Alright. Thank you, Doctor"
"It's all in a days work"
Mikey came back in the room. I had heard bits & pieces of the conversation.
"Mike, what's going on"
"Nothing"
I was dead serious.
"Michael, please, tell me the truth"
"The doc says you may never be able to have anymore children"
"What? Why"
"It's a hereditary disorder in your family gene pool. There's still a chance you could have kids but it's a big maybe"
"Well, is there anything we can do to eliminate the disorder"
"He says to take one of these pills a day and that should help increase fertility"
"If you wouldn't mind, can we wait a while before trying again? Right now, I just want to spend some time with the man I love, the man that I'm going to be married to."