anfic by Blueroseulan
May 10, 2005
AN: I had this one reposted in hopes that it would get more reviews…. I hope you guys review please!
Summary: What if in protecting the man you love most, you lose something vital in your life as well? An earthquake hits Tokyo and it upsets Kaoru's life more than she'd ever bargain for.
Thoughts and flashbacks will be in Italics
CHAPTER 1: SHATTER
The walls were shuddering so hard and the wooden plaques hanging on the dojo had begun to sway and one by one fall. The ground heaved so powerfully and even Kenshin found himself thrown off balance as he fought to stand afoot. The earthquake was nowhere nearing the point of stopping as it continued to make the ground shake, the wooden beams that towered high over the high stilted ceiling of the dojo dangerously threatening to collapse on the ground.
"Kaoru!" he shouted. No answer. "Kaoru!" this time louder. Wanting to know if the woman was well and alive. Still he could hear no reply and even the shouts of Yahiko and Sanosuke had stopped. Heart beating fast with tension and worry, he fought hard to stay in control ignoring the fact that the earthquake had hit so violently that there was no stopping the vibrations tracing the ground. "Kaoru…" he thought. "I'm coming to save you!" and yet, just as he had finally reached the foremost opening of the dojo, the earth heaved so hard, throwing the man off balance and hurtling him towards the hard wooden floor making him loose his consciousness.
"Kenshin!"
A womanly voice reverberated on the whole of the room as the owner struggled to reach the fallen man. And just as she was nearing him, the wooden beam that hung high on the ceiling became loose, slackening on its hold and finally plunging towards the ground below, aiming towards the unconscious form that was slumped on the floor.
"KENSHINN! NOOO"
"NNOO!"
In a flash, the red haired man was up, chest heaving in breathless pants as he fought hard to chase away the nightmare. Just a dream… just a dream… no…not again… he thought, closing his eyes as his palms balled into fist.
"Kenshin…?"
He looked to find his wife struggling to lift herself from under the covers. "Daijobou desu ka?" She asked, worry evident in her voice as she smoothed his sweat-mopped hair back into place. For a while, he couldn't speak, mind still flown over his dreams as he tried to dispel the cruel delusion he just had. Frowning, she gently took him in her arms and softly comforted him, whispering shushed word in his ears as she rocked him back and forth. It's been more than a month since the earthquake and yet…
She took his silence as a sign of comfort and so, imagine to her great surprise when she felt something wet slide down from his cheek tracing the gentle curve of her neck and gently plopping in the soft material of her yukata.
"Kenshin…?" she asked trying to have a good look at him, and yet failing when the man refused to let go and instead, grasped her tighter in his embrace, seemingly never wanting to let go. Though she was very much astonished with the man's behavior, she nevertheless continued to stroke his back, acknowledging her presence and sighing words of reassurance. He's so like a child… she thought… cradling him and frowning as his crying ceased to stop, his breath forming into shaky sobs.
"Kenshin… Kenshin… tell me what's the matter…" Now greatly alarmed with her husband, she gently shook him, trying to understand what the matter was.
"Kaoru…Kaoru…Oh Kaoru…" he sobbed as he buried his face deeper in the crook of her neck. "I dreamt of that time again… And I still saw… like what I have seen in so many nightmares… You…I…Oh gods Kaoru…" he wept as understanding swept over her face. "Kenshin…" she started, voice smooth and calm, "Please… stop crying… It's over... And… we shouldn't dwell on the past now… At least I'm alive now…see?" she asked, trying to lighten his emotions by gently squeezing his arm.
But the man wouldn't be pacified… couldn't be pacified. "NO! No… It's my entire fault… I wasn't there… It was all my fault why you jumped in to save me… It's supposed to be my job Kaoru…. I'm supposed to be the one who's protecting you… and not the other way around! I… If it wasn't for me… you wouldn't be suffering like this!" he croaked as tears continually fell from his amethyst gaze. Shuddering, he continued, "Think Kaoru… If you haven't done that… You could have… You could still walk… your dreams wouldn't have disappeared…And… Oh gods… I'm so sorry Kaoru… I don't deserve this…"
Inwardly, she was fighting very hard not to cry or even show how affected she was with his words. I have to be strong… for my husband… I can't show him that I'm weak… No… he needs me most…
"Kenshin…Kenshin look at me." She murmured as she took his face with her hands and gently made him look at her straight in the eye. "Don't you ever…ever say that to me again… And don't blame yourself for what has happened. It had been my choice to save you. To jump in front of that falling beam. It's not your fault Kenshin. And never will it be."
"But why? Why did you have to do that Kaoru? Naze! Naze!" he all but wailed as he tried to control his tears. "Why would you do—"
"Because I love you. I love you Kenshin and I can never bear the thought that I had let your life slip away even if there was still something I could have done with it."
Her soft confession was enough to stop the flow of his tears. Too shocked with her words, he could do nothing but to cling tightly in her form, seeking solace and comfort she radiated.
And she gave it to him. Knowing that her husband had finally understood her point. Stroking the wide of his back with her hand, she cradled him, like a little lost boy who had finally found its own mother. Closing her eyes and willing herself not to cry, she waited until the storm had passed before she finally faced him.
"Kenshin… "
"Kaoru…I'm so sorry… I never intended…"
She smiled, cutting his breath. "It's okay Kenshin… Once in a while… we really need to release our pent up emotions… It's unhealthy not to… and…" she added, "I'm happy that you chose me to show yours." She smiled. Yes, she was fiercely glad that she was the one who could comfort the ex assassin in times of troubles. By this time, his lips were now carved in a slight smile as the last of his tears dried up. Smoothing a hand over the fall of his hair, he traced a finger on her cheek, scanning her nose, her forehead and finally resting his thumb on her lips. Closing her eyes when she felt his lips claim the path his fingers had once trailed, she felt him settle the weight of his lips against hers and she sighed, oddly comforted and satisfied.
"Rest now…Love…" he murmured, lips still pressed against hers as his hand guided the curve of her waist back to their futon.
Moments later, she was already dozing beside him, face a picture of serenity. And as he continually gazed at her, he thought of their pasts…. I wouldn't be here sitting beside you if you haven't jumped and saved me from that falling beam…Thank you Kaoru…Thank you for everything you've done for this unworthy one..
Where am I? What… what happened?
Slowly opening her sapphire eyes, she became oriented with her surroundings once again as her mind reeled back to the past few days.
Two weeks had already passed since the earthquake and yet… it almost only seemed like yesterday for Kaoru's mind. Vaguely, she remembered the rocking ground and how she heard Kenshin's voice calling her. A strong force had led her feet towards the dojo—which was a good thing for she was just in time to see him slump against the far corner of the wall a wooden beam dangling dangerously well above his head. She remembered the panic, alarm and the shock she felt as she desperately ran towards his form in an effort to take the fall of the beam that had aimed for him. Pain had registered on hers senses just as she felt the weight of wood on her back and then everything went black.
She sighed, tears once again stinging her eyes. She hadn't known how long a time it had been… but it seemed that Megumi…the lady doctor had made a painful conclusion that shocked all of them.
"I'm really sorry to tell you this guys…" she admitted, bowing her head to avert their gazes, including that of Kenshin's. " But as a doctor, I feel and I know…I'm obliged to tell you this…"
"Cut the crap Megumi and just tell us what's Jou-chan's condition is." Sanosuke cut in, not noticing the horrified look that had spread on her face.
CRACK!
Her palm had connected with the left of his cheek as the doctor stood trembling with fury. Before the man could have any retort though she cut him, tears starting to seep from her black expressive eyes. "Don't you dare talk to me like that Sanosuke! Don't you just dare! Do you have any idea how hard this is to me? How hard it is to inform you that your friend may never walk again in her whole life?" she almost yelled, tears streaming down her cheeks.
"What?" amethyst eyes registering shock as the man found himself unable to comprehend the doctor's words.
"Yes Ken-san." She sighed, finding a grip of herself, though her voice was slightly slurred and still shaky. "Fortunately, the beam did not fall on her head, saving her from major concussions and as well as a great possibility of death. However," she stopped, wheeling herself to continue, "Unfortunately, it had fallen on her back severing one of the major backbones that is connected with her legs. She's paralyzed from waist down and I doubt if Kaoru could still walk again."
They had been talking outside of her room in an effort to save her from the news, and yet, fate had played far dirtier, for Megumi had left the shouji slightly ajar. Not enough to make her see their forms, and yet, enough for her to hear the doctor's words.
From outside, they heard a loud cry and as Kenshin slammed the door of her room open, they found her sobbing, form shivering and trembling. Signaling for them to go, the man knelt beside Kaoru, and in a calming voice soothed her broken soul. His words provided comfort and she soon fell in a restless slumber, face marked with agony and anxiety.
Nights continued to be just like the others. She would have sleepless nights, mind racked with distress and anguish. She was worried. Nervous, tensioned. Everything… If I couldn't walk again… what will happen to father's Kamiya Kasshin ryuu? How will we live? What about my family? Yahiko? Sanosuke? Kenshin…
She really didn't know what to think anymore. What would happen to her? Nobody would love her anymore… A girl who can't walk, a girl who always got in the slip of trouble. She would always lament over this fact, day and night and slowly, her mental distress became something physical as well.
Kenshin watched with thoughtful amethyst eyes as the girl tossed and turned in her sleep. It was a good thing her fever had already dropped a bit lower. Megumi said they had already surpassed danger and that her body was just weak at this rate.
But this wasn't the fact THAT Kenshin was worrying about.
Her ki, her spirit, instead of the happiness and the peaceful aura she had always radiated was now changed into forms of quiet suffering. She was now silent, serious, sad… always sad…It did not escape his notice that even if she seemed well in the eyes of others, she is still terribly depressed inside.
He realized that he was slowly losing his Kaoru...
"I have to do something about this…"
She was more than a bit startled to feel Kenshin opening her shouji door in the middle of the night. When she felt him walk near her, her nervousness intensified. "What is he going to do… Kami I feel so nervous!" Slowly, he settled beside her, grasping her hand inside his.
She gasped, unable to contain her surprise. Focusing hard on feigning her sleep, she could feel her pulse beating wildly. . What's this? Is Himura Kenshin finally making his move?
"Kaoru…"
She stood silent, even if her heart was doing loops and twirls. "He called me Kaoru! Not Kaoru-dono! Kaoru! He called me Kaoru!"
"There's so much I want to tell you…But I don't know where to start… What do I say?"
Anything you want to say love… she sighed inwardly, shivering slightly when she felt him increase the pressure in her hand.
"I know there's something wrong… something weighing your mind down… and I'd be a hypocrite if I said I didn't know what… It's your … legs… right?" he stammered, slightly stumbling on the latter part, unable to withstand the shooting pangs of guilt that always arrowed in his heart.
"It's my fault Kaoru… If I haven't been so stupid…If I haven't been so weak… Then I could have protected you…" he whispered, fighting his tears, the storming maelstrom inside his chest. She's awake… I know… But… he hesitated.
"Saitou was right… I am weak… I cannot even protect the people… the women I love…. First… Tomoe and then… you…" he painfully said, bowing his head in a futile attempt to stop his tears. Alarmed as she was with his words, she struggled to get up; startling him in the process and making him wipe his tears hastily with the back of his hand.
"Kenshin…" she whispered, encompassing his hand with hers…" It's okay to cry… I understand…" she murmured, breath coming in slight whispers. "You were right… I am being eaten by this unhappiness I am feeling. It would be a lie if I told you I'm already feeling all right wouldn't it be? And you always know when I lie…" she slightly laughed. "But it's not everything… I am not worried about this…" she said, gazing dropping at her legs, "I am also worried about Sano, Yahiko… you…" she confessed, bowing her head to hide the tell tale blushing that was staining her cheeks.
"M-me? You also worry about me?" he stuttered, stupefied. How unselfish this woman is! Even thinking about others even if she herself… his thoughts trailed off.
"Yes. I am worried Kenshin… that nobody would ever believe in me… Trust in me anymore… I am worried that given this circumstances… Kamiya Kasshin would slowly disappear…just as what father had feared the most. I don't want that to happen… Never Kenshin… But what could I do? Everybody would laugh at the thought of a lame swordsman… "She admitted, words trailing off with her last sentence. Her tears were now pooling in the base of her eyes as she willed herself not to cry. Not wanting to make Kenshin see how vulnerable she really was.
But she was wrong…
Shock, surprise and astonish all but settled in her senses when she felt him pull her lithe form in the strong of his arms, her head fitting at the crook of his neck as he buried his face in the silk of her hair.
"No… never…. Kaoru… I will always believe in you… No matter what happens… I always did… and this I promise you… Kamiya Kasshin Ryuu will not disappear… It will still continue to protect the people… I will see to that… Do not worry of what other people think… What is important is that I will always protect you from them… no matter what happens… never… Never will I allow you to be hurt… we will journey this road together… if you will allow me…" he whispered in her ears, arms tightening on the small of her back.
Tears were now falling freely in her face. Touched by his words, for a while she couldn't speak, words garbled by her sobs. Catching the man off guard, he turned to face her, asking what was wrong.
"No-nothing… I…I'm just… happy… Really happy Kenshin…And yes… I wan to travel the road with you… I want to stay by your side always…. I don't ever want you to go…" Looking directly in his eyes she felt overwhelmed with the staggering emotions she felt for this man.
"I'll never go… Kaoru… I'll never go faraway from you…" he murmured, kissing her forehead, trembling with the euphoria he felt with her acceptance." Even the stars will tell you… that I need you so… I need you Kaoru… And this is all I know… I'll never go far away from you
AN: Chapter 1 is done so there. Drama and waff in store in the next chapters so you guys watch out for it. This is one is different from my other multi chappies because this happened in the setting of RK, unlike the others which are both AU.
Don't forget to review and make me happy!