Fanfic by Blueroseulan

AN: RK doesn't belong to me!

I appreciate your reviews guys! And I really intend on putting and expressing the depth of KnK here. I think it's natural for Kaoru to feel that way. Suddenly being crippled is far too hard to be digested… I know that feeling… oh so anyways! On with the story!

PLEASE REVIEW! THE MORE REVIEWS, THE BETTER!

Pale tones of orange and pink colored the vast skies of Tokyo as the sun slowly exchanged places with the moon. Dawn was fast approaching and the vibrant blue that had once painted the heavens were now replaced by subdued hues of lavender, rose and yellowish dew.

"Tadaima…" a weary voice called out from the gate to be followed by light careful footsteps. When no answer came form the house, his first instinct was to heighten his ki to feel any intruders. Even when he still found none, his heart didn't cease from beating hard in his chest. Maybe something's happened… No… not again… Almost running, he reached the front porch in no time—and face faulted right there and then.

"ORO!"

There, in the wooden porch sat a sleeping Kaoru, head resting on one of the beams, an open book sitting on her lap. Surprise and embarrassment colored his face with the thought of how paranoid he had become and the picture he must have posed. Ororo! It was a good thing no one saw me like that! Nearing her, heart now finally calming, he softly smoothed a fallen wisp of hair back in its place as his gaze traveled on her resting form. She looks so peaceful…so beautiful…so—

His thoughts were abruptly jolted when he noticed the book she held on her lap. Something is wrong…Studying the opened page carefully, he spotted several blurred parts scattered on the leaf. I don't remember this book being wet…He trailed, stopping when a realization hit him. Scanning the last few pages, he found blurred letters, each stained by something wet making them indiscernible. Oh Kaoru…Love…. Have you been crying?

His movements seemed to wake her, for she slightly moved to touch his arm.

"Kenshin…"

Quickly retrieving the hand that had traced the pages of the book, he brought his palm to smooth her face, only to notice how red her eyes truly were. Frowning, he pressed a chaste kiss on her lips before moving to sit down beside her.

"Kaoru, what is it that you wanted to tell me tonight?" he asked glancing at her to observe how she nervously fiddled with the hems of her kimono.

"It's nothing Kenshin… really." She tried to smile, in an effort to show him that she was fine, and yet, even her smile faltered and tears once again rushed in the surface of her eyes. Moving slightly away, she tried to avoid him, only to have his palm encompass hers as he gently coaxed her to tell him what was wrong. Closing her eyes, she sighed.

"I… Well… I've just been silly Kenshin… you know? I…"

"Kaoru, have you been crying?" his question caught her off guard, her head suddenly whipping towards his in a surprised motion. Wind caught with her movement and a stray tear finally escaped from her eyes. Frowning slightly, a finger rose to wipe the film of water that had traced her cheek and she leaned to his touch, not wanting to speak and yet wanting to be comforted.

"Something's bothering you love…I know it… I can feel it. Hush… Ssshh.. . Don't cry… Don't cry Kaoru, it's hurting me to see you like this…" he murmured while she finally allowed the tears to cascade to her face. Sobbing quietly, she gripped his gi, pressing her face in the form of his shoulder as his palm smoothed to small of her back in an effort to comfort her.

"Kaoru…ssshh… don't cry…. It's okay… we'll talk about this… you and me… we could work on this together… Sssh…. Don't cry love… Everything will turn out fine from now on. "

"NO!"

Shock registered in his senses, with the sudden outburst form her. Her tone was a complete opposite with his soft soothing one. She was agitated, tensed and indeed hurting.

'Whatever do you mean love?" he admonished gently, focusing on trying not to prolong her pain even more.

"You don't understand Kenshin… No one will…" she sobbed, burying her face on her palms. He made a move to caress her, when her back suddenly shied away from his touch.

"Don't touch me! I don't need your pity! Please… don't do this to me… Don't throw in my face how much a burden I have become! I have… Please…. Don't make me face this… I know it's a horrible truth… but… I never intended to become a burden… I never wanted this in the first place…. Do you know how much guilt I feel? Watching you move, work and do all the things I should have had a part? How painful it is to know that you're nothing but a big pain to someone you love?" she was clearly in hysterics right now, and moreover, it seemed to Kenshin that she wasn't talking to him, rather, she was talking to herself, for herself. No matter, how tightly he gripped her, no amount of words or solace could ever comfort her. Now I know… how she must have felt when I fought with Saitou…His words can't reach her, and the man was slowly becoming afraid that insanity could very well eat his wife alive.

"I only wanted to save you Kenshin… I did… I honestly did… I never meant for things to turn out this way. I hate to become a burden for you. I hate it! I hate it! You know what? I pray and I mock the gods… they should have killed me Kenshin… they should have killed me with that earthquake… and then both of us need not suffer like this…. You need not become obliged to look after me… this useless, disabled woman. Why! Why! Why didn't they kill me! Why?Wh--?"

His lips were hot, hard and rough. Pushing his tongue boldly inside hers, he cut off anything she might have wanted else to say. Pain, shock, confusion and all emotions of the like had pushed him to rudely cut off her words. Grabbing a fistful of her hair, he pressed her closer to his body, wanting… needing to feel her close to him. Anguish painted their kiss. Coupled by fervor desire and desperation. A part of his gi had been caught in her fist as she retuned his kiss with equal passion and desolation. She had known that once words had started to tumble down from her mouth, she could never stop… and that's why she denied on telling him… that was until now. Her tears were now unheeded, there were far too many to ever be felt, and she clung to him as much as he did to hers.

Finally, the need for oxygen became far too much and both were forced to break apart, panting and catching for breath.

"Don't you ever… ever say that again Kaoru!" he berated, not knowing whether to slap her or kiss her crazy with the words she had said. "It is I who should feel guilty… for it was my fault why that happened to you… If it was not for me… then… you could have been happier… Far better off with your life…. You are not a burden for me Kaoru. You never were and you never will be. The things I do for you… it's just a way of repaying back to all the things you've done for me, that including having you saved my life… Please…. Let me do this for you Kaoru… If I don't, guilt will most certainly eat me whole… Don't… wish you were dead… I can t bear the thought of you having left me… no… Don't leave me Kaoru… Don't kill me…"

Stunned by his words, all she could do was blink back the tears that were forming in her eyes. Kill him? Is that how much I affect him? Their connection was in such a staggering depth that she was almost scared; frightened that he might do something terribly wrong once something bad had happened to her.

"Kenshin… I… I'm so sorry… I shouldn't have…" she murmured, bowing her head, face filling with guilt and regret. How could have I been so selfish… here I was, wallowing in sorrow and self pity… not seeing his reasons and yet…

Astonishment filled her thoughts when he suddenly pulled her frail form in his arms. Pressing her face in the crook of his neck. He was trembling beneath her touch and she could feel him tighten his embrace, almost desperate and never wanting to let go.

"It's okay… koi… I understand… I should have known that you were bound to feel that way… But I want to clear this with you… you are never going to be a burden in my life. You're telling me that I'm doing this because I pity you? Then you're mistaken Kaoru… I'm not doing this out of pity… I'm doing this because I love you… I love you dearly more than life itself … and I know I don't deserve such a wonderful woman like you. But I'm not going to complain to the gods with that…" he added, managing to elicit a small smile from her. "I'm so thankful… you know that? You've saved me so many times…from myself… from reverting back to Battousai… in Kyoto, with Shogo… you have always been my redemption… and now… I don't think I could ever repay you for everything you've done for me… however… there is one thing that I assure you… I love you Kaoru… Koi, itsumo… aishiterru…"

Tears had fallen once again, but now, they were cause of joy… And as she snuggled closer to his embrace, she closed her eyes, whispering how glad she was that she had him in her life. Now I know… this man is willing to share all the pain with me… he will never leave me… and he will always love me…and I'll love him to… forever… even if my spirit had already departed from this world… until the end of time… Kenshin… anata… itsumo… aishiterru….

TBC

Please REVIEW! I'd really appreciate to know what you think of the first part….

JA!

Blueroseulan