Chapter Four

"Hey Ryan," Teresa said in her soft, admirable voice, "I haven't seen you in a while. Is everything okay with Tray? I keep hearing little rumours. Tell me they're not all true. Where are you?" Teresa mumbled with worry.

"Teresa, I don't know what you heard, but I'm not going to be in Chino a lot." Ryan choked up. It killed him more then anything hearing the pain in Teresa's gentle voice.

"So they are true." Ryan could hear Teresa was now starting to cry on the other line of the telephone.

"Teresa, listen. Please. I'm going to be living in Newport now. Even though it's not far, I won't see you as often as I would love to." Ryan paused, and Teresa took it from there.

"Yeah, yeah I know. I understand Ryan," Teresa, although she was crying she tried to make herself invincible. "Long distance relationships never work, so we're just going to break-up, right? Okay. Talk to you soon. Bye." Teresa hung up, with a sniffle. Ryan didn't even try to stop her.

"I'm assuming that went pretty bad, judging by the look on your face." Seth said sympathetically, thinking that perhaps his idea of breaking up wasn't very good at all.

"You know what, it went fine. Perfectly fine for a break-up." Ryan answered sarcastically, as he gripped his head. He tried not to breathe, so he could soothe the aching hole in the pit of his stomach. But when he exhaled again, from the stabbing pain in his chest due to pre-suffocation, the excruciating feeling returned. It ate away hungrily at his conscience, and what was left of his broken heart. Ryan couldn't feel the shattered pieces of his heart disintegrating in his body, but he knew the pain he felt was definitely it. Ryan now started feeling as if he were going numb- his whole body tingling with a throbbing sting.

"Ryan, it'll be okay, you know." Seth tried to uselessly reassure Ryan, but Ryan was too swollen with an emotion he had to endure.

Ryan gulped, and retrieved his calm, intimidating facade, "You know," Ryan looked up at Seth, and then he shifted the hands that a little while earlier held the weight of his head on them. "Introduce me to Marissa." Seth's eyes widened again- Marissa Cooper already hated Seth for what he was, and she would hate him even more if he introduced Ryan, a man on the rebound to her.

"Are you sure that's such a good idea?" Seth tried to shoo Ryan away from the thought, "I think you should rest."

"Come on, Seth." Ryan smiled and got up eagerly. He tried to ignore the guilt that was powdering his soul so ungratefully.

"Oh boy…" Seth murmured in a quiet voice, making sure Ryan ceased to hear it. Seth walked out the front door, and crossed the lawn. He soon, with Ryan following closely behind him, reached a front door- Marissa Cooper's house.

"Hi?" As Marissa opened the door, she looked at Seth with disgust, but then when she saw Ryan her look was intrigued, and interested.

"Hi," Seth looked at her surprised, "It's Seth." Seth laughed to himself when he realised Marissa, his neighbour since forever hadn't ever took the time to learn his name, and Marissa just gave him a look, "Well, a friend of mine is staying at my place. I thought you might like to meet him," Marissa smiled shyly, and blushed as she looked at Ryan. She was unsure whether Ryan was another comic book geek, or a normal human being for once. Despite the possibilities, Marissa felt uncertain in his presence- she felt naked, spite the little clothes she even had on.

"I'm Ryan." Ryan nodded, and smiled a little smiled.

"Marissa Cooper." Marissa extended her arm, and she anticipated Ryan's in return. Ryan looked up at her, and finally extended his own. "We should hang out some time?" Marissa offered gently.

"Yeah. I guess we should." Ryan replied, also shyly. He got Goosebumps when he heard her gracious voice. Marissa unexpectedly, touched his arm, with the cold tips of her fingers, which made him wince a little. He didn't question what she did, because it felt so natural. Seth, however, was completely dumbfounded. He looked at the lanky brunette, her posh sense of style, perfectly adjusted hair, and Barbie doll face- and then he looked at Ryan, who was a few inches taller this girl, a slim and built figurine, and ruffled, dirty blonde hair that danced slowly in the evening breeze. "How about tonight, Marissa?" Ryan asked, out of the blue, his voice finally appearing after a moments worth of a void. Marissa's pearly white teeth almost glowed in the moonlight when she grinned from ear to ear.

"I'd like that." Marissa stated. Seth quickly glanced at his flirtatious friend, Ryan. He would exert some witty comment about how it's perfect, but he didn't want to ruin the moment completely.

"So I'll be going now?" Seth said, and he turned around to leave. Ryan then grasped his shoulder firmly.

"I think we should all bond- we are neighbours right?" Ryan offered, not looking at Marissa- who was probably hoping for a more thoughtful night.

Marissa almost choked at the thought of spending a night talking to Seth Cohen. But she smiled gracefully and invited them in. "So, Ryan, why are you staying at the Cohen's?" Ryan shot Seth an uneasy look- he hadn't expected such a rational question on their firs group date.

"Well, uh," Ryan stuttered hoping Seth would come in and steal the glory for a second.

"He's a friend of the family. His house in the Big Apple is undergoing renovation, so his family sent him here." Seth lied, but he didn't feel at all guilty, nor ashamed. He noticed from a tiny corner in his eye, that Ryan exhaled deeply and started to release all his tension.

"Tell me about yourself, Marissa. Boyfriends?" Ryan asked quickly, to show her he was capable of asking personal questions.

Marissa smiled, "Not at the moment, no. I'm single alright," Marissa paused and eyes Ryan deviously. Seth realised it was a two-part conversation, and he was just the third useless part, "How about you, Ryan?"

"Same." Ryan said.

"Guys, maybe I should really go." Seth said, but Ryan and Marissa were too self-absorbed actually having a conversation, that they didn't even object. Seth slipped away unnoticed, and left the two to chat. As moments passed, Ryan realised he had never had this kind of connection with any other girl. He could actually talk to Marissa about everything, and not be worried about it.

"I want to know you." Ryan said in a dreamy voice, and Marissa smiled only slightly. She wasn't absolutely comfortable about talking about herself, but it was an acceptable feeling.

"Well I have regular family, and home life. At school- I'm a little different. My life is at school, not because of my studies but because of who I am there. It's so superficial, I know," Marissa laughed at herself, but Ryan continued to listen- intrigued, "You know, the whole popularity thing?" Marissa wasn't sure why Ryan didn't judge her but she shrugged and continued, "Anyways, my best friend is Summer Roberts. I have had BFs before but nothing long-term." Marissa said, "How about you?"

"Well, I feel like I can tell you everything, but I'm scared that when I do, you'll be the first to judge me- being popular and all." Ryan hesitated, but Marissa gave him a thoughtful look and shook her head.

"I don't know this feeling between you and me, but all I can say is that you can trust me. That's just about it." Marissa said. Ryan imagined her on the cheerleading squad- the captain. 'Give me a C! Give me an R! Give me an A! Give me a Z! Give me a Y! What does that spell? CRAZY!' Ryan almost grunted at the thought of the deep Marissa in a slutty mini-skirt, that would nevertheless look hot, a tight top, and her voice preppy- Ryan was crazy alright, crazy about Marissa Cooper.

Teresa swallowed, as tears enveloped her cheeks, creating a dense layer of moistness on her bare flesh. Her mascara was dripping past her lip. God knows what happened to her cover up make-up. She bit her lip, and looked at the container filled with innocent looking pills. She had it planned perfectly. All she had to do was write tear-soaked suicide messages to those she loved, so they could understand that she was doing this for the right cause. But then another conflict mercilessly pounded in her throat- the only one she truly loved, was gone. Ryan was gone. So what was the point of writing useless messages, if they were all worthless, inadequate? She wiped her face once more, as she started to regain confidence. However, she was still pitifully afraid. As she touched the container, she saw a flashback of her life come before her eyes. All the beautiful moments she had seemed to wash away, one by one by one by one. Teresa closed her eyes, and she jerked open the container, moaning in depression and pain. She decided to make her death a slow, and agonizing one, so she could feel the gradual effects of each pill on her frail body. The benign night scared her, making shadows in her bedroom. But what scared her more was that she was about to end her own life.

She swallowed one pill, drinking down a shot of vodka. As the cold liquid, burned her throat she felt this was the only way. She waited what seemed forever- little did she know, it was only seconds.

She swallowed a second pill.

She swallowed a third pill. Teresa wanted to stop, but something inside of her urged her to keep going. So she didn't rebel- she continued to ruthlessly swallow the pills one at a time.

…

She swallowed a seventh pill. Around her, things were starting to turn a little hazy. Teresa wasn't stupid though- she had a goal that she wanted to reach, she wanted to see herself die. Her tears not wet her shirt, but still as incredulously as possible, she continued to swallow the pills one by one by one by one.

She swallowed a tenth pill. She started to feel numb, but she, of course, had to keep going.

She swallowed countless more- and then a sudden black quilt seemed to overshadow her mind. Her head bashed against the hard, wooden floor. Beads of blood started to appear, on the place where her head slammed against the floor. A small gash started to open. But Teresa couldn't feel it. She was far from alive. On the verge of death.