Murphy's Law- Chapter Two
Taylor Kane
Disclaimer: I do not own, etc.
Warning: Over the top angst... seriously over the top… maybe even out of character. What can I say whenever I rewatch seasons four and five I get angry at the way Daniel is treated.
Thanks to both my wonderful betas: Sara and Lori. Cheers.
Warning: This is AU and is a SeaQuest/Stargate crossover. It takes place in the SeaQuest timeframe (Season Two). I've just jumped Stargate (Season Five) a few years into the future. It suits my purposes. This is a sequel to The Search For One's Self.
Failure… That one word seems to describe my life. I failed as a son. I failed as child progeny. I failed as an archeologist. As far as I'm concerned, I failed as a human being.
How can Oma think I am worthy to ascend?
I've been granted these wonderful opportunities in my life. And what do I do? Let's examine it, shall we? I grew up in the wonderful country of Egypt but I never truly appreciated it. I met my first love, Rose, at an early age… but I never kept in touch. I joined the SGC… let's just say Pandora's box come to mind.
Ooo, I had good intentions but… I believe the saying says something about good intentions paving the way to hell.
I was the one who convinced Jack to help free the people of Abydos. How many innocent children died because of me?
How many people had to die because of something I suggest?
I could have spent the rest of my life living happily with Sha're, but what do I do? I dig up the bloody stargate. Never satisfied. I am never satisfied.. Why could I not have let things be… What happened to Sha're and Skaara was my fault. My solution seemed so simple at the time, join SG1 to search for my wife and brother-in-law. We all know how that turned out.
How much damage have I caused in the last five years by banging my way through space? How many times have SG1 and the SGC acted on my advice and experience, only to have it turn around and bite me on my ass?
Too many times… I have no doubt that I have done some good in this universe but does the good out way the bad? I don't know.
And the worst thing… the ultimate failure is that I'm dying.
Yes, I saved millions of people by stopping that explosion on Kalowna. But how many millions more will have to die before they realize the truth? But that's not my concern now.
I failed at something much more important. This time I failed as a father.
I promised my son that we would get to know each other. I promised him that I would always be there for him whenever he needed me.
My son is one tough, beautiful, intelligent child. He forgave me for not being there for him while he was growing up. Can he forgive me now?
By god I hope so.
Oma says that I should not consider the actions and consequences in my life, but to examine my intentions.
Did I have good intentions when I opened the gate on Abydos? Yes.
Did I have good intentions when I gave Chaka a gun? Yes.
Did I have good intentions when I promised my son that I would be there for him? Yes. But is that enough? Are my intentions really enough? Do I deserve to ascend even though I failed my son despite good intentions?
Well, let me tell you about good intentions… I intended to eat three meals a day and give up coffee; I intended to tell my friends how much they meant to me. I damn well intended to do all I could to help out the people of Kalowna. But intentions…. Intentions. Is it enough?
My actions are not the sum of my life.
I am the only person qualified to judge my life.
I have tried my hardest, with all that I am, to fight the battle against the Goa'uld. Could I have done more? I honestly don't know anymore. But I feel like I'm battling a brick wall. It won't budge. It won't crumble. No weapon, of any strength or power, effects the wall at all.
I think.. I don't think I can do anything more here… and now…my options are death or ascension… My death will achieve nothing…but perhaps I can change my journey. Perhaps I can continue the battle by ascending. Perhaps this will be my new path…
I am a father first and a solider of earth second.
Everything I do .. I do for my son. He came into my life when I had given up. When I was sure that I had nothing to contribute and could take no more. He gave me purpose, strength and hope. He gave me focus. I had something, someone to fight for. I had a reason to fight the Goa'uld.
I may not be able to stay with him now, but I can sure as hell continue to protect him from the dangers of the Goa-uld. I can never excuse my failure as father but I will have to learn to live with that… well, whatever…
I will always be there for Lucas, even if he is not aware of it.
"Daniel, it is time for me to leave" came the calming voice of Oma.
"You're leaving? You can't leave" panicked Daniel.
"The rest is up to you" explained Oma as patiently as ever.
"Why me? Why, why give me this chance" questioned Daniel.
"Anyone can reach enlightenment. Anyone prepared to open their mind as you did when you first came to Keb" spoke Oma.
Jacob? Jacob is here… he's …they're.. "They're trying to save me. They're healing me. I can feel it" said Daniel.
"And your journey will continue as before" replied Oma, as she turned to leave.
"What if I don't want to" exclaimed Daniel. For Lucas… I need to do this for Lucas. "N..Not that way."
"Walking the great path brings great responsibility. You cannot fear it nor hesitate in your resolve" said Oma.
"I understand" replied Daniel. Lucas, forgive me. "I'm ready to go with you."
"Then stop them" suggested Oma.
"How"
Brightness.. white.. confusion.. Where? The infirmary.
They're all here… watching Jacob. Hoping, wishing.
I'm sorry… I can't.. not this time.
Janet, Teal'c, George, Jack, Jacob and Sam. My family. I wish… but… For Lucas… I have to do this for Lucas. I wish there was a better way, but there's not. It's time.
Jack…. Jack.
"Daniel" questioned Jack, as he took in the gate room and the women standing on the ramp.
"Yeah" replied Daniel.
"You want something" asked a confused Jack.
"Yeah. Tell Jacob to stop."
"Why" demanded Jack.
"Because I'm ready to move on" explained Daniel.
"You just given up" an angry Jack replied.
"No…no, I'm not giving up. Believe me." If only he knew.
I know Oma.. It's time to go.. just give me a minute.
"You remember Oma" asked Daniel, as he indicated the glowing light which had enveloped the stargate.
"Sure" answered a slightly stunned Jack.
"I think I can do more that way. It's what I want. I have to go now. Everything is going to be fine. Please, Jack, tell Jacob to stop" begged Daniel.
"Jacob, stop" came the quite plea from Jack.
"Are you serious" questioned Jacob, supported by the looks of disbelief from the SGC crew.
"It's what he wants" explained Jack.
"Someone else wanna tell me what to do" questioned Jacob.
"Just let him go" was the tired response.
"Colonel"
He did it. He stopped Jacob from healing me. Ohh god… what have I done? Is this what I really want?
Yes, for Lucas.
"I'm gonna miss you guys" said Daniel. For Lucas… I can do this for Lucas.
"Yeah…you too" replied Jack.
'Thank you… for everything." I'm not crying. It's allergies… if he asks.. it's the allergies making me cry.
"So? What? See you 'round" asked Jack.
"I don't know" laughed Daniel. Got to laugh, can't cry.
"Hey, where are you going" questioned Jack.
"I don't know" replied Daniel, facing the gleaming gate.
But wherever it is… it won't stop me from getting to my son if he needs me.
Lucas… I'm sorry. I have no choice. I have to go… to protect you and to help stop the Goa'uld. It's my path now.
I will always be here for you, whether you can see me or not.
Please remember how much you mean to me…how proud I am of you.
Take faith and hope…and be the person I know you are growing up to be and don't let anyone tell you otherwise…
I love you Lucas, my son.
…to be continued…