"What do you mean by 'burned some bridges' Sam?"

The expression on her face didn't go unnoticed by Dr. Smith. He was sure it was one of regret. He could only guess that in her time in the Air Force she'd lost people.

As if reading his thought, Sam spoke. "We deal with death every day, it's part of the job. It's a terrible thing to imagine but you grow used to it, get used to loosing people, not that it doesn't hurt every time but……"

"It's part of the job"

"Yes it is." It was more of a sigh than a statement.

"There are many ways of losing people Sam. You can lose people by shutting them out too."

"Sometimes shutting them out is better than letting them in, better than getting close to people who, in the end, are going to leave anyway." Her voice rose slightly as she made this comment. "I shouldn't have come here. You could never understand." Sam picked up her purse that she had left resting by her feet when she first entered the office and headed for the door.

"What are you afraid of Sam?" He stood and said to her retreating form. Sam paused in her stride. "What are you afraid of?" he repeated. "You came here to talk but when we start to dig a little you want to run away. I thought you soldiers were supposed to be able to face your fears."

Sam spun around. She wasn't afraid of anything or anybody. She had told herself this before over and over, it had kept her alive more times than not, it was her inner mantra. But for some reason her mouth betrayed her. "Well maybe I'm not the brave little soldier everyone thinks I am."

As she spoke he noticed her shoulders slump as if this comment and the admittance of it had defeated her, and he knew he had her. If he could get her to stay he could help.

"Please sit back down and let's try this one more time. Sam you're here because you have something to say. Something so important that maybe it scares you a little. If you leave now you may never come back again, I'm not going to pass judgment, or tell you you're wrong. I'm here to listen, nothing else."

As she listened to him she realized he was right. If she left that was it, she wouldn't do this again. "Okay… Can I have some water please?" She asked, motioning towards the cabinet in the corner of the room.

"Of course" He made his way over and poured her a glass before walking back over to the seating area and placing the glass on a coffee table that separated their chairs. "Now how about we sit back down?" and did so as he spoke.

Sam made her way across the short distance from were she stood to the chairs. As she sat she picked up the glass of water and started sipping slowly as if trying to draw out the inevitable - the start of a conversation which she knew once started had to finish.

"What do you want me to say?" she kept her eyes fixed on the glass in her hands as if the answer lay in the bottom somewhere.

"Whatever you want" his reassuring tone was one she welcomed.

"You have to understand I've spent my entire adult life keeping secrets, keeping feelings to myself."

"What about your friends, your teammates. Do you talk to them about things?"

"Yeah sometimes, sometimes there are things you don't want to admit to yourself, never mind someone else."

"Like?"

"Like the fact that you're barely holding it together. Like the fact that you fear…" She hesitated finishing the sentence and instead turned her attention to the busy street below. Her eye was drawn to a young man and woman sitting outside a bustling coffee shop. They were laughing at something when the young man wiped a piece of hair out of the woman's face before gently kissing her on the lips. Sam felt like she was watching a private moment and suddenly slightly embarrassed, she turned her focus again to the doctor.

"Fear what Sam?" he asked, trying not to push too much.

"The people I worked with were not just my team but my family. We were all we had, we would have done anything for each other. New people came and went but the three of us were a constant."

"This was a problem?"

"No, it was fine. We had some near misses, some problems, but we always came through and then things began to change" her soft tone was no more than a whisper.

"How did they change?"

"In lots of ways. Looking back I can see it, with every mission that went wrong I'd doubt myself a little more."

"Why?"

"I don't know, really a combination of things."

"You mentioned fear. Was that a factor in your doubts?"

"Yes… The last year I've felt maybe more than I was willing to face. And then well, I had to face it whether I wanted to or not."

"What happened?"

"I cracked…"