Beta's Note: This chapter was a irishchick/melpomene-muse of tragedy collaboration. Meaning I gave hersome help with the flashback scene. Thanks for letting me help Irish:)

They sat in silence for a few minutes while Sam gathered her thoughts. She wanted to be honest with him but she also knew that there were many things she couldn't tell him. She had to get it right in her head before she spoke.

Dr. Smith watched Sam with intrigue. He felt as if he could feel her mind at work. He wondered whether he should call her from her thoughts or let her surface again when she had something to say. But he shouldn't have wasted the thought.

"Sam looked him straight in the eye. "It's complicated" was her only response and he wondered it this woman had some sixth sense.

"Complicated by what?"

"My job" Sam said. Lifting her glass again to her mouth and draining what was left in it before placing it back on the table. "We had a mission. It led us into dangerous territory, but no more than usual"

"And something happened"

"Yes, something that I can't actually say, but to cut a long story short it went wrong and it was my fault."

"Your fault? Are you sure you're not just being hard on yourself?"

"No" she sighed "It was my fault. We got trapped, cornered and there was one way out, a way that required me to use my expertise. But instead of stepping up to the plate and getting us home I went blank. I couldn't think of anything to do. One of my teammates was injured in a scuffle pretty bad, spent a week in the infirmary. And the other I lost completely."

"They died?"

"Technically no, but I stabbed him through the heart."

The doctor raised an eyebrow at this statement.

"Daniel. I stabbed him through the heart and lost one of my best friends while doing so."

"Want to tell me how you managed this Sam?"

Sam took a deep breath. She had tried hard not to think of those brief moments three months ago, when she had hurt Daniel badly enough not to speak to him since. She had been afraid to go to him after that afternoon, and maybe slightly embarrassed too. It had always been them against the bad guys. SG-1 was her family, and she'd torn it apart.

"I had been to see" she paused slightly "Murray in the infirmary. He was still in pretty bad shape. He had been covering Daniel and I while we were trying to figure a way out, well Daniel was mostly, and took the brunt of the enemy's hostility. I was feeling pretty low you know? Self-conscious about what had happened. I went to see Daniel; he had a way of making even the worst situations better."

"And did he?"

"No. Before I knew it I was saying things, like I couldn't control my own mouth, and walking out on him."

"Can you tell me what you said to him?"

Sam let her mind drift back to that time and let the conversation replay again.

"Sam you can't take responsibility for everything that goes wrong" Daniel told her emphatically.

"Only for the things that are my fault" Sam replied darkly.

"You can't honestly blame yourself for the things that have happened. I mean think about it, Blaming yourself is like blaming the rest of us by default. If you had the power to prevent your mistakes we should too. Is that what you really think?"

Sam didn't look at him.

"I mean it" Daniel persisted. "Is that how you feel about me Sam? That every mistake I've ever made is my fault?" Daniel searched her for some sign his words were getting through. He waited for the inevitable 'Of course not Daniel' but this time it didn't come. "Sam?"

"You don't blame yourself for any of it?" Sam spoke finally. "Giving Anubis what he needed to destroy Abydos, unburying the Stargate so that Apophis could come though, not being able to save Sha're when you finally found her even though all her Jaffa were already dead…you just, 'buck up' and get over it?" Sam asked bitterly.

Daniel was silent for a long moment before answering. "Just, give me a minute while I try to convince myself you just said that to me." He said quietly.

"Daniel…" Sam started

"Look Sam, your guilt is your problem. Just because you have issues, don't take it out on me okay?" Daniel's voice was calm with controlled anger.

"I didn't ask for your help." Sam snapped.

"Then why the hell did you come here if you didn't want to talk to me? Isn't that what you do Sam? Hold your feelings in until you can't take it anymore and then dump it on me so I can make you feel better?"

Sam flinched at how pathetic that made her sound.

"I told you it wasn't your fault" Daniel said forcefully. "What more do you want from me?"

"I don't want anything from you."

"Then why don't you leave." Daniel invited calmly, his jaw clenched.

Sam turned and walked out, leaving Daniel alone.

Dr. Smith's mind was whirling. He knew she had probably just said some things she didn't mean to, but it would go no further. It was part of his job and he reassured her on this.

"What happened after this?" he asked tentatively.

"Murray went home. He was still hurt pretty bad and there was something at home he had to take care of which was going to have him gone for about four months"

"And what about Daniel?"

"I started to avoid him. We were put on down time for two weeks. I spent it buried in my lab and then I heard he was leaving."

"He left"

"Yeah, I overheard it in an elevator. Can you believe that? After ten years he didn't even tell me face to face? I was so hurt and angry even, why didn't he tell me?"

"Maybe he was waiting for an apology. You said yourself you always went to him for comfort. Maybe he felt he'd given you enough and it was your turn to give a little."

Sam didn't reply. He was right. She knew it, he knew it and Daniel knew it.

"When did he leave?"

"About two weeks after I heard, but by then I wasn't there. I'd already requested an assignment at another post. I wanted to leave before he did andwe haven't spoken since. I know he's okay though. We have a mutual friend. They work together and he keeps me posted on how Daniel's doing when I ask."

The doctor looked to her for more information.

"He's our ex CO. Well he's a lot more than that actually."