Another AN - Spinner and Paige obviously aren't together. Honestly, I don't remember much of the series around 'Whisper to a Scream' because I saw it that long ago. (I downloaded 'Whisper to a Scream'. Guilty pleasures, eh?) I'm sorry if the content offends any self-mutilators out there.

Onwards!

Morning After the Night Before

As Ellie rose unwillingly from the deaf world of dreams, the familiar and awkward feeling of having swollen eyes brought itself to her attention. She groaned, and after a few moments opened her sore eyes to find Paige watching her with the gentlest expression on her face.

"Oh crap," Ellie murmured, pulling the blanket over her eyes.

"I'll get you a cold face cloth, ok?" Paige said softly.

"Yes please," Ellie replied, her face still buried in blankets. She felt the bed move as Paige stood up and climbed over her. A few minutes later Paige pulled the blanket down carefully, handing over the cold cloth with a smile. "Ung," Ellie sighed as she covered her aching eyes. "The swelling goes down after an hour or so," she said.

How many times as she cried herself to sleep? Paige thought, sadness looming in her mind again. "Do you want breakfast? Some juice, or something?"

"Juice would be great," Ellie said, a smile forming underneath the face cloth.

"I'll be right back," Paige said and left the room. Ellie sat up and lowered the face cloth. She rubbed her eyes and blinked a lot, trying to get them to stop stinging. Paige brought back a full glass of orange juice and handed it to Ellie.

"Thanks," Ellie muttered. The embarrassment was settling in, that and the unspeakable urge she always got when she didn't cut when she'd needed. She knew she'd just run home and find the compass and the control that it brought.

"Not a problem." Paige said perkily. She sat cross-legged in front of Ellie.

Draining the glass, Ellie put the cloth over her eyes once again. She felt so pathetic in front of Paige, disgusted that she needed her compass so very badly.

"Whoa, bad mood this morning, hun?" Paige said tenderly, reaching out to touch Ellie's cheek.

I just want to sit and stare at you and pretend that there's nothing else. But I look at you at it doesn't go away. It gets worse. Ellie looked into Paige's eyes, and her immense feelings of inadequacy overwhelmed her. She was so angry; angry enough to bleed so much more.

"What is it, Ella-belle?" Paige asked, her eyes so concerned.

"This is what it's like when I try not to cut myself!" Ellie screamed. She started rocking, pulling her hair, and hyperventilating. She was shaking, crying. Desperately Ellie dragged fingernails across her flesh frantically, praying for some relief. Paige watched for a second before shouting and holding Ellie's struggling arms far apart.

"Ellie stop it!" Paige shouted, tears springing to her own eyes. Ellie cried and tried to fight Paige. Eventually Paige leaned forward to pin Ellie to the bed. "Ellie please!" Paige cried.

Still Ellie struggled violently, desperate for blood. "Get off me!" Ellie growled.

"Not until you stop!" Paige replied. "I'm stronger than you, Ellie. I won't let you do this!"

"Won't let me?" Ellie sneered. "Who are you to stop me?"

"Someone who cares!" Paige cried, tears falling down her face. "I care about you!"

Ellie's fight lessened. The strange sensation of knowing someone cared sank in slowly. Ellie ceased trying to push Paige off and lay there, watching Paige cry brokenly. Staring with wonder, feelings of guilt swallowed Ellie whole.

"I'm sorry," Ellie whispered. The new guilt was rampaging its way through Ellie, triumphing - for now - over the blood urge. Her own pain was put aside once again, and Ellie's sense of responsibility for once was welcomed.

Paige still cried, but let Ellie's arms go and sat against the wall. Immediately Ellie sat up and wiped Paige's face with the cloth. "Please stop crying," Ellie said, ignoring her burning eyes and irritated skin. "I'm so sorry Paige. Please, don't cry," Ellie whispered, waiting for Paige to look at her. "I'm sorry."

Paige sniffed and stopped her tears. Looking up, she bit her lip. "Please, just know I care, ok? I care when you do that to yourself."

Tears of almost happiness rose in Ellie's eyes. "Ok," she said. After an awkward silence broken only by a sniff, Paige tried to laugh.

"So much for the weekend of being normal," she said, trying to be funny. Ellie smiled.

"Yeah, I guess." Ellie pulled at the sleeves of her shirt, rubbing the cloth on her burning skin.

"Here," Paige retrieved the damp cloth and pressed it onto the welts on Ellie's arms. Tears began to trickle silently down Ellie's cheeks.

"I'm really sorry," Ellie whispered.

"It's ok Ella-belle. It's ok," Paige said softly, holding Ellie's arm and pressing the cold face cloth gently.

After lunch Ellie had gone home, and Paige sat on her bed, chin in her hands. The face cloth lay discarded on the floor, and Paige stared at it. The cup of juice that Ellie had drunk was beside the face cloth, with the tiniest mark of lip balm on the edge of it. Shifting her gaze from the Ellie memorabilia, Paige looked down at her hands. With those hands she had stopped Ellie from hurting herself that morning. But how many other mornings, days, nights, could Paige be there to stop Ellie? Did Ellie even want to be stopped? Paige sighed.

I didn't want to be stopped. Not after what he did. Feeling of deserving pain - no, that wasn't even it. Punish yourself for allowing things to happen? Controlling yourself to give the false sense that things can be controlled? But it gets away from you. And you end up losing control over your survival mechanism. You delude yourself completely, and are positive that the habit keeps you sane. But the more you do it, the more the sanity and control creep away until there's nothing left but your sad addiction and guilt. And you have to build it all again, from the ground up, without the familiar feeling inside.

With another sigh, Paige flopped backwards and stared at her ceiling. A look of determination crossed Paige's face.

If I can beat him and what he left behind, then she can beat this. And I'll be there for her like no one ever was for me.