Hapless Addict

School began on Monday without any confrontations or announcements. Hazel avoided Paige cold, and the entire grade was talking about the Saturday night party in whispers. Ellie couldn't help but feel a little proud that Paige had taken the measures she did.

Between classes Ellie stopped by her locker to retrieve her English text. She entered the combination and pulled the door open, and a piece of folded paper landed at her feet. Frowning, Ellie bent down to pick up the note, and shoved it into her skirt pocket. Ellie placed the book into her folder and went to her next class.

Sitting behind Paige, Ellie felt the paper note in her pocket. Without really thinking she opened the paper and read the black scrawling message – 'FUCKING LOSER'. Ellie gasped opening and closing her mouth in shock. Tears formed in her eyes and silently dropped down her face. All the bad memories flowed back; her drunken mother vomiting, the broken glass bottles, the overwhelming feeling of inadequacy. Her heart raced and Ellie began hyperventilating. Desperately Ellie scrabbled in her pencil case for her compass, and ran from class without asking Ms Kwan.

"Ellie," Paige whispered. Barely taking time to think Paige ran after the girl.

Knowing Ellie too well, Paige pushed the bathroom door open and ran to the aisle of stalls. Ellie's boots were visible underneath the nearest door, and Paige gently pushed the door open. Ellie sat on the toilet lid, sobbing. Her sleeve was rolled up, her compass held in her right hand, and blood covered her arm and was dripping onto the floor. Still crying, Ellie looked up, her face utterly wretched. Tears filled Paige's eyes.

"Why aren't you enough?" Ellie asked brokenly, dropping the compass. Her limbs were weak and she felt as if she weren't in her body.

"I'm not a miracle drug," Paige said quietly, fighting her own tears. She knelt in front of Ellie and pulled on the toilet paper roll, getting a wad of paper to push onto Ellie's bleeding arm.

This is my fault, somehow. I did something, or didn't do something. Why doesn't she love me? Why doesn't she love me? Paige bit her lip as she pulled the paper away and got more.

"I'm sorry," Ellie whispered. "You're too good for me, and I'm too confused for you."

"What?" Paige said quietly, looking up into Ellie's face that was wet with tears. She held Ellie's wounded arm, pressing the wound to stop the bleeding. Only one incision had been made but it was painfully deep.

"This can't work," Ellie muttered. "Can't you see? We'd spend our lives hurting each other."

Paige was completely taken aback. She gulped. "Keep pressure on the cut. Don't move. If it won't stop, hold your arm above your head. And for God's sake, lock the stall." Paige instructed, divorcing herself from her emotions. She left Ellie alone in the stall against all her instincts, washed her hands of blood in the sink, and went back to class.

"Paige, what is going on?" Ms Kwan demanded. Paige stared at her, not comprehending, standing in the doorway. She blinked, and looked at Ellie's folder and bag on the table. "Paige, if you don't give me answer right now I'll send you to Mr Raditch."

Ignoring the teacher, Paige put Ellie's books into the folder and lifted the folder and bag. Taking her own bag as well, Paige went back to the bathroom, Ms Kwan yelling behind her.

Paige shoved Ellie's things underneath the stall door.

"I love you." She said quietly. Pausing only for a moment, she sighed and left, tears falling silently.