Chapter 18
When James found out that in the night Ellouise had woken for a while he was torn in to half's. A part of him was so pleased but the other wished it was him who had been by her side.
Looking at the sleeping form of the girl the next morning he watched ass his wife entered the ward.
"Baby, the nurses want to talk to us today about her condition," she said to him.
"Ok," he nodded to his wife and kissed Ellouise's forehead as they left the room to go and see what was wrong wit her really.
He knew that sounded stupid, she had been in a car crash what did they think was bloody wrong but they all knew it was more than that deep down. Elle had been right in so long. In her real dads eyes too long. She needed a real sense of herself back.
Getting in to the office he looked round it. It was very plain but then again it was a doctor's office. God he hated hospitals.
Of course maybe he could get Elle out of here soon.
"Mr and Mrs. Potter," said the doctor as he got in to the room and sat inn his big chair.
Lily nodded to him telling him they had heard him but he had deal with enough upset parents to know for a fact these two were grieving badly for there little one too really acknowledge anything.
"What I have to say isn't what you want to hear probably but I have to tell you that your daughter has suffered a break down," he said to the two upset parents before him.
Raising her head to met the level of the doctors lily didn't understand.
"How is this possible?" she asked him with a broken heart and body from not sleeping nearly enough for a women of her condition. James looked at her worriedly. She didn't need this. Then again none off them did.
"Well Elle's mind seemed to have just switched off lately. "Has she been under a lot of stress lately?" the doctor asked them.
Getting up trying not to show her upset though it was the hardest thing lily had ever had to do nearly minus a few things.
"There have been quiet a few family mishaps lately," she tried to put what the Potters had been through in a dignified way. She couldn't explain what had gone on truly. "Elle was one of the most affected by all the change," she said to him and took James's hand to try and support him.
"She's been so strong till now," said James.
"Well," said the doctor slowly. "Elle has had a break down in her mind and body lately. That's why she was so ill even before the car crash. Did you notice anything when she was at home before the incident?"
"Elle doesn't live with us, she goes to a boarding school with her elder brother." god they seemed like the worst mum and dad in the world at that moment.
"Oh right," he said. He didn't know that to begin with. "Well when Elle does go home she will need all the support she can get her hands on right now. She won't be able to go back to school till she is well enough mentally again."
"We know, we plan on taking her home for a while. She'll have everything she desires," said lily regretfully for what her daughter had gone through unnoticed by the supposedly responsible adults in her life.
"Well as long as she will. She needs her family."
"She's got us and her uncle and godfather at home, there be plenty of us for her to turn to from now on."
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"Hey babe," Elle heard ahs her uncle Sirius came inn to the ward and kissed her forehead. "He," she sighed as she saw his face. It was good to she him.
"How you feeling?" he asked her worriedly.
"Ok, just my ribs," she said.
"How many did they say were broken," he asked.
"Two apparently I got off lucky."" she said to him.
"You did babe, we could have lost you two nights ago," he said to her.
"I'm sorry if I scared you," she said to them.
"You did that alright." he said to her looking on his red haired niece. " I would go back to Azkaban than live those few days we didn't know if you were ok or not." he said you her and she looked guiltily up at him.
"I didn't want to hurt any one," she said to him.
"I know you didn't babe," he said to her as they were greeted by her parents.
"Oh baby," said James as he saw her eyes open and her awake again.
"Hey," she said softly to him.
"How you feeling?"
"Tired."
Lily and James stayed with her for a along time and she thought she had had her last visitor of the day when suddenly someone new came in.
As her eyes met his they both didn't know what to say.
All Vernon could do was shake his head and sit on the edge of the bed and wait for the word to come to one of them.
"I am so sorry for running out. You always taught me not too," she said to him finally collapsing the silence that had rang through the ward.
"We all make mistakes don't we?" he asked her sadly.
"Yeah we do," she said as she looked at him. "I wish I hadn't left privet drive to begin with," she said to him. "But I did, and since then I have found out and down stuff I can't change and I am not sure I want to. All I know is, I do love you, and I always will."
"This is goodbye isn't it?" he asked her.
"I think it has to be doesn't it?" she asked him with tears in her eyes. They had to move on, the both of them.
"I don't regret what I did you know. Claiming you to be my own was the best mistake I ever made and the memories that have come with that, well I'll treasure them forever. You'll always be my little princess," he smiled at her.
"And you'll always be my daddy but we have to let go now," she tried to convince her self even though the pain of saying this was killing her alone. "You're a great man and you make many happy just to be around, but I'm a Potter now and I have to start being one." she said as he wiped the tears from her face. "I'm sorry I came back but I was just so scared you hadn't written to me in so long." she said to him holding on to his hand for dear life.
"I'm so sorry, Ellouise for all I put you through." he said tot her as he kissed her forehead.
"I know," she said to him as he nuzzled her one last time.
Just as he made ready to leave he gave her something. A brown bear.
"I got this for you the day after you came to us. I was so proud of you; you were my baby even if you were in a sense adopted. But that made you even more special. You weren't born from your mummy's tummy. You were born from our hearts," he said as he tucked her in.
"I don't want you to go, daddy please," she begged him suddenly beginning panicking.
"I have to go on and so do you, you said it yourself." he said shaking.
"No I lied I didn't mean it daddy," she fought hard to keep him by her side.
"Honey have to go," he said as his own eyes burned his hard green eyes as he tried to shut him self off from the girl he had loved for so long.
"NO!" She practically yelled in fear of losing him again. But then the worst thing she could think of happened. He took his hand away from her. Why was he doing this to her, she didn't understand. Holding him tighter she tried to get up but her ribs were too painful. "Daddy," she whimpered. He had wanted to be with her so much lately but now he was just rejecting her. Why was he doing this?
"I'm sorry baby, I love you," he said and left the room. As he left the corridor he watched nurse run passed him telling each other that a patient was hysterical and had to be put under drugs till she calmed down. The girl had just suffered a break down and was in a fragile state as it was.
He sat down and to his pain he made himself wait as they calmed her down. He had to know she was going to be ok.
Slowly but surely he heard as he shrieking subsided and there was just a whimpered now and again of 'daddy' or 'I love you' or even 'I'm so sorry'. She nothing to be sorry for.
Hewn he heard her say Vanessa the couple of nights before though it had killed him and as he had watched James cry over the what at the tine had seemed for a while dead body of his little Ellouise he had thought how he would have felt if James had done what he had dome to James to him. If it had been Elle who had died at birth instead of Vanessa. The thought killed him but maybe things would have been better for him if it had been that way. He might have still had a family to call his own.
He hadn't been able to live the lie anymore from that movement on. Vanessa was his baby not Ellouise. Even though he wished that was different.
He knew it was wrong to wish that Elle was his child biologically still but he had raised her since she was a baby.
It was all the special times he treasured. He had been there for it all.
The first time she had sat up, her first words, first steps, he had bought her first shoes with her, he had got her first little uniform for school with her.
When she had been ill it had been him who had nursed her back to health.
When she was a baby it had been him who was up all hours with her or if she had had a bad dream when she was a toddler it had been him who had convinced her there were no ghosts or monsters in the wardrobe.
They had been inseparable when she was a child,
He remembered getting in from work so fuming from the day and then he'd look up there stairs and there she would be waiting for him telling him she had missed him and wished he had come home sooner.
She was so excited and happy to see him every time he had got back even if he had been gone just five minutes.
They had no right to her. He thought angrily as he practically felt her heavy sleeping form in his arms when she was a baby in his arms.
He just wanted to hold her tight again and tell her it was ok, daddy was there and that he wasn't going tot go away.
But he had to didn't he, he had to let go now. If only he had adopted her for real then they would have no rights to the girl and he could have her for his own forever. But it wasn't to be.
"Sir?" a nurse asked him. "Are you ok?"
It was then Vernon realized he had tears streaming from his eyes. He just wanted her back; his heart was aching for her.
"No," he said and walked out the hospital. He had to let go, for him and his baby. If she was going to be ok again, she needed satiability and he was in no position to give her that right now
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Elle didn't wake the next day at all; she had worn herself out crying all night long for her daddy and just didn't have the strength left.
When James heard what had gone on he was upset.
"He had no right coming here," he said to Sirius who privately agreed. Dursley was doing her no good at all.
A couple of days later James discharged Ellouise from the ward. She was able to move now and her recovery would be quicker if they could use magic and then it was just her mental problems they had to work through now they could.
He would be there for her all the way.
She was so precious to him.
She didn't stir all the way from the hospital to the Den where he laid her back in her own bed for the first time since august.
As he heard a crash of lighting he lay next to her and held her tightly.
He knew storms frightened her, but at least the biggest one she had ever had to see was over now.
a/n: ok that chapter killed me. I went to bed after writing it upset. How could I do that to her?
Dante Lewis : hey! Good to hear from you! I'm sorry your computer died. My old own did that and I hated it. I can't live with out fan fiction! Glad to see you're still enjoying it and James humour (well kinda humour). Thanks for wishing me luck; I'm going to need it. I've broke that tonight, though I don't think it counts as it's a Friday! Thanks for reviewing.
randypotter1222: it really isn't a problem. The least I can do is responded to you when you take the time to review. Sorry I didn't answer before, but I couldn't think how to word it but I've got it now. Elle doesn't have a choice. Vernon has left her. She has to go and be the best Potter she can. Vernon has finally down the right thing. Thanks for the review!
Taffy-Isabelle-TaffCunns: yep it's too Vernon though not to Dudley. Elle and Dud are brother and sister whether they share blood or not, I can't break those to up! Thanks for the review.
Azari Kaiya Son: thanks for the review. Don't worry I won't be killing her today.
IamSiriusgrl: thanks for reviewing.
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