Who Wants to Marry a Sniper Target? - Trinn
Chapter 3: 555-HaHaHa
Stu looked around, panicked.
The caller's voice came, as calm as ever, from the black germ-encrusted telephone. "Scary, isn't it. I love that noise." He cocked the gun again and Stu flinched. The caller, seeing this, laughed heartily and went into hysterics.
Stu knew that, preoccupied with the violent hiccups and the increasing lack of airflow to the brain, he could probably whip out his cell phone and call someone without the caller noticing. Slowly he reached into his back pocket...
It wasn't there! Stu felt his other pockets, appearing to dance to the onlookers outside the booth. People pointed at the funny man with the flamethrower and the nice hair and laughed.
Stu eventually found his cell phone on the floor of the phone booth. This was an interesting development, because Stu had lost his phone on the Subway last week and it was beginning to come back to him when he saw it on the ground. Stu wondered how the heck it had gotten there, and he reached down to retrieve it. A bullet whizzed past his arm, grazing it and making a bloody streak on Stu's nice white long-sleeve shirt.
He gasped and, grabbing the phone, straightened. The black phone booth phone was still in his hand, and Stu tentatively raised it to his ear to listen. On the other end of the line was still the hysterical laughter. Apparently the caller had accidentally fired without meaning to in his mirth.
Cautiously Stu dialed Kelly's number. She didn't pick up, but her answering machine did. Stu left her a whispered message:
"Kelly! This is Stu! I didn't actually do those horrible things that guy said I did! .... I think his hiccups are getting better, I have to go, but you have to call the cops and tell them that I don't have a flamethrower or I'm toast! The phone number of the police captain is 555-3993, I want you to call him specifically! Quick!"
"I heard that Stu." The caller was back to normal, and he sounded serious. "But you know what? If she dials 555-3993 it will never work. Those are the sort of numbers they use in movies. They're not real!" And there he went again with the hysterics and the hiccuping. Stu rolled his eyes and waited for it to be over.