DISCLAIMER: I do not own nor will I ever own Rurouni Kenshin. I am making no profit from this and I will remove this if requested to do so for any legitimate reason.
WARNING: This story is rated R for violence, so if you do not like graphic depictions of people dying I suggest you find something else to read.
Author's Notes: Sorry about the delay but I've been busy. Hopefully I can resume normal service and post a chapter every week or so. However that will depend on my current circumstances and me actually managing to make time. Anyway, enjoy and as always, constructive criticism welcome.
The Last Battle of the Bakumatsu
Chapter 18
Sano had spent two days fixing Kaoru's wall, occasionally helped by Outa and Kenshin. While it hadn't been a great time, it had allowed him to get a feel for the new dojo life.
It was extremely busy compared to the old days when Yahiko was the only student. Of course that didn't stop Sano from acting his usual self. He enjoyed teasing Kaoru in front of her students and for once she seemed to be more accepting of him than before. She still worked him hard to make sure he fixed the wall and tried to beat him with a bokken when he made a crass comment but it was getting closer to being like old times.
While he worked, Sano could also keep an eye on what was happening with some of the residents. Aoshi appeared only to sleep before he would leave again. Misao had moved in with Sano but he still showed up early at the dojo to have breakfast with the others.
Kaoru insisted on Yahiko staying at the dojo till his shoulder healed but he left early to mediate at a temple and would return for afternoon classes. Thus he was able to avoid Yutarou almost completely but they had a few tense moments when they had crossed paths.
The wound was the problem because it didn't seem to be healing. Megumi and Kenshin had discussed it and come to the conclusion that it was most likely due to Yahiko's guilt. No one had really been able to reach Yahiko and Sano had witnessed Kaoru in a frustrated outburst as she tried to get her best student to talk to her.
Apart from the temple and training, Yahiko did little else and went to great pains to avoid any contact with Tsubame. That wasn't hard since she seemed to be doing the very same thing, although Sano didn't know how much she knew.
Sano sighed heavily and his following breath was full of the smell of incense. He was meditating at the temple where he knew that Yahiko would appear. While it wasn't a regular habit after Yang died, he did meditate every now and then if there was something he needed to think about.
He had no idea how to broach the subject with Yahiko and if he got it wrong he was going to do even more damage. A chill ran up Sano's spine and he could just imagine Yang's ghost standing over him with a very large stick. Sano snickered to himself and his chain of thought but held it in as he heard the shoji open.
Sano focused his entire being on Yahiko as he hesitated coming into the temple. Sano didn't move an inch as he waited for Yahiko to make up his mind. Eventually the young samurai walked in, closing the door after he had entered and seated himself beside Sano. Sano still didn't move as he let Yahiko settle down next to him and start his own meditation. Although, Sano soon realised that he still hadn't come up with a plan of attack to get Yahiko to open up, so he remained silent.
Yahiko couldn't concentrate while Sano was there, not that he fully understood what he was supposed to be doing. He wanted to try and sort out his life and thought that like Aoshi, he could find solace through meditation. However he had no idea what he was doing and he didn't want to ask Aoshi, especially after what he heard had happened. Also he didn't know if he could talk to Kenshin.
Kenshin had killed and then sworn not to but the circumstances under which he had killed were different. Besides that he had spent his whole life learning the sword that protects life, this was something he was totally unprepared for.
"I shouldn't have skipped breakfast," Sano groaned as he lay down on his back. Yahiko gave him a cursory glance before he again tried to concentrate on his meditation. Sano looked at the teenager before closing his eyes and waiting.
"I don't feel like talking so you might as well leave," Yahiko spoke after a few minutes, finding Sano's presence a distraction. When Sano didn't respond Yahiko looked at him to see that he appeared to have fallen asleep.
Sano smiled to himself as an annoyed Yahiko prodded him thinking that he was asleep. Sano continued to play along hoping to frustrate Yahiko into saying something he normally wouldn't.
"Guess I should've slept in rather than worry about a brat like you," Sano grumbled drawing a disdainful look from Yahiko. Deciding not to speak anymore, Yahiko started to meditate again while Sano still lounged about on the floor.
After a short while, Sano stood up and moved to the door. Yahiko heard it open but it didn't close and when he turned around he saw Sano sitting in the doorway enjoying the sun. Sighing with frustration, Yahiko again tried to meditate but his thoughts were plagued by Sano's presence behind him.
"I was thinking of inviting everyone to the Akabeko for lunch today, want to come?" Sano lazily looked over to Yahiko.
"No," came his blunt reply but he didn't turn around.
"You sure, I bet Tsubame would be happy to see you," Sano spoke casually but his face was serious as he stared at Yahiko's back.
Yahiko's shoulders were tense and Sano would bet that his hands were curled into tight fists.
"You just don't give up, do you?" Yahiko's controlled voice hid his annoyance.
"You know me, when have I ever given up?" Sano remained calm knowing that Yahiko wasn't.
"How about when you left the country, running away from that corrupt politician?" Yahiko's snide remark was a little unexpected.
Sano looked out the door of the temple to the empty surroundings. He watched the trees waver in the breeze as he considered Yahiko's point.
"Maybe your right but there was no way I was going to win," Sano solemn statement made Yahiko turn around and it was clear he wasn't going to drop the subject.
"Of course you gave up, you let him win by not being there to prove yourself right," Yahiko was insistent but Sano gave him a hard stare.
"So how was I supposed to win?" Yahiko tried not to shy away as Sano glared at him. "If I asked for Kenshin's help, I would have been no better than Tani. I could have fought policemen till hell froze over but they would suffer not the politicians. There was no way I was going to prison, so the only way out was to leave. That's why I left the responsibility of carrying the symbol of evil and the beliefs that go with it to you." Yahiko sat with his head bowed as Sano relented on his stare and looked out the door again.
"I don't care if you don't tell me why you started hating your life but I'm pretty sure I can guess," Sano spoke after a few moments of silence.
Yahiko didn't move as he knelt facing Sano with his head bowed and his face obscured by shadow. With Yahiko showing no sign of responding Sano decided to recount what he thought happened.
"From everything I've heard, you acted pretty indifferently around Tsubame despite her obvious affection for you. Of course at some point Yutarou started spending some time with her and you were suddenly on the outer. Then you probably saw something happen between them and you didn't know what to do. Anger and sadness, feeling completely lost until Cho shows up and offers you a job that you can't refuse because you wanted to escape. That's why you went and that was beginning of your despair," Sano paused for Yahiko to respond but he didn't move.
"You said you didn't care but you did and when Yutarou started to get Tsubame's attention you hated yourself for your inaction. You left Tokyo but the pain was still there, building and twisting into an endless amount of rage. You stopped caring, only wanting to find a way to appease your anger. At first you just focused it on yourself but then when the Shinsengumi attacked you found your peace. In battle you could focus the rage on your enemy and forget everything except the peace a fight brings. At some point, you knew that death would be the most peaceful thing, so you disregarded everything and sought the ultimate form of peace." Sano looked over to se Yahiko staring at him with wide eyes but Sano could see he had recognised what he was saying.
"I know what it is like to have lost something and have all the guilt and anger eat away at you inside. You've lost something Yahiko, I don't know what it is but if Kenshin had been able to fight I would have told you to fight him. Guess we'll have to find another way," Sano stared back out the door again. The warmth of the sun allowed Sano a bit of respite from his dark memories.
"Why can't I fight you?" Yahiko asked, partly confused and partly hopeful that Sano could help him.
"I'm no swordsman and I don't think that would be a good idea," Sano replied thoughtfully. "Do you know what you lost? Do you even know why you felt that your life meant nothing?" Yahiko's head dropped again but Sano waited for him to answer.
"I don't know what to think, I spent my whole life learning to fight but never to kill. Everything just feels… wrong," Yahiko let out an exasperated sigh as his shoulders slumped forward.
"Kenshin can no longer fight and you wouldn't get anything out of a fight against me, except a severe beating. Jou-chan is no good because she'd only hold back against you. You need to fight all out and regain what you have lost by facing someone who you want to fight and won't hold back. There's only one person I can think of that fits that description," Sano watched as Yahiko's hands tightly gripped his knees.
"I can't fight him, I'd kill him if I lost control," Yahiko spoke through gritted teeth as he felt his anger growing.
"That's why you have to fight him because you have to regain your control. You can't go all out because you can't kill but if you hold back you'll lose. You have to walk the thin line between life and death just like Kenshin used to do," Sano saw the anger slipping away from Yahiko.
"I'm not like him, I'm not as good as him. I can't risk getting so involved in a fight that I might lose it, I might just lose myself." Yahiko eyes darkened as the possibility of killing again started to invade his mind to the point where he could almost see himself as the Battousai.
"Then give up, never pick up a sword again. No more fighting or teaching to fight and forget your proud samurai heritage. If you don't think you have to hold back in a real fight, never fight again," Sano stared coldly at a bewildered Yahiko.
Yahiko couldn't conceive of living without something that had been so dominant in his life.
"I can't do that either," Yahiko replied, his voice defeated and his spirit waning.
"Well you have to choose, live by the sword or give it away forever," Sano spoke softer, trying not to pressure Yahiko anymore than he already felt.
"How can I? I don't know what to believe anymore, I don't know what to do," for the first time Sano saw that Yahiko looked truly lost. Even after Kaoru's perceived death Yahiko was the only one never to lose hope. Now the teenager was tearing himself apart as he struggled to come to terms with his own crisis of conscious.
"All I can say is that you have to find your own truth, the reason why you never gave up even when you were close to death. You still know why you fought but now you doubt everything you once believed about yourself. Once you face Yutarou, someone who shares your convictions, you will have to test your own against his and maybe then you can find what you're lacking. It's the ultimate gamble and it's your best and possibly only chance," Yahiko didn't look impressed by Sano speech but nodded in slight understanding.
"What about Tsubame?" Yahiko wondered out loud as he remembered how she had looked when he saved her at the festival.
"So you do care," Sano smirked as Yahiko blushed and looked away. "That's something you will have to deal with after you have rediscovered what you lost." Sano watched as Yahiko resolved himself to do what Sano had suggested.
"So what do I do?" Yahiko asked, his eyes shining with renewed determination.
"Prepare yourself for a fight, tomorrow morning instead of training you two will battle it out in front of your students. You'll have to show them what it means to be a true samurai," Sano tried to sound upbeat but it had no effect on Yahiko.
"What if Yutarou doesn't want to fight me?" Yahiko pensively asked but he knew it was more likely that Kaoru wouldn't let them fight.
"Don't worry about that because you'll both be fighting for the one thing you possess that has the greatest value. Of course if you can't calm the storm within yourself then it's better he has it because it'll only be a curse to you after that. In the end you are going to gamble everything on this one fight and that is how it should be." Sano smiled but he appeared to be tinged with some understated danger.
Yahiko didn't doubt Sano's words, only himself. He returned to his meditations fully aware of the fear of losing in front of not only his students but also Kenshin and Kaoru. The only greater fear than that was the one of losing himself and so he began his preparations for his next fight.
Sano had left Yahiko to himself, knowing that any offer to lunch would be declined. So he went about inviting people without worrying about how he would react to their presence. In the end they all agreed to meet him at the Akabeko while Sano went to the clinic to fetch Megumi himself.
While they didn't have an in depth conversation, they did enjoy a round of verbal sparring. It was casual, easy going banter that was quite unlike the old days but seemed to be even more enjoyable.
They entered the bustling Akabeko without pausing in their light-hearted insults and they didn't pay any attention to the weird looks they received from other customers. They casually strolled up to where the others were already seated and Sano politely allowed Megumi to sit.
As she sat down he made a quick glance around to see if Yutarou was there. He had missed him at the dojo but expected that he'd be somewhere around here having lunch in an attempt to be around Tsubame.
Sano realised he had been looking around too long when he turned back to his friends to find them all gazing at him curiously. He sat down not bothering to answer them and they didn't pursue the issue further. Although Kenshin did watch him closely since he knew that he had talked to Yahiko that morning.
They all ordered with Misao enthusiastically running through the menu with Outa. Outa was slightly overwhelmed by her but he was slowly growing accustomed to the busier lifestyle of Tokyo.
The group had easily slipped into their usual patterns and Sano had almost missed his opportunity. Emerging from the kitchen came Yutarou followed by Tsubame who was thanking him for helping her with something. From the state of his clothes Sano guessed he had moved some heavy sacks of rice.
They continued to talk with Yutarou attempting to get Tsubame to meet him after she had finished work but she declined. Yutarou was persistent but Tsubame continually said no, leaving Yutarou a little frustrated. The boy eventually turned to leave but he stopped when Sano stepped out in front of him.
"What do you want Chicken head?" Yutarou tiredly grumbled as Sano stood over him. Sano didn't give an immediate answer, which made Yutarou feel uneasy as he looked up to the street fighter.
"I'm here to issue a challenge," Sano smirked as Yutarou looked to be taken aback by his words.
"I have no interest in fighting you," Yutarou's declaration was made as he walked past Sano and towards the door.
"I never said I wanted to fight you," Sano stated without turning but he knew Yutarou had stopped. "The challenge is from Yahiko, for a duel, tomorrow morning instead of training. Last man standing wins," Yutarou looked suspiciously at Sano's back. Kenshin reached across and held onto Kaoru's shoulder to make sure that she didn't try to intervene.
"Why should I bother fighting him?" Yutarou agitatedly questioned since he saw no need to fight.
"You know what happened, don't you?" Sano inquired, for the first time looking over his shoulder at the teenager standing on the threshold of the door.
"Doesn't everybody, but the fact he killed someone doesn't affect me," Yutarou's voice was quickly followed by a tray of dishes crashing to the ground. Sano turned back to see a shocked Tsubame looking at them in disbelief.
In an attempt to drive back the wave of negative thoughts, she quickly set about cleaning away the broken crockery only to cut herself. She wore a similar expression to the one that Yahiko had had when he saw fresh blood on his sword. Tae quickly came to her aid and escorted her out to the kitchen but paused to give Sano a despairing look.
"It should affect you, not just because you are a master of Kamiya Kasshin Ryu but because you were probably the last person he knew who saw him before he left Tokyo. When was the last time you saw him before he left?" Yutarou gritted his teeth thinking that Sano wanted him to say that he tricked Tsubame into hugging him. Yahiko witnessing it was just a bonus.
"You still haven't given me a decent reason to fight him," Yutarou's challenge forced Sano to look back at him. Yutarou tried not to look frighted by his intimidating glare as he slowly turned towards him.
"You're the perfect candidate, Kenshin can't fight, Jou-chan would be soft on him and I'm no swordsman. The best place he can find what he lost in a tough fight and you are the best person to give it to him." Sano could see Yutarou pondering the idea but he still didn't seem completely convinced.
"It's none of my concern, he looks up to you so you should make him understand," Yutarou turned and walked away but halted when he heard Sano's voice again.
"You don't understand. This just isn't a fight about what Yahiko needs. If he loses he would no longer be able to wield a sword so as the next in line after Yahiko, you would inherit the sakabatou." Sano didn't like the fact that Yutarou suddenly became incredibly interested in what he was saying.
"So if I beat Yahiko tomorrow, I get to keep the sakabatou?" Yutarou tried to clarify the situation without sounding too overjoyed.
"Don't get too excited, you still have to beat him," Yutarou paid no heed to Sano's comment and darted out the door to prepare. Sano stood watching the empty door before returning to his seat and being surrounded by silence.
Kaoru was upset but she held back, expecting Kenshin to do or say something. Kenshin maintained a steady gaze towards Sano who was ignoring the mood of the people around him.
"It's a dangerous gamble, what you are doing," Kenshin finally spoke, his tone making sure no one else spoke before Sano.
"There is no better way to find yourself than in a fight where you risk everything, isn't that how you learnt the succession techniques of Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu." Sano tilted his head to the side so he could see Kenshin's face.
Kenshin impassively looked back, neither confirming nor denying his belief in Sano's comments.
"But does it have to be Yutarou?" Kaoru asked quietly, already she felt that this fight was going to happen and that Kenshin was not going to try to persuade Sano otherwise.
"Like I said, I'd rather he fight Kenshin but he can't fight anymore," Sano began after watching Kaoru for a moment. "No matter what you say Jou-chan, you'd hold back against him and I'm no swordsman. Apart from that, Yutarou is the one most likely to make him lose control. If Yahiko wants to control himself, he'll need to find his answer," Sano's words heralded the beginning of an unnerving silence.
It became unbearable as Tsubame followed Tae out of the kitchen and cautiously rejoined the group.
"You know why Yahiko left and what's happening tomorrow?" Sano's quiet came after Tsubame appeared to be waiting for something to happen.
Tsubame looked down in shame and then gave a slow, agonising nod.
"Then you should know that it's something you should watch but no one is forcing you to be there. Personally, I think you should be there," Sano waited a moment to let her absorb the information. With no one else deciding to speak, Sano handed Tae some money for the meal and then strode out of the Akabeko with his hands in his pockets and his head bowed.
They all watched him leave but Tsubame was the first to move, quietly clearing away the dirty dishes. She felt the weight of guilt on her shoulders but couldn't find an answer to the question of what she should do tomorrow morning. As her friends disbursed she nodded politely but no one spoke and she found a strange comfort in that.
What she hadn't told anyone was that the regret of her hugging Yutarou had driven her to visit Yahiko the next morning. However she was only able to arrive as he walked away with Cho. She wondered if at that moment if she'd had the courage to speak, whether or not he would have left.
If she had asked him to stay, would he have left her?