F.A.I.D.
Why denial is a good thing.
WARNING! EXTREME SILLINESS AHEAD! WARNING!
"Twenty points from Gryffindor!" Severus Snape yelled to the class in general.
"Uh…what for?" Ron Weasley unwittingly asked, causing Snape to take another 20 points for being asked a question.
Harry Potter and Hermione Granger sighed. Ron would never learn. This was going to be one looooong lesson…or so they thought, until a red light entered the room and each felt himself black out as they were whisked away to another dimension.
Albus Dumbledore and Nicholas Flamel were having lots of fun in the afterlife. They were just on their way back from one of their adventures, in the mood for some of Perenelle's amazing apple pie (she had had 600 years to perfect the recipe after all, it ought to be good) when a red light appeared.
"Albus! Look out!" Flamel yelled.
Dumbledore, however, smiled, eyes twinkling like mad. "Oh, don't be such a spoilsport, Nicky, it's another adventure! Yooohooooooo!"
Though he too could not help but pass out as he was swept through the dimensional gates.
Harry woke up with the mother of all headaches. "My scar!" he thought, but then he recognized that the pain was similar to what he felt after he had smuggled a bottle of gin to his bedroom in Privet Drive and had gotten drunk, with the excuse that the Dursleys were not something one could deal with while sober. Perhaps he should try it for Potions class, at least he would have hangover cures at the ready…
Speaking of Potions class…where was he, and what was Snape doing here? Whoever did this was going to have a zillion points removed.
"Ah, you're waking up," a cheerful voice said, "let's get you comfortable."
Harry found himself suddenly on a squashy armchair. Looking around, now that his headache was rapidly diminishing, he saw that apart from Snape, his friends and Dumbledore were here too. Wait…Snape, Dumbledore? He reached for his wand, but didn't find it because the author had wisely removed all wands before bringing them in.
"Who are you?" The Potions Master demanded to know.
"We are FAID, Sevvy," an amused voice said.
Snape nearly choked on the indignity of being called Sevvy. The Trio choked with suppressed laughter at the Potions Master being referred to as 'Sevvy'.
"Faith?" Dumbledore said, intrigued, and then, worried, "You aren't going to send me back, are you?"
Suddenly several people stepped into the light.
"Not faith, FAID. We are the Fanfiction Authors In Denial."
"In denial of what?" Hermione asked.
"Of a lot of things," one of the FAIDS answered. "For one thing, we all hold firmly to the idea that Sevvy here really loved Dumbledore, and only reluctantly killed him on his command."
Snape and Dumbledore choked. "Where did you get that idea?" Dumbledore spluttered, "Honestly, do you think I would commit suicide?"
The FAIDS looked slightly put out. "Well, yes, considering Sevvy had an Unbreakable Vow thing going on, and since you are his father – we are a bit divided amongst ourselves whether that is by actual blood or just in spirit – we kinda assumed you would rather die yourself then let him."
Snape's face was by now rather purple with rage. "I am NOT his son! I am the Half Blood Prince!"
The FAIDS looked ready to cry, but then stood in a circle, holding hands, and chanting:
"It's not true, Sevvy's not vile, we hold on tight to our denial."
After that, they all looked much happier.
"Of course, Sevvy. Whatever you say. Anyway, since you and Albus are so fond of each other…" Groans could be heard from all five visitors, "and you also are Harry's father…"
Now Harry turned bright red. "HE IS NOT!" he yelled.
The FAIDS smiled. "I must admit," their spokesperson said, "that we are divided on that point as well. But basically, we know you and Sevvy…"
Hermione interrupted. "What was Snape doing, teaching potions, anyway? He's on the run!"
The FAID named Laume grinned. "Because this is MY story, and I wanted him in the classroom so I could take you all straight from there."
Ron shook his head. "You are weird," he said.
"Why, thank you, Mr Weasley," Laume smiled.
"Anyway, we FAIDS have faith – no pun intended – that Severus is really just misunderstood, Albus isn't dead, Harry isn't just a moping teenager, and Ron and Hermione will end up together. So far, we've been right about that…"
Ron grinned as he looked at his girlfriend.
"You killed me," Dumbledore said suddenly, staring at Snape.
"Yes," Snape smirked.
"And I trusted you!" The late Headmaster raged.
"I always said that was a bad idea," Ron commented.
"SHUT UP!" both Dumbledore and Snape yelled.
"You weren't supposed to kill me! You were supposed to HEAL me from that poison so we could surprise Voldemort by kicking arse together!"
Snape grinned evilly. "Not bloody likely. Though it was convenient that you thought that, at least you froze the Potter brat and didn't resist me."
Upon hearing this, the FAIDS drew together again and chanted.
Dumbledore lunged at Snape, who retaliated by punching the old man in the ribs. Soon they were nothing but a big cloud of dust from which occasionally an arm or leg stuck out, only to be quickly drawn back in.
"BLOODY TRAITOR!" they heard Dumbledore's voice, as the bones in his arm cracked.
"CRAZY OLD COOT!" Snape yelled back, slightly muffled because of Dumbledore's foot in his mouth.
The FAIDS only chanted louder.
"You are so in denial," Hermione said, shaking her all-knowing head.
"Yes, we are," Laume said, a serene look on her face, "and we think its a good thing. We will hold on to our denial. We brought you here to confirm our ideas, but I think it's a good idea that you go back now, so we can concentrate on reaffirming our denial…and write more stories."
Hermione squinted. "What stories?"
"Fanfiction," Laume answered, already nearly in trance, "They're on the internet."
Five red balls of light emerged and sped towards them.
"When we are back, I'll have to get hold of a computer and check it out…" Hermione thought, as the light hit her.