DISCLAIMER: I do not own nor will I ever own Rurouni Kenshin. I am making no profit from this and I will remove this if requested to do so for any legitimate reason.

WARNING: This story is rated R for violence, so if you do not like graphic depictions of people dying I suggest you find something else to read.

Author's Notes: I leave for Japan in three days and I'm very unprepared. Hope you all enjoy this since it's what most of my reviewers have been waiting for. Anyway, I'll be around even if I'm not posting. Criticism welcome, anytime. Later.

The Last Battle of the Bakumatsu

Chapter 23

Sano stood just inside the gate watching the sleeping Megumi and Outa. Misao looked back and forth between them before choosing a course of action. She slowly snuck up and shook Outa awake. The bleary eyed boy looked questioningly at her. "Time to go to bed," she quietly whispered as he sat up. The boy just nodded while wiping some sleep from his eyes. Still in a daze, he allowed her to guide him inside. She looked back at Sano, mouthing a good luck before closing the door.

Sano just sighed as he moved towards the house. He slipped the zanbatou under it before sitting on the porch. He leaned back against a support post as he gazed at the sleeping Megumi. He had one leg laying on the porch while the other hung over the edge. His hands sat idle in his lap until the short sword started to become uncomfortable. Slipping it out from his back he played with it but he was only thinking of what to do next.

His dilemma was solved for him as Megumi began to stir. She appeared to notice Outa's missing presence and her hand moved to where he had been. When she realised he was gone, her head slowly started to move as she looked for him.

"Misao took him to bed."

She sat up straight, unconsciously smoothing out her kimono. She glanced to the side and passed the post she had been leaning on. She noticed he was sitting further along, facing her. He seemed unsure what to do with his hands but she could see he didn't have any new injuries.  "Misao isn't hurt, is she?" She cursed herself for not having anything better to say, she just wanted to end the silence.

"No, she's fine." He shifted nervously before turning away from her. "So Fox, why are you here?"

It was an obvious question that she hadn't been expecting. So when she answered, it was a little flustered. "Um… I didn't think Outa should be left on his own." She watched him nod and he appeared disappointed with her response. "And an old man came to the dojo looking for you."

"His name was Matsumoto, right?"

"Yes, he gave me the information you wanted. It is inside if you want it."

"It can wait," he sighed not quite sure what to say next. He twirled the short sword in his fingers until he lost control. It fell to the ground but he didn't bother picking it up.

She watched him, wanting the uncomfortable atmosphere to disappear. Everything had been much easier between them, until this morning. "I should be going," she hesitated waiting for him to stop her. She slowly stood up but he hadn't moved.

"You don't need to go."

She stopped at the gate but didn't look back at him. "It's late, what else is there for me to do?"

"We need to talk," he noticed her turn around. Her arms were across her chest and she appeared to be waiting for something. "Okay, I need to apologise."

She didn't bother hiding her smug smile. "So let's hear it."

"Do I really have to say it?"

"Yes."

He muttered something inaudible before he stood up. He took a deep breath before he spoke. "I'm… sorry. I didn't mean to be… angry with you this morning."

She looked at him, trying to judge if he was sincere or not. "I'll forgive you if you explain what happened."

"Fine," he grunted as he sat down on the porch. He patted the spot next to him and she obliged by sitting there.

She sat patiently next to him as he alternated between looking at the ground and the sky. "Why did you go out of your way for a debt to that old man?"

"Like I said before, 'you can't start a new life until you pay off the debts of the old.' I had a debt and I needed some things from him. That's why I took the job."

"I'm sure Kaoru will be glad to hear that. She's been waiting for the right moment to ask for you to pay her back. It still doesn't explain why you started acting like Zanza."

He sighed, waiting a few moments before he answered. "No matter what you say, I'm still Zanza. Just like Kenshin is still the Hitokiri Battousai, I still exist as both. The only difference between Sagara Sanosuke and Zanza is how they act to a given situation."

"I don't see your point. What does that have to do with this?"

"You were there when Kenshin fought Saito in the dojo. You know how the harder he was pushed the closer he came to returning to the Battousai. He even…"

"He ended all that when he learnt the succession techniques, didn't he?"

He slowly shook his head. "When he fought Enishi for the first time, he was close to going berserk when Jou-chan was threatened. If he had been allowed to fight without interference he might just have killed him. If he was pushed hard enough, he'd break and there'd be no stopping him."

"But you weren't pushed into anything. You chose to think like Zanza, to act like him. How can you compare Ken-san to what you were doing?" She glared at him when he started chuckling.

"You're forgetting that he chose to act like that as well. Remember when he wanted Kanryu to shut up, the stare he used when he wanted to intimidate people. That was the look of the Battousai and he still had it when he witnessed my first fight in front of the Akabeko. No matter what you say, that alternate persona is part of him, of me. I just brought it out because it's what the job called for."

"I see what you're saying but did you have to be so…"

"I used to hate everything. I slowly built up my anger till it reminded me of the old rage I used to have. I guess I started a little too early and you just happened to cop it." He smiled apologetically but she was thoughtfully looking at the ground.

"You reminded me of the first time we met. It just… scared me that you appeared to hate me like you did back then." An uncomfortable quiet descended, as he didn't quite know how to deal with that kind of information.

"I pretty sure I said that I never hated you. Even if it appeared that way, it was more badly directed anger."

"I know but it's hard to tell some times." The silence returned and they both shifted nervously where they sat. "Can I ask something?"

"That depends on what you want to ask." He had spoken light heartedly but he noticed she had an air of seriousness about her. "Seriously, just ask me."

"Why are you doing this?" he looked at her questioningly but she was focused on the ground. "Why are you so intent on chasing the Shinsengumi? Why can't you just let it go?"

"Do you know that you can never see as many stars when you're in Tokyo?"

She stared at him as he gazed up at the clear night sky. "Are you trying to avoid the subject?"

"No, just reminiscing about the past. I promised myself that I'd be strong and I swore it to the stars. Been trying to achieve that my whole life."

"But you are strong, aren't you?"

"I am strong and now I'm a master of the Futae-no-Kiwami. The question is how strong am I. When I was Zanza I thought I was strong. When I was beaten by Kenshin, I realised I wasn't that tough. Saito then showed me I was nothing compared to the best that fought in the Bakumatsu."

"So that's what this is about, proving your strength."

He didn't miss the dejected tone of her voice but he didn't look at her. "I know you think it's stupid but it's something I have to know. It's kind of like you and your family. You knew they could be dead but you had to be sure. I need this fight otherwise I'm going to feel… haunted."

"Knowing you, there will always be another fight."

"Maybe, but not like this one. The strongest fighters were the best that fought during the Bakumatsu. That was fifteen years ago, so most of them either can't fight or are dead. This is the last chance I'll probably have to be in a battle anywhere near the class of the Bakumatsu." He glanced at her and she turned to look at the ground rather than meet his gaze.

"So this is worth risking your life over?"

"It wouldn't be worth anything if I didn't risk my life."

"I expected that kind of answer."

He chuckled for a moment before he settled down. "Do you want to know something stupid?"

"As long as I don't find it too offensive."

"It's not really offensive, well maybe it would be."

"Now I am curious," she noticed that his mood had lightened a little.

"Try not to take this the wrong way or hate me for this." He paused to look at her and she waited expectantly. "When I first walked in and saw you and Outa sitting here, I had a weird thought. I imagined you sitting here as my wife with our child waiting for me to get home."

"What's so stupid about that?" She looked away as a faint blush coloured her cheeks.

"I've been talking about going of to fight and possibly die. Moments before I was thinking about what I wanted my future to look like."

"What you wanted… for your… future…" She mumbled to herself as she stared toward the centre of the earth.

"Don't act so bashful Fox, it's not like you never considered the possibility that we might stop playing games. The idea that we would actually do something rather than constantly flirting."

She shifted nervously where she sat. It wasn't that she hadn't thought about it, just that she was finding it hard to admit it. "So what if I do, what does it change? You're going to go chasing after the Shinsengumi, so what does it matter what happens now?"

"You make it sound like I'm already dead?"

"That's the point, why start something when you're willing to walk away and face an almost certain death."

"So you'd prefer I'd just disappear without a word like five years ago?"

"I didn't say that," she spoke softly, trying to avoid looking at him.

Feeling restless, he scooped up his sword as he rose to his feet. In a swift motion he drew the sword and threw it into a piece of scrap wood that was leaning against the fence. He stood staring at it but he didn't move to retrieve it. "So basically you're saying that because there is a chance I might die, you don't want to do anything."

"I see it more as you carelessly chasing after some ill conceived dream. You keep talking about how you want to be stronger and test your strength. Have you forgotten what happened Ken-san and Shinomori in their pursuit of the same goal?"

"No I haven't forgotten but people change for lots of reasons. I'm not the same man that left here five years ago, am I?"

"Travelling around the world and fighting a bloody battle are two different things. Aizu was a battlefield and I've treated the survivors. You haven't seen what can happen, how it changes people."

"I've been there and I can handle it." He spoke with defiance, feeling that she was challenging him.

"You're an idiot if you think that. You seem to think that no matter what you do, there will always be a remedy for your problem. I'm telling you there isn't. I've seen grown men broken by what they have seen and done."

"And you think that's going to happen to me?"

"If you don't end up dead."

He walked away from her and pulled the sword from where it was imbedded. He paced back; the sword sheathed and tucked in his belt on his left hip. With a sharp turn, he drew and threw the blade again. This time the wood spilt and the sword buried itself in the stone fence. "All I seem to be hearing is excuses."

She stood up from the porch, glaring at him. "What's that supposed to mean?"

He didn't respond immediately. He turned to face her, his features unnervingly calm. "This started out as a conversation about whether or not we should actually act on our feelings. At first you said starting anything would be pointless because I might die. Now you're saying that even if I did come back, I'd be beyond your help. They both sound like excuses for not acting on what you feel for me."

"How do you know I feel anything for you?" She spoke sullenly and looked away from his piercing gaze.

"I don't and that's what this is all about. If I'm going to die, I'd like to know where I stand."

"So now you admit you could die?"

He chuckled lightly causing her to look up at him. "I could die crossing the street tomorrow if I get hit by a carriage. You could die if you catch an incurable disease from one of your patients. Dying is only a matter of time, I thought as a doctor you would have understood that."

"I think the chances of dying are greater when you pick a fight with a group of deadly swordsmen. It isn't the same thing as a freak accident."

"Maybe," he spoke with a sigh before slowly advancing on her. "In the end it's still the same, apart from I know when I'm walking into a fight. It doesn't change the fact that I want things to change."

"And what brought on this sudden change?" her statement stopped him in his tracks. She watched as he blankly looked at her.

"Fine… let's just forget I said anything." He turned away and walked over to where the sword was imbedded in the stone wall.

Her lip quivered slightly as she realised that he was walking away from her. It was more than his physical movement; he was giving up on there being anything between them. She noticed that it scared her, more than she had believed possible. "You're just… giving up?"

"This isn't a fight I can win by force. If you're not interested, then there's not much I can do."

"I never said I wasn't interested."

He didn't respond immediately, appearing more interested in the damage he caused to the wall than her. "Then you obviously don't trust me."

"I trust you."

"They why do you keep questioning my intentions? Why can't you just accept that I want to stop playing games?" she was silent and staring at the ground. If it wasn't such and important discussion, he'd have been happy to marvel at her beauty. She appeared to have an ethereal glow as the moon shone down upon her long, dark hair.

"You want to know why I came back?" He turned away from her and looked up at the sky not expecting an answer. "I've always looked up to the stars, I saw my dreams of equality for all people in them and found comfort when those dreams were crushed. I swore to them that I'd be as strong as Captain Sagara but whenever I looked at them I never felt lonely. At least that's not until I was on the other side of the world. I got tired of it, seeing different people, speaking different languages and eating strange foods."

She watched as he again twirled the sword in his hands. However this time, the sword wasn't in its scabbard. The blade glinted with blue light as it spun in his fingers.

"You know I would have come home earlier if I hadn't run into Aoi. For once I could sit down with someone and we'd speak the same language. She was the one that pointed out a simple fact that I'd never noticed. I told her stories of my life at least a dozen times over but she told me that one part of my stories never changed. Apparently whenever I told a story, I recalled whatever you said or did with perfect detail. It was the same, no matter how the rest of the story changed." He chuckled as he remembered that he nearly choked on his drink when she had told him what that probably meant.

"That's when I started to think more about you. It's also when I started to plan my return, although at the time Aoi was supposed to come with me. Her death just spurred me on, I was tired of all my friends betraying me or dying. So I came back to the place where my friends could be trusted and they seemed almost immortal."

"Why are you telling me this?" She surprised herself by interjecting but he didn't move for a moment. Slowly he turned to face her and she couldn't stop herself from looking away from his gaze.

"The same reason that I'm chasing after the Shinsengumi, I don't want to die wondering. It's always been all or nothing so now I just want to know which it is."

She chewed her lip as she hesitated, "Why the sudden rush?"

"The information that Matsumoto provided may just be the breakthrough. If it is, I'll be gone sooner or later and I'd like to know if you'd be waiting for me."

"Do you know how many marriage proposals I turned down only to be asked if I was waiting for someone?" She looked at him with a wry smile as he tentatively paced towards her.

"I bet all of them thought you desperately wanted to be married since you were over twenty. I bet they all expected that you would stop being a doctor and stay at home to tend to your children. I bet they didn't see passed your angelic beauty to the devious mind that lay beneath." He stopped just in front of her and she was unable to look away from his chocolate coloured eyes. She blushed as his hand delicately caressed her cheek. "I bet they would have given their right arms to do something like this."

He bent down and kissed her gently. His tongue brushed over her lips but went no further. She almost groaned in protest as it ended. She realised that she desperately wanted more than of what he had offered her. However, his hand slowly slid from her face to her shoulder and then down her arm. As his hand finally left her body she opened her eyes to be confronted with his.

"Now's the time to decide. Are we going to do something or just let it slip away?"

She blinked as her mind whirled into making sense of what was happening. She lowered her head before she whispered, "It's not fair…"

"I know I'm irresistible but if you want some time to think it…" He stopped talking when she took hold of his gi.

"It's not fair that what ever I do, you're still going to leave me." She slipped her hands under his gi and around his waist. She pressed her face to his bare chest as his arms encircled her shoulders.

He lowered his head and nestled it into her hair and neck. "Don't worry about it Fox, I'm your curse. If I disappear for a while it just means I'm going to show up on your doorstep looking to have some injury patched up…"

"Or a free meal," she cut back smiling even though he couldn't see her face.

"A decent meal as well, something Kenshin will never be able to go home to." She shifted slight as she laughed but she didn't pull away from him. They remained close, their embrace warming them as a cool breeze blew through the yard.

"What do you want to do now?"

She didn't answer at first; instead she snuggled closer to his warm chest. "Just hold me, stay with me here."

"Sure," he responded immediately strengthening his hold on her. She sighed contentedly as she felt the security and comfort of his embrace. Her mind filtered out the thoughts of his eventual departure to an uncertain future. She focused purely on the thoughts of their changed relationship. She smiled as she realised that they wouldn't need to play any more games. Their incessant flirting was finally at an end and something new was beginning. Something that filled her full of hope and the assurance that she wasn't alone.

She smiled because both her heart and mind were content in the arms of Sagara Sanosuke. To her it felt like the most natural thing in the world and she knew he felt the same.