Disclaimer: Did you not read the first chapter? No? Oh OK fair enough. I do not own Discworld. I do however own some garlic bread. Aren't I lucky?

Second chapter up quicker than I was expecting. I still have a headache despite lots of sleep and aspirin. But its surprising how much my muse seems to like me having a headache. Damn muse.

Protection Chocolate

The following morning Moist and Jim went for a walk around the town. No one seemed to recognise Moist but then he hadn't been home for about thirteen years and he was a bit taller than he used to be. It was quite busy but Jim was in front and people seemed to just bounce off him if they dared try not moving. After a while they clicked on and gave him a wide berth.

Suddenly Moist stopped. "Wait a minute Jim! I used to buy chocolate from this shop when I was younger. I wonder if Mrs Twinkle still runs it. She used to sell wonderful chocolate and I might buy some for Dora."

"What was so different about it Mr Lipwig? As opposed to Ankh chocolate I mean." Jim looked a bit miffed, he was rather opinionated about 'foreign goods'.

"I don't know Jim I never used to get to eat it. It was more for protection really."

It was obvious Jim hadn't the foggiest idea what he was talking about. "What do you mean Mr Lipwig? Ohh... for bribes? Did it ever work? When I was a lad there was one boy used to carry all his small change in his pockets for protection. We used to grab him by the ankles and shake him. It was great all that money tinklin' on the floor."

Moist pulled a pained face. "Er... yes. A similar thing used to happen to me actually."

"What you needed was a big stick Mr Lipwig. We would've thought twice about shakin' Cecil Albright if he'd had a big stick. Oh they was good times though. We used to laugh so hard and he looked so funny just..." Jim trailed off because Moist looked mad. "Sorry Mr Lipwig I didn't think. You do look kind of shakeable though. Sorry."

Moist walked into the shop feeling a bit sick. There was a small old lady behind the counter wearing a traditional Lipwigzian outfit complete with headscarf.

"Mrs Twinkle? Is that you?" Moist asked in Lipwigzian.

"Who's asking? You don't look familiar. You look a bit foreign actually."

"It's Moist von Lipwig. I er... moved away when I was fourteen."

"Oh it's you! We thought you'd disappeared. I see you've brought a bodyguard this time. Good thinking. That Frederick Gothen grew to seven feet tall you know! His width matches it. Must've been all that chocolate he used to eat."

At the mention of Frederick Gothen, Moist shivered. "All my chocolate he used to eat." he thought. "No Mrs Twinkle, Jim is a friend of mine from Ankh."

"'Ere Mr Lipwig, can't you talk proper? You're makin' me nervous."

"This is 'proper' Jim it's just in a different language. Mrs Twinkle only speaks Lipwigzian."

"Well I'm gonna wait outside if you don't mind." Jim turned and went out to see if anyone was looking at him funny.

"In fact", Mrs Twinkle continued, "one theory was that young Mr Gothen had eaten you! You did disappear pretty quick. What happened?"

"I ran off because I finally got Frederick Gothen back by swindling him out of 20 Lipmarcks and you could hear him roaring twenty miles away." What he said was, "I just woke up one morning wanting to see the world and decided to do it while I was young enough to travel half fare Mrs Twinkle."

Mrs Twinkle smiled and nodded at him. "Still, you could've said goodbye lad. Ah well, what do you want to buy?"

"A box of your Valentine Surprise for my wife please and a bag of Nutty Twizzlers for me. Oh and I'll take a big tin of Misshapes for the staff."

"Wife? Staff? What have you been doing?" asked Mrs Twinkle as she got the chocolates down.

"I'm the Post Master in Ankh. I invented stamps."

"Ohh so it's you that did that is it? Well I never would've thought it. Skinny, quiet little Moist actually doing something big. Well Moist if you've come back to show them all how well you've done I'd watch yourself. No matter how old they are they're still bullies dear. And however old you are you're still smaller than they are. I think you could've done with two of him out there." The old lady nodded toward Jim who was outside glaring at a tree. "Now I think you'd best go out and take him somewhere before he headbutts that tree again."

"Jim?" Moist approached Jim carefully.

"Oh there you are Mr Lipwig. I got bored." Jim offered as an explanation of why he was attacking a tree.

"Right. Er... Jim... you know this Cecil Albright? Well... if he came back to Ankh now and he was really successful what would you do?"

"Well we'd pound him Mr Lipwig. Pound him flat. And probably shake him a bit too." replied Jim cheerfully.

Acting Postmaster Groat was wandering around the Post Office with Stanley. "I don't know why he had to go Stanley. Who'd want to leave all this to go home to some place that never wanted you anyway just to tell them you've got all this. Because he hasn't really got all this then has he? All he's got is all that and they don't want him. At least he didn't take the hat though."

"Well Mr Groat", pondered Stanley, "I've often thought of going to see the peas again but that would just be silly now."

"Why's that?"

"Because they're probably in a bag somewhere in Ankhsbury's Mr Groat."

Dora was looking at a picture of Moist. It was in the paper under the headline 'Post Master Goes on Holiday'. "Some holiday", she thought, "He's going to come back damaged I just know it." She had to admit she was a bit worried about him, although she'd never tell anyone. He was intelligent but naïve in a way, always thinking everyone was going to like his jolly "look how daft I am" attitude but the truth was it did get annoying. Although if anyone ever said that to her face they'd be suffering from a serious case of being jabbed in the eye.

Just then she was distracted by the sound of Mr Groat and Stanley approaching. She hid in a cupboard.

So... chapter two. Feel free to review haha.