There You'll Be
Chapter 5 - Both Sides Now

A/N :I'm so sorry I haven't updated in ages! I've got my inspiration back now so I'll try to update as often as I can! Thanks for all the reviewer support, it means a lot! Ok...on with the story. It takes place three months after the last chapter and is a songfic of Both Sides Now by Joni Mitchell from the Love Actually soundtrack. I do not own the song or the OC!

Bows and flows of angel hair and ice cream castles in the air
And feather canyons everywhere, i've looked at cloud that way.
But now they only block the sun, they rain and snow on everyone.
So many things i would have done but clouds got in my way.

Marissa tucked her now dark brown, wavy hair behind her ear as she waited at the bus stop. Part of her regretted the decision to change her hair colour but in this part of the city her blonde hair had made her stand far more than she liked. She cursed as she looked at her watch, the bus was already ten minutes late and her shift and work started soon. Back in Newport Marissa didn't worry about money so much but now she needed it and being late for work was not an option. When she looked at herself in the mirror these days Marissa barely recognised herself as the lost girl who had left her home town in search of something in the city. Three months on Marissa Cooper did not know what she had hoped to find in San Francisco. Things had become worse since she arrived and sometimes she found it hard to stop herself from breaking down and heading home. Marissa heard from Summer at least once a week and she filled her in on the gossip in Newport. She tried to be interested in her friend's conversations but it made her feel more homesick. She had mananged to speak to Seth a couple of times and he had tried to cheer her up but it made her miss him too. Ryan had not rung her since she arrived which she was glad of in a way because she didn't know what she would say if he did. Instead he sent postcards of Newport Beach and the places they went with Summer and Seth but also of the places they went to as a couple. Marissa supposed that this was to cheer her up too.

The bus finally pulled in and Marissa glared at the driver as she paid for her ticket. She didn't have time to waste on bus drivers today, especially not ones who were late.

I've looked at clouds from both sides now,
From up and down, and still somehow
It's cloud illusions i recall.
I really don't know clouds at all.

"Just get out of my face!" Summer Roberts screamed at her boyfriend, before feeling guilty.

She and Seth had become closer and more in love since Marissa left as they realised the true value of their relationship but things were going downhill again. Seth walked away from her, he realised he was doing more and more of that now. He had always been a loner and had enjoyed his own company but it hurt to be alone now. When he left Summer during a fight he felt so broken. He wondered how Ryan must be feeling. Weeks, no months, had gone by since Marissa had left. Seth knew that Ryan was still in contact with Marissa but he also knew how much Ryan was hurting over her. Seth knew for a fact that he had been on a date or even looked at another girl since.

Moons and junes and ferris wheels, the dizzy dancing way you feel
As every fairy tale comes real; i've looked at love that way.
But now it's just another show. you leave 'em laughing when you go
And if you care, don't let them know, don't give yourself away.

Ryan turned up the volume on his CD player and pushed the headphones tighter over his ears. He hated hearing Seth and Summer fighting and it was happening more and more often now. He wanted to make them see how lucky they were to still have each other but he couldn't bring himself to say it.

Beside him a postcard lay on his bed, it showed the Golden Gate Bridge at night, the lights reflecting off the surface of the water. He relaxed his grip on the headphone and picked up the card, turning it over slowly. It had arrived that morning and was postmarked the day before. He was glad that Marissa replied to his letters and it made him happier still when he saw that she replied on postcards as well. He had already memorised the words on the card, right down to Marissa's address but he read it again. It didn't give him much idea about her life but Ryan guessed that she was okay otherwise she would have come home by now, wouldn't she?

I've looked at love from both sides now,
From give and take, and still somehow
It's love's illusions i recall.
I really don't know love at all.

Marissa unlocked the door to her flat, she hated living there, she hated everything about her new home. The hot water never worked when she wanted it to, there was no washing machine or dishwasher and the number 4 on her door was almost at the point of falling off. There was no post, but she shouldn't have expected any as she had only posted her last card to Ryan yesterday and Summer and Seth nearly always rang her. Throwing her bag onto the floor and locking the door behind her, Marissa sank heavily onto the moth eaten sofa, another part of the flat she hated. Sometimes the state of the place made her more determined to make a proper life for herself here and sometimes wallowing in her own misery was far easier. Finally gathering some energy she walked into the small bathroom and turned on both of the taps, both poured out cold water. Close to tears, Marissa pulled of her clothes and sank into the water. Cold and lonely. Exactly how she felt.

Tears and fears and feeling proud to say "i love you" right out loud,
Dreams and schemes and circus crowds, i've looked at life that way.
But now old friends are acting strange, they shake their heads, they say
I've changed.
Something's lost but something's gained in living every day.

"I'm sorry Seth." Summer said after knocking on his bedroom door.

He opened the door and smiled a smile at her.

"That's ok, I know I can be annoying. I'm sorry too."

"It's not you Seth." Summer said quietly sitting on the edge of his bed and looking around his room before focusing on him again. "It's my fault we get into these rows."

Something in her voice made Seth come closer. "Hey."He whispered, sitting next to her. "Let's forget about this, yeah?"

Summer nodded and smiled. "Yeah." She rested her head on his shoulder. "Yeah."

I've looked at life from both sides now,
From win and lose, and still somehow
It's life's illusions i recall.
I really don't know life at all.

Ryan turned off the music, why was it that every song reminded him of Marissa and all they were and all they weren't? It annoyed him sometimes but at other times it was comforting to know he wasn't alone in his emotions. He put the postcard which he had been holding for what seemed like hours on top of a pile, most of them had similar pictures. There was something in them that made Ryan want to be there to feel the atmosphere of the place. Then the thought came to him, maybe he would go. What was stopping him?