There You'll Be
Chapter 9: Guilty
Disclaimer - I do not own the O.C or the song Guilty by the Rasmus.
I feel guilty
My words are empty
No signs to give you
I don't have the time for you
Marissa, Summer, Seth and Ryan arranged themselves on the sofa in the living room of the flat. Summer tried hard not to be disgusted by Marissa's new home. Ryan left the conversation to the other three and allowed his thoughts to wander. He went over the last few minutes and back to when they had arrived. Seeing Marissa with another guy tore him apart although he knew it had to happen sooner or later.
You say I'm heartless
And you say I don't care
I used to be there for you
And you've said I seem so dead
That I have changed
But so have you
After hugging her friend again, Summer dragged Seth away leaving Marissa and Ryan alone. Out in the corridor Seth hissed at Summer.
"What the hell do you think you're doing Sum? Are you completely blind? You could have cut the tension in there with a knife!"
Summer tried to control herself but she felt close to exploding.
"Cohen, if you failed to notice they love each other. They need each other. You can see the state that Marissa is in and how low Ryan has been since she left."
"Fine." Seth sighed. "But I've still got a bad feeling about this."
Summer exhaled loudly "That's your problem, you've always got to have a bad feeling about something."
"What?" He exclaimed, Summer had turned her back on him.
"You're just so negative Cohen."
"Well I'm sorry…"Seth began. "What have I got to be positive about?" He regretted it immediately.
Summer spun round to face him, hurt in her eyes.
"You have me." Her voice was barely a whisper.
"I know." Seth replied, trying to take her hand. She pushed it away, tears filling her eyes now.
Guilty, guilty
I feel so
Empty, empty
You know how to make me feel
Alone in the living room with Ryan, Marissa fought against feeling uncomfortable. This wasn't how this should be, not with Ryan. Part of her was glad that Summer and Seth had gone but part of her wished they would come back. Every time she looked at Ryan he avoided her gaze and Marissa was beginning to realise how much she had hurt him. The timing with Jamie could not have been any worse if they had tried. She wanted to tell Ryan how she felt but she had done that once before and knew she wasn't strong enough to deal with his rejection now.
I put a shield upon you
Didn't mean to hurt you
I would have only poisoned your mind.
Never meant to make you cry.
"Summer, I'm sorry. I didn't mean any of that, it just…it just came out."
She glared at him, fighting against her tears.
"If you didn't mean it then why did it come out, hey?" She asked.
"It's been such an emotional day, I don't know what I'm thinking." Seth replied.
"That's your excuse is it? You've got to go and blame Marissa and Ryan for all this, haven't you?"
"No wait, Sum…" Seth tried again to explain again but he could feel her slipping away from him.
"Forget it, Cohen yeah?" Summer replied. "Save it."
You've been so thoughtless
I can see straight through you
You used to be there for me
So don't you leave and say goodbye
'Cause you have changed
But so have I.
"So…" Marissa began trying to make conversation but it was difficult. At the sound of her voice after the silence between them had taken over, Ryan almost visibly changed.
"How are you liking San Francisco? I never knew you really wanted to come here."
Marissa smiled as she eased herself into the conversation. "No I'd never really thought about it but I guess it just appealed to me. I'm really starting to like it."
"It's very different to Newport." Ryan commented.
"C'mon I want to show you something." Marissa replied.
Ryan nodded and let her drag him out of the flat.
I never thought the time
And the distance between us
Made you so much colder
I'll carry the world on my shoulders.
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Belthazor's Angel