Disclaimer: I don't own anything... it all belongs to the genius, the god among men, Joss Whedon.
Without further ado... I give you chapter one of my Halloween Firefly special, Trick or Treat.
Gasping, River sits up startled. Nightmares. Always nightmares. Needles, pain, screaming. Blue hands. Shivering she begins to chant eerily. "Two by two. Hands of blue. Two by two. Hands of..." She stops herself and forces a deep breath, attempting to suppress her fear. If I scream... if I'm scared, Simon will poke me with needles. She thinks to herself. They don't help... They throw me back into the nightmares. Makes them worse. He'll never know. He'll never understand, never comprehend. Think he's helping her... but he isn't. Makes her worse. Me. Makes me worse.
Breathing slowly, steadily, she lets the fear run through and out of her. She's been getting better. Fewer bad days, mostly good ones. Playing with Kaylee, watching the others, smiling, and talking with Inara. I want to be a normal girl again. Well, can't be normal... not completely. Just want to be treated normal. Like a girl. A woman. Not some crazy moon-brain'd child. She mimics Jayne's voice in her head as she thinks about the mean names he calls her. Well, called her. He's cut back on the "moon-brain'd." Sometimes he even calls her by her name. River. She liked the way he said it. Almost as if he caressed it with his tongue before letting it come out of his mouth.
She and Jayne had been spending some time together. She would sit in the mess with him while he cleaned his guns. His girls, as he called them. River starts to name them, alphabetically, in her head. Starting a new chant, a more comforting one: Betsy, Chrissy, Gail, Hannah, Jackie, Lara, Nancy, Patty, Steph, and of course, Vera. Oh sure he had more but these were his favorites... top ten. Always cleaning them.
Thinking about Jayne and his girls calmed River. Made her forget the needles. Forget the blue. It brought her into the light. Red. Red with passion. Jayne was driven by his passions. By emotion. By basic human instincts. This was comforting to River. Although it was loud in his head, loud with his red passions, it wasn't complicated. His red was always red. Never changing. Still, steady, solid. The intensity may change, but always the same color. Red.
Rising from her bed, River slid the door to her room open. Stepping out, barefoot, she moves gracefully down the small hallway toward the staircase that led into to the rest of the boat. Passing the infirmary, River shivered subconsciously, continuing toward the main hull of the ship. Toward the red. Toward Jayne. The blue being chased away with every step she took.
Moving delicately through the doorway into the mess, she stops. Mal, Simon, Kaylee, and Shepard Book are seated around the table smiling, telling stories, and making friendly conversation. As she comes in, eight eyes fall on her. Feeling exposed, her eyes drop to the floor as she shifts her weight uncomfortably and crosses her arms in front of her. Looking back up at the four pairs of eyes, she sees that they are accompanied by four smiles. Her lips curl upward slightly as she returns their smiles, relaxing a bit.
"How're ya today, Miss River?" Mal inquires thoughtfully, genuinely. A large grin is plastered across his face as he talks to her. "Sleep well?"
"No." River says plainly. "Nightmares. Come with needles. Simon's needles." Turning her gaze to fix it on her brother's worried and caring face. "Don't make her sleep again. She sleeps worse when induced by needles. Simon. Don't make me sleep again." She repeats desperately as she turns to walk out of the mess. Toward the red.
As River enters the cargo bay, she hears heavy breathing and the clinking of metal. Jayne is lifting weights. The intense red washes over River, warming her, calming her. She smiles and closes her eyes. Leaning on the door frame, she listens to Jayne's breathing as he slowly counts his reps.
"Ya gonna stand there all gorram day, girl?" Jayne asks gruffly as he drops the weight heavily back onto the support bar. River is yanked out of her reverie and her eyes snap open to stare at the man sitting before her. He seems to be glistening, glowing even, with a thin film of sweat. "Whaddya want?" Jayne asks, attempting to hide the mild concern in his voice.
"Comfort. Quiet." River says quietly with a faint smile lingering on her lips.
"Don't know why yer lookin' 'round here fer that. I ain't exactly the comfortin' sorta person." Jayne growls back at her. River notices a hint of pain in his eyes. Pain caused by his inability to comfort someone. Not that he couldn't do so, just that no one ever asked it of him. "I'm sure yer poncy-assed brother is 'round here somewheres. He'll be more'n happy to comfort yer crazy self."
"No. Simon can't comfort me. Sticks me with needles. Makes me sleep. Makes me sleep before I'm ready. Throws me into nightmares." River explains carefully. Looking into Jayne's eyes, River sees genuine concern flash through them and smiles. "You comfort me. See me for me. Not as a burden. Not as a problem needing to be fixed. Just River."
She walks over and sits down next to Jayne. He shifts, slightly uncomfortable, but turns to face her, looking into her deep brown eyes. "Don't know what ta say to that, girl. Yer brother loves you... shouldn't that be comfortin'? Love?" Jayne says trying to help her. "Don'tcha ask that brother of yers to not stick ya full of needles? Don't he listen?" She smiled at his words. He's comforting me right now and doesn't even realize. "If'n I were yer brother, I'd listen ta ya, River."
Ah, there is was. Her name. It spilled like honey from his mouth. He loved saying it. I tasted sweet on his tongue and left a honeyed taste on his lips after he said it. Didn't like saying it too often. I'd lose my edge if e'eryone knew he was soft on the girl. Hell, Mal wouldn't 'prove of my being soft fer the crazy. Most likely'd throw me in the airlock if'n he knew how I really felt... really thought.
"He wouldn't." River said quietly.
Jayne looked at her in horror."Git outa my head, Crazy! Ya don't belong in there."
"But I'm already in there. Always have been." River looks at him with a smile on her lips. "Didn't think much of me at first. Just a crazy girl. Nice body though. Although a little to petite for your tastes. You think you'd break me." She raises her eyes to meet his playfully. "You wouldn't."
"Git outa my head..." Jayne says quieter than before. Why did I have to go an' git soft on the only girl in the gorram 'verse that knows what I'm thinkin' 'bout 'er? Gorramit... please tell me she don't know 'bout my dreams 'bout 'er.
"I do."
"Gorramit..."
"You think better of me now. I'm a woman... not a feng le moonbrain'd child. And you know that. I may not be all there... but I am still a woman. And you treat me as such. Everyone else treats me like a gorram child still." River continues. "I'm even a woman in your dreams. I am THE woman of your dreams. When we're planet side, that's why you haven't found a whore to your liking. You were looking for me. You don't want whores anymore.Just me. Only me."
Jayne stands up quickly and makes his way to the door. Gotta git outa here... away from 'er. She's drivin' me crazy. The more I see 'er, the more I want 'er. "Git outa my head."
"Can't." River says plainly. Jayne pauses in the doorway, not turning to face her. "You're thinking to loud. Your head is telling me everything your mouth wants to tell me but won't. You're scared."
"I ain't scared'a nothin'." Jayne throws over his shoulder as he continues to head toward his bunk.
"Yes you are. Scared of love." River says quietly, but the way Jayne staggers slightly as he walks away from her, she knows he heard.