Shadow of Life
by Tracy (lunarknightz)
Rating: PG
Spoilers: "Exodus", "Exile", and "Phoenix"- the whole Clark/Kal storyline of late season 2/early season 3.
Disclaimer: If you think I actually own these characters, I have some lovely swampland in Arizona I think you may be interested in.
Author's Note: Written as part of SV glee week as iniated by svmadelyn . Tis my attempt at a response to storydivagirl 's request:
During that time between season 2 and 3 when Clark was being Kal and Lex was on the island, but presumed dead - I'd love to see angst fic where Clark deals with Lex's "death".
Slivers of glass whizzed through the air as the skeletal remains of a television set crashed to the floor.
"Stupid piece of shit." He muttered, knowing full well that he'd purchase a new one tomorrow. Maybe a flat-screen set this time, one he could hang on the wall. Maybe he wouldn't break that one…or maybe he'd destroy the wall along with the television set.
He was stuck in a cycle that he couldn't get out of, a state of living that felt almost like being dead. As far as he was concerned- the boy he had been was dead. Kal had risen like a phoenix from Clark's ashes, aided by the powers of a red meteor rock. Kal was indestructible, made of steel. Nothing could touch him…nothing could hurt him or even touch him.
Except, apparently, the news.
He hadn't looked at a newspaper since he came to Metropolis. The Daily Planet's logo and header brought to mind memories of a friend that he'd rather not think about. There would be no small, blonde reporters with their issues and devotion in Kal's life, thank you very much.
It wasn't so easy to avoid the T.V.
Every single damn channel was playing it, with talking heads of reporters relaying the latest developments- not that anything had really developed. The case was a lost cause, growing colder by the moment. Even Geraldo was packing his bags and returning to the station.
It was big news when the son of a billionaire disappeared. This was the biggest story since the sudden disappearance of the heir to the Wayne fortune, Bruce Wayne, from Gotham City two years ago.
Every news station devoted hours of coverage to the story a day. There were interviews with people who had met Lex at one point, several citizens of Smallville, but no one that Clark been particularly close to.
At first, every station, every news personality seemed dedicated to finding Lex alive and bringing him back to civilization.
Recently, the focus had changed to finding Lex's corpse and returning it to Metropolis for a burial.
Kal tried to avoid the television news, but it was everywhere. Lionel Luthor controlled Metropolis. This family drama, this tradedgy enveloped the city, the reports blending in and becoming the overwhelming background noise of the city.
He kept his temper in the city, mostly. If he didn't, what did it matter? Metropolis was full of strangers. People here were disposable. If he angered someone, he could always charm someone else, find another temporary friend to chill with.
It got the best of him at night, when he was alone in his spacious and empty apartment.
He'd lash out at the television set- leaving it in shambles for the cleaning crew to take care of. At last count, he'd destroyed about a dozen sets. But hey, it was okay. They were just junk, just like everything else in Kal's life was.
The power of the red meteor rock helped Kal not to care, but it couldn't erase his memories, the memories that haunted him even as he tried to forget. There were times that he stopped fighting them, times when he removed the ring and Clark broke down.
He'd injured his mother, almost killed her, and destroyed what would have been his little brother or sister. After years of chasing her, he'd finally had Lana Lang for his very own, and he'd left her behind in Smallville, in a trail of dust. His friendship with Chloe was non-existent now.
And Lex…Lex was dead.
That hurt the most of all.
His friend…his best friend…gone. Forever. The story of his life was abruptly cut short and….he blamed himself.
If he'd been there, he could have saved Lex's life once again, as he had the day of the car crash, as he'd done countless times since then. He had let Lex down by not being there, by not running all over the world looking for him. He had super powers, dammit, and he could have…should have used them. Had the tables been turned, Clark knew that Lex would have left no stone unturned.
The pain and the anger overwhelmed him, and Clark would lash out, destroying everything in the apartment, in a fit of anger and rage.
When he was done, when his energy was spent, Kal would put his ring on, and he'd no longer care.
Tonight, his rage had been triggered by a news conference where Lionel had called off the search for Lex and announced plans for a memorial ceremony.
Hot bitter tears fell down Clark's face as he destroyed the apartment. Clark felt pain, because somewhere, deep inside, he'd held a shimmer of hope that Lex was still alive.
Kal felt nothing.
He tried to be two men, both the caring, feeling, and devastated Clark, as well as the detatched, aloof, and cool Kal.
He failed miserably at both.
He was stuck in a state of being that he couldn't change, a vicious circle within the shadow of a life.