Chapter 6
Captain Widdershins and Phil had woken up and now the sailing ship, the Siren, was speeding toward the rendezvous point with Fernald. Captain Widdershins wanted to arrive early to surprise Fernald and give him the joyous news about Fiona's marriage. Klaus was not sure Fernald and his sweetheart would feel very joyous.
"Ummm, Fiona," Klaus said. "Does Fernald's girlfriend have a very deep voice?"
"Yes," said Fiona. "It's a low, deep voice, but very pleasant."
"Does she have an aura of menace?" asked Klaus.
"I'd call it an aura of power. She wasn't menacing to us," said Fiona. "Do you know her?"
"I'm afraid I do," said Klaus. "I met her on Mount Fraught. I saw her kidnap the children that Count Olaf used for rowing slaves. She also wanted Sunny thrown off the mountain. Some people call her the woman with hair and no beard."
"No!" said Fiona. "It can't be. Fernald wouldn't fall for a woman like that... would he?"
"He might. He's used to villainy after working for so many years with Olaf," said Klaus. "If she orders Fernald to get rid of me, I don't know if our marriage will be enough to protect me."
"We won't let her!" said Fiona fiercely. "But maybe it won't be as bad as you think. Let's see what happens when we meet Fernald."
Sunny and Quigley were speeding by helicopter to the same point (though of course they didn't know about the rendezvous).
"Hector home!" called Sunny, pointing to the self-sustaining hot-air mobile home low in the sky ahead of them. Slow leaks has caused it to lose altitude steadily overnight.
"I see it," said Quigley, "And there's the submarine that's attacking it."
As he spoke, a hatch opened in the top of the Carmelita and a cloud of eagles boiled out (a phrase which has nothing to do with the water cycle but which means that the eagles emerged swiftly and tumultuously).
"Let's see if that eagle repellant you made works," said Quigley.
Quigley flew the helicopter directly over the Deus Ex Machina (which was Hector's name for the self-sustaining hot air mobile home) and Sunny tipped pot after pot of her eagle-repelling concoction out of the door at the bottom. The wind from the copter blades spread it evenly over the balloon's surface.
The eagles swooped in to claw at the balloon, but the instant their nostrils caught a pungent whiff of Sunny's repellant they pulled out of their dives. So powerful was the brew that their conditioning was broken, and they all flew screeching away, never to be seen by Fernald again, heedless of his angry toots on the bird-whistle.
"Stinkout!" whooped Sunny in triumph.
They saw Fernald duck back inside the submarine, his face red with rage. A moment later, a long mechanical arm stretched out of the hatch. The end of it unfolded to form a large, flat surface. Too late, Sunny remembered Olaf's boast about an extra attack feature of the Carmelita.
"Swatter!" she warned.
It was too late. The swatter came down hard on the top of the copter, breaking the rotor. The copter dropped onto the top of the Deus Ex Machina, causing the already-weakened balloon to begin to collapse. Quigley and Sunny scrambled out of the bottom of the helicopter and clung to the smelly surface by the small rips left by previous eagle attacks. They got out just in time, because the swatter slipped under the helicopter like a tanning-salon spatula and flipped it off into the sea.
The Deus Ex Machina slowly lost altitude until it hit the surface of the water. Sunny saw the Carmelita closing in, and Fernald and Jarvis preparing to board, looking murderous. Quigley, looking the other direction, saw a fast sailing ship heading their way.
The Siren sailed up between the Carmelita and the Deus Ex Machina.
"Fernald!" Fiona yelled "What are you doing?"
Fernald cursed under his breath. "Rescuing these poor people whose balloon just crashed, of course," he said aloud.
Captain Widdershins and the crew of the Siren pulled Hector, Duncan, Isadora, Quigley, and Sunny out of the water. There were tearful reunions. Klaus hugged Sunny. Quigley hugged his siblings. All the Quagmires hugged Klaus and Sunny (though Sunny was still unhappy with Quigley).
"Violet?" Sunny asked Klaus.
Klaus shook his head. "Still missing."
Quigley looked extremely upset at hearing this. Duncan looked worried.
"We didn't just crash," Hector told Captain Widdershins. "He's been trying to bring us down for two days and he finally succeeded."
"Who do you trust?" Fernald asked. "Me, or a bunch of V.F.D. agents?"
"You. Aye!" said the Captain.
"Them!" said Klaus at the same instant.
Fernald stared at Klaus. "You? What are you doing here?"
"He's my husband!" cried Fiona, putting an arm around Klaus.
"Aye, they were married last night," said Widdershins.
Fernald cursed under his breath again.
"We can't trust anyone who works for the V.F.D.," Fernald said. "I'm going to put them all in the brig. Except Klaus, for your sake, Fiona."
Sunny, the Quagmires, and Hector were shocked. Klaus was married into the enemy gang that was taking them prisoner! Sunny gave Klaus a curious look. Duncan, Quigley, and Hector each gave him a searching stare. Isadora gave him a hostile glare.
Fernald and Jarvis collected the prisoners. As he passed close to Klaus, Fernald whispered, "I have your sister and friends as hostages, so you'd better behave."
Jarvis marched the hostages down the hatch of the Carmelita.
"We need to collect something off the airship before it sinks," Fernald said. "Klaus, come with me. I need your bookworm skills."
"I'm coming too," said Fiona, not trusting Fernald alone with Klaus.
Fernald, Klaus, and Fiona boarded the sinking Deus Ex Machina and quickly located a large room with shelves full of books.
"Why are there so many books?" Fernald complained. "I just need one, the book about the Female Finnish Pirates."
"There's a card catalog over there," Fiona pointed out.
"A card what?" asked Fernald.
Klaus began to flip through the subject index. "Pianos, Pietas,.. no Pirates. Not under Female or Finnish, either. Anything else that might be in the book?"
"The Isle of Forbidden Fruit," said Fernald reluctantly.
"Got it," said Klaus. "Under 753 for myths and legends."
They swiftly located the book and got out before the Deus Ex Machina sank.
"Why did you want a book about The Isle of Forbidden Fruit?" Fiona asked.
"That's where we're going next," said Fernald.