Mother
(Through the Flames)
Author: LVB
Disclaimer: George is the man. LVB doesn't own.
Summary: Post Star by Star. He was gone. And she had felt it.
A/N: I haven't read this particular EU novel, so please think of it as AU or creative writer's license if I take this event and twist it my way. This is being posted in celebration of LVB completing her first year at university. /throws confetti everywhere/ Enjoy!
It was like Alderaan had been destroyed again. So much life had been wasted. And yet, in the aftermath, all there had been was the searing pain of grief. There was loss, guilt and heartache. But Leia hadn't touched the Force back then.
She suffered without the harsh connection the destruction of Alderaan had left with Obi-Wan. Luke had told her even he had felt the small glimmer of pain. But now, Leia was trained. She knew how to touch the Force, to let it consume her whole. And it brought with it not the solace she sought, but the empty void she was looking to replace.
She had felt it.
The very fact that the Force shook her body and assaulted it with a myriad of senses astounded her. For a brief second, she didn't know what was going on. But then it hit her. It wasn't the pain that scared her the most. It was the vast emptiness that consumed her. It was as if something in the Force that used to be there was now gone.
She had felt it.
She cried out in an attempt to express the utter devastation that rocked her body. It couldn't be…it was impossible. She reached out only to find hard, empty nothingness. He was gone.
And she had felt it.
Everything after that had gone into a blur. Voices and faces appeared but nothing registered. How could it- her son, her baby, was gone. Tears fell from her eyes and she groaned. It was true…Anakin was gone. He had sacrificed himself to save them. Her baby was gone because he had the damned Skywalker sacrifice gene.
It hadn't even occurred to her to check with Han yet. She could only imagine what he must be going through. She knew those same emotions were flowing through her at that very moment. She and Han had lost their son and nothing, nothing would be able to fix that.
She resented the Force. She resented her heart and how it pumped the blood through her veins and kept her alive, while her son was dead. She resented her bond to her children. Not only did she feel Anakin's void, she felt both Jacen and Jaina's anguish. It was too much for her to bear. She was their mother. But she hadn't counted on this.
She hadn't counted on feeling them.
She curled up in a ball and let the tears run freely. This wasn't like her, Leia Organa-Solo. She would never let anybody see her broken. But this was different. She was a mother who had just lost part of herself. She held her nephew close.
He was gone.
--
She stood, looking into the pyre that held her son's body. It was the typical Jedi burial custom. While she had wanted to scream and hold onto her son's body, she knew this is what he would have wanted. A hero's death. She owed him that much.
Luke stood beside her and gently squeezed her hand. "She was lucky, Luke," Leia whispered to her brother. Luke looked at her, puzzled.
She wiped away a renegade tear. "Our mother, Luke. She died for us. She knew that if she were to live, she would be faced with this pain…this emptiness every day of her life. She spared herself. She knew she wouldn't be able to handle losing a child."
She stopped to gather her strength. "And our father. He must have felt the same grief and emptiness I'm trying to hide now. It's devastating. I understand. Nobody should outlive their children, Luke. And nobody should have to feel their children die."
Anakin Solo was dead.
She had felt it. And now, she watched through the flames as his body turned to ashes.