Kaylee was cold, barely listening to River and Wash talk and sing at her over the squawk box. Didn't they know she spent most of her time quiet and peaceful with Serenity? All this talking was wearing her out. And without cues from River's face, more'n half of what she said made well … less than no sense. Kaylee worried she'd not taken her meds….

"You still there, Kaylee?" Wash asked for the hundredth time.

"Not likely to be anywhere else."

"River got bored and left me – my whole soprano section, just gone." He sounded dejected.

Kaylee smiled but didn't bother speaking. Wash didn't need his audience to comment.

"Captain said to talk to you." Wash defended himself.

"That's real nice, Wash." Kaylee yawned. "Go check on the Preacher and see how he's doing. They shoulda been done by now."

"Sure you don't want me to sing?" Wash laughed.

"Please, not again." Kaylee's sigh seemed to go on forever.

"Well come along then." Wash must have grabbed a squawk box.

Kaylee rolled her eyes and burrowed into the blankets. What she wouldn't give for a cup of hot tea or better facilities than that filthy little room kept no better than the engine.

"Look who woke up!" Wash's booming voice startled Kaylee from her dreams of a decent toilet.

"Get that gorram thing out of my face!" Mal shouted.

"Kaylee commands me to check on her maniacal and mechanically challenged minions, so it is up to you to speak forth of interesting things. Here. Your turn." Wash must have seen something in the Captain's face to silence his discourse.

"Kaylee?" Mal sounded dry and hoarse.

"It's surely comfortin to hear your voice rather than Wash singin." Kaylee laughed visualizing the slight smile Mal would allow himself. She palmed a fat tear from her cheek.

"Zoe's working on a plan, so don't you be gettin comfortable over there." Mal didn't sound as angry as Wash claimed.

"Yes, Cap'n." Kaylee nodded though he couldn't see her.

He must have put the squawk box against his chest, she could hear him breathing. It was a welcome sound and her eyes drifted closed to better hear the rhythm. His voice became part of her fantasy of hot coffee and chubby strawberries when he spoke again.

"You doin OK?"

"Juss sleepy." She hugged the box and the gentle sound of breathing to her cheek.

"Won't be much longer." Mal promised and hoped to keep it.

---oooo---

Wash and Zoe came into the infirmary, halting their banter when Mal's frown slammed into them. He was squirming off the exam table, or trying to.

"What?" Wash asked.

"She's falling asleep. Has it been that long?" Mal tried to see the chronometer on the wall.

"Not more'n five hours since we started working on the wreck." Zoe answered.

"Did she turn the heat on over there?" Mal tried to stand but didn't quite make it. He was clutching his head with one hand, the box with the other.

"Let's just ask her." Wash snatched the box from Mal. "Hey, Kaylee? You turn the heat on?"

"Gotta save fuel. Sealant works better in cold." She sounded tired.

"No need to keep it cold as the black. Turn the heat on for a bit. What's the atmo readings look like?" Zoe asked, looking to her husband with concern.

"I pulled the panel." Kaylee offered a defense before anyone could fuss at her. "That panel will bring us a good barter at the Scrap King's. These old atmo panels don't come along-"

"Check the circulator. Is it wheezing?" Wash shook his head at Mal when he tried to grab the box. To Zoe he said, "She's probably re-circulating crappy atmo. She's thorough, didn't leave nothing useful on that crate."

"Not wheezing but sure is huffin and puffin. Yanked the adjuster so there's nothin I can do about it." Kaylee giggled like she'd been drinking her own hooch. "Sure as hell ain't gonna turn the heat on now."

Wash tossed the box at Mal and took off for the bridge. Swearing under his breath about naked boats and overzealous scrappers.

Mal used Zoe to haul himself up.

"I think you should get back on the bed, sir." Zoe almost didn't shove him.

"Try and control yourself, woman." Mal yanked his arm free of her grip and swung toward the infirmary door.

"I'll try, sir." Zoe caught him, then steered him back toward the bed.

Wasn't much Mal could do other than collapse. His leg was twitchy, refusing to obey him. He was also pretty sure someone had put a few of River's brain bits in his skull. That must be why the room looked all … wavery.

"You just stay here and think up punishment for Kaylee when we get her back. We're about ready to go. Doc is checking the tube we've rigged up, making sure it'll hold adequate pressure and atmo. Jayne's suiting up." Zoe lifted his legs and heaved the rest of him up the exam table.

"Wash gonna fly the shuttle?" Mal relaxed.

"Shepherd is." Zoe extended her hands to her side, defensively, "He says he can. No reason to doubt him. Wash has to get Serenity ready to rabbit out of here. Don't want to hang around until that wreck's engine core spews."

Mal rubbed his face, trying to think. "How ya gonna get her to open the gorram door? If she thinks Jayne or the shuttle is gonna get blasted she won't budge."

Zoe tugged the blanket up, stifling her grin as best she could. "One step at a time, sir."

She waited until the Captain's eyes closed before checking on progress.

---oooo---

Jayne got the docking tube from the shuttle sealed good enough to the hatch door. It would hold atmo, according to Simon and Zoe, for about twelve minutes, thirteen with luck. Even if the pod blew when Kaylee opened the door, the pressure ought to shoot them up like a cork from a bottle of shimmer wine. Would be a rough ride but ought to work. Kaylee was as stubborn as Mal predicted. Her thoughts were also slightly out of focus due to the crappy atmo. She would not unlock the door.

Not when Jayne threatened and not when the Shepherd coaxed and not when Zoe tried to reason with her and not when Wash sang. Simon tried to explain, from the bridge of Serenity, about the debilitating effect of improperly mixed atmo on her mental faculties.

River snorted like a pig from the doorway, "No wonder you only gets naked on statues."

She stomped down the stairs and clattered away muttering about explaining atmospheric conditions to someone in space like a gorram weather announcer on Boros.

"She's doing well today." Wash noted.

Simon glared at Wash, wincing as his sister's foul words echoed through Serenity.

"Just tell Jayne to get back on the shuttle and then I'll unlock the door." Kaylee told anyone who was listening.

"You think I'm a moon brain?" Jayne shouted over the channel, kicking at the door and shouting. "Open this door, gorramit."

"You just want my body. But you can't have it. Not all bug-eyed and bloated and hauntin dreams forever. Just go away!"

"What?" Simon had visions of River and Kaylee trading places or worse, both offering incomprehensible commentary on life in the 'verse and the evils of can labels trying to impose themselves on….

"Get out of the way." River called from the stairs. She was half dragging Mal onto the bridge.

"Zoe?" Mal meant to shout.

"You were right, sir." Zoe answered from the shuttle. "She won't open the door. Something about her body and bugs eyes haunting dreams."

Wash helped Mal into the second seat and reached for the mic above his head but didn't switch it over. He warned the Captain, "She's a lot confused."

Mal blinked, it hurt to much to nod. He wasn't sure, but he thought his head might just fall right off, mingling with dino shrubbery on the floor. Wash flipped the channel over to the Captain. "Kaylee?"

"Cap'n, tell 'em to back off with that shuttle. There's bubbles in the seal. It ain't safe for 'em to hover out there!" Kaylee pleaded.

"Kaylee, you gotta open that door and step out. Jayne ain't gonna leave till he's got you or he's bits." Mal waited to hear the lock shift on the wreck.

"Cap'n I just can't. Please, tell 'em-"

"No. I'm telling you. All the time, telling me to have faith in people, you are. Now, you're gonna send Jayne to his death in shame that you didn't trust him. Or is it that you don't trust me to tell you the truth?" Mal shoved Simon away from the communications switch. "It's just one step, Kaylee, no one can take it for you."

The lock shifted and Kaylee jumped at Jayne, latching on so tight he nearly choked. The pod held long enough to get the hatch locked. It blew before the shuttle was sealed and there were a few thrilling heroics and amazing flying by the Shepherd. Soon as the shuttle docked, Wash hit full burn toward Three Hills. The blaze of the wreck's engine core left a faint blast mark along Serenity's starboard thruster, the only evidence of a job that got done….

---oooo---

River was swinging in the hammock, humming a lively melody, keeping time with her boot tapping against the wall with each sway.

"They did a fine job." Kaylee boasted, not mentioning the two connectors she had to re-seat or the knot of wires she deftly untangled. "You comin to eat? Shepherd is cookin tonight."

River just kept swingin, an easy smile on her face. Kaylee covered the girl with a crazy quilt she'd picked up on Persephone a few years back, leaving River to her music and pleasant dreams. Without realizing it, Kaylee took up the tune as she headed to the kitchen.

Simon nodded at her as he came up the stairs. "You've seen River."

Kaylee frowned, "She's sleepin in my hammock. How'd you know?"

"That tune your humming, she composed it." Simon grinned and Kaylee laughed.

"Of course." She sidled by him when Jayne called 'em to come and eat.

Simon went to find River. As Kaylee said, she was dozing in the hammock. He leaned in the doorway, thankful for her relaxed state. When her eyes popped open, he nearly fell across the hatch it was so startling to see her go from ease to alert. She rolled to her side and grinned at him.

"If you let me edit your essay, I'll give you a turn in the swing."

Simon grinned. "I don't think my ego couldn't take it, mei mei."

"Too bad." River shrugged, resuming her swinging and humming.

Simon embraced the moments of peace. He closed his eyes and the melody splashed across his weary soul.

---oooo---

"I thought you might like to see this." The Shepherd sat on the stool in the infirmary. He'd been on his way to bed when he heard the Captain, stirring restlessly.

"What is it?" Mal sat up slowly, eyeing the book in the Shepherd's hands with animosity. "If you've brought me the word of God, Preacher, you're wasting your time."

Book shook his head. "I wouldn't give you what you already know by heart, Captain. No, this is the book Jayne and I used to mend Serenity."

Mal fingered the thick palm-sized book. "Pretty hefty for a bitty pin and board." The Captain placed his hand over it, near grinning at the Shepherd. "What is it? All the secrets of Serenity?"

"More than that, Captain." Book stood up and flipped the overhead light on. "I hope you pass an enlightening night."

"I didn't get a chance to say thank you earlier, droppin over like I did, but I am obliged for your part in tending Serenity and getting Kaylee off the wreck." Mal was at ease with this thanks giving. Not hard to thank a man who was not only talented but generous with his talents. He didn't bother to ask how a Preacher learned to fly shuttles. Wouldn't be no point.

"That's what a Shepherd does, Captain. Tend and get folks off wrecks." Book laughed, "Good night."

Mal was already opening the book in his lap before the Shepherd left the room. Book didn't have to watch, or prod. He left understanding in the hands of the Lord and Mal's heart. Whether there was any elastic left to the organ or not wasn't up to a Shepherd to decide….

"Wode tìan!" Mal's amazement carried to the Preacher's ears as he slid his door closed. Best to leave the Captain to wrestle in privacy.

Mal shook his head, like his eyes were deceiving him as he read Kaylee's oh so careful handwriting:
I'm making this so if something happens along the way - I don't leave you like they left you in Serenity Valley, with the not knowing what comes next burning holes in you. I think if you study this book, you'll know how to take care of Serenity like you want to. It's just to get you by, until your feet are stable on the deck and your hands are sure of what goes where.

In the blue envelope is a list of every thing I do. I hope it helps you see how things are connected. The brown envelope has a list of what hasn't been done that should be, as soon as you can. I put them in order. Wash can help you figure out where to get what you don't recognize.

When trading for parts - Take Wash, he's chattery and traders like that. They think they're hoodwinking you cause they're paying attention to Wash, not you doing the trading. I wrote all the proper names of parts so you can ask for them without shaming yourself. Most of it is diagrams or schematics I copied off the Cortex when I got time. You always need to see a thing to understand it.

Don't get discouraged. Taking your knowledge, like taking freedom, is hard work but it's better than waiting for someone to give it to you.

Mal must have read those words a dozen times and made note of the date she set the words down about the third time through. In a daze, he leafed through the pages. Stopping here and there to read directions, or turn the book so he could see the diagram. He kept repeating her name. First it was breathed with baffled mystery then indulgent tenderness, followed by shocked astonishment.

Simon didn't find the Captain in the infirmary the following morning. He was surprised to discover Mal sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee and a book. The Preacher was there, in the same position – the room like a library, Simon almost felt guilty for crunching on a piece of toast.

Mal slammed the book closed and stared at the Preacher. The Captain's intensity made Simon uncomfortable but didn't draw the attention of Shepherd Book. Mal waited. Simon expected the Captain could wait forever, if he had reason.

Shepherd book finally closed his Bible. Mal's jaw clenched, holding back something he didn't want to say. Sighing, the Shepherd rose from the table and took his cup to the sink. He stopped beside the Captain who still hadn't said a word. Slowly, as if afraid he'd shatter the man, the Shepherd put his hand on Mal's shoulder.

"The universe is seldom generous, as you well know. Might want to think on that Captain." His rumbling voice forced a shiver to run Simon's spine but released the tension from Mal's jaw.

"I'll do that, Preacher." Mal scooped up his book and made an ungraceful exit from the dining room. His leg was still twitchy and now … now his breath felt … tight, confused, like each lungful was just short of what he needed.

He dropped awkwardly down to his bunk and slept for three days. The chubby green book with the secrets of Serentity resting on the floor beside him.

---oooo---

Kaylee was done with the dishes when the Captain came down from the bridge. She headed toward the door and spoke over her shoulder, just as she had for the last week. "Coffee's hot and there's two cookies left. Night, Cap'n."

"Kaylee." Mal poured his coffee; not looking her direction but feeling her halt all the same. He snagged the two cookies she'd left out for him and winced when he turned around too quick. Leaning against the counter, he sipped his coffee before speaking. "Might as well get it over with, dontcha think?"

"I could avoid it a bit longer." She grinned and went to stand next to him, nudging his shoulder with her own. "Go ahead and fuss. I promise not to tell ya to shut up this time."

Mal choked on his cookie.

"I am sorry." Kaylee took the other cookie from his hand and munched without any evidence of regret.

"What are you sorry for exactly?" Mal cradled his cup, gazing at the dark liquid instead of Kaylee's amusement.

"For not telling you about the fissure in the wreck. For not telling you about the suit. For being all confused and arguing with Jayne and Zoe. For taking so long to remember my faith rests in folks I got no cause to doubt." Her face sank lower with each phrase, until she was whispering at her feet, the sweet of the cookie dust in her voice.

"And for telling me to shut up." Mal put his arm around her shoulder and she stiffened.

"Well, I ain't too sorry bout that." She chuckled before relaxing against him.

"Course not. It was the crappy atmo doing the talking."

"Crappy atmo. Kay, works for me." She shifted to move away but he held her still with the slightest pressure on her shoulder.

"Come and sit with me." He nudged her toward the nook off the dining area.

Kaylee drug her boots. "I'd rather ya get the fussin done with me on my feet, Cap'n."

"My leg is throbbing so you don't get your rathers." His hand slid to her elbow and she walked with him.

Kaylee sat down on the sofa. Mal settled on the table facing her. His hands met, palm to palm between his knees, but he didn't say nothing. Just sat there, staring at the shadows on the wall. Kaylee waited. She'd never been uncomfortable with the Captain's silences before, no real reason to be so now.

"Shepherd gave me the Captain Dummy Book." He still didn't look at her.

Kaylee felt her face flush bright and couldn't think of a blessed word to say. When Mal's hand brushed her cheek, she closed her eyes against the look she just knew was slathered all over his kind face. A little pity, maybe a hint of flattered, but none of the flare of heat or admiration she'd seen in his eyes on the wreck. That was probably the crappy atmo too. Her sigh stopped the tears from falling but not the lump choking her throat from rising.

"On this boat," Mal whispered, "No one has to die before telling someone how they feel. Lovin is no shame to hide away."

Kaylee's eyes popped open. She recoiled from his hand with a gasp. She wouldn't - couldn't look at him or listen to his tender words. Slapping her hands on her thighs, she lunged forward and stood up. "Night, Cap'n."

He let her stalk by him. "So you didn't mean it?"

"Mean what?" Kaylee just couldn't turn around and face him.

She heard him coming to her but still couldn't move to face or flee him. Her heart felt like it might shoot right out of her chest. He stepped in front of her, She focused her eyes on his shirt buttons, noticing that one was kinda cracked near the edge…

His hand nudged up her chin. She met his lips before he'd finished the notion. She kissed his smile, enhancing it with her own.

At the opposite door, Jayne and the Shepherd shook hands before turning to go work out with the weights.

"Sure that wasn't your leadin more'n the Lord's, Preacher?" Jayne flung his towel over a crate.

"I'm sure, Jayne." The Shepherd stood at the ready, a tender smile etching creases he welcomed.