Disclaimer: Firefly & Characters aren't mine. Money sure as heck isn't mine either (gorramit!). My heart is just dancing in their 'verse for a little while.

Exchanging Words – 6

Inara enjoyed tea, even in the middle of the night. On Serenity, night was a relative term, defined by when Wash wasn't on the bridge or when the majority of folks was sleeping.

Simon entered the kitchen, looking for a snack, and found Inara sitting at the table with her teapot and two cups. He sat down. She poured tea for each of them. Her hair streamed across one shoulder, pooling on the table, near her elbow. She placed a cup directly in front of her, centered as if she'd used a ruler. Simon listened to her breath; the irregular pattern he'd noted when he entered had returned to a calm, measured rate.

"I saw it coming, since the day I rented the shuttle." Inara swirled the cup with her hands, blending the sweet and bitter. Her gaze locked with Simon's, confidingly bright, "Inevitable, the commonalities masquerading as intimacy."

Simon folded his forearms on the table and leaned forward. He inhaled the contradiction between statement and emotion rising from her like incense.

Inara shrugged his interest aside. Her voice was more clinically detached than a first year resident. "She believes her bright embrace of the universe will chase away shadows. She is generous and loving, but it is a mistake to believe that's enough. It's based on the supposition that he wants to live in the light."

"Doesn't everyone?" Simon frowned, disturbed by Inara's barren expression.

"No, not everyone is comfortable in the light." Inara smiled, considering Simon with a narrowed gaze.

He flushed, "Actually, it seems less obvious to remain in the light. People search the shadows, expect us to be there."

She circled the cup with her hands, extending time the warmth within would last. "That's because you're hiding from others, he's hiding from himself."

"Mal isn't hiding or running." Simon leaned back, the spell broken when she glanced away. "He's living simply in harsh conditions."

Inara grinned at the description, "No, that's what you're doing."

Simon plunged ahead, "Back in the day, men shipped out and wandered the seas rather than serve on land. The freedom was a 'siren call' the legends say."

"Romantic illusions to justify the human expense involved in exploration and trade. Convince the easily manipulated there was value in roaming the world for someone else's profit." Inara sneered at Simon's example. "Propaganda to fill the markets and pockets of the titled."

Simon laughed. It landed offensively, like mud from a puddle against silk skirts. "I don't see Mal easy to manipulate or filling anyone's pockets."

"You monitor and observe the physical – you don't listen for what is unspoken." Inara sighed.

Simon's eyes narrowed, concern pinching his face. "Inara, surely you're aware that this assessment is not -"

"I was speaking of poor Kaylee." Inara waved her hand across her cup, redirecting the conversation more brutally than Jayne ever could.

He caught her hand and pressed it to the table. His fingers rested protectively over hers, "Poor Kaylee?"

A sigh passed Inara's painted lips, void of color only where she'd wiped a tea drop away. Her whisper was anguished, "He'll rip her heart out like a Reaver, leaving her flesh intact. She will be grateful for his kindness. But she will never be whole again."

Simon ran his soft thumb along her smooth knuckles. "They've been friend's for a long time."

Inara watched his thumb move back and forth, like a pendulum on a clock. The vein on the back of her hand kept cadence with his movements. "Until you came on board, he saw her as a child."

"The way Kaylee tells it, the day Mal hired her she was-"

Inara snatched her hand away, "You confuse mindless copulating with maturity."

"She's right." Kaylee walked into the room. Her hands gripped the back of the chair at the opposite end of the table. The tension in her knuckles the only revelation of hurt. "I will be grateful and there is a difference, though few seem to know it."

Simon stood up, a gentleman of breeding and habit, realizing he'd been used. Inara had intended Kaylee to believe he was a willing instrument. He sat back down when Kaylee nodded at him. Forgiveness was granted from Kaylee's smile, even before Simon thought to ask for it. He felt like a boob, again. Anger chilled him. Cruelty was an unbecoming shade for Inara to wear.

"I'm sorry." Inara said, her smile a fraction of what it might have been.

Kaylee nodded, no smile gentled her features. Her gaze darted to the opposite door, toward the crew quarters, beyond to the bridge. "Maybe ought to have … tea in your shuttle. Folks walk through here all the time. No call to wound nobody."

Inara slid from her chair, poised. Her voice didn't lower in volume, "Maybe it's better to be wounded purposely than cut down thoughtlessly."

Kaylee moved around the table. Her old coveralls were a patched contrast to the rich purple of Inara's gown, embroidered flowers scrolling down the sleeves. The proper armor mattered to Inara; Kaylee didn't notice. Simon longed for a ceramic suit.

Kaylee's eyes were glazed, like the day they'd played Tracy's recording. Inara pushed strands of hair from Kaylee's face and tucked them behind her ear. Embarrassed by her action, Inara folded her hands together, centering. The color washed from Kaylee's face but she remained unmoving.

"I'm just … worried, mei mei. What happens when he goes looking for his next cause? When he walks away? Or worse," Inara sneered. "When another Saffron comes along. Someone with more … what happens to you?"

Kaylee whispered. "I'll remember that's the nature of the 'verse. Hopefully, meet sadness with dignity."

The crack of Inara's hand across Kaylee's cheek didn't surprise Kaylee. She saw the intent in Inara's eyes, but didn't evade the strike.

The engine hummed. Water dripped in the sink. Simon sucked air between his teeth like a hiss he couldn't control. Inara launched herself at Kaylee. Ungainly, arms, hair and a sob torn from her heart, "Please. Forgive me! I never meant to-"

Kaylee bundled Inara close. "Shh. I know. The 'verse makes no sense. I understand. Shh, please don't cry, you'll ruin your dress…." With measured steps, Kaylee led Inara from the kitchen to her shuttle. All the way, whispering understanding words in Inara's ear, until the shuttle door closed.

Simon placed the cups on Inara's fancy tray and carted it to the sink. He nearly dropped the pottery when he saw Mal standing in the doorway from the bridge. The Captain's face was grim, flushed with anger.

Simon tried, "Mal-"

Mal stepped past Simon and poured a cup of coffee, gulping the lukewarm sludge. "More'n enough said, to my way of thinking."

"All right." Simon set the tray on the counter. "Good night, Captain."

Mal nodded. His jaw clenched tight. No words would escape.

Simon was halfway down the stairs when he heard the pottery hit the deck. He nearly turned around. But, River was sitting on the bottom step, wrapped in a large bathrobe, cuddling a mug of something chocolaty looking. She smiled when he sat down and accepted her gift.

"Rip off the bandage." She leaned her head on his shoulder.

"Wrong answer, Dr. Tam." Simon snorted, leaning his head on hers. "It's just as easy to soak it off. Less painful and it doesn't irritate the skin surrounding the injury."

"How do you bandage a heart?" River wondered, plucking at loose threads, frayed from hands stuffing themselves into the pockets.

Simon laughed, "You don't. You suture, pack it, drain it, sew flesh over it, but bandaging a heart would kill the patient."

"Hearts have to bleed." River stood up, releasing threads from her hand like snow across Simon's hair.

Simon watched her graceful sway and chugged the pretend chocolate. She paused at the door of her room, looking over her shoulder, waiting for the nightly ritual.

"Brat." He whispered.

She stuck her tongue out then slid her door closed quietly, so no one else was disturbed.

--oooo—

Kaylee didn't look up when Mal's boots appeared a few feet from her hand. She continued picking the pottery shards from the deck. He'd been on the bridge, stomping and cussing, when she came back to the kitchen. Best to leave him to his venting – leaning over steam in an over heated engine could fry your flesh. Inara hadn't heard the dishes breaking, but Kaylee had, felt every piece shatter into her heart. Ached for everyone, wondered how to love folks more, couldn't figure it out and decided to fix what she could.

"Need'nt pretend you didn't hear." Kaylee kept dropping bits of Inara's teapot and cups into a bowl she'd grabbed from the cabinet.

Mal huffed and squatted to help clear the mess.

Kaylee weighed a small piece in her hand before releasing it in the wooden bowl. "There's broken pretties in her shuttle too. Never meant to – she's so soft inside, ya don't see that until she's - "

She looked up, frustrated by the words that wouldn't come out slowly, gently, like she wanted. A bright red spot stained her left cheek. His hand caressed it, thumbing the tears away. He drew a breath to say something but she shook her head.

"Not now. Maybe later when the words aren't boilin mad. Or maybe never." She kissed his palm and went back to picking up the pieces. Asking for mercy as she stretched for a large brown shard, "Don't hurt her back just cause you can."

Mal nodded. Couldn't help smiling at the splash of pleasure in Kaylee's eyes because he'd agreed without a fuss. He tossed another sliver into the bowl and mocked, "Not gonna nag for my promise?"

She embraced his teasing with relief, "No need."

His hand stopped hers from picking up the next bit. His smile was gone; concern shadowed his face.

"If you tell me you're sorry, I'm gonna let ya clean up your own mess." Kaylee muttered. She stiffened when his hand tightened.

He thumbed her palm. She unbent enough to meet his gaze. His gentle, lopsided grin, given despite anger pulsing inside, softened her.

Kaylee shook her head; gathering more slivers with her other hand. "Didn't want to feel as bad as Inara did, so I kept my mouth shut. I'm selfish about feelin right inside, best you know that."

Mal stood up. Hands on his hips, he gazed down at her, enjoying the way her backside moved about as she bent to check under the lip of the sink. In view of … the view, his growl came easily, "Being right inside is worth being selfish over."

Kaylee followed him to her feet. The wooden bowl was pressed to her heart, squeezed between her arms, clenched by her hands. She shrugged, not really looking at him, more off to the side of his face. Mal took the bowl and set it on the counter. He crossed his arms and watched her face.

"You said she was right." He said, "What you mean by that?"

Kaylee brushed her hands along his arms. He opened them to her. Resting her cheek against his heart she whispered, "There is a difference between mindless sex and maturity."

"Seems odd words from a whore." He regretted his choice of word the second he felt her stiffen.

"I'm more whore than she is." Kaylee rubbed her stinging cheek across his buttons, easing the weight crushing him without realizing it. "I new what I was about, just to get a glimpse of the ship."

Mal's sigh journeyed from deep in his chest. "Serenity would tempt anyone."

"That's nice of you. But it ain't true. Weren't the first hot engine I seen." Kaylee lifted her face from his chest. She touched his jaw with trembling fingers, tracing it to the vein that was throbbing in his neck. Her thumb remained there, measuring his hurt with each pulse. "You call Inara whore to remind you. So you remember what you feel for her might be some trick of training she's using on ya. You think Companions fool you into thinking there's something special about being chosen. Whores are honest about what they've chosen. I hear it every time you say it. You only hurt yourself when ya speak the word. It agitates a mess of hurt."

Mal cupped her head to his heart. His rough fingers tangled in her hair, he quietly chided, "I've come to notice you have a disturbing habit of avoiding my questions by distracting me. Not comfortable with that, Kaylee." He caressed his cheek with her hair, inhaling the scent of sunshine that came from within Kaylee, no matter how dark it was. "What did you mean?"

Kaylee sniffed, "You won't never lie to me. I won't never lie to you. And if you find some cause to be on the right side of, I'll tend Serenity till ya get back or tell me to go. Not being seen inside, all that I am, that would be worse than hurtin after…."

Mal put her at arm's length, seeing the glint in her eyes, torn between amused and a pout. "If I asked you to come?"

"I'd never look back." Her hand rested above his as he squeezed her shoulder, relieved. "Reckon you know that. I'm just feedin your prideful ways."

"Oh, no doubt." He smirked, tucked her close, wondering how he'd never noticed Kaylee observing every little detail of him.

"You done?" Kaylee yawned.

"No. I'm still sorting through the lists you and Wash dumped in my lap. Meeting with Monty at the Scrap King's tomorrow. He waved me just a bit ago, eager for profit." Mal rubbed his cheek along the crown of her hair, knocking loose her knot without remorse. He loved the feel of her hair, when had he not enjoyed touching it, her? Suddenly, he couldn't remember that far back….

"Want help?" Kaylee looked up, absorbing the flare of desire before Mal thrashed it away.

"Get some sleep, gotta have you fresh for bartering so's Monty gets a tidy profit." Mal kissed her forehead, gentle as a feather. Kaylee grinned when he drew so quickly away.

"I thought it was real sweet, you wantin to wait till we was on Beaumonde to 'explore these developments' but it ain't easier to wait than I thought it would be." She hauled his face close, kissed him with enough energy to keep him awake through a dozen lists. Swirling by him, she swatted his backside. The action as much as the sound made Mal laugh – though he would have claimed it was a choke of deep offense.

No one looking at his smug grin woulda believed him.

--ooo—

"Where's Kaylee?" Inara asked.

If she was looking for Kaylee, what the hell was she doing on the bridge? Mal thought, barely glancing at her before returning to the clipboard he'd been studying. He flipped to the next page with a righteous snap.

"Mal," Inara breathed, "I want to apologize. I had no right-"

"Damn straight." Mal flipped to another page, and another, crossing items off the list with enough force to dent the hull of Serenity. "You walked in on a kiss the other day: one kiss with a bit of heavy breathing. You act like we're humpin in the cargo bay before the Shepherd and every passerby. We ain't even - You made it sound like – and you had the doc there -"

"I was wrong to involve Simon – to interfere." Inara clasped her hands on her elbows. "I am sorry."

He tossed the clipboard on the console, "Kaylee's mighty hurt."

"And you?" Inara blurted out, stepping back as if she could withdraw the force of the question.

Mal shook his head.

Inara rolled her eyes, waving her hand before him, "What are you afraid to say? It's never stopped you before?"

Mal gulped a breath and drew words. "You say I walk away – hell woman, you've made a career of it. You are a Companion, for the length of the contract. Your choices, your contracts, you go where you want, when you want because you want – why would I ask for less in this 'verse? Why would Kaylee?"

"Kaylee?" Inara shook her head, confused by Mal's focus.

Mal laughed as he flopped back in the pilot's seat, propping his feet on the console. "You offering her better?"

Inara rolled her eyes but couldn't stop the devilish twitch of her lips. Leaning on the console, she put her hand on his knee. "Mal, you must see, you will consume her -"

"You act like she's a wobbly headed doll! She has strength. She just uses it different, but her aims truer than Zoe or Jayne. She ain't afraid to show her feelings, less it hurts someone. Freedom don't scare her– only scared of failing folks." Mal yanked his legs from her reach.

Planting his feet on the deck, he leaned his elbows on his knees and stared at his hands. Mal's eyes reflected warmth. Not the, oh so familiar, blazing irritation, more a steady ember that burnt long after the fire grew cold. She watched him, lost in his thoughts. Not plans, obstacles to overcome or working out a job, but … thoughts from somewhere other than his need to remain free and independent.

Inara was stunned. She intended to chide Mal for his wobbly head but noticed Kaylee in the doorway. Exasperated, Inara demanded, "Do you spend all your time eavesdropping?"

"No." Kaylee grinned, "Sometimes folks actually talk with me instead of about me."

Mal snorted, "Well I'm talking at you. Is everything packed up so's Jayne can load it?" Kaylee nodded. He picked up the clipboard to hand off to her. "Finished this list you greedy folks made. Half is for sure. Three items, maybe. The rest… only if Monty is re-married to that woman when we meet up with him and I win the bet. "

Kaylee slapped her thigh with the clipboard, "Oooh, wouldn't that be interesting?"

"No." Mal turned back to the stars.

Skimming through the pages, Kaylee wandered back the way she came. Calling over her shoulder, "Wash ain't gonna be happy you crossed off item number two again. Neither is Zoe."

"Tough." Mal shouted back. "Put some coffee on and thin that list down to a more reasonable length. We ain't rich as the King of Londinium."

"Yes, Cap'n." Kaylee skipped to the kitchen.

Inara stomped her foot. "You two are sickening! Don't you ever think about anything but jobs and flying?"

Mal flipped a switch and Kaylee set cups on the counter. At the same time, they answered, "No."

In a swish of skirts and indignation, Inara left the bridge. Jayne was emerging from his bunk. With every molecule of her frustration, Inara used her hip to shove the man out of her way. He landed at the bottom of his ladder.

"What the hell did I do?" Jayne's plaintive shout rattled the deck.

By the time Jayne re-emerged, Inara was gone. The coffee was done and Kaylee was chirping good morning at him as she returned to the bridge. Instead of his usual complaint about her cheerfulness, he nodded before stalking to the kitchen in silence.

Kaylee set the clipboard on the console with the coffee. She took the second seat and raised her eyebrows at Mal, "I ain't telling Wash and Zoe about item number two. You're the Cap'n, you tell 'em."

"You needn't think you're gonna wheedle me into givin in on item number two." Mal glared at her. "It ain't worked before, not likely to work now."

"Maybe I'll just use my strength, force ya to get it." Giggling spoiled the effect of Kaylee's threat.

Mal's bark of laughter was enough to startle Jayne. He sloshed boiling coffee on his hand. Shaking his hand under the cold water, he muttered, "Laughing Captain's. Next it will be singing and dancing Reavers! Whole gorram 'verse is goin nuts and trying to take me with it."

--oooo--

Inara was half under her low table; picking up glass bits and muttering about syrup so sweet it choked the universe. Wiping her smile away, Kaylee cleared her throat and walked in to Inara's shuttle.

"Is it eavesdropping when ya can hear it clear in the cargo bay?" She asked.

Inara snapped upright. Her face was irritated like the shards were grinding into her soul. Kaylee tilted her head, "Want some help or would ya rather just grouch?"

"Bring me that can, my skirt is full." Inara waved toward the cockpit of the shuttle and sat on her heels.

Kaylee set the can between them and knelt down to help. "Sure were pretty dishes to be bustin up."

"Yes, they were." Inara shook the fragments into the can. Several of them broke against each other, multiplying the waste.

"You found clients on Beaumonde? Cap'n says we might be there a week long." Kaylee scooped small bits with a larger piece, licking her thumb to get the finest dust.

"I'm booked up. All but one day." Inara grudgingly admired Kaylee's ability to spot the crystal shrapnel.

"You gonna stay mad at me?" Kaylee added more pieces to the trash.

"I'll get over it." Inara shrugged, stretching to reach a section of a crystal decanter.

"Reckon it will be anytime soon?" Kaylee crawled toward the bed and fished potions of stemware from beneath.

"I'm not sure." Inara walked over with the can and dropped it next to Kaylee with a ringing thud. Inara sank to the bed, floating back to rest. Extending her arms above her head, she sighed, "Why did I bother? The two of you are more stubborn than … well, I can't think of anyone more stubborn."

Kaylee stretched out beside Inara, propping her head on her hand. "You figure I'm gonna hurt him tragically?"

The smile on Inara's face was easy, familiar with Kaylee's humor that hid a depth of longing. Inara covered her stomach, like she was hungry. "You make it so easy…."

"Good." Kaylee nudged her with her knee and they laughed like children.

Rolling to her side, Inara bit her lip, trying to explain what made no sense, even to her. "You never once said … I never even guessed…."

Kaylee shrugged. "I always thought it was obvious enough."

"But you chased Simon, wanted him?" Inara frowned.

Again Kaylee shrugged. "He seemed to need someone. Cap'n don't. Cap'n just wants."

"And Simon is shiny." Inara tucked her hand under her cheek, watching Kaylee.

Kaylee grinned, "He is that."

"I was just angry you know." Inara sighed.

"No. You ain't angry, except maybe at yourself for caring so much. But … you ain't jealous as you think you should be either. Just sorry for me, worried cause you think I can't be enough…. It's not tragic, Inara, honest. Ain't nuttin but flattered for now. A different way of looking he ain't even sure of yet. Might never be." Kaylee sat up, gazing into the can of broken pretties.

"When I go, will you miss me?" Inara whispered. The ache in her voice sliced Kaylee deeper than false reassurance would have.

Kaylee jerked to her feet, stiff as a beam holding the engine to the deck. "More'n you'll believe."

"He won't." Inara sneered as she sat up.

Turning to face Inara, Kaylee shook her head. "Reckon that's easier to believe. Don't make it so. You warm up the ship with worldly reminders. The things most of us will never have or know – you show us. Kindly, even when we ain't kind. We may not desire those things but they're … exciting to imagine … to just know they exist."

Inara's brows curved low over her startled eyes. Kaylee was supposed to fight back or comfort, not … know. "I – I don't understand."

"You're like … someone else's present at a party. We get to watch them open it and see their joy. For a time, we envy them, want what they got. But, it's easy to see we're too rough for such elegance. Don't mean we don't long to know about the gift, to maybe, want to touch it, just a little, know the pleasure it brings. Don't mean we want it to be gone from our lives." Kaylee scrubbed tears from her face, wiping her sleeve across her eyes in frustration.

Inara stood up, her legs trembling and unable to move with any purpose.

"He'll miss you, if you go. He won't say so." Kaylee flinched from Inara's sympathy. "But, I'll say it. So often he'll remember only the pleasure of the gift, not the hurtin."

Inara reached for Kaylee, to comfort, apologize or thank her, Inara wasn't even sure. Kaylee shook her head, smiled and nodded before leaving the room. Inara had watched House Priestesses move with less grace. She had thought such bearing beyond mortal attainment. Where did a greasy mechanic in patched coveralls learn such things?

And would she ever find that kind of peace…or just drift along…companionably contracted, until freedom became a curse.