A/N: Thanks for the reviews! That last chapter was hardest for me to write, because of Jimmy's complexity. I had to sit for a while and really think of what it would be like to be paralyzed, especially being paralyzed after knowing what it was like for 17 years to not be paralyzed. I hope I did Jimmy justice. Now we get to the hard part – the first session – starting with Ms. Sauve's point of view, then going through each of the characters. Thanks! idontknowanything
Chapter 6: The Power of Silence
One thing I had noticed long ago – there is a certain power to be found in silence. In the case of so many people, their silence tells you so much more about them than their words ever could. As I sat here, looking at the group of silent students gathered around a circular table in the room with me, I discovered so many little things about them.
I looked over at Toby Issacs, tapping his pencil on the table, as he was the first one to arrive. "Tap, tap, tap…" sounded through the dead silence of the room.
I watched Jay Hogart enter the room, and sprawl in a chair on the far side of table, and very deliberately push his sunglasses down from his forehead to cover his eyes.
I observed Emma Nelson enter the room and pause in the doorway, looking at the two students already seated, and staring at Jay for a moment with an unreadable look on her face, before taking the seat next to Toby, and the farthest one from Jay. As she sat down next to Toby, she gave him a small smile, as if in relief to find a friend in a place she had been afraid to find none.
I saw Gavin "Spinner" Mason walk in and quickly take the seat next to Jay, and across from Toby. He looked at the people sitting at the table, and started to open his mouth as if to say something, before his words stopped, as if he was afraid to break the silence permeating the room.
We all sat in silence for a few moments, and I continued to watch the students from my seat at the desk in the back of the room. I could not see Jay's face, as his back was towards me, but I was able to see Toby, Emma, and Spinner, and observe their actions.
"Tap, tap, tap." It was still the only sound to be heard in the room. Emma was looking at everything in the room except towards Jay, who was across from her at the circular table. That was interesting to me, and I wondered what was going on there.
Spinner was sitting next to Jay, and from the angle I was at, I could see that he was extremely uncomfortable. He was one of the easiest to read people in the group – all of his emotions were written on his face for the careful observer to see. In his face, I could see regret as he looked at Emma and Toby. Surprisingly enough, Emma returned his look with a small smile that was almost pitying – but Toby avoided looking at him completely.
"Tap, tap, tap…" continued to be the only sound to be heard in the room, besides the quiet sounds of the student's breathing.
"Isaacs… Will you stop that damn tapping before I..?" Jay paused in the middle of his threat, as if remembering that he was on thin ice. Very thin ice. Even though he had stopped himself before threatening Toby, I still felt that I had to correct him – to show him there was a better way to deal with people than what he knew.
"Now Jay," I said gently "if the noise is bothering you, a better way to get him to stop would be to ask him nicely."
"Threats work better." Was all Jay said, with his back turned to me.
I let that one go. Why did I? I don't know. I guess it was because of all the students there, Jay was truly the lost cause. He was the student I couldn't save. I had tried so many times before – ever since the day he had come to Degrassi with a history that made me shudder, and a bad attitude that never quit. But if I thought he couldn't be saved, why was he here? Why did I beg Ms. Hazilakos to take a chance when he came begging to come back? They were tough questions to ask myself. I think in the end it comes down to that never ending spark of hope I have in me for every kid, even the lost causes of the world. There was always that hope that even the Jay Hogarts of the world can be helped.
I noticed that Toby had stopped tapping his pencil immediately when Jay told him to stop. It was almost like it was an instinct to him. I felt a little sad when I realized it probably was and instinct -- a survival instinct.
Emma looked over and saw that Toby had stopped tapping his pencil upon Jay's order. I saw a strange look come over her face, before she glared at Jay, and then proceeded to start to tap HER pencil on the desk – much harder and louder than Toby was doing before. I felt a little relieved at this – it seemed that there was still a little part of Emma left who would stand up for other people, even if it was in this little way.
I expected that Jay would turn on Emma, but it never happened. Jay just sat there, and said nothing more, all the while Emma tapped her pencil repeatedly and loudly on the table.
I looked at the clock, and realized it was long past our starting time. I felt a little sad because Jimmy didn't come, but I still had to start. I got up from my desk and took the open chair at the table closest to my desk, which was the seat in between Jay and Toby.
"Well, I had hoped for one more, but it appears that he cannot be here today." I said, as I looked out at the faces of the four students, seated around the circle. Each student said nothing as I looked around the circle. At Toby, whose glasses glinted in the fluorescent lights – at Emma, whose brown eyes looked at me with an expressionless look – at the empty chair next to her, -- at Spinner, whose sorrow and regret showed plainly in his face – and at Jay, whose face was hard to read as his sunglasses covered his eyes.
"Jay, could you please take your sunglasses and hat off?" I asked. "We are inside the building, so you don't need them." I said.
Jay turned his head slightly to acknowledge my talking to him, before taking his hat and sunglasses off and slamming them on the table in front of him, and giving me smirk as he did so.
"We are going to start by introducing ourselves, and saying a little bit about ourselves." I said, but was interrupted by the opening of the door.
"Sorry, I'm late." Jimmy said, as he wheeled in rather awkwardly, trying to hold the door open with one hand and use the other to wheel his chair into the room. He managed to come in, and stopped as he saw who was sitting around the table.
"What are THEY doing here?" he spat out, as he glared at Spinner and Jay.
"They are here for the same reason as everyone else. They are here to talk." I said.
Jimmy looked like he wanted to leave, but must have decided that he couldn't back out once he had come in here. One thing I could say about Jimmy Brooks – he wasn't a quitter.
Jimmy wheeled over to the only empty seat at the table, and pulled out the chair next to Emma, dragging it out of the way before pushing his wheelchair under the table. He didn't look at Spinner at all and was in fact doing his best to pretend that Spinner did not exist.
"As I was saying," I said, "we are going to start by saying a little bit about ourselves. We are going to tell everyone who we are, and why we are here." I finished.
"I'll start." I said. "I'm Ms. Sauve and I'm here because I think that talking will help everyone heal."
I saw Emma, Toby, and Jimmy look at me skeptically. Spinner wasn't even paying attention to me; he was looking at Jimmy's wheelchair with a look of regret in his eyes. Jay just looked bored.
"Toby, why don't you start, and we'll go around the table." I said.
Toby just looked at me for a moment. "Ok, but I don't see why we're doing this. I mean, we all know who everybody here is."
"That doesn't matter, Toby. It sometimes helps to say your name." I replied.
"Ok… I'm Toby Issacs. I'm here because…" Toby paused, and looked at Emma sitting next to him out of the corner of his eyes. "I'm here because I want to talk." He finished.
"That will do for now, Toby. Now Emma?" I said.
"My name is Emma Nelson and I'm here because my parents think it will be good for me." Emma said, with a sad look on her face.
"That's fine, for now." I said. "Jimmy?"
"I'm Jimmy Brooks, and I'm here because you asked me to try this one time." Jimmy said, with emphasis on the "one time".
"That will work, for now." I said. "Spinner?"
"I'm Spinner Mason, and I'm here because…" Spinner said, and paused as if thinking of what he wanted to say. "I'm here because I'm sorry!" He said quickly, and looked at Jimmy. Jimmy avoided his eyes.
"That's really good Spinner. That is the best and most honest answer we've had so far." I said. "Jay?"
Jay gave me a look for a moment, as if weighing his words. I could almost tell that he was thinking of some smart ass comment, but was trying not to say it.
"I'm Jay Hogart." He said. "I'm here because I have to be if I want to graduate from this dump."
"That will work, for now, Jay." I said.
I looked at all the students, sitting around the table. "Now that you answered that question – I want you to remember your answer. I'm going to ask it again another day, and I think maybe then we might get some more honest answers." I said as I looked at all of them. There was a power in silence – and their silence and avoidance of my eyes at what I said spoke so much louder than words.