A/N: Spinner chapter here – I'm probably going to surprise you a little bit with the route I'm taking Spinner down – but it was all part of the original plan for the story. This story, in many ways, is about how we deal with painful things, and Spinner's story line is about one of the most common ways misguided people use to deal. Thanks for feedback and constructive criticism. I appreciate it a lot!

Chapter 10

The Bottom of a Bottle

Alcohol – it tastes nasty, and it burns like fire as it goes down. Mix it with something sweet, and it's a little bit easier to take. Beer isn't bad, but he had to drink way too much of it to dull the pain. Spinner was getting used to the particular burning sensation or hard liquor – in fact, he was starting to enjoy the feeling of the liquid running down his throat, burning it's way into his stomach. He looked forward to the only oblivion from the pain that he could find – in the bottom of the bottle.

What was happening to him? He had started this year, hoping for a second chance – for a chance to make things right. It was the second week of school already, and he found himself finding his answers to his pain in whatever kind of booze Jay happened to find for them to drown their problems in. It had been like this every night since last Tuesday – they would meet up somewhere after work and school, find someone to buy them a bottle of something good, and then proceed to get so shit-faced that they couldn't even walk straight.

Spinner shook his head as he looked at the last couple of sips that remained in the bottle of vodka Jay had convinced that homeless guy to buy for a minimal "finder's fee." The bottle was almost empty, which saddened him. With the bottom of the bottle, eventually came the return of the guilt and sorrow – and the last thing he wanted to feel right now was guilt and sorrow. He drank not to think – he didn't want to think about how lonely he was since he lost everyone who had meant something to him following the biggest mistake he had ever made. He drank to try not to think about tomorrow.

Tomorrow was Tuesday, which meant it was the day. The day he would be confronted by the accusing eyes of those his actions had hurt the most. The day he would spend an hour being faced with his former best friend, glaring at him because his actions had ruined Jimmy's life. Sure, Jay kept trying to convince him that it wasn't their fault, but it was only with the comfort of the liquid pain reliever in his hand that he would actually believe Jay's words.

"What's your problem, Spinster?" Jay asked, looking at Spinner with alcohol glazed eyes.

"Nothing, dude." Spinner said, and continued to stare at the clear liquid remaining in the bottom of the bottle in his hand.

"Thinking about our little whine session with Ms. Suave tomorrow?" Jay asked. "Should be interesting – more blah, blah, blah, let's all cry because Rick was a psycho." Jay stated sarcastically, as he looked out into the distance.

Spinner just looked at Jay out of the corner of his eye. Spinner sometimes wondered if Jay actually believed the crap he spouted about it not being their fault. It often felt like Spinner was the only one who regretted what they had done. But Spinner knew that wasn't true – he knew that Jay regretted everything just as much as he did – all because of that night that he had tried to burn down the school. Jay had stopped him – Jay had helped him fix everything they had done. That moment had proved to Spinner that, no matter what Jay said, Jay felt badly for everything – or at least he thought that it had proved it.

"Here, give me that bottle. If you're not going to finish it – I hate to see good vodka go to waste." Jay said, and grabbed the almost empty bottle from Spinner's hands, and proceeded to down the contents.

"Good vodka? That stuff was crap and you know it." Spinner said.

"True – it may taste like crap, but it gives the same effect as the good stuff." Jay stated, as he wiped his mouth on his sleeve, and threw the ground, watching as it shattered into pieces in front of him.

"Greenpeace would probably throw a fit about that." Jay said, as he stared at the shattered pieces of glass in front of him.

"Yeah, she probably would. By the way, what's with you two?" Spinner asked, the alcohol running through his veins allowing him to pry into Jay's life more than he would have ever thought about doing normally.

Jay glared at him. "None of your business, Spinster. She hates me, always has."

"Doesn't everybody hate us?" Spinner asked. "After what we did…"

"Shut up about it Spinner. Your constant crying about it is getting on my nerves." Jay stated, as he got up from the picnic table awkwardly and staggered away, going towards his Civic, and searching his pockets for his keys.

"Jay… You can't drive home now." Spinner said.

"Why not?" Jay said.

"Because you're drunk." Spinner said.

"You're drunk, I'm drunk, we're all drunk!" Jay said, laughing. "Just how do you expect us to get home?" Jay asked, with a raised eyebrow.

"We'll walk." Spinner said.

"You'll walk… I'll drive." Jay stated, and fumbled with the lock on his car door.

Spinner stumbled over to him, and grabbed the keys.

"What's up with this, Spinster?" Jay inquired drunkenly. "You think I can't drive? I'll have you know I've driven when I have had twice – three times as much as I've had now."

"If you want to kill yourself, Jay, then don't do it when I'm around." Spinner said. "Now give me the keys!" Spinner said, and he grabbed them roughly out of Jay's hand.

Jay glared at Spinner for a moment, before giving up.

"Alright – we'll walk. But you'll have to drive me to get my car tomorrow morning, buddy." Jay said.

That was what had happened last night, the night Spinner was currently thinking about as he waited for Ms. Sauve and the rest of the students to arrive at their session. School had been hell – hardly anyone talked to him except for Jay, and surprisingly, Emma had also talked to him briefly a couple of times. This was the level he had sunken too – Jay Hogart as his only friend, and having Emma Nelson pity him. He remembered the days when his life was filled with friends, people like Jay were beneath his notice, and he would make fun of the same girl who had currently decided he was pathetic enough for her to feel sorry for.

He longed for a bottle to keep him company as he sat here. He needed to dull his thoughts – he needed something to numb his feelings. Especially as he watched Jimmy wheel into the room, and glare at him with accusing eyes. Spinner didn't want to feel like it was his fault any more. He didn't want to admit that it should be him in that chair, not Jimmy. He had ruined his best friend's life – he had taken away all of Jimmy's dreams.

He only had to sit here an hour, then he and Jay could go find someone to purchase them a bottle of something good. Maybe tonight, they would splurge – buy a bottle of the good stuff, and not that cheap shit they always got. After this session, they could probably use a bottle of the good stuff – maybe even two – because Spinner didn't really think he would feel like sharing tonight.

Spinner looked as Ms. Sauve walked in, with an angry looking Jay following close behind her. They took seats at the table – Jay sat next to him, and Ms. Sauve sat next to Jimmy. Toby and Emma hadn't arrived yet – which was unusual – because those two were usually the first ones to arrive anywhere.

"Glad to see you back, Jimmy." Ms. Sauve said, as she acknowledged Jimmy sitting beside her. "Welcome back, Spinner… Jay." She said and nodded to each of them.

She was interrupted by Emma and Toby rushing into the room.

"Sorry we're late, Ms. Sauve." Emma said. "My dad needed us to help him in the MI lab."

"Someone put a virus into the MI network." Toby clarified.

They looked at the seats left in the room. One seat was between Ms. Sauve and Spinner. The other seat was between Jimmy and Jay. Toby took one look at Jay, sitting there with an angry look on his face, and quickly rushed to take the seat next to Spinner. Emma just stood there for a moment, before gracefully walking over and taking the seat between Jimmy and Jay. Spinner noticed that she moved the chair closer to Jimmy – and wondered if perhaps Hazel had some competition, there.

Ms. Sauve waited until everyone was seated, before she started talking again. "Last week, we ended with talking about blame. Our time ran up before we could really discuss this. Let's go back to it." She said.

"Jimmy – you said you blamed Spinner and Jay for what happened. But was it really their fault?" she asked.

"Yes…" Spinner said at the same time Emma said "No".

"Interesting… Emma, why do you think it wasn't Jay and Spinner's fault?" she asked.

Emma was silent for a moment. "Well, in a way it was their fault – I mean that paint and feathers prank was completely juvenile and awful. But so many people treated Rick horribly – is it really fair to say it is all their fault just because their stunt was what finally pushed him over the edge?"

"But it was our fault. We bullied Rick – so bad. We told Rick that Jimmy was the inside man on the prank – that he had set it up. It was our fault, and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Jimmy. It's all my fault…" Spinner trailed off, as his eyes filled with tears.

Jimmy wouldn't look at him. It didn't seem to matter how many times he said he was sorry – sorry wasn't going to fix what he had done.

"Why did you tell him Jimmy had done it?" Toby asked, speaking up for the first time.

"Why do you think, geek. To cover our a…" Jay trailed off in the middle of the word he was going to say, as he glanced briefly at Ms. Sauve, sitting there. "To cover our butts." He finished off.

"Jay, could you please refrain from calling people names? His name is Toby, and I expect you to remember to use it from now on." Ms. Sauve said.

"Why? He answers to geek just the same." Jay stated.

Ms. Sauve sighed. "Jay, how would you like it if we started calling you names? I don't think you would enjoy it very much."

"I'd like to see someone brave enough to try." Jay stated with a smirk and a glare at all of the students sitting there.

"Alright, loser – you were too much of a coward to take the blame yourself. We get it… you bullies never pick on someone who will stand up for themselves – you are too much of a coward." Jimmy said, as he glared right back at Jay.

Jay said nothing, as he proceeded to flip his sunglasses off of his forehead and down onto his nose.

"It wasn't like that, Jimmy." Spinner said. "It was just a joke… It was all just a joke…"

"Some joke, Spinner. Next time you decide to "joke" around – do me a favor – do it far away from me." Jimmy stated as he glared at Spinner.

Spinner looked at Jimmy, sitting there and glaring at him, and felt the urge for a bottle. He didn't want to be here – he wanted to be in the bottom of a bottle – where he could fool himself into believing that none of this was his fault. What had happened to him – to all his hopes for a fresh start this new school year? He had lost his hope for forgiveness within the first week – he was slowly losing his will to continue, and it was only his second week. For the first time, he started to realize that this must have been how Rick had felt – returning to school and looking for acceptance, only to find a cold shoulder.

The urge for a bottle of something – a bottle of rum or tequila or vodka – was hitting him rather hard. The oblivion from the guilt and remorse and pain that was riding him – he could find that in the bottom of the bottle. There was only one problem with the bottle – it was a temporary solution. All of those feelings and thoughts he was trying to forget always came back again in the cruel light of the morning – with a vengeance. Spinner would give anything to get rid of all the guilt he was feeling – he would do anything to change what he had done. But he could never change what he had done.