Note: The computer crashed many, many times whilst typing this up.I shall now sulk.
Warning: Lemon ahead, don't like, don't read.
Brave New World 3
Yami Bakura POV
I cannot sleep anymore. I am used to waking in the dead of night, but this time I cannot fall asleep again. The silence bears down on me, even my own breaths sound like screams and I lay in the darkness, shaking. All I have left is my mind, which I am losing, and this body, which I am selling. Soon I will have nothing left at all and I have never felt so helpless. I want to curl up and cry like a child, beg Ra to give me another chance, send me back to Kuru Eruna and let me die with my family. I hate this new world, I want to walk into the desert and vanish, leave these mortal affairs for the mortals to deal with. I have nobody to comfort me, nobody to save me – I never have. So instead I slide out of bed and head to Kaiba's room. I need to hear the sound of another voice to stop everything being so loud, even his will do. Besides, perhaps speaking with him will make my decision easier.
I stand in front of his closed door, wearing black silk pyjamas that are a size too big for me and at least a size too small for Kaiba. I have been inside the Sennen Puzzle; I have opened many doors onto things that have tried to destroy me. I never feared them. I always knew that I could save myself.
Pushing the door open without a sound I slip inside and close it again, knowing that he is awake because I hear him move to switch on the lamp at his bedside.
"Don't." I say quietly, and he leaves the light off. I have always felt safer in the dark.
"Is there something you need?" He asks, sitting up in bed. I turn towards him but stay near the door, watching the dark shape he has become in the deeper blackness of his room.
"I do not know." I say, too lost to lie and not caring anymore if I don't make sense to him. I'm losing my mind. I can feel it; I'm standing on the edge of a void. It's always so much worse in the hours just before dawn; I want to scream to break the silence yet at the same time it deafens me. I am terrified and I do not know why.
He says nothing for a moment and I know he is watching me standing beside his door, going insane.
"Come here." He says after a while, gesturing to the bed. I do as he says and end up standing beside the huge bed, shivering. He probably wanted me to sit, but he doesn't push it and I stand for now, feeling helpless and not even understanding why I'm here.
"You seem upset." He states, and I look away because even in the blackness I still feel his eyes on me.
"I am not upset." I lie, and he knows it. "I cannot sleep."
"Why?" He asks in that smooth voice, and suddenly I am exhausted again. I sink to the floor next to his bed and shudder.
"I do not know. Everything is screaming…" I whisper, my voice breaking. I do not care how I sound to him. He is just another mortal.
Suddenly he moves and I tense in shock as he kneels on the floor behind me, his arms wrapping around me and pulling me against him.
"You're cold." He murmurs in my ear, his hot breath brushing against my neck. I don't have the strength to try and fight him so I let him hold me against his chest, my eyes closing in the darkness.
"I will give you your child…" I breathe, "if you take me home. When this is over, take me back to Egypt. Find Kuru Eruna for me, Kaiba…" I plead, knowing there won't be anything left of it now. Not even ruins, the desert has swallowed my home and I will join it, I will lose myself in the sands of Egypt for the last time.
I just want to go home…
I'm curled up against him now, trembling because I will not let myself cry. My throat hurts and my eyes sting, making me a mortal was the greatest of all the pharaoh's punishments for me.
"Alright. I'll find your home, I'll take you back there." Kaiba says, not bothering to tell me that there will be nothing left. He knows that I am no fool.
"Why me?" I almost beg of him. I do not think he had any idea how far I had fallen, but he does not seem to care to go back on his deal. I pray to Ra that his child is nothing like me.
"I like a challenge." He says honestly. "You're beautiful and crazy and better than any of them."
With that said he takes advantage of my surprise at his words, leaning down and kissing me. I have no will to struggle against him – I have sold my soul and agreed to be his whore now anyway – so I part my lips and let him kiss me, my eyes sliding closed again. I could lose myself in this, forget everything and pretend that we're doing this because we're lovers, not because he wants a child and I want him to take me back to Egypt to die. I will bury the Ring deep in the sands over Kuru Eruna, nobody will ever find me again.
His lips move down my jaw to my throat and I tip my head back, one of his hands in my hair and the other unbuttoning my silk shirt until it hangs open from my shoulders. I let him do as he pleases, keeping my eyes closed and losing myself in his touch, forgetting everything for the moment.
Without warning he lifts me up and lays me down on his bed, moving to straddle my hips and slide my shirt off, throwing it into the darkness. I open my eyes to look up at him as I feel his fingers gently tracing the tattoo on my shoulder, standing out even in the dark against my pale skin.
"I hate that I am so interesting to you…" I whisper, closing my eyes again as he undresses me and takes his time learning every curve and plane of my body.
"I wouldn't want this with someone who bored me." He replies with a smirk in his voice, and I can feel his hand trace a slow path down my chest, testing my reactions. I shiver and I know he feels it because his other hand moves to inch its way up my thigh. I turn my head away to the side, drawing in a sharp breath when his free hand moves down to part my legs. Still I let him have his way, gasping quietly as he touches me. He wants me to enjoy this too and I don't understand why, but there will be less pain this way. His long fingers press into me and I listen to my own breathing, heavy and fast while he pushes deeper. I know what he is searching for and throw my head back with a helpless moan as he finds it, my back arching up from the bed. I have never had a lover in this body, it is still untouched and I had almost forgotten the way this feels.
My skin feels so cold, and his hands are warm against me, holding my hips as he slowly begins to push inside me. As I draw in a shaking breath and cling to the sheets, arching my spine like a bow, he stares into my eyes. I am staring back helplessly, gasping in the darkness beneath him and silently pleading for this pain to end. I like pain I can control; I cannot control this.
His eyes keep me pinned, I can't cry out, I can't do more than breathe in broken gasps.
"Relax…" He commands me in that deep voice, stilling once he's all the way inside me. My eyes slide closed and I turn away, panting as the pain slowly fades. He trails his fingers gently down my throat to my chest but I cannot look at him. His eyes remind me of all that this is not.
All that we are not.
I want to forget, just pretend that this one person – this one mortal – could care that inside I am dying.
No. I should not lose myself in this. I am weak enough as it is.
He moves slowly, gently. He does not want to hurt the one who will bear his child, after all. It feels good, the pleasure he's driving into me so carefully. He is so strong leaning over me and I am so weak lying here helplessly beneath him, this was never what I wanted. How have I managed to fall so far? How could I have let myself become this? Tears that I will not let fall sting my eyes, but I will not open them and he cannot see in the darkness. His hands touch me anywhere, everywhere, and I do not want him to make me feel this good. I have agreed to this, to his lips at my throat, his hands at my thighs… It is too late to stop this now, I am already no better than a whore. This must be the pharaoh's punishment for me, this has to be what he planned when he locked me in this body. To destroy me completely, to have me longing to fade away into nothing. Ra, it is working so well...
His pace is quickening now and his hand moves up my thigh to where my body aches for his touch, but suddenly I do not want to feel any pleasure from this. From him. I do not think I could bear that.
"No…" I moan, my head still turned away and my hands grasping the sheets at my sides because I am just lying here letting him do this to me.
"What's wrong?" He asks, driving deep inside me.
"I do not want this…to feel good…" I breathe, moving a little so that all his thrusts do is hurt me. The pain is not as bad as it was when he first drove into me – it makes me feel better. This is how it should be, this is how it should feel.
He does not know he is hurting me, that I am bleeding on his sheets. I wonder what he will think in the morning when he sees my blood, if he will know that I caused this on purpose? I do not care what he thinks of me.
Finally it is over and he buries his seed in me, his grip on my thigh tightening for a few moments. I am pinned beneath him still, so I cannot move until he lets me up. As soon as he recovers his hand moves back to me but I catch his wrist, finally looking up at him.
"Why?" He asks, stroking my hair back from my eyes. Why won't I let him touch me? Why won't I allow myself pleasure from this? Why am I this way?
I say nothing, because I cannot explain this to him. Just another mortal… Just another mortal…
He moves to the side a little and looks back at me, reaching out to run his fingers along the side of my jaw. I turn away from the touch and get out of the bed, almost falling to my knees because my legs are shaking. I want to curl up in his arms, I do not think I can walk all the way back to my own room.
I take a step away to try and make it back anyway, but he reaches out and pulls me back into the bed, into his arms. I struggle for a moment as a reflex before I realise that I cannot escape, and it does not matter anyway.
"At least stay next to me," he murmurs, holding me against his chest. I am so tired. I cannot keep my eyes from closing, I should be fighting, I should be trying to get away. Instead I relax against him, tired and sore, and let myself fall asleep in his arms.
I do not want to wake up.
TBC
Yep, Bakura is going nuts. The next chapter will probably be where Yami makes an appearance and screws things up further.