Disclaimer: I've currently gone through about eight Cosmic Blades' Item Worlds trying to find a legendary version, so I can go through IT to get the Yoshitsuna. Baal pwns me if I so much as look at him funny. And I have no clue as to whether or not the Disgaea anime, planned for a hazy 2006 release in Japan, will come to the U.S./come to the U.S. in a non-screwed dubbing. Hmm, most of these clues seem to point that I'm not the owner of Disgaea... and since it would take too long to detail everything else that will be in this fic, let me simply say: Aside from the plot, I own nothing you read beyond this point! Beware!
Better Summary Than The Crap You Read Before You Opened This Fic: Bored out of their minds with the endless, unexplainable peace that's infested their fair Netherworld, Etna decides a vacation is in order. A bit of illegal tampering with the Dimensional Gate, and our heroes are thrown into a journey across random worlds throughout the cosmos! But is this merely a plot device that rips off Chrono Trigger, or is there something larger going on?
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"The Netherworld. A world where beings known as demons live. Known for their cruel ways, greed, love of chaos, and rowdy parties, demons have, for the most part, remained secluded within the confines of their dimension. Ever so often, however, a time of unnatural peace descends on this dark land, and the impatient inhabitants dread what may end it. Or, alternatively, get bored enough to through exploding penguins at passerby. And that is where our story-"
A blue penguin suddenly landed near our narrator, exploding. With a fiery burst, the pitiable, faceless man disappeared into the sky. Our similarly unseen camera zoomed in on the castle above the crime scene, where a reddish-pink-haired girl frowned from an open window. The cameramen dropped their equipment, dashing over the shattered remains of the fourth wall as another flightless bird of death was thrown at them.
The girl appeared to be around fourteen, with a skimpy black outfit and ring-adorned choker, red eyes, tiny skull earrings, two small wings, and a tail; her hair in two small, devilish ponytails. Her name was Etna, a vassal to the overlord, and despite her initial description, she had never been in some strange Magical Girl anime, although she did practice random 'Next Episode' scenarios...
She resumed her task of taking everything that seemed useful from the Rosenqueen gift shop at the ground level of the castle, while a long, blond-haired girl roughly her height paced frantically before a swirling blue portal.
This was Fallen Angel Flonne, formerly known as Angel Trainee Flonne. She wore a white coat over a lavenderish-red leotard, with red ribbons holding white sleeves around her arms. She had two other red ribbons tied at an odd angle on her head, and pair of wings and a tail that were similar to Etna's. Unlike her friend and fellow vassal, who was confidently robbing an ancient business blind, she was nervous enough to explode at the thought of the insane level of illegal immigration she was about to commit.
"Alright, we're all set, dood!" The remaining Prinny said, removing his important-looking goggles as he finished altering the Dimensional Gate. "The Gate's been programmed to send those who enter it to a random universe, and... dood, where'd everyone go?"
As the other demons ignored him, the last child-like demon entered the scene from a descending cage, smoke still trailing from his shoulders, putting away his slightly stained sword (don't ask where.) He was shirtless, with red shorts, eyes, shoes, and a red cape (although it looked like an oversized scarf, he insisted on it being a cape,) with two golden, oversized armbands, one similar band around his neck, and short blue hair, which had two long, rabbit ear-like antennae arching behind him. This was King Laharl the Terrible, with known aliases being 'Prince,' 'Overlord,' and 'Harlie'.
"That gate had better be ready," he stated, his voice slightly tired. "They may not have put a scratch on me, but I thought it'd take forever to handle those Senators... and they had the gall to STILL not pass the bill, even after I blew them up!"
"Funny it's not happened before," Etna commented, stowing her large bag of ill-gotten goods in the same place as Laharl's sword. Noticing Flonne's continued pacing, she sighed. "Come on, Flonne; you were the first person to agree with the idea of a vacation."
"That was when the prospect of a 'vacation' meant the beach, or ski retreats, or other legal activities!" she protested weakly. "Even if we get away with it, it's still wrong! And Gatekeeper Pritny's always been so nice, sending us to the right places..."
Despite being kicked out of Celestial after being used as a political pawn with all of her past good deeds struck from the record, Flonne still wasn't anywhere near ready to fully embrace the dark side. While this was good for the worlds on the whole, as she kept a slight restraint on Laharl and Etna (and the thought of a Darth Flonne is outright laughable), it brought a great deal of aggravation.
"We'll make it up to her when we get back," Etna lied unconcernedly. "Besides, there are tons of worlds out there with over-dramatic heroes, rivals, and multi-colored sets of freedom fighters. We'll probably find at least one whose dimension wouldn't mind us taking them with us."
Half-convinced already by her obsession with such things, Flonne sighed. "Okay..."
Wiping the last ashes of government from his cape, Laharl smirked, strutting towards the portal. "Let's be on our way, then! A new world ripe for the conquering awaits! Haaahahahaha!"
The three demons walked into the gate, which flashed momentarily, and they were gone.
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"...Well. Crap."
"Indeed."
"This could prove to be a good thing, if we arrange for them to be sent to places that could use their help, but I do not know if they are ready, should they come across..."
"I understand. Still, I fear there is little we can do for them now..."
"Haha. Fear not, my sleepy-eyed friend! I shall follow after them soon enough... give this new body a test drive..."
"Hmm, you never change."
"Of course not!"
"Hahaha..."
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Next Episode!
Etna: At long last, the dark ones hatch their nefarious plot, and begin their journey of chaos across the universe!
Laharl: Okay, this is just getting old...
Etna: Led by the Dark Lord Lrahal, Risen Demon Ennolf and Queen Ante, an army of evil oppresses the entire cosmos!
Flonne: My, what original names!
Etna: What heroine can step forth to stop these invincible grade-schoolers? Who can possibly hope to win?
Laharl: Hey, you DO know this has been done to death in fanfiction already, don't you?
Etna: Next time on Chosen One Etna, Episode One: A hero is awakened! Let the eternal light of justice prevail!
Laharl: ...Seriously, I'd kill for an original end to a chapter.
Flonne: Let's just smile and nod; maybe she'll stop.
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Chapter originally posted: November 6th, 2005.