First of all, thank you so much for all the great reviews, you all made my day!

I seem to have upset a few people with the whole Linkin' Park thing, I'm really sorry about that! It wasn't ment as a personal attac against anyone who listens to them, hey even I don't think they're as bad as I make them out to be in this story. So sorry about that and I promise there will be no more bashing of them.

And for those of you who have begged me not to make Joe into a monster or Ranger into a muchy soap opera star, you can all relax! I promsie you that Iwon't make Joe out to be an asshole or Ranger into a whimp. It just doesn't fit them ;)

And again, sorry for any spelling or grammatic errors! Other than that I hope you'll enjoy!

Then he was gone. Leaving me there in the alley all shook up and with swollen lips. I seriously gotta stop letting him do this. It wasn't good for me. Well it was good… but not good. You know what I mean.

I went to my car and decided to go see what Mooner was up to. And even though I didn't like admitting that Ranger was right, maybe convincing him to come with me to the station so I actually could pay rent this month. Or eat.

When I got there he didn't answer my knock, but I heard the TV so I opened the door.

"Hey Mooner" He was sitting, as expected, in front of the TV.

"Oh hey Steph! Dude you gotta see this" he pointed at the TV "It's a VH1 special about Van Halen, totally awesome!" Well you can't miss Van Halen can you? I sat down next to him. "You missed your court date again" I said as a reminder.

"Oh yeah, totally forgot about it"

"Tell you what. As soon as this show is over, we'll go down to the station get you a new date and then I'll drive you back, okay?"

"Sure thing dude" he said smiling at me before returning to his show.

As we sat there my mind began to drift. What the hell was going on with me? Why was my feelings so messed up? What was really going on with Joe and me? I mean sure I love him, but what kind of love is it? When he gave me his present he reminded me of a younger brother. You know how they give you a gift that they think is so good and they are so proud that they got it right, but really it's all wrong. But you don't have the heart to tell them. And then there's the physical thing. Yeah sure, we are always in physical contact, but it's more of a friendly contact, you know hugs and cheek kisses. Where's the passion? The tare of your clothes before you die kind of passion we used to have? Don't get me wrong the physical attraction is still there, and he can still send shivers down my spine just by looking at me. But then why does he so seldom do it? Our hot relationship is slowly turning into something else. And I'm not sure how I feel about that.

And then of course we have Ranger, Batman himself. Him on the other hand, there's nothing brotherly about. Oh and speaking of passion… here it is. This man can make my skin burn just by touching me with his fingertips. No one can deny the attraction even if they try. And I hate to admit it but I think my feelings for him are growing stronger every time I see him. And that scares me. A lot. Because I know, more than well, how his life "doesn't lend itself to relationships". I also know more than well that the deeper my feelings for him gets, the deeper I'm gonna get hurt. Man… I shouldn't be doing this. I'm starting to get to old for this shit! I mean, for god sake I'm turning 32 today. I can't live like this forever, fighting with Morelli over my job while getting pinned to the wall by Ranger. And the whole thing giving me such a bad conscience that I sometimes feel nauseous. I'm finally starting to understand my mother. I don't have time to play around like this. Maybe I needed to straighten out my life. Maybe Joe is my last chance of a "normal" life. And maybe I should try to make it work with Joe once and for all. But…what about Ranger?

My thoughts kept spinning so fast I lost track of what was going on around me. All of a sudden I felt someone poking me in the arm.

"Hey dude" I broke my trans and looked up at Mooner. "You're really weird you know that? Whispering mysterious words and shit" oh good, I was talking out loud again. I do that sometimes. Suddenly his eyes grew big "maybe some one from another round tried to give us a message trough you!" You could actually see his imagination run wild. I stood up from the couch.

"No Mooner, I just ramble sometimes. Come on, let's go to the station". He picked up the remote, turned of the TV and we went out to the car. As we drove to the station I decided that today wasn't the day to think about something as heavy as this, nope today was all about me! Me and Mary Lou, going out having a blast, just like back in the good old days. I would deal with it another time.

When I unlocked the door to my apartment I was thinking about what to wear tonight, the new, sexy undies were given. But what to wear above that? I closed the door and strew my bag on the floor. My answering machine was blinking; I pressed the button and the room filled with Mary Lous' voice.

"You put that down right this second or mommy's gonna be real mad at you! Put it down NOW!" it sounded like one of the kids were playing with fire. "Hey Steph, sorry about that. And speaking of sorry, I have some bad news" Uh oh, this didn't sound good. "I'm afraid I can't go out tonight, the kids are really sick and my slug of a husband was supposed to watch them, but he has to work late" she paused to scream at the kids some more and I felt my mood drop. "I'm SO sorry, I know it's unforgivable but I have tried in every way to get a babysitter but everyone seems to be busy tonight. But I know how popular you are, if Lula and Connie can't go I know Joe and Ranger will be tripping over their own legs to get to you." She tried to sound encouraging at first. "And well… you can always go to you're parents. At least there you would get some cake". She sighed. "I'm really sorry about this and I promise to make it up to you as soon as I can… and oh, Happy birthday honey! I'll see you."

Great. Fabulous. Wonderful. Splendid. Alone on my birthday. Could I be more pathetic? Probably not. My life really sucks sometimes! I kicked off my shoes and slouched down on the couch. No, get a grip Steph! Maybe it's not to late yet; it might still be time to save the evening. I stretched out and started to go trough the list of people who possibly could save my birthday. Okay so lets se.

Lula – well that would be the next choice but she had that damn hot date tonight.

Connie – okay I already explained the risks in getting involved with her family.

Joe – damn that stupid work thing in New York!

Constanza – well he probably was at the same thing as Joe.

Valerie – well I didn't feel like bringing my nieces to a bar and even if she did get a babysitter she would just whine about Kloughn the whole evening. And that I wouldn't handle.

Sally Sweet – probably busy singing some Diana Ross song on stage.

Mooner – Hm somehow I felt spending my birthday watching VH1 with Mooner would be even more pathetic than sitting home alone.

My parents' house – well at least then I would get a proper meal and some cake. But I already had managed to get out of my mothers invitations by saying I already had plans with Mary Lou and I so didn't feel like hearing my mother complain about my life tonight.

Well that left… Ranger. Well that was out of the question. He hadn't seemed to know it was my birthday when I saw him this afternoon and I definitly wasn't gonna call and tell him. Besides, he doesn't feel like the birthday celebrating type. He probably wouldn't even eat cake because of his body-is-a-temple-thing. Can you imagine a birthday without cake? Didn't think so. No madness, that's what it is. Well, so that ruled out my last option. It looks like I'm spending the night alone after all. God I'm pathetic. Well this calls for Ben & Jerry's, and not just one oh nooo! This is a two-tubes-kinda-night. I grabbed my keys and made my way down to my car.

When the first tube of Ben & Jerry's was finished I was lying in my couch watching "My best friends wedding". Why the hell didn't I have a back up friend like that? You know someone to marry if you both ended up being unmarried losers at 30? Yep a back up friend could really come in handy just about now. Unmarried loser was the least thing you could say about me at the moment. Just look at me, here I was on my 32 birthday, alone, eating a ton of ice cream in front of the TV, wearing new sexy underwear with no one to show them to. And yes, I am wearing the new undies, I need something to make me feel special here okay!

Just when I was on the verge of giving in and going to my parents there was a knock on my door. Who the hell? I thought to myself as I got up. I peered trough the keyhole and I felt my heart skip a beat.


Sorry about the cliff, but I'll update some more soon! Have a great weekend/ Sanna