Wow, I am quite slow aren't I?
Chapter 11: Son of a Motherless Goat
"OH KYOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" the yodeling voice of Aaya broke through the overwhelming rays of confusion produced by the somewhat dull teens.
"Have you seen my toothbrush?" he asked in a Momiji-like tone.
Ayame came waltzing in. Both his hair and body were wrapped in bath towels. His face was covered in a green goop and his eyes were covered with cucumbers. He blindly stepped forward only to have his face meet a certain inanimate object.
"NO I HAVE NOT SEEN YOUR DAMN TOOTHBRUSH AND WHY IN THE HELL WOULD I HAVE IT!" Kyo yelled loudly from across the room only to meet with Yuki's fist.
"You stupid god forsaken cat; will you please refrain from shouting at people in the middle of the night, some people have lives and like to get on with them in ease!" Yuki said.
"HE STARTED IT!"
"And I'm ending it…" Yuki dragged Kyo to a chair and duct taped him to the seat. Yuki, who was in unimaginable smugness, ripped one last piece and stuck it on Kyo's lips.
"Now really Yuki, I was only looking for my toothbrush! Have you seen it? It's pink and it has a squishy handle…" Ayame said, now finally rid of his cucumbers.
Kyo looked down at the small toothbrush in his hands, with much difficulty seeing as he was taped to a chair and saw that it most definitely Ayame's said toothbrush. The look of horror that graced his features was perturbed by the silver tape that covered his gagging mouth.
"Yuki…can you release Kyo, I think he's going to hyperventilate", Shigure said as he walked nonchalantly, quite unsurprised, to the nearest pouf and began a crossword puzzle, his eyes scanning the entire thing over and over again.
Rip.
"You son of a…" Kyo muttered as Yuki smirked at him.
"Ooooh, son of a what Kyo?" Momiji hopped in and sat down next to the three girls who were watching their surroundings, awestruck.
"Bi-"
"Motherless goat!" shouted Shigure, his eyes flicking to Kyo and glaring. If that word was in Momiji's vocabulary…who knows what would happen. Like a three year-old with their new word. Angry mothers would look at him in shame…he would be shunned from society as an indecent uncle. Well the truth always hurt some people but not everybody needed to know his escapades in smut.
"Stupid rabbit…" was muttered from across the room as Hiro walked in nonchalantly and placed his posterior on the table.
"Get your butt off the damned table…please for all that his dear and holy abide by my words…please…?" Sounded the voice of Kyo who had given up all together. Trying to make Momiji understand that 'Son of a motherless goat' was an only idiom and then trying to ignore the requests of "WHAT'S AND IDIOM KYO? WHAT IS IT, SOME KIND OF FRUIT?" was way too much for a cat to handle.
Plop.
Hiro slid off the table and plopped down on the floor simply, without any back-talk or complaints or retorts or comments about his way of life or anything of that nature; he simply plopped and sat, like a human being, a civilized human being…
Kyo stared in stunned silence at the boy who merely raised an eyebrow amused at the teen's loss for words.
Shigure listened intently to the noises outside for any signs of the world falling apart or Armageddon or maybe even for the sun's explosion or possibly the freezing of Hell, but to his surprise none came. Then something completely uncalled for happened: Shigure…THE Shigure Sohma…Writer of Smut and History…Evader of All Things Containing Work and/or Unhappiness For His Part…The Dog of the Zodiac…Part of the Daring Three…Lover of All-Things Perverted…Cheerleader of the Class of Ought Five (which isn't true but sounded cool)…Champion of Reverse Psychotherapy for the Mentally Abandoned…Satan In a Kimono…
…
…
fainted.
Nobody took any notice.
"Y-you did w-what you were t-told…" Kyo was audible through the silence that had instilled the moment, in a smog of genuine confusion that seemed to pollute even the simplest of minds.
"Soooo…your point is?" Hiro said as he brought a bottle of water to his lips and drank in silence taking his time to gulp down the liquid, not only to savor the…wet taste, but also to soak in the luxury that was his counterpart's stupidity. It was like sitting in a hot spring full of mud…deep silty, mud that seemed to caress his brain and hand it a golden platter on which was the lowly raisin that was Kyo's brain.
"But…that never happens…unless Kisa tells you to do something…" Kyo said, pondering his own stupidity.
"Please…for the sake of us all, shuddup", Hiro said, helping himself to the dumplings and sushi that lay dormant underneath the saran wrap. He twiddled with the chopsticks and then picked up the uni and plopped the orange, gooey mass on his tongue and chewed.
Tohru, who had looked at the surrounding events in absolute confusion, now noticed the uncharacteristic quietness and stillness of Shigure's unconscious form. Somehow, seeing him like that was somewhat endearing. Awwww, he fell asleep; with all these weird things going on he must dozed off…
Haru, who was clad in only black boxers and the usual assortment of jewelry clinging to him, traipsed in and took one look at the scene, became bored and sidled his way to Shigure. He always thought Shigure was a late night kinda guy so not seeing him in his arranged bed made him freak out. Obviously afraid of what "Dear Old Sensei" would be doing with "Gender Confused Uncle" or otherwise he took off looking for "Satan in a Kimo-", I mean, Sensei. To find him unconscious was only a plus.
"You do know Sensei is unconscious, right?" (Haru)
"I-I c-can't believe it…Hiro did…" (Yuki)
"…what he was t-told" (Kyo)
"I—You—What?" (Uo)
"They finished each others sentences; get a hold of yourself Arisa…" (Hana)
"WHAT? SHIGURE'S UNCONCIOUS?" (Tohru)
"SUGAR PIE, HONEY BUNCH! YOU KNOW THAT I LOOOOVE YOU! I CAN'T HELP MYSELF! CAN'T THINK OF NOBODY EL—" Shigure sang/screamed at the top of his lungs. Apparently, Sleeping Pervert, had gone to Hippie Dreamland, located just beyond Yuppie Central and to the north of Pervert Palace in Shigure Sohma's head!
"Nope. Not anymore he isn't. Damn, sleep might've been an actual opportunity." (Hatori)
"Huh…" (Kisa)
"Oh, hi there Kisa!" Hiro said, in between his gulping. The youngin' scooted over to allow room for Kisa, who gratefully plopped down next to him, placed her head on his shoulder (much to Hiro's enjoyment/embarrassment) , and looked at the bewildered crew ahead.
"Oooooooh sir!" Mine yelled in a yodeling sing-song voice. She was wearing giant fuzzy ducky slippers, bright orange pajama pants and a t-shirt with a ducky on it; her hair was tied with a ducky barrette and she was wearing a ducky bath robe that made it look like she was the duck. Apparently she likes zee ducks.
"Yes Mine! I was just helping poor, old Shigure! He just fainted!" Ayame's face was lit with a way to cheerful expression that only accentuated his green face mask that smelled a lot like wasabi, but I digress.
"Well, I just came to ask where the wasabi was…I was going to have some midnight sushi, but sushi is nothing without its counterpart: wasabi."
"I've no idea, dear Mine…but that's what we can do next…yes…WE SHALL HAVE…THE WASABI ESCAPADES! WHERE YOUNG TEENS WILL FIND LOVE AND MAYBE EVEN A 27 YEAR-OLD OR TWO! AND WE, WE WILL FIND…
…
…
….
WASABIIIIIIIII!"
"Shit." (Kyo)
"Damn." (Yuki)
"YEEAAAAAAHH!" (Momiji)
"OKAY!" (Tohru)
"Woot." (Hana)
"No, nope, nada, unh-uh, nope, don't think so…" (Uo)
"…" (Haru)
"Okay!" (Kisa)
"Fine." (Hiro)
"Yeah. Wonderful. More drama." (Hatori)
"LUCY IN THE SKIIIIIIIES WITH DIAAAMONDS! OOOOHH—" (Shigure)
Dénouement
Yeah…5 month writers block finally gone…how'd you like it? Review, I love it when you do! In fact, all my reviewers will get my cyber cookies! Or perhaps a pixel muffin! Or maybe a Downloaded Brownie!
Well, you know my deal and so have a Happy New Year and look out for the sequel in like summer or maybe late spring…aahh well…have a good day…