I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way, to never let it get that far
Ashlyn looked at pictures of her mother Courtney and her father Jax. Years ago in her hometown of Port Charles they looked like the perfect couple, but the then 7 year old little girl knew what really went on behind the scenes. She vowed to herself as she layed in her bed listening to her father belittle her mother night after night that she would never make the same mistakes as her mother...she'd never cause her heart misery...she wouldn't let herself fall in love with someone who never truely loved her. Now she was 21 and the memories of her mother ran through her head night after night.
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
It was Jax's fault that she never let her heart stray. She played on the safe side and never let anyone get near to her so she wouldn't get hurt. She never trusted anyone even herself. Ashlyn found it impossible to trust anyone. Once you live with such a monster. She learned how to become afraid. She basically learned the principal of being alone. If you're alone you don't get hurt...If you're alone it's what's best...Being alone means not getting hurt.
I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake a smile, a laugh
Every day of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with
When Courtney lost her way Jax was quick to point it out wether it be by yelling and screaming or pointing it out in other ways. She couldn't cry...He even taught Ashlyn that crying was weakness...not just in his eye's but everyone elses. Courtney faked smiles, and laughs everyday if she couldn't be strong for her little girl she could act well enough to try. Everyday was something that taught them not to trust. "Courtney do you think crying will get her anywhere in life? Men see crying as weakness but of course it's something you'd do everyone in this town knows you're weak! I'll never understand what drunken stupor caused me to marry you!" that statement played over and over in her head. Her poor mother...the things she had to endure were horrible. Her heart could never break because it was never truely whole to start with.
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
She'd never ever let her daughter, 3 year old Jade, go through something such as that. Maybe one day she could trust someone and teach her daughter to trust. Courtney made a point of seeing Jade as often as she could but Ashlyn absolutely hated Jax seeing her. She knew that if he ever go the chance he'd mess with her head. He'd teach her the same principal's he forced into Ashlyn's head...Never Stray..play it safe...never trust...and Be afraid..Always be very afraid. She'd die before she ever allowed him to do that to Jade ever.
I watched you die
I heard you cry
Every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry
In the middle of the night
For the same damn thing
She went to bed that night crying herself to sleep. Why did her father make it his sole purpose in life to wreck hers? She would go to bed at night listening to her mother cry. A child of 7 shouldn't have to bury the burdens that she totted on her shoulders. Why did they lean on her? They should have known better. Jax never thought of anyone but himself...the wrongs people had done him the pain he felt...Jax was first in his life. Now Ashlyn found herself crying in her room for the same exact reasons as her mother...Pain, strife, and stress...things she carried all through childhood. The only positive thing in her life was Jade and raising her the exact opposite of how she was raised herself.
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I tried my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid
She made her way to her daughters cradle and smoothed the hair from her sleeping babys face and whispered. "Daddy why? Why did you do this...Why can't I trust...Why can't I forget everything even when I've tried my hardest? Why don't I know how to let anyone else in...I'm ashamed of my life the only unempty thing that consists in it is this little girl right here...Why am I always afraid...Why Daddy?" pondering for a while the thought came back to her mind as she looked at a "Happy" picture of her parent's. "Oh Now I remember...It's Because of you."