A/N: Glad you all are enjoying this. I started it way back in June and then kind of floundered. I've been cruising the Internet to get info on life in the Middle Ages that might provide fodder for my stories, and women really were in an unenviable position, regardless of their status. Too often they were pawns in "alliances", whether they wanted it or not, and unmarried women were not desirable to have to care for. Guess that information filtered into this story. People usually have a reason for acting the way they do.
Chapter 3
The next day, Amrothos had taken up a position near Danwen's house, where he could see her front door but not be seen. He had to wait several hours, but finally she left the house alone, and he followed her down the street, keeping out of sight. When they were far enough away, he caught up to her and seized her elbow. She jumped in fear and whirled around, trying to wrestle her arm free until she saw who held her. In shock, she came to a halt and stared at him.
"I am sorry. I did not mean to frighten you," he said, stepping closer and dropping his hand from her arm.
"What do you want?" she asked carefully, not meeting his eyes.
"I want to talk to you, about what happened," he answered truthfully.
"What is there to talk about? You have met my father and heard his opinion of you and Gondor. Now all that is left to do is for you to avoid me," she said dully.
"Perhaps, but I do not want to avoid you," he told her softly. Involuntarily, her eyes came up to study him questioningly. Amrothos reached out a hand to tuck a stray strand of hair behind her ear, then glanced around. Catching her hand, he drew her after him and headed out to the Barrowfields. They had proven an excellent place for private conversations.
Once there, he gestured for her to sit down and reluctantly she did so, still not quite trusting what he had in mind to discuss.
He took a seat next to her, cross-legged, and tore up some grass to play with as he gathered his thoughts.
"He is the reason you wanted so much to marry Eomer, is he not?" Amrothos queried at length.
She turned to him, startled. "How…yes." There seemed little point in keeping it from him.
"Did you really want Eomer, or did he just want you to be queen?"
She sighed. "What I told you was true. I was very fond of Eomer, but there was never anything between us. I suppose I did dream of the possibility of being queen, but it was more what Father wanted. When Eomer took up with Lady Lothiriel, I panicked. I knew Father would not be happy about my failure to secure him. I did…some awful things in an effort to get rid of her and…" She stopped. She hadn't meant to tell him quite that much.
"Is that why he is so upset with you, and calls you a disappointment – just because you were not able to marry Eomer?" Amrothos asked incredulously.
"Father is very…ambitious, and determined. He wanted me on the throne of Rohan so I could convince Eomer to make him Chief Adviser. It would finally give him the social and political status he feels he deserves. The truth is, he has stepped on too many toes in his ambitions, and that is what has held him back. But it is easier to blame it on me than take any responsibility for his own failures," she commented quietly.
Amrothos considered her words in silence, then hesitantly reached for her hand. For a moment, she resisted when he clasped it, but finally relented and let him draw it firmly into his grasp. He absentmindedly stroked the back of her hand with his thumb as he tried to think what could be done about the situation. But try as he might, he could find no answers. Her father hated Gondorians and did not want them to spend time together, his sister considered her an enemy and would have a fit if she knew who he was courting but, in spite of all that, he did not want to stop seeing her. Still, she would be the one to suffer if they snuck around and then were found out. If it all fell apart, she would receive the worst censure. Her father could not really do anything to him and Thiri might be upset, but in time she would probably forgive him. But Danwen would still have to live with her father's ill opinion and treatment of her, and be a noblewoman in the court of a queen who despised her.
He looked up at her with sorrowful eyes. "What do we do? I have enjoyed our time together, but I do not wish to do anything to bring you more unhappiness."
A jolt of pleasure ran through her at his words. He still wanted to see her! Even so, he was right. This could not end in any happy manner. Even if they were not discovered, when he returned home it would still have to end. She took a deep, trembling breath, and answered softly, "If there is more sorrow ahead for me, then I would wish to at least have happy memories to comfort me."
Amrothos gazed at her several moments and then, without realizing what he was doing, he leaned and kissed her softly. As they broke apart, she gave a soft sigh of pleasure that encouraged him. His arm moved around her and he shifted closer, this time pulling her into his lap so he could kiss her properly. Time and place did not matter as they shared their feelings through their embraces and kisses. At length, they sat in silence, clinging to one another, his head resting against hers. "I will do all that I can to give you many happy memories," he finally murmured.
She smiled and turned to capture his lips once more. As the kiss ended, she whispered, "You will always be my happiest memory!"
xxxxx
It was tricky. That few people in Edoras knew of a conflict between Lothiriel and Danwen was fortunate, so no one who saw them together would mention it to the queen. Likewise, Lord Grimdred had few friends that were likely to make him aware of his daughter's activities. As long as they were able to stay out of sight of anyone that might have reason to give them away, they were safe.
Still, it was difficult during the wedding celebration, and subsequent feastings, to be in the same room but give no indication of knowing one another. As Danwen had expected, the king's wedding did take place the next day. She was not as bothered by it as she might have been had Amrothos not come into her life. Still, she knew that her father would be very angry if he saw them together, so she could not enjoy his company at the celebration that followed the ceremony.
Amrothos did not dare approach her where her father or his sister might see, but he made it a point to walk past her a time or two, purposely brushing against her and then apologizing as if the crowd had forced the contact. Each time, he managed an inconspicuous wink at her that seemed to make the evening less difficult for her to bear.
Few men wished toapproach her, even to dance, and the ladies showed no inclination to be around her. Those who had overheard her rude comments in Lothiriel's presence, the previous September, did not want to be connected with her, and risk losing the queen's good favor by association.
And so Danwen largely spent a miserable, solitary evening until her father chose to leave. But at least now she could find a seat somewhere out of the way and let her mind wander to her memories of the time spent with Amrothos, and that eased the loneliness. It was simple enough to watch him in the crowded room. There were so many people it would be difficult to tell on whom her gaze rested, and she kept it moving so as to appear she was watching everyone rather than someone in particular.
It pleased her even more that he danced little. A few with the new queen and a time or two when a lady was foisted on him, but she got the distinct impression he was purposely not dancing for her benefit, and she felt immense gratitude for his thoughtfulness.
The days of celebrating ended, the wedding guests drifted out and, over the course of the next few days, Edoras began to empty of its visitors. Too soon, it came time for the Dol Amroth party to return home.
They said their farewells the day before as Amrothos thought it unlikely he could see her unnoticed on the day of departure. As the group began its way down the hill, Amrothos' gaze swept the crowd that had turned out to wave a farewell to the queen's family, but was disappointed not to see Danwen in their midst. Then when the crowd thinned as they drew nearer the gate, he glimpsed her, tucked in the shadow of a building, saw her lift her hand slightly in a good-bye gesture, and he grinned in acknowledgment. Almost imperceptibly he inclined his head to her and then moved on before anyone could notice.
xxxxx
It had taken a lot of thought, but Amrothos finally devised a way to communicate with Danwen while he was in Gondor. He had made friends with several young soldiers in the King's Guard, and one of them had agreed to send and receive letters for them, as well as keep the matter quiet. Amrothos had used her father's disapproval of Gondorians as the reason for the secrecy, and his friend had not questioned it. Lord Grimdred's prejudices were well known in Edoras as he was quite vocal about many things.
Next to having Amrothos there, Danwen found she enjoyed his letters almost as much. He wrote as he spoke, and she made it a point to read his letters only when she was where no one could hear her laughter. Obviously, he enjoyed writing, for his letters were long and detailed, and at times she could almost picture the things he was describing to her. She did not think her own efforts were nearly so worthwhile, but he always told her how much he had enjoyed hearing from her the next time he wrote.
A part of her kept trying to maintain perspective on the situation. Nothing could come of this. He was in Gondor and she was in Rohan. Her father would never consent to their marriage, even if Amrothos were to ask her. And, yet, she could not bring herself to give him up. She knew eventually she would have to do so. Her father would find out, or he would tire of this and find another lady upon whom he could shower his attention. A handsome young man such as he was surely much admired by the ladies of Dol Amroth. But until it ended, it was the only bright spot of her existence and she clung to it as if a lifeline. If she was to live out her life alone, she at least wanted to pass the years with as many happy memories as possible.
Little changed in their circumstances for several months, but then one day Danwen came home to find her father in one of his moods. This time was different, however.
"It is time for you to leave!" he spat.
"Leave?" she asked, dreading his explanation.
"I told you before I would not support you for the rest of your life. You have disappointed me for the last time. You will leave this house at once and never come back. I am disowning you!"
"Father! You cannot mean this!" she exclaimed, feeling as though she was caught in a nightmare from which she could not awake.
"I do mean it! Your bags are packed, and I am being more than generous in giving you enough money to take a room. After that, you will have to find work to support yourself. I will not be saddled with you, and disgraced by your inadequacies." He turned on his heel and stormed from the room as she stood staring in astonishment, tears streaming down her face.
In a daze, she moved toward her room, but as he had indicated, there were two bags packed on the bed and a servant nervously stood nearby to assist her. Danwen stopped in the doorway of the room, staring with unseeing eyes for a long moment. Finally, swallowing hard, she moved quickly to her secret hiding place and removed Amrothos' letters, tucking them into her bag. There was little else that she cared about here, and she picked up the bags to trudge dejectedly toward the door. The servant bobbed a stiff curtsy to her, but said nothing. What words could she speak in such circumstances?
The innkeeper eyed her curiously as she secured a room, and made her way upstairs. She had little doubt word would soon spread throughout Edoras about her changed situation, but there were none likely to come to her aid. She lay awake the rest of the day and all of the night, staring at the ceiling and wondering what was to become of her. Perhaps, eventually, she would cry over all that was lost, but for now the tears could not escape the complete numbness that enveloped her.
She did not appear the next day for either the morning or midday meal, and the landlord, worried about her health, sent his wife to check on her and bring a tray of food. Though Danwen assured her she was fine, the woman could tell in a glance that it was not so. "You must eat something or you will take ill. Do try," she encouraged. Not knowing what else to say, and receiving a blank look in response, she turned and left.
Mechanically, Danwen sat at the table and broke off a piece of bread, but it was like ash in her mouth. She washed it down with a few swallows of soup, and then returned to her place on the bed.