Title: Sensitivity
Author: cinderalex (with some help from my Best Friend Becky on the storyboard end)
Disclaimer: I don't claim ownership of anything you recognize. The plot, however is mine. (In this chapter, Sirius' first spoken line is directly from OotP ch9, as is Lupin's line that follows.)
Chapter Title: The Woes of Remus Lupin
Chapter Summary: Tonks and Remus converse (and possibly more) after he disposes of the boggart in the drawing room for Mrs. Weasley.
Dedication: This chapter is dedicated to my boyfriend who, in the last three days, did a number of amazing things for me (or so he claims): beat three levels on Ace Combat 5: The Unsung War, scored a touchdown playing ball with his friends, and (most importantly) stubbed his toe. (He's so thoughtful... Doing all those things for me...) In return, I promised I'd dedicate my next chapter of fanfiction(which he hates) to him.
Warning: I like feet. There is a foot in this chapter, so if that bothers you, beware. It'll be clean (as in freshly washed) and won't do anything kinky(EWWWWWWWW), but I know the mention feet in a sensual way grosses some people out, so I thought I'd put in a warning. Also, I just like to write author's notes.

Author's Note: Still no beta. Please help me! You're going to have to continue to endure the countless punctuation errors until you email me...

somewhere i have never travelled,gladly beyond
any experience,your eyes have their silence:
in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me,
or which i cannot touch because they are too near

you slightest look easily will unclose me
though i have closed myself as fingers,
you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens
(touching skillfully, mysteriously)her first rose

or if your wish be to close me,i and
my life will shut very beautifully,suddenly,
as when the heart of this flower imagines
the snow carefully everywhere descending;

nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals
the power of your intense fragility:whose texture
compels me with the colour of its countries,
rendering death and forever with each breathing

(i do not know what it is about you that closes
and opens;only something in me understands
the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)
nobody,not even the rain,has such small hands
-e.e. cummings

Late August 1995

Drawing Room of Number 12 Grimmauld Place

Sirius couldn't catch his breath. The corpse of the black-haired boy lying prostrate still shone freshly in his mind. As he stared at the floor where the boggart had lain, he told himself firmly that Harry wasn't dead. He closed his eyes. Another, very similar black-haired lifeless form flashed before him. Harry wasn't dead, but James was. Dimly, he heard Remus consoling a sobbing Molly. He wondered how his friend could be so calm after seeing Harry... but then Remus hadn't seen James after... With a strength of mind he'd learned in Azkaban, Sirius pushed away the images of his best friend's murdered body, and attempted to focus instead on Molly, who was blubbering hopelessly about Percy.

Lupin answered her firmly, but Sirius didn't pay attention; he was thinking about Percy. The boy had run away from home because he had disagreed with his parent's choice in friends. That much they had in common. However, the very person of which Percy disapproved was the same person to which Sirius had clung: Dumbledore. But Percy was a smart, young man, pompous, but smart, and surely, when Voldemort chose to be visible again, he'd realize Dumbledore was in the right, and he'd return home. Sirius realized the group had elapsed into silence.

"Don't worry about Percy. He'll come round. It's a mater of times before Voldemort moves into the open; once he does the whole Ministry's going to be begging us to forgive them. And I'm not sure I'll be accepting their apology." The words came rushing harshly out of him, but he meant them.

"And as for who's going to look after Ron and Ginny if you and Arthur died, what do you think we'd do, let them starve?" Lupin's dry sarcasm seemed to cheer Molly up a bit and she smiled, muttering to herself.

"Wotcher, Harry!" Tonks walked into the room, scanning the faces of all present, finally focusing on Molly, who's face was still tear stained.

"Molly! What's wrong!" She rushed across the room to the older woman.

"OUCH!" Remus jumped, clutching his left foot.

Tonks whirled around almost knocking over the already off-balance man. "Did I step on your foot?"

Despite, or perhaps because of, his pain, Lupin was able to reply through gritted teeth. "Is it that obvious?"

"I'm so sorry." And Sirius thought she looked genuinely distressed for Lupin and his throbbing toes. Sirius liked his cousin as her humor and sense of adventure were very similar to his own, however, he had to admit, her propensity for clumsiness was certainly a drawback of spending time in her company.

Molly and Tonks both huddled over Remus trying to heal his foot. Gently asking them to step aside, he gingerly set his injured foot back on the floor and assured them he'd live, even without their coddling

A movement caught his eye and Sirius saw his godson depart the room quietly while the attention was elsewhere, though he was certain Moody's eye followed Harry all the way up to bed.

Harry was leaving tomorrow. The realization hit along with a wave of depression.

"Goodnight," he muttered, though nobody heard, and then he slipped out of the room unnoticed, except by Moody, who followed him, grunting.

"Remus, are you sure you're okay? I know a wonderful charm that reduces swelling," Molly seemed very reluctant let Lupin be, as if tending to him would distract her, and Tonks wondered what had upset the older woman. She had run up the stairs behind Lupin and Moody, but she'd tripped. She arrived at the door of the room in time to see Lupin banish a silver orb before turning to comfort the already sobbing Molly. Not wanting to interrupt, she'd waited until Molly was smiling again to make her presence known.

"I'm fine, Molly," Lupin assured her. In the hall, the grandfather clock chimed.

"Goodness gracious, it's getting late. I do hope Ginny is on her way to bed." She paused, obviously listening to the shouts of laughter drifting up through the open door. "I think I still hear her. I'd better go down there after all. Arthur won't have the heart to send them to bed when they're having such a marvelous time. Well, goodnight, you two. I don't want you staying up too late either." She winked at Tonks.

Lupin reached out to squeeze her shoulder, but stopped, wincing.

"Ooo, Remus..." Molly looked from Lupin to the door, and then back to Lupin, apparently torn between wanting to fix his foot and wanting to make certain her children went to bed.

Though she was doubtful that the younger Weasleys would go to bed without a fight, or that they would sleep once they went, she could tell Molly wanted to see them. And besides, Tonks wouldn't mind some time alone with Lupin. "I can help him."

Lupin's "I'm fine!" was ignored by both women, as Molly contemplated Tonks doubtfully.

"I know what your thinking, Molly. But I'm an Auror! I'm trained to take care of minor injuries. Don't worry." When she'd finished ushering Molly out of the door, she turned back to Lupin who had sat down on a cobweb covered couch and was untying his left sneaker.

"It's alright," he said, as she approached him tentatively, "I swear it doesn't stink."

She grinned. "All feet stink." Squatting in front of him she picked up his now bare foot. The top of his foot was dusted in corse sandy hairs, and his slightly yellowed nails were clipped short, giving them a manicured look. However, his first two toes were slightly swollen and beginning to bruise. Pulling out her wand, she directed a spell at the injury and the toes returned to normal.

"Good as new!" she exclaimed and playfully ran her finger under his arch before tickling his toes. He squealed and pulled his foot out of her grasp.

Heaving herself up off the floor, she said, "A thank you?"

"Not after that dirty trick. You took advantage of my weakened state." But he smiling, and she smiled back, sitting down next to him.

"You had to be wearing boots, didn't you?"

"It could have been worse," Tonks replied defensively.

"How's that?" Lupin studied her skeptically, waiting for an answer.

"I could have been in spike heels."

Lupin looked her up and down slowly, then erupted into laughter.

"What?" The thought of his foot being punctured by a painfully sharp point was funny, but not that funny.

When his mirth subsided, he said, "That would have been better for me and worse for you."

"Why do you say that?" Tonks suddenly felt wary.

"You'd have been on your behind before you were even half-way up the stairs," he said matter-of- factly.

She couldn't deny the truth of his words, so instead she changed the subject. "What happened?"

She thought he was going to pretend not to understand for he turned away from her slightly, but he said, "Molly just had a bit of trouble with the boggart, that's all."

Tonks nodded. She had suspected as much, but she had a hard time believing that Molly, Mother-Of-The-Twins Molly, would have trouble with something as mundane as a boggart. She was intensely curious as to the form the older woman's boggart took, but didn't think Lupin would tell her, out of respect. So she was surprised when Lupin continued.

"I can't really blame her because her worst fear is threatening to come true, though don't tell her I said so." He paused and turned back to face her. His voice was soft and solemn when he spoke again and she had to scoot closer to hear him. "The boggart became the corpse of each member of her family in turn."

Tonks gasped. "How awful. Does she think that...?"

Remus swallowed, then nodded. Molly's boggart had unsettled him, though he'd forced himself to put up a calm front. He'd played the optimist, but suddenly he was overwhelmed with the futility of the situation, and he didn't want to pretend otherwise. "There are nine of them... the odds aren't in her favor."

"What odds? No one has died yet... well... except the Diggory boy and Bertha Jorkins." She amended her statement, "No one from the order has died yet, at least."

"Yes, they have." He could name more than twenty off the top of his head.

Tonks looked puzzled. "Who?"

"Molly's brothers, to start," Remus began, but Tonks cut him off.

"That was last time! This time it's going to be different! Everyone says so; Dumbledore says so." But she didn't sound confident. Her tone was desperate as if she was trying, not only to convince Remus, but also, to convince herself.

"I hope you're right."

"You don't sound hopeful." She spoke softly, and he realized she was now sitting close enough that their shoulders touched.

"I find it hard to believe that once Voldemort comes into the open things won't be exactly the same as they were before. He'll be able to gain back all his old supporters, and probably some new ones. To make things worsethis time we haven't even secured the Ministry's support. I have to believe that will change, but not soon enough."

Tonks was observing him wide-eyed and open-mouthed. "I mean, I know you're right. But... but... I haven't heard anyone speak this candidly about the circumstances."

The heat of her body was a comforting warmth, and he felt stronger, strong enough to continue this particularly painful conversation.

"Even we at the Order are trying to delude ourselves by thinking things aren't going to be bad. But they will be." He supposed people needed to cling to the hope that they could convince the rest of the wizarding world of Voldemort's return before he regained his army and came into the open, though they knew there was little chance of that happening. He supposed they needed to cling to the hope that his old supporters would not join him, though they knew from Harry's account of the graveyard meeting that many had already returned. He supposed they needed to cling to the hope that this was a war they could win, though they had been ravaged so badly the last time. He knew, from experience, that nobody wins wars.

"Bad like last time?" She didn't wait for a response. "I saw Moody's picture... More than half of those people died at the hand of Voldemort or his servants."

Remus, too had seen the photograph. He had enjoyed reminiscing about before, when those he loved most were alive, happy and whole, but at Tonks' words the picture took on new meaning.

When Remus didn't respond, she continued, "He told me about Gideon and Fabian. If I had to die, I'd want it to be like they died, like a hero."

Remus replied harshly, "You shouldn't want to die at all. You have your whole life ahead of you."

"You didn't die last time," she said accusingly. "Are you that much better off for it? With so many of your friends gone?"

He turned his head away, stunned at her audacity. She seemed to have surprised herself, as she said, "I didn't mean to be rude or to pry." Turning back to look at her, he saw she was genuinely distressed, looking pale and biting her lip.

"I'm sure you didn't." He smiled wryly, then looked down at the floor, losing himself in thought. In the years after James and Lily's death, he'd been completely on his own. He had often wondered if he wouldn't be better off dead. At least then he wouldn't be able to bite anyone. But now...

"For a some time, after the end of the last war, I was alone and I won't deny that I was miserable, that I wished I had died with those I loved or instead of them. But now, now that Sirius is out of Azkaban, now that the Order is needed again, now I am glad I did not die."

"I see." Her dark eyes met his, glistening with emotion, and she reached up to squeeze his shoulder, gently. She didn't remove her hand, but kept it there with slight, reassuring pressure. "And I'm glad you didn't die.

"I don't know if I'd have the strength to be a survivor. I don't know if I could live any sort of meaningful life without the people I love." He understood her words to mean that if she was offered the opportunity to sacrifice her life for the defeat of Voldemort, she wouldn't hesitate. He wasn't surprised, but he was angry and he didn't know exactly why. Perhaps dying suddenly seemed like a cowardly thing to him because the people that were left behind had to live with the consequences. But even the thought seemed traitorous; heros died. Perhaps he just didn't like the idea of Nymphadora dying.

"Of course you could live. You just have to remember that those people you loved, loved you back. They wanted your happiness. You just have to live for them."

His demeanor was fierce and he'd leaned in close enough for her to smell his musky breath. She squeezed his shoulder again, feeling he needed to know that she understood.

"That's why your alive, for your friends who've died, for Lily and James. You think they'd have wanted to finish what they started." At the mention of the Potters, Remus twisted away from her, his gaze falling to the floor.

She studied his silent profile, admiring the fall of his sandy waves and the greyness that tinged the hair near his temples, the pale corner of his wide mouth and the slight hollow of his smooth cheek. His face scrunched up as if tasting something unpleasant and his adam's apple bobbed.

"No. I wish I could say yes, but, truthfully, no, I don't live for them." She hadn't expected him to say anything at all, and so his confession surprised her. But she said nothing and moved her hand down onto his back to rub firm wide circles, letting him know she was listening.

"Right after they died, memories of them, and Sirius and Peter, fed my lonely imagination. But they also brought me down. I didn't want to live in a wold without them. I still don't. What truly kept me from wasting away was a hope, a vague unconscious hope, a hope that I never admitted, not even to myself, a hope that Sirius might, someday, be released and found not guilty." He buried his face in his hands and fell silent.

"And he was, by Dumbledore at least." Remus looked up again at her, tears making his eyes shine glassily. She gave him a tremulous smile, and continued moving her hand across his back. She desperately wanted to run her hand through his hair, to massage the back of his head, but she reminded herself that they were only friends and he was gay.

"He's so important to me, Nymphadora, we're the only ones left. We only have each other." His sentimentality almost threw her off balance, but she recovered, reminding herself that his type were like this sometimes. "If he died..." Remus broke off and a single tear trickled down his cheek. "I'd be all alone," he paused. "Again."

Tonks used her thumb to wipe away his tear. She didn't want him to dwell on the unpleasant and improbable possibility that Sirius, housebound Sirius, might die, but she didn't feel he would respond kindly to her telling him of an unlikelihood. "Nonsense," she said, rising and pulling him up as well, "You'd still have me. We're friends."

He smiled sincerely, though the traces of sadness hadn't completely disappeared from his eyes, and pulled her into a tight hug. They were almost the same height and their cheeks brushed. "Thank you, Tonks," he murmured into her ear. A shiver of awareness zipped from that ear down her spine, and she scolded her unruly body. She was torn between pulling away (as she was about to give into the temptation of pressing wet kisses along his neck) and standing wrapped in his embrace forever, simply absorbing him.

After several minutes, he let go of her and stepped back, but not far. He grasped her chin and ran a padded thumb over her cheek. If she hadn't know better, she would have thought she saw his eyes flash down to her mouth. "I'd better get to bed," he murmured, huskily.

"Goodnight, then, Remus."

That night Tonks lay awake, contemplating the unfairness life had dealt Remus. She was glad he had Sirius, and despite the jealousy she felt towards him, she hoped he and Remus could live happily ever after. Remus deserved not only for his own life to be spared, but Sirius' as well.

Her cheeks and pillow were wet and salty long before she finally fell asleep.

Author's Notes: REVIEW AND I'LL BE YOUR BEST FRIEND. Every time I read the part with Remus' foot I get an uncontrollable urge to paint my toenails. (Right now they're red with sparkles, so sexy.) Ummmm, why are you still reading this, go review!

Reviewer Responses:

FLUFF MASTER- Manly men don't drink tea with sugar. Expect for all the men I love most, who, indeed, do drink tea with sugar. And are manly.

lalla16- Luckily for you, Little Sister Lauren harassed me so much over AIM I was afraid to wait another week to update. (Thanks, by the way.)

bri007- Yay! I'm glad you understand the whole gay hinting thing. Thanks for the reviews!

Alli-Baby- You're not the only one who missed the gay bit, which is why it was necessary for me to put that a/n at the beginning, so don't worry. Thanks. I like the chocolate bit too!

Candi Tonks- Nope, sorry, no special relationship between Sirius and Remus, though many many hints at it. Thanks!

Jesus.Lives- Love the pen-name. And I had serious doubts about some of Molly's lines in that chapter, so I see where your coming from, but the story needed her influence in just that way.

homeric- I love Molly being sly. It's like my favorite thing ever. And her using the twin's Extendable Ears. That's also my favorite thing.

angledust-893- THANKS, I WILL!

Queequegg- You're so kind... thanks. Fluffs so much fun to write and read and be...

DeD kAkE- I 3 your review. More please.

okami kaze- Mischievous Molly. It has a nice right to it.

Thanks all! Keep 'em coming. They encourage me to keep posting. For real.