Title: Sensitivity
Author: cinderalex (with some help from my Best Friend Becky on the storyboard end)
Disclaimer: I don't claim ownership of anything you recognize. The plot, however is mine.
Chapter Title: Spats, Secrets, and Suspicions
Chapter Summary: Angst abounds. As does alliteration(but not really).
Dedication: This is the first of three chapters (not consecutive) to be dedicated, at least in part, to Little Sister Lauren. I love you coughandcoughspatulascough.

conceive a man,should he have anything
would give a little more than it away

(his autumn's winter being summer's spring
who moved by standing in november's may)
from whose (if loud most howlish time derange

the silent whys of such a deathlessness)
remembrance might no patient mind unstrange
learn(nor could all earth's rotting scholars guess
that life shall not for living find the rule)

and dark beginnings are his luminous ends
who far less lonely than a fire is cool
took bedfellows for moons mountains for friends

–open your thighs to fate and(if you can
withholding nothing) World,conceive a man
–e.e. cummings

November 1995

Kitchen of Number Twelve Grimmauld Place

"Remus!" Sirius appeared more than a little relieved, as he rose from his chair at the table and walked over to greet him. "I haven't seen you in couple of days, actually more like a week. Since before the moon. And– "

"And you missed me terribly," Remus finished for him. He had no doubt that this was true, though he thought it more likely that Sirius hadn't missed his companionship, but rather, companionship in general. "Anybody been by?" He sent Sirius an inquisitive look. This was the headquarters of the Order, after all. People usually dropped in and out all the time. Tonk ate dinner with them at least three times a week.

"Nope."

Incredulously, he asked, "Not even Tonks?"

Sirius shook his head emphatically, in a particularly canine fashion.

"Well, she, along with the rest of the order should be here within the hour." He glanced around the kitchen. "Sirius, when was the last time you did dishes?"

"Well, due to the lack company, I felt there was no reason to waste my energy..." Catching Remus' hint, he walked lazily to the sink and began to direct the dishes to wash. With a gracefulness that only could Sirius possess in such a situation, he summoned a dish towel and chucked it at Lupin who caught it hard in the stomach and grunted. "Nice catch. Always thought you should have been a chaser."

"I was busy being a prefect, but I'm not going to deny that the team could've used me. Too bad they got you instead."

Sirius smiled and handed him a dripping mug. "Where've you been?"

"Most recently?" he questioned, and Sirius shrugged. "I've just come back from a meeting with Dumbledore." He never knew how Sirius would react to hearing his assignments. Sometimes he was enthusiastic and encouraging, hugging him cheerfully, other times bitter and jealous, avoiding Remus for weeks afterward.

"What did he want? Isn't he going to see you in just a bit?" Sirius' tone was still calm, though curious.

"We discussed a possible mission. A new one." Remus tried to sound casual, knowing if he let even the smallest hint of his inner distress seep into his voice Sirius would catch on and never let go... in a bad way.

"For you?" Sirius handed him a plate that still had cheese residue stuck to it. The moment Sirius turned around, Remus levitated the plate back to the sink.

"Yes." He sighed, not wanting to share his new assignment with Sirius when they were getting on so well. "You are terrible at dishes, you know."

Remus' feeble attempt to change the subject failed. "Always have been. What is he having you do now? Rally all the sheep in England around our cause?"

Chuckling, Remus dried a knife and soup spoon. "Nothing like that," he lied. Sheep aside, Sirius had come very close to the truth.

Sirius stopped watching the dishes and turned to stare expectantly at him. When Remus pretended not to notice, absorbing himself in vigorously rubbing down an already very dry spatula, he said, "Well, what is it then?"

"I expect you'll find out at the meeting." Sirius looked stuck, betrayal and confusion clear in his eyes, but he didn't reply. He only nodded, stonily and returned to the sink. The silence was heavy and tense, so full of angry, unsaid words that Remus wished he carried earplugs on his person.

"So, you're going to give a report this time, is that what I hear?" Sirius posed the question offhandedly, as if he didn't care, but Remus knew he did.

"There's not much to report." He dried the pan Sirius handed him and replaced it on the rack where it usually hung.

Sirius smirked, observing him skeptically. He obviously thought that Remus was simply keeping things from him, jealously guarding his secrets. And he was right. Remus wasn't one to run at the mouth, and Sirius had never truly understood his need for privacy. Sirius never truly trusted him because of this he was afraid of a nonexistent darkness that Remus hid tight inside himself. This very misunderstanding had cost them their best friends fifteen years earlier. And while Remus didn't want that to happen again, he still had secrets to which he clung tightly, secrets he was unwilling to share, even with Sirius.

The doorbell rang, and Remus felt his shoulders sag in relief. He would not have to endure Sirius' rage... yet.

Tonks groaned. "Mundungus. What the hell? You know not to use the doorbell." Really, she knew she had no right to be angry, having made the same mistake only a week and a half ago, but she was not in the mood to be harassed by Mrs. Black.

After several minutes, Remus opened the door, flashing a look of terrible impatience at Mundungus, who was shifting guiltily from foot to foot and pretending to be invisible. When Remus finally caught her gaze, he was smiling, though annoyance still bright in his eyes.

She hadn't seen him since before the last full moon, and though she knew he could endure his transformation, had been enduring his transformations for years without her worry, she hadn't slept well during the most recent full moon. He did not know she knew about his 'condition', so she didn't feel comfortable asking him about it. But she could hug him, feel for herself that he was still alive and whole.

Embracing him loosely, trying to remain friendly, but not overwhelming, she laughed and murmured against his cheek, "I haven't seen you in forever."

"More like two weeks," he countered, pulling her closer. Then, as if suddenly realizing, where he was, perhaps because Mrs. Black's ranting had started to include references to 'that murderous beast,' he let her go abruptly. But before he could move out of her reach, she poked playfully at his ribs, causing him to double over, and scramble away laughing.

"Now that I know how ticklish you are, I am never going to let you out of my sight without taking advantage of that knowledge."

Sirius, after finally shutting the curtain on his mother with the hindering assistance of Mundungus, who had tried to tuck the curtains into his robes before they'd been ripped from his hands, was eyeing them suspiciously. Shit, Tonks thought, he knows. She stepped away from Remus, her gaze fixed on Sirius, who had begun to scowl at her. Remus followed her gaze and caught Sirius' eye, sending him a puzzled look. He looked extremely wary and Tonks realized the two lovers were not getting along.

Maybe they hadn't made up after their exploits in defense magic. But, no, she'd had dinner with them since then and they'd been perfectly relaxed. She wondered if, perhaps, her playfulness was at fault. Well, she wasn't trying to steal Remus from Sirius; they were only friends and she liked it that way. Sort of. In any case, Sirius had no right to be awful to Remus because of his entirely platonic relationship with her.

Sirius followed Mundungus into the kitchen, calling after him, "Touch anything and I'll have you locked up." Usually Sirius was polite to the thief, at least nicer than most of the Order. His perverse snappiness did not seem to phase Mundungus at all, but it alerted Tonks that something was very wrong, more wrong than a simple lovers' spat.

She looked questioningly at Remus as they followed the others through the doorway. He shook his head warningly, and guided her into the kitchen, gently pressing a hand into the small of her back. His palm was spread wide and emanating warmth, comforting and thrilling her, and she understood some secrets were better kept that way. The dispute between Remus and Sirius was none of her business.

But that didn't mean she wasn't curious. Perhaps, Sirius would be more forthcoming with his troubles. She tucked the thought into the back of her mind.

Mundungus was already asleep at the far end of the table. Sirius sat heavily next to him, a sour expression darkening his handsome face. Tonks chose to trip into a seat a bit down the table from him and Remus set a folder down on the table across from her, glancing at Sirius, who was studying his fingernails, and smiling sadly at her. "I'm going to intercept people at the door so we have no more incidents with the endearing Mrs. Black." She nodded.

The moment he left the room, silence, laced with Fletcher's snore's, fell thick. She wanted to talk to Sirius, but the way he was avidly observing his fingernails was more than a little discouraging.

Slowly, the room filled with members of the Order gradually dispelling the uncomfortable silence and, in it's place, bringing a flow of excited chatter. Finally, Dumbledore entered followed by Remus, who looked more on edge than before. He was worrying the hem of his shirt and biting the inside of cheek, reminding her of a nervous schoolboy. Glancing down the table, she noted that Sirius was watching Remus with a mixture of annoyance and concern.

"Alas, I see no reason why we can't begin."

Upon Dumbledore's arrival, Remus had promptly forgotten his delight at seeing Tonks again and remembered the purpose of tonight's meeting: discussing his new assignment. His first instinct was to tell Dumbledore that he didn't see why the others should have any say in the matter, but he did, in fact, understand that the Order was a team. They needed each other, or rather, he needed them.

Usually, the thought of taking on a new task would worry him, and it did. Usually, he would be prepared to take on that task, despite his distress, or in this case, horror, and he was. Usually, the thought of meeting in which the task was proposed would be the easiest part, but, this time, it was not. For some reason he could not name, he didn't want anyone to know what he'd been doing, or what he was going to do. That was a lie. He knew the reason: Tonks. He didn't want her to find out he was a werewolf, at least, not this way. He should have sat down with her months ago, and told her personally. They were friends, after all.

When he reentered the kitchen, his nervousness had reached a peak. He could feel everyone's eyes on him(except Mundungus' which were closed), most particularly Tonks' and Sirius'. As he sat gingerly in his chair, Tonks flashed him a reassuring smile, immediately calming him, then proceeding to make him more nervous when he thought about why he needed to be reassured in the first place.

"Remus, why don't you begin by regaling us with your exploits of the past few months?" Dumbledore's jovial suggestion brought him out of his reverie.

He felt sick. "Erm, I've been..." He tried not to look at Tonks, who was still smiling, more kindly now. "...building up contacts with some werewolfs who live on the fringes of society, not Greyback's, but other werewolves." Tonks didn't look surprised, just incredibly curious. Well, he hadn't said anything too horrifying yet.

"Many didn't agree with his policy during that last war and left. I've been trying to convince them that Voldemort is alive, and that we need them to fight with us or not at all." He felt more confident, the more he talked. Perhaps, he could make it through the whole speech without mentioning he was a werewolf. "The problem is that there are so few of us..." Damn. "...who are not under his influence. Maybe only four or five in all of England." He chanced a glance across the table. Neither the sweet smile, nor the look of curiosity had left Nymphadora's face. She must not have heard him correctly.

"The werewolves were some of Voldemort's fiercest fighters last time around. We have to do more." He could always count on Kingsley to get right at the heart of the issue.

Remus contemplated the Auror, and looked to Dumbledore, who nodded for him to continue.

"Dumbledore and I have discussed this very issue, Shacklebolt, and we've come up with a plan. The best way for me to contact the most werewolves, is for me to join Greyback's community and live as a werewolf, among them."

"You can't be serious!"

Remus restrained his first instinct which was to reply, "No, that's you." and instead said, "I am willing to do this, as I am best suited, or perhaps even, singularly suited for the task." Tonks was nodding, worry lines etched in her forehead. No signs of anger, disgust or even confusion were evident on her face; what he saw there was much worse. She was observing him with a mixture of terror and pity. He felt his heart sink to the floor.

"No. You can't. As your best friend, I forbid it. I won't have you living with them." Sirius was out of his chair and on his feet, eyes blazing and focused angrily on Lupin, who was simply too disappointed and tired to react. "That's not fair to you. You, in no way, deserve to spend time with... with..." He seemed to realize where he was and immediately sat back down.

"Are you quite finished?" Remus asked resignedly, too dismayed by Tonks' reaction to be embarrassed by his friend's outburst. Sirius should be supporting him in this endeavor, but Remus had never really expected that from him. Sirius nodded coldly, folding his arms and sitting back in his chair. He didn't speak for the remainder of the meeting, but eyed Remus beadily.

Tonks watched as Sirius rose from the table to grab a bottle of firewhiskey from one of the high cupboards, unaware of her presence. She had really wanted to talk to Remus, but he'd practically bolted up to bed as soon as the meeting ended, so she decided to settle for Sirius. She wondered if he'd better or worse drunk.

Worse, she decided as he took a heavy swig, then released a string of curses as it went down. Definitely worse. He took another swig, this one much longer.

"Hello, Sirius."He spat firewhiskey down his front and turned to curse at her. She was probably not off to a good start.

The first intelligible sentence he let out was: "What the hell are you still doing here?"

"I wanted to talk to you." After pondering all her options, she decided honesty was probably the best way to begin.

"The bloody hell you did; you wanted to talk to Remus." So much for honesty. She decided to ignore his statement and it's superior truth.

"What's wrong? I know you're upset about something."

"Your first clue?" he asked, sulkily.

She remained silent, and looked at him in a way she hoped was pleadingly encouraging.

"I hate those damn meetings."

"In other words, you're terribly worried about Remus' new assignment."

"They just make me feel completely useless."

"I mean, I'm worried about Remus and I'm not close to him like you are."

"And now they've given Remus some new daredevil assignment and he's going to get himself killed. Without me."

"Is there really a good chance of him being killed?"

"I should be out there with him."

"I thought this assignment would be more emotionally draining for him than physically dangerous."

"He needs me."

He offered her the bottle of firewhiskey. She was sorely tempted to take a swig, but turned it down as she had to Apparate home.

"That conversation certainly went well."

"Indeed."

Many, Many Author's Notes:

This week, after serious consideration, I have decided to remove the prologue to this story. I don't feel like fits very well. I am grateful to Kerichi and smellycatwantstopee their input. However, others, like FLUFF MASTER and Brilliant Roommate Bridget, liked the prologue, so I have decided to archive it in my livejournal which I have set as my homepage.

A whole lot of people keep saying in reviews that they really, really want Tonks to stop being so stupid and realize that Remus isn't gay. I feel compelled to tell you that thoughts just like those were exactly what lead me to writing this piece. Best Friend Becky and Little Sister Lauren would spend days wistfully drooling over Remus, wistful because they thought he was gay. And I was like, "Guys, he's not gay. Did you not read the last book?"

I am now officially over my writer's block. Time to celebrate.

And, most importantly, it's my birthday this weekend! I just thought you all should know. (Libras are the funnest (yes, funnest) people ever!)

Reviewer Responses:

DarkSideoftheMoon: I just realized how much fun I have writing Sirius. He's in the rest of this fic a lot. I thought you might like to know, so you can look forward to more sexy, brooding Sirius. Also, I used to be offended when people called my stuff 'cute'(cause that happens a lot, like this one time when I wrote this angsty thing about a girl confessing to her priest that she'd had sex with her boyfriend and my peer editor said 'this is cute.'), but I have recently come to terms that 'cute' is not a bad things to be, so thanks.

bri007: I'm glad you, a non slasher, liked the innuendo. That relieves me greatly. And, yes, to be Tonks... would be... fun.

okmai kaze: I forgive you for not reviewing the last chapter merely because understand the ills of not having cable internet. Also, the ice cream helped!

zan189: I am sorry that the tea time conversation is not continued, but the tickling definitely is. Thanks for the forgiveness. Hopefully now that I no longer have writer's block, the updates will stay steady.

smellycatwantstopee: You're reviews are always incredibly empowering! All this be true to yourself and your story stuff makes me feel warm and fuzzy on the inside.

DeD kAkE: And I contemplated dedicating this chapter to you because of the chocolate which definitely dissolved my writers block! I hear you just started driving... don't ask where... I'm not stalking you, I swear...

slightly so: It's definitely supposed to be funny. I love tragicomedy, it's the best kind. If writing massive amounts of papers counts as fun, then yes, my second year at college is loads of fun. (Actually, I love college. And I might even like writing papers... just not four in two days.)

KerichiI definitely agree that writing and reading RL/NT is great fun because of the room cannon allows for creative character development. Also, I am fixing Kingsley's 'alas' line because you are right, and it was a mistake. However, the squealing was not. (If you must know, I put that in on the request of Little Sister Lauren as a 'thank you' for her betaing of that chapter. If that puts into question my literary integrity, then so be it.)

devillish angel: I'm glad you think Remus and Tonks were portrayed as 'strong' because I get a lot of comments to the contrary. And I always love it when people appreciate my strange sense of humor!

KatieBell70: Thanks for all your reviews. I will be continuing (and by that I mean rewriting and then posting) Chasing Memories as soon as I finish with this project.I am so excited about it. To the point of distraction. About this review: I love writing dialogue, probably because I love talking, so I am delighted that you what I have written. And I am glad you like the characterizations because I work hard on those as well.

FLUFF MASTER: Battle scene. Lol. I am glad you can think of it that way. I've never written action before, as even light action as that is challenging for me, so I'm glad it came off okay.