Chapter 3 – Don't go away, my love

"Can I come in?" Severus knocked at Hermione's door.

As the good girl she was, she'd been studying for the past three hours. She was nearly finished and was happy of being disturbed in her work; she needed a break after all.

"Yeah, of course." Hermione replied, closing her book and watched her professor entering the room.

"You're studying?" Severus pointed on the pile of five or six books on the desk. "Then I guess I'll leave you to finish your work." He ran a hand through his hair.

"No, I mean, yes… Um…I was studying but I need a break. So… If there's anything…" Hermione blushed of her inability of speaking clean.

"Oh, I was just wondering if you'd like a cup of tea in the living room." He snorted.

"I'd like that." Hermione said frankly.

Ten minutes later, they were sitting in the living room, she drinking tea and he drinking fire whiskey. Not a word was said, except from polite phrases like "thank you" and "you're welcome". In short, there was an awkward silence.

"Erm.. Hermione?" Severus cleared his throat. "What on earth were you thinking of last night?" He couldn't resist of asking that question. All he could think about was how he was able to help her, to make her feel better. Uh. 'I'm acting like a silly school-boy' he thought.

"I…" The words were failing her for the first time of her life. "I don't know…"

"I'm sure you know." He doubted her. Severus took a big gulp of fire whiskey and almost forced Hermione's eyes to meet his glance. "Your life can't be that worse you want to kill yourself huh? I mean, have your boyfriends abandoned you? I doubt that." He was trying to make her talk through provoking her.

"Shut up! You don't know anything, about my life." Hermione shouted and tried not to cry. "And, why…" Her voice failed her. "Why I was up in that fucking tower last night to kill myself is none of your business!" Tears were welling up in her eyes. She stood up and ran in to her bedroom, where she fell down on the bed, crying.

"Fine. I was trying to help you, that's all." He shouted after her and swept the glass of whiskey.

Severus sat in the big chair in the living room later that evening, a glass of fire whiskey in hand. No matter how he tried, he couldn't push the image of that girl from his mind. The sight of her was enough to drive him mad. She was a student for Merlin's sake! Not just any student, none other than Harry Potter's little sidekick that infuriating know-it-all Granger.

What if he'd run after her? He just didn't want to do anything he'd maybe regret later. Now, afterwards he regretted that he didn't run after her before.

"Uh.. Thinking more of that girl will kill me. I need to see her.." He mused, as he stood up and walked over to her room.

Without knocking on her door he went in to her room and found her buried in a book. Her hair was just as bushy as always, but her face… The mascara wasn't just on the eyelashes anymore; it was all over the eyes. There were wet powder-stripes on her face; you could really see how the tears had been flowing along her face. When she saw her professor entering the room she grabbed her blanket and tried to clean up her face, though she knew he'd already seen her.
"Um. Hi." He sat down beside her on the bed. "I just wanted to inform you that I won't tolerate such behaviour from you." His voice was as chilly as ever.

"I owe you an apologize Sir. I won't lose my temper like that one more time." She still refused to meet his glance. Instead she was staring at the painting behind him, which portrayed a young man and a young woman running together along a field. The couple was waving their hands to Hermione when they discovered she was watching them and she turned her eyes away from them.

"Good. Then I expect you not to." Severus sighed and watched her face carefully. "I want a good explanation for yesterday… Or otherwise I will have you to tell me under influence of Veritaserum, which I'm sure you don't want to…" He added and chuckled.

"Fine. I just don't get why you're so interested in my private life… 'Cause that's really none of your business!" She raised her eye brows and met his glance for a moment.

"Duh. You think I'm interested in your life? No way. I'm not. But, I don't think the Headmaster would like you to die. And, if you would, I guess everyone would blame it on me…" Severus answered in his most silky voice.

"Oh. I get it. You just care about yourself. Well. I'll tell you, but then you must promise not to tell anyone." Hermione felt it like a stone dropped down in her stomach. Like she had just got a big fat stone to carry around. But she didn't know why, why was she disappointed?

"I'll carry it to my grave." He rolled his eyes in preponderance.

"Good then. Well… um. It started last term, after the Christmas holiday. I don't think you noticed, but Ron and Harry ditched me. But I'm sure you know I've not a lot of girl friends. So… There I was all by myself. I didn't eat for like three days, I went to the hospital wing for a few days 'cause I fainted... Of course Ron and Harry found out that they would fail in every single subject if I didn't help them with their homework, so they started hang out with me again. But that occurrence made me see what Harry and Ron see in me. They don't like me, they just hang out with me 'cause I help them with their homework. So.. um." For the love of God, why was she telling Severus all this? He was her most hated professor; okay she had never really hated him, but anyways. He didn't need to know all this. All of a sudden she heard herself continue her little story, though with a more strained voice now. "I started eat less and less, started losing weight. I weighed as least around 90 lbs (A/n Around 40 kg) which is way too little for a 15-year-old. Professor McGonagall noticed I was losing more and more weight and forced me to eat. Still I felt worse and worse 'cause no one did actually notice how I was feeling. Sure, McGonagall thought I was losing weight because I worked too hard… It became summer and I went home, Ron and Harry didn't even bother to answer the letters I sent them… The only contact I had with the wizard-world was through Hagrid and the Daily Prophet. I was sure no one would understand how I was feeling so I kept it all for myself. Not even Mum and Dad noticed anything. I started cutting myself in my arms… and…" Hermione focused her eyes on a spot on the bed, disgraced.

"Oh lord…" Severus was shocked of hearing her story as he nodded her to continue.

"Now when I went back to Hogwarts, I was too tired to ask Ron and Harry 'bout the letters so I let it fall down and they acted as normal. I'm sick and tired of my fucking life so I went to the Astronomy-tower last night to… Yeah, you know the rest." She sighed.

"Dear Merlin. May I ask a few questions? Please be honest." He didn't wait for her answer. "Are you still cutting yourself in your arms? How much to you weigh now? Am I the one who knows about this?" God say I'm not. Poor, poor girl. Severus truly felt sorry for her, though he didn't know why. She was just a student after all.

"Um. Y-yeah… Oh, now I guess I'm around 110 lbs (A/n Around 49 kg)." Severus sighed in relief. "Yep… I haven't told anyone else. I shouldn't have told you either, but you made me to." She said, quite annoyed.

"Thanks God I did. Hermione, if this will continue you will die, whether you want it or not. Someone's got to help you; at least I have to make you to stop hurt yourself."

For the first time ever, Severus smiled gently to a student.