Title: Sensitivity
Author: cinderalex (with some help from my Best Friend Becky on the storyboard end)
Disclaimer: I don't claim ownership of anything you recognize. The plot, however is mine.
Chapter Title: Christmas Pudding
Chapter Summary: Tonks helps Remus to break some fasts.
Dedication: This is the second of three chapters (not consecutive) to be dedicated, at least in part, to Little Sister Lauren. I love you coughandcoughspatulascough.

Note to all on my Author Alert or Story Alert or anyone else that had trouble finding my new chapter last Friday:

Last week I deleted my prologue and added a new chapter. For the first couple of hours after I posted, everything was messed up. I think when the new chapter email was first sent out, it linked people to what is now chapter five, which all those on the email list had already read. I apologize for the inconvenience. Last week chapter six was new and this week chapter seven is new. If, for some reason, you missed chapter six, I recommend you read it first.

hate blows a bubble of despair into
hugeness world system universe and bang
–fear buries a tomorrow under woe
and up comes yesterday most green and young

pleasure and pain are merely surfaces
(one itself showing,itself hiding one)
life's only and true value neither is
love makes the little thickness of the coin

comes here a mean would have from madame death
neverless now and without winter spring?
she'll spin that spirit her own fingers with
and give him nothing (if he should not sing)

how much more than enough for both of us
darling. And if i sing you are my voice,
-e.e. cummings

Early December 1995

Drawing Room of Number Twelve Grimmauld Place

Remus was ravenous. Ravenous to the point of starvation. Normally, he would have gone to the kitchen to grab something to eat hours ago. But Sirius was in the kitchen. Had been in the kitchen for hours.

They'd been avoiding each other almost three weeks now, which was difficult considering they lived together. But somehow they'd managed it. Until today.

After last week's Order meeting, Remus had returned to the kitchen for a cup of tea only to find that Mrs.Weasley, meddlesome, mischievous Molly, had pulled Sirius aside for a chat. She told him he needed to find an outlet, other than alcohol, for his distress if was he wanted to continue to be a member of their Order. When he'd complained there was little else to do, as he was housebound, she'd laughed at him. He'd given her a disgruntled look, to which she'd replied, "I'm a housewife, Sirius."

Not wanting to eavesdrop, Remus had fled guiltily, unnoticed. Later he discovered that, somehow, the discussion had culminated in Sirius accepting baking lessons from Molly.

Yesterday they'd made scones. Chocolate chip scones. None of which Remus ate because that would mean talking to Sirius, or worse, asking Sirius for something. Remus adored Chocolate chip scones. Just thinking about them made his stomach grumble.

Not that his stomach wasn't grumbling anyway.

He hadn't come in until the early hours of morning, as he'd been on duty last night. He fell asleep as the predawn light broke into his room through the open window. He'd come downstairs just before noon, intending to eat breakfast, but Sirius and Molly had already commandeered the kitchen. Before Remus had a chance to turn around, Molly insisted he tell her whether he wanted currants in his Christmas pudding. As he wasn't particularly fond of currants, he'd told her not to put them in, at which point Sirius had stormed past him shouting about how 'everyone with any taste at all likes currants in their Christmas Pudding' and how 'currants represent the Spirit of Christmas.'

At this point, Remus had thought that, perhaps, he might be able to eat his breakfast in relative peace. He'd even found a piece of bread to toast, before Sirius reappeared in the door to the pantry with currants which he levitated over Molly's head and into the mixing bowl.

When Molly retaliated by chucking her spatula at Sirius, Remus had ran from the room clutching his untoasted, unbuttered bread to escape the ensuing food fight and shouting match. Never let it be said that Molly Weasley was a pushover, especially in the kitchen.

The whole incident, along with his continued craving for chocolate chip scones, left him wishing that he and Sirius were on better terms or that at least he had someone who could help him sort things out. Like Tonks. However, he was avoiding her even more avidly than he was avoiding Sirius.

She'd been over to visit the night after the meeting before last. And the night after that. And the night after that. Coincidentally, he'd been in bed with a headache all three evenings. More amazingly, his headache had disappeared the fourth afternoon. But Tonks hadn't come that evening. Or any more evenings at all.

He wasn't sure if he felt relieved or disappointed at her continued absence from his life. He missed her, certainly. But he didn't want her to be afraid of him because he was a monstrous beast. And, more than that, he didn't want her to pity him because he was a werewolf. If she smiled at him or tickled him or talked with him, he wanted it to be because she liked and respected him, because she wanted to be around him, and not because she didn't want him to be lonely, because she felt sorry for him.

Last night, he'd dreamed about her. He couldn't remember anything about the dream except for her laughter. And her taste, which had been remarkably close to that of chocolate chip scones. Not that he'd eaten any recently.

On his lap lay Dark Creatures Monthly, a well-regarded journal. The current volume featured an article by a radical scholar concerning the innate nature of werewolves. He argued that they weren't necessarily evil or dark, but because of their uncontrollable hunger for flesh they were easily persuaded to join forces with whoever offered them the best fare.

Remus' stomach gave an audible groan.

"Hungry?"

Remus jumped. Tonks leaned against the doorframe, watching him with a smile, and in her hands she was carrying the largest sandwich he'd ever seen.

He couldn't help it. At that moment, he fell head over heals in love with her.

Remus' eyes lit on her face, and then fell to the sandwich. And then flew back to her face, lingering on her lips until they landed again on the sandwich and stayed there. "Are you going to eat all that?"

Tonks decided that starvation was an excellent tactic to force people to open talks of surrender, so she countered, "Are you going to talk to me?"

"When I'm finished eating your sandwich."

She stared contemplatively at the sandwich, as if trying to decide wether talking with him was worth such an extraordinary sandwich. "It is a ham sandwich, and with three kinds of cheese," she said reluctantly, turning to leave.

"And cucumbers?" he asked desperately.

"Yes," she said, turning back toward him, "now that you mention it. And I'm not very fond of cucumbers."

He rose from the couch, the journal on his lap sliding to the ground, and walked forward, snatching the sandwich from her plate.

Before she could protest, he'd taken three bites. He chewed, the triumphant gleam in his eye daring her to challenge him.

Grinning, she answered by saying, "I've already had lunch. Molly told me to bring this up to you. She said you'd missed breakfast."

Remus began to make awful choking noises from his mouthful of sandwich, and Tonks pulled out her wand, ready to Accio ham and cucumber bits from his lungs. He put out his hand to stop her. Swallowing with a large gulp, he said, "I'm fine. You're just funny. Please don't make me laugh while I'm eating."

She reached out a hand toward his ribs and poised her fingers to tickle. "And why not? It could be fun."

"Not if the part of this sandwich I've already eaten ends up on you."

"There is that." She immediately pulled her hand back, making him laugh, and choke, again.

Without missing a bite, he sat back down on the couch. She followed, slipping on the forgotten journal and losing her balance so that she landed half on top of him.

"Ooof. Carful," he exclaimed through a mouthful of cheese. Tonks shot him a sour look as she disentangled herself, and picked up the offending object.

"If you hadn't left this," she brandished the now mangled journal at him, "on the floor, I wouldn't have tripped."

He didn't seem to have a response, or perhaps he was jut too excited about his sandwich to truly care.

She flipped through the journal he'd left on the floor. Finding an article about werewolves, she began to read. After several minutes, she realized Remus had stopped eating and was watching her warily.

"I don't care, you know."

His brow furrowed as if he hadn't understood, but Tonks knew better. "Maybe that's not the right way to phrase it. You're still Remus, and we're still friends. At least, if you can come to terms with the fact that I care about you, even though I know you're a werewolf."

When he still looked skeptical, she continued. "My knowing that you're a difference shouldn't make a difference in our relationship. If you didn't think you weren't too dangerous for me to be around before, what makes you more dangerous now?"

"I was dangerous before you knew. I'm a dangerous friend. Ask Sirius." Tonks wanted to interrupt him, to tell him that she understood, that she cared for him, but she remained silent and let him continue. "And anyway, I've found that once people know what I am, they think of me differently which ultimately means they treat me differently."

She placed a hand over his. "Am I treating you any differently?"

He looked away and she could tell he wanted to say something, but she had no idea how he could answer affirmatively to her question.

"At the meeting," he began, "you looked at me, terrified."

She thought back to the meeting. And then she remembered and smiled. Linking their fingers, she said, "Did it ever occur to you that I might be scared for your life? That I might be worried about you risking your life interacting with creatures in league with Voldemort?"

He snorted, and she had the dignity to be very offended. "I guess not."

"How am I supposed to know if you were scared for me because you care about me or if you were scared of me because you just found out I was a werewolf... or both?" She could tell he was trying to keep his voice even, but he was doing a poor job.

"For your information, I wasn't just finding out that you were a werewolf. I've known for months. And I didn't treat you any differently. You didn't even know that I knew!" Tonks slapped a hand over her mouth.

From the guilty expression on Tonks' face, Remus held no doubts as to the sincerity of her statement. He didn't know what he should feel. "How long have you known?"

Tonks, hand still over her mouth, shook her head in denial.

"Please tell me."

"About three months." She had taken her hand away from her mouth, but she was not looking at him.

"How did you find out?" He wondered what had given him away. Or who.

"I figured it out. I mean, you really don't do much to hide it."

He supposed that was true. Most of the rest of the Order already knew he was a werewolf, so it wasn't as if he had created some elaborate scheme to hide the fact.

He simply had a hard time believing that Tonks could find out he was a werewolf and not mention it to him. He'd cried on her shoulder, for heaven's sake, so she knew he trusted her.

"Why didn't you say anything?" He hoped he didn't sound too wounded.

"Why didn't you?" Her voice was angry, her words challenging.

Stung, he buried his face in his hands. She gasped, and moved closer to him, "I didn't mean–"

He cut her off. "No, you're right. You're absolutely right."

"Remus." He thought she sounded rather like a school teacher reprimanding a naughty child.

Not bothering to look up at her he muttered a muffled, "What?"

"Don't beat yourself up over this. That comment was out of line. You are under no compulsion to tell me anything." She gave a wry chuckle and rubbed his back. "It's not like we're lovers."

He felt a rush of disappointment, which was completely inappropriate, he rationalized, as she had just forgiven him for being an untrusting friend. He sat up straighter and looked her in the eye, attempting to smile. Her hand stopped moving on his back and she bit her lower lip.

Her eyes were dark, chocolatey brown. Usually, she changed them to something more interesting, more rainbow-like, perhaps blue ringed in green ringed in gold with flecks of grey, but he was fairly certain that they were naturally this deep, bottomless brown. She smelled like chocolate. And hazelnut. Cocking her head, she said, "I really don't care, Remus. I like you." And he knew it was the truth.

Overwhelmed by relief and affection, Remus really smiled. Without thinking he moved closer to her, wrapping his arms around her and brushing his lips against her cheek. She buried her face in his neck and he was felt her warm breath against his skin. Her lips parted slightly, in a phantom kiss.

Abruptly, she pulled away. "I almost forgot. Sirius wanted me to give you–" –she reached in the pocket of her robes– "this." In her palm lay a chocolate chip scone. "I think he wants to make up."

"Chocolate can't repair trust." But he bit into the scone anyway.

"Maybe not, but it will at least put you in a better mood to talk to him." Remus' eyes closed as he took a second bite of the scone. He was definitely enjoying it.

"This is wonderful. Here have some." He held out what was left of the scone. The remaining piece was smaller than her pinky nail. She ate it anyway.

"Wow. This is good. Who would've guessed that Sirius was a decent pastry chef?"

He leaned forward, elbows on his knees, fingers folded together. He was frowning again. "Sirius doesn't understand."

"What doesn't he understand?" She suddenly wanted Sirius to understand every layer of Remus. She suddenly wanted to, herself, understand every layer of Remus.

"I can't share everything with him. Some secrets are mine and mine alone."

He sounded desperate and honest. She thought he wanted to tell his secrets to someone, wanted to unburden, but, for some reason, couldn't.

"Why?"

"There are somethings about me, about my life, that I wish I didn't even know." The words were filled with finality, but his tone didn't fall. Tonks thought, and hoped, he would say more.

"No one else needs to know what it feels like to be bitten by a werewolf. No one else needs to know what it feels like to be isolated from those you love because you might kill them. No one else needs to know how terrified I am at the prospect of living among my own species. Not even Sirius. I'm not trying to keep him out, I'm trying to take care of him because I love him."

Tonks took his face into her hands, forcing him to look at her. "That's all you need to say to him. Even if he can't understand that you're trying to protect him, he can and will understand that you love him." He swallowed, giving her an imperceptible nod and a small smile.

"And remember, I don't need protection. You can tell me anything. But if you don't want to, that's fine too." She brushed her lips across his forehead and then stood, offering him a hand.

"I guess we'd better go supervise the pudding making, then?" He stood up, but did not let go of her hand.

"You read my mind."

Author's Note(s):

Much love to my beta Bridget who is finally doing her job!

I posted an angsty oneshot earlier this week. It's Lily/Severus and rather strange. Anyway, I thought I'd let you all know in case you'd be interested in reading it and giving me some feedback.

Responses to reviewers:

Muffin: I think all the kinks have been worked out so each chapter is in its rightful spot, so hopefully you've now been able to read chapters six and seven. Thanks.

Leaves: I think there are a surprising number of really good Remus/Tonks fics, so you should really check them out! Anyway, I'm glad you liked mine. You're review made me very, very happy. Thank you.

tonks4ever: Suffice it to say that JKR definitely left room for Remus to be manipulative. There are passages and such to back this up. If you would still like specific cannon support, leave me an e-mail address and I'll send you a more complete answer. But, most importantly, being manipulative doesn't necessarily mean being evil. I don't consider it a negative quality unless you use it negatively. That said, I totally understand that the word does have a negative connotation, so I can see why you might be put off by such a description of his characterization.

eleen: Mmmm... some people do have terrible gaydar. In the next few (six) chapters we are going to work on fixing Tonks'. Thanks for the birthday wish. I feel a ray of sunshine every time a reviewer lets on that they read my massive collection of author's notes.

Rah: I'm so happy you finally dropped a review, but not as happy as I am to find out that you have been loyally reading this from the beginning or to hear that you think favorably on it compared to the other (amazing) Tonks/Remus stuff out there. Yay.

Moi-inconnue: What does your name mean? Yes, I am too lazy to use an online translator. Thanks for the review, by the way.

Katie-Bug092: Right after HBP came out, I went online everday to look for a story about Remus and Tonks during Ootp (but HBP compliant) with massive amounts of UST. There are so many about what happens after HBP or during HBP, but very few Ootp. Neither character is really my specialty, but finally I gave in and wrote one myself. I am glad you like it.

chattypandagurl: The irony of Tonks' misperception, never ceases to amuse me. There is so much more I plan to do with it. Everyone who wants it to end quickly is going to be disappointed so you and I can have a laugh.

Alli-Baby: You're back! Yay. I missed you, but it was my fault for not updating for three weeks. Glad you enjoy the innuendo!

ellieo: Thanks!

MidnightDaydream: I am sorry. I've have said it several times, but I'll say it again. You are going to have to patient with Tonks. She is going to be very slow in realizing Remus is not gay.

Celi: You're reviews are always appreciated!

morgenlust: I am so glad you are finally reading this story. It makes me more happy than anything else in the world. If the entire story could be dedicated to anyone, it would be you. Every SB/RL innuendo was put in with thoughts of you. I hope school is going well. I lost your new screen name... so im me!

siriuslover25: I think you are going to like chapter eight. And that's all I'm saying.

Camilinha: I do try to be funny. But you know... you can't be sure whether you're funny or strange or (this is usually what I get most often) cute. And my beta will laugh at anything, so she's not really a good test. Anyway, thanks.

Beta's Note: I do not laugh at everything! I just happen to very easily amused. And slap-happy. Is that a crime! I hope not…I wouldn't do well incarcerated.