Chapter 12 – Unconscious

"Thank you so much for this. I'll pay back at school." Hermione said as they entered the restaurant they'd chosen for lunch. It was a very posh wizard-restaurant which Severus had chosen for the lunch.

The restaurant was furnished with old furniture and was very cosy. There were candles floating all over the room and some candelabras on the walls. The chairs were in scarlet red and the curtains were in a deep, blue colour. One could only say that this restaurant was elegant, and so were the waiters.

"You don't have to." He gave her a small smile and called for the head waiter. "Hello. I would like a table for two, please. In a side room if it's possible."

"Of course. Follow me." The head waiter gave them a bright smile and then showed them the way into a small, cosy room. The room was decorated exactly like the big one except that this had no windows and instead it'd gotten more paintings. There was only one table in the room and Hermione wondered why Severus had wanted to sit in a side room. It wasn't like the other room was full…

"Thank you." Severus nodded to the waiter and pulled out Hermione's chair and gestured her to sit down.

"Thanks." Hermione sat down and Severus pushed in her chair.
"No prob." Severus answered and sat down opposite to her and started studying the menu.

"Um… why did you want to sit in a side room?" Hermione asked while opening the menu. Maybe she could stand one of those small starters.

"Because Lucius Malfoy and some other death eaters are regularly customers here and I don't think it would seem so good if they saw me with you. They would start wondering and as you are a muggle born I don't think it would suit my reputation very well. Of course they don't know I'm your guardian either. There's no way I could tell them that." He answered without taking his eyes off the menu.

"I see." Hermione closed her menu and waited for Severus to choose.

"So what would you like to eat and drink?" Severus asked, finally closing the menu.

"A tomato soup, please. Without bread. I'd like to drink water." She answered, ignoring his bewildered glances.

"I don't understand you. You ate a half toast for breakfast and now it's two o'clock and you don't want more than a tiny little soup. You're 16 years, soon, but you eat like an 8-year-old. I mean, look at you, you're already slim, and you've got a great body, you don't have to lose more weight. No one will think you'll look better if you lose three pounds even if that's what you think. I'm sure you weigh less than 110 pounds now… I just don't get what you want with this?" Severus said thoughtfully.

"I… I feel sick of the thought of food. I can't stand looking at loads of people eating around me, I think it's disgusting. Fine if there were four persons, but there are loads of people in the Great Hall. Also, when I eat I feel like throwing up, that's why I don't like to eat. I guess it sounds silly for you but…" Hermione explained.
"It doesn't sound silly. It sounds serious. I think you should go talk to someone since you don't seem to listen to me, which I respect, since I'm not one of your best mates. Maybe Minerva would be…" He suggested, smiling inside.

"Stop it. I won't go talk to someone." Hermione frowned. "It's already more than enough that one person knows."
"What I'd expected you to say. What if I brew you some potion that would make you able to eat without feeling sick about it?" He ran a hand through his hair and looked at her questioningly.

"I suppose that would be a good idea, if it's not too much trouble for you."
"It's not. Good. Are you sure you don't want more to eat than a tiny soup?"

"Yes, I am. But thanks for your concern." Hermione rolled her eyes and ran a hand through her curly hair.

"Would you like some wine? I'm going to order a bottle anyway." Severus offered.

"Well, yes, please."

"Have you decided your order yet?" The waiter arrived in the room with a notebook in his hands.

"I would like the chicken meal. The lady wants a tomato soup, without bread. We would like a bottle of water, and a bottle of white wine, please. I think that's all."

"Okay then." The waiter smiled politely, picked up the menus and left the room.

"Erm… Severus?" Hermione asked.

"Yes?"
"May I ask why your relationship to your Mother is so… bad? I mean, she wasn't treating you as a son, not even like an equal." Hermione stated and leaned back in her chair.

"It's a long story…" He sighed.

"Tell me." Hermione smiled encouraging.

"Okay. I'll tell you some of it. Well, I joined the death eaters when I was 18; I'd recently graduated from Hogwarts. I had a sister back then… her name was Megan, she was my best friend in the entire world." Severus began. There was sorrow and emptiness when he spoke about his sister. Hermione quickly regretted that she'd brought up the topic. "My mother forced Meg to join Voldemort although she didn't want to. Amelia brought her to Voldemort once under a meeting, and Meg kept her dignity, saying that she'd rather die than join Voldemort. Mother felt so ashamed of her and asked Voldemort to kill her. Amelia said she wasn't worth the life. I was there; I saw how Meg was tortured by Voldemort. I haven't been able to forgive Mother for it. I've hated her since that evening. I havent spoke to her since that evening. She sent me letters sometimes and I answered them. You see, Amelia isn't very funny when she gets angry with someone. I still can't forgive her for what she did to Meg. After Meg's death, I joined Dumbledore instead. That evening is also to the reason to why I'm quite a recluse. I can't stand losing one more person that I love. You see, it's so much easier to give up all feelings than find someone to love. Also, I was trying to commit suicide after Meg's death but Albus prevented me. I can't explain in words how it is to lose someone you love the most. Nor can I explain the anger I felt towards my mother. That's why I'm so concerned about your life. I do think you have people who love you." He finished the story. Hermione couldn't believe her eyes, but there were actually some tears in Severus' eyes. He must have loved his sister.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to… You didn't have to tell me. I'm sorry." She whispered.

"It's okay. If I didn't want you to know, I wouldn't have told you." He said, smiling a little.

"You really should smile more often." Hermione smiled back.

"Why? Not as anyone would care." Severus said dryly.

"I would." Hermione said honestly. 'Shit, he must think I'm totally bloody crazy'.

"Anyway, the reason why I told you this is because I wanted you to get a glimpse how the people around you would feel if you killed yourself."

"Sure. Ron and Harry wouldn't even notice if I disappeared. Or wait, they would. Because they would have to do their homework on their own." She said sarcastically. "Let's see. Mum, well, she'd been sorry for three days, Dad for a week and then they'd forgotten about me. I've no close cousins, aunts, grands or whatever. Parvati and Lavender wouldn't care. That's all."

"I'd care." Severus looked straight in to her eyes and she felt butterflies in her stomach.

"Yeah, right. You'd not give a damn." She retorted.

"The reason I told you about Meg is because I can't stand losing you. Is it so hard to get?"