" Ugh… Where am I?" Sirius mumbled, patting his head thoughtfully to make sure that it was still there. He expected to feel achy, but instead—much to his surprise and delight—he felt absolutely nothing at all. ' Strange…' He thought as he held up a hand in front of his eyes and, expecting to be greeted by the depressing sight of yellow nails chipped at the edge connected to ten long, bony and pale fingers, instead seeing a flawless hand, unblemished and perfect.
Sirius suddenly got the very strong urge to scream for help, so he yawned to try and keep himself as down to earth as possible.
" Amazing. You can bring them to a higher plane of existence and yet they still get bored if they don't see something exploding or boobs. Humans." A voice from seemingly nowhere snorted in mock disgust, or perhaps actual disgust. Sirius didn't really want to know, nor did he particularly care; the voice reminded him of Severus too much.
" W-who are you? What do you want with me!" Sirius demanded, but it was a weak demand. He was still staring transfixed at his beautiful hands, his eyes beginning to trail up his arms to notice the fluorescent glow that seemed to flow from them.
"You're not one to stutter, Mr. Black. Let's see… Age: 50, height: 5' 9'', weight: 195—you are a rather thin man for your age, Mr. Black. Luckily, weight does not matter here—nor does age, or height, or skin and hair color. It is not your appearance that we judge here, Mr. Black, it is what is inside." The voice whispered the last word and it floated around Sirius, echoing inside him as if he were hollow. As if there was nothing inside.
" In… side…" He said, like it was a new word that he was trying to discern the true meaning of.
" Unfortunately, we didn't find much. You're not the first, Mr. Black—it seems that most of the Dementor victims have been emptied when they finally arrive here, though most of them don't make it here at all. A lot of them take the wrong stairway, if you catch my drift." Sirius nodded numbly. Those Dementor's apparently took a lot more out of him then he had originally expected.
" The good news, however, is that what we did manage to find wasn't all that bad. Kindness, selflessness, courage, independence—nothing really wrong with dependence, though—, concern, bravado, and trace amounts of actual love… But not all of it was good, either. A fair amount of you was constructed of bitterness, betrayal, hatred, anger, lust, blasphemy, recklessness and quite a bit of suicide roaming around that head or yours, not that we can really use that against you. I suppose it gets everyone every once and awhile… Anyway, to put in simplest terms, you are standing on floor level. From here, you can either take the escalator down to the parking lot, or ride it up onto clothing and appliances. This, as you may already have figured out, means—"
" Who are you?" Sirius asked again. The voice stopped talking abruptly, and didn't start again for a few seconds. He guessed it was because he had offended it in some way. ' Least I haven't lost my touch.'
" Sirius…" The voice said gravely, and it felt as though the invisible head of the speaker were leaning in closer to his face, examining it closely. Who knows? Maybe that is what it was doing. And Sirius could have sworn he felt a light breath on his neck. "I am your father."
" W-WHAT!"
" Hahahaha!" Laughter boomed from every direction, the h and a's flashing briefly all around him before vanishing into the darkness. He didn't find anything funny. " I couldn't help myself, you humans always react in such ridiculous ways whenever I say that."
This was the last straw for Sirius, and he stood up suddenly, not stumbling around on weak, disintegrated legs like he normally would have.
" Enough of this bullshit!" He shouted at the nothingness. "Who are you and WHY THE FUCK DID YOU BRING ME TO THIS HELLHOLE?"
The air turned suddenly malevolent, and the ground seemed to tremble, though it did not move. Inexplicable fear filled Sirius, not replacing the emptiness, but overshadowing it briefly. The speaker did not appear, but if he were able to see who it was he didn't doubt that it would be a face contorted in fury with small, astute eyes that knew all glaring at him and seeing right through his nothingness just like he had seen only the nothingness of everything around him.
" YOU WOULD DARE CALL THIS PLACE HELL!" The voice boomed and Sirius covered his once ugly hands over his ears. But even that did nothing to prevent the full sound of the noise: screeching, yet somehow still graceful. " YOU, WHO SHOULD BE BANISHED THERE YOURSELF!"
" Okay, okay! Enough already! Jesus, I'm sorry, okay—?"
" DO NOT SPEAK BLASPHEMY HERE, BLACK!"
" Fine! Shucks, I'm awful sorry, Mister. Won't happen again, honest to gosh." Sirius let a sarcastic smile slide across his features, remembering how Remus used to substitute words like that all the time back in Hogwarts whenever a teacher was nearby. Remus was always the good one.
Then why wasn't Sirius in hell?
" Humph. I do not know how you managed to make it here, Mr. Black—Scratch that, I do know how, but for the life of me I do not know why." The voice spoke again and a blinding light flashed all around, causing Sirius to hold up his hands to shield his eyes. Once again, this did not do anything to protect him and the light seemed to pierce his eyes with a beauty so brilliant that he could not help but think of it as ugly.
It didn't make sense to him, either.
" You want answers to your questions, Mr. Black?" A small, glowing speck of pure white light appeared before his eyes, steadily growing bigger and bigger, taking shape into a ghostly figure.
" Yes… That's all I want." Sirius said resignedly, taking his hands away from his eyes and looking at the figure with some difficulty. Somehow, the light smiled down at him as two large extensions of the being (whatever it was) encompassed his confused and tired, empty body.
" Yeah fucking right."
Remus opened the door wearing the face of one who has just been woken up by the unpleasant sound of the fire alarm and the equally horrid smell of smoke. Somewhat tragic and terrified, somewhat angry and aggravated, but mostly wanting to just fall back into a peaceful slumber to the melody of the fireman's axe against the bedroom door.
" Excuse me?" He yawned, suddenly conscious to the fact that whoever was standing in front of him was moving their mouth, but more aware of the familiar emblem on the person's jacket that announced them to be an official member of the Ministry of Magic. ' God, what time is it?' The werewolf glanced down at his watch long enough to see the long hand on the twelve and the short hand pointing at the eleven, reaching out to the number only centimeters above it's tip as if to try and touch it like it's longer brother could. ' Poor little devil, he'll never quite be able to catch that eleven…'
" I said… are… you… Mr… Lupin?" Remus nodded to the question, taking note of the person's stern continence and prominent brow. With gray hairs shooting out of his head in a crazy afro and small, bushy mustache, he looked an awful lot like Einstein. Remus mused over this similarity as a letter was handed to him that was difficult to take from the firm hold. It was as if the man were made of stone.
" Who's it from?" The man looked around uneasily, his steel gray eyes slowly shifting back and forth. Then he leaned in close—close enough for his breathe to touch the side of Remus' neck, causing a very uncomfortable silence in the time it took for the man to properly formulate the words.
" It is… from… the… Chosen… One..." Remus lurched back (which he had been wanting to do for quite some time, what with the unusually loud breathing, awkward speaking and overall lack of respect for his personal bubble). ' Ch… Chosen One! Ha-Harry!' He ripped open the letter, not minding the stinging pain in his index finger as the sharp edges cut him. The man grunted and took a step back. He looked up at Remus with a look that was almost longing, then turned and lumbered away. ' Harry, my goodness… Harry! Harry Potter!'
He allowed himself one hysterical laugh while unfolding paper from inside the letter. How? How had Harry managed to find him? He had been careful as to not let anyone, including Harry, know of where he was or who he was with. No one had known. At least… He thought no one had known.
Dear Remus,
Sorry for the delivery, I'm not allowed to use Hedwig. It isn't safe anymore, so I guess you'll get this letter late. Actually, I've just received my Daily Prophet from last month today! But what I read… is it true? No, I know it is. Mr. Weasley told me that it was when I asked, but I didn't know about it until I got the Prophet! I've been at the Dursley's all summer. I suppose it's a kind of goodbye for my dysfunctional family, but I need to get away from the wizarding world one more time before leaving the one I know so well.
But, Remus! Did Greyback really—
Remus didn't read any farther, just shredded the letter where he stood and watched the bits of paper fall to the ground like obese snowflakes. His paper cut stung, so he brought it to his lips and sucked on it absently, watching the person who had delivered the message waddle along and then suddenly pause and crouch down hurriedly (must faster then Remus thought he would be able to go).
Cloth disappeared into thin air, the faint noise of footsteps echoed in the abandoned streets, once perfectly pink flesh had turned a deep, unhealthy gray and then skin morphed into stone. ' I should have known… So, it isn't safe to send an owl out with a personal message, but a member of the Ministry can just waltz along the avenue with a letter from the "Chosen One".' Remus smiled at the irony as the footsteps neared and a woman appeared around the corner, glancing at him and then the impossibly large, round rock that was sitting contentedly (literally) on the sorry excuse for a lawn next door.
Remus waved.
The woman picked up her pace until she was out of view.
The rock turned back into a man. Cloth appeared from thin air, the noise of footsteps grew faint in the abandoned streets, once gray flesh turned a vibrant pink and stone became skin once more. ' A golem…' Remus mused, still sucking his finger. Able bodies must have been getting tight in order for them to allow a golem—one of the closest ancestors to trolls—to become a member of the Ministry… real tight.
" It's times like these… that I wish I still got the Daily Prophet…" He whispered to himself, but a strong wind that raged through the streets, howling like a distraught wolf, caught the words. Remus watched them float away silently. His amber eyes looked remarkably like the golem's at that moment. Cold, distant and yearning. But it wasn't their fault. They were born that way. At least… The golem had been. Remus wasn't so sure about himself. He wasn't so sure of anything anymore.
Except for that goddamn pain in his finger.
He entered the house with one thought on his mind (' Band-Aid.'), but soon exited once again when he remembered what was left of the bathroom and the cabinet that once held the band-aids. He lifted a hand to his head and ran it through the fuzz there. The remains of Harry's letter looked up at him from the ground where they had fallen, giant and irregular flakes of paper dandruff that seemed to represent their tiny counterparts that used to thrive in his mess of brown hair. Somewhere on his body, a fading bruise began to ache once again. His eyes watered. The paper cut throbbed.
" Remmy?"
He looked up, tears already heavy in his lids and about to slip from their restraints. " Oh, David!" Remus fell into his boyfriends' arms and swallowed the chokes and sobs that had burdened him before. He still felt achy, heavy, miserable, depressed, desperate and sore all over, his finger still pained him in the small, annoying way that paper cuts did… but he managed to hold back his tears. For another day. ' For… For Sirius, myself… And James… Lily, Dumbledore… Harry… But mainly… mainly for Sirius…'
" Remmy! What's wrong?" David sounded surprised and put a hesitant hand on Remus' shoulder, either not noticing or not caring about the way it flinched away from his touch. He patted the werewolf comfortingly and Remus crooned in response, whispering something indistinct. The touch suddenly turned cold, and the soothing pats turned into a hard grip.
" Were you thinking about him again?" David asked in a voice that made Remus shiver. The grip tightened.
" N-no. Of c-course not…" But it didn't sound very convincing, not even to Remus. He felt like whacking himself on the head to try and dislodge the horrible rattling of his words. The stuttering flashed a neon sign above his head that read 'LIAR'. But David mustn't have seen the glaring lights, already blinded by the way Remus's shoulder felt underneath his heavy, work-worn hands.
" Don't worry, it'll be alright…" He trailed off, letting his hand fall further down the shoulder to trace the ridges of the spine. " You know that I love you, right?" The hand glided effortlessly past the waist of the ragged jeans his submissive lover wore. Remus nodded quietly, almost pathetically. ' Yes, I love you so much.'
" Not now." Remus croaked out, suddenly aware of where David's hand had traveled.
" I thought you loved me, Remmy."
" Don't you love me, Moony?"
Sirius' voice echoing in his head almost made him scream, but he held it in by biting his lips, unconscious to the pain as his canines cut effortlessly into the bright pink flesh. Blood dribbled down his chin, mingling with the small hairs of his unshaven chin.
" I do. I really do, but I have to go back to work." The neon sign flashed its intoxicating colors aggressively.
" You were just there a few hours ago! And I'm home early, so why should you have to leave when I'm here?"
' Hypocrite.'
" It isn't that, I just don't want them to fire me. You know we can't afford that."
David glared at him with cold, calculating eyes and for a second Remus felt his heart stop beating. His mind chanted words over and over again (' Please, I'm sorry, please, I didn't mean it, don't David, don't hurt me, please') like the refrain of a mantra. Then the glare stopped and Remus relaxed, catching his breath so that he wouldn't let out a sigh of relief.
" Fine. Later."
" Yes," Remus smiled and pulled himself out of David's arms, feeling relieved as the man retracted the hand that had been groping him lustfully. " Later."
" Jesus, Lupin! You're bleeding!" David exclaimed in alarm, and Remus brought his hand up to wipe the trickle of blood from his chin. He starred at it, mesmerized. His tongue wrapped itself around the sharpened end of a jutting canine, feeling the smooth edges. It seemed larger than before (although they had already been unusually large). Pushing it back into the far end of his mind, thinking ' It's just the pull of the moon, only two days away now', Remus gave David a quick kiss goodbye before striding down the steps to the abandoned street, ignoring the pain in his gums and lip from the tooth.
Hot and sweaty, tired and sore, Remus padded his way to the door for the second time that day. His 'shift' had been unusually short at 'work', possibly because he could only walk around the block a million times before getting bored. He figured that David wouldn't make a fuss and wouldn't think that he had been lying about having to go to work that day. He figured right. When the man had his mind on one thing and one thing only (sex), he didn't care much about anything else. The world could be ten minutes from exploding and all David would probably think about was getting a good lay.
Sometimes it didn't matter if it was with Remus or not. That was supposed to bother the werewolf, but it didn't really. Sure, when he came home from work in the morning to find that his half of the bed was being occupied by some buff blonde stud or bi-curious punk not even fresh out of high school he would get so angry that he would actually begin to pack up his things quietly (as to not wake the sleeping couple) and look for the next ticket out of London. But something deep inside him didn't stir—didn't hurt him with the same searing pain it had when Sirius had cheated on him. It stayed silent: it didn't snarl or growl or slink away with its tail hung pathetically between its legs.
The knocks increased in volume and urgency, so that Remus had to jog over painfully. ' Please don't let it be something with Harry… Please, not Harry…' The certainty that this was the problem grew in him with each agonizing step until he was sure he would burst.
" I'm coming!" He shouted desperately, turning the knob just as the knocking ceased.
The door swung open and rain poured in from the outside, shooting off of the figure in front of him in tiny droplets.
"Oh no…" Remus moaned and covered his eyes with his hand as if blocking the image out would make that person disappear. He peaked through his fingers. It didn't work.
"Moony…" The person swooned and took a few tumbling steps into the small house, wobbling underneath a heavy, wet coat they wore. "I love you."
Remus looked more repulsed then he intended.
"Just get inside, Tonks."
continouns…?