A Smile in the Dark.
Chapter Three.
Remus Lupin arrived at Grimmauld Place knowing that he probably looked a mess and felt worse, but somehow not caring. It's done, I finally succeeded. And my reward…dubious as it is, to come back here. Wonderful. He blinked slightly and shook his head as he made his way to his room. I really need to stop thinking sarcastically. It's twice as bad as saying it out loud because no one can hear it. Silent foot-steps took him to his bed, his door having been opened and closed behind him. A tired sigh that was heard by no one escaped, leaving an exhausted Remus in its wake. Sleep. Good idea. A few moments later he was curled within the blankets, fully intent on burying himself there and ignoring the fact that the rest of the world existed.
Tonks sat in her room, finishing writing her letter. How to sign myself? The edge of her crumpled feather quill met her teeth as she chewed on it absently, quickly realising that it tasted vile and wouldn't help her think. "Blech!" Quickly removing it, she began to write 'Nymphadora Tonks' at the bottom of the letter, suddenly scribbling it out furiously. I am not going to let him call me Nymphadora. Nuh-uh. No. A moment's thought was given again, and she put her initials. But that seems so cold, too formal for the subject matter. I'd sign that on a note, or to someone I barely know. Scratching it out again, she wrinkled her nose in a way that would have been deemed adorable, had anyone been around to see it.
She put 'Tonks', and then added an N in front of it as an afterthought. There. Nothing untoward or odd can be read into that. It's just my first damn initial and my last name. A moment before she rolled the letter into a neat scroll and closed it with a waxen seal. It occurred to her to put a spell on it as well, to prevent prying eyes from reading it. This was her next following action, before she gave a whistle and called her owl to her. "To Mr. Lupin," she said quietly, petting the owl's feather softly. A nibble on her finger and the tawny owl's wings spread, sweeping her out into the darkness without further ado.
Remus had begun to doze softly, only to be rudely jolted out of the warmth by a tapping at his window. Annoyed, he opened one eye and saw that it was an owl, going to the window and giving it a treat before chastising "you pick the wrong time for delivery, my friend," scratching it atop the head before retrieving the letter it held in its claws. It soared off into the night, but as Remus turned his back, it wheeled around and swept into one of the other windows in Grimmauld Place. Tearing the seal open, one with a flower and a dagger entwined in purple wax which he didn't recognise, he decided to read the letter now being that he had gotten out of bed to get it. Reaching for his glasses and slipping them on, he seated himself with his back against the headboard, finding it too cold outside of the blankets for long.
Remus,
I've no idea where you are specifically or I wouldn't be writing this letter. I haven't heard anything from you for over a week and I'm starting to get worried since you are generally a man of your word. I thought that I'd write to you and check that you're all right. Don't worry about the letter, if anyone else tries to read it, they'll be hexed and it'll self-destruct. Beside the point, at any rate.
I'm very concerned about your well-being, and this is coming from me as a friend and not just as an Order member. I worry for you and hate the fact that you're stuck in Arbatskaya when you shouldn't be. I might sound formal but I truly don't intend it, it's just the style that I tend to fall into when I write letters, so please excuse me.
If you don't get in contact with me in some shape or form to let me know you're still breathing (I'm not satisfied with those reports of yours, they're easily counterfeit, and I wouldn't put it past you to lie about being well or unwell at any rate) I'm going to come find you. I don't care how long it takes me, I will do it.
I care about you Remus Lupin, now please don't throw that away by ignoring this.
Yours sincerely, now just as much as ever
N. Tonks.
The letter was read several times over, Remus blinking several times in a rather bemused manner before he set it aside and removed his glasses. Tonks obviously had no clue that he had returned. Now that he thought of it, he doubted that many of the Order members knew just yet. He was touched by her concern, rather more than he should have been. None of that! You know where those kinds of thought trails will lead you. And it isn't someplace that you'd want her to know of, however much you respect her. Inside Remus a small voice gave protest to his thoughts, making him examine his conscience. Then again, are you sure that it's just respect?
These ideas were pushed aside in favour of slipping from bed, too preoccupied with the thought of speaking to Tonks now to sleep right off. His foot-steps padded him out over the creaky floorboards that Grimmauld Place was oh so blessed with, thankfully making minimal noise. His soft treads left him facing the door of Nymphadora Tonks's room, and the only thing that remained was for him to knock and enter. With a hand that trembled slightly for reasons unknown, he trailed his knuckles against the cool wood and knocked.
Tonks's head snapped up at the sound inside, and her wand was in her hand out of habit as she walked over to fling it open, forgetting entirely that she was in her pyjamas, which were red and baggy for comfort. Tripping slightly on the edge of her trousers and cursing "Bugger!" before she opened the door, Tonks answered as usual with wand out first, recognition second. The person standing there was not one that she had expected to see. "Remus, is that you?" Tonks's voice was urgent as she lowered her wand slightly, stepping back so that he could come into the light. Joy, an emotion not often seen upon her features, lit up in her eyes and became a smile upon her lips before fading, hidden away like a miser hoarding treasure. Impulsively, Tonks flung her arms around the figure, far gladder to see him than he probably guessed.
Staggered by the sudden hug but not unpleasantly surprised, Remus returned it, taking in the scent of raspberry shampoo that rose from Tonks's hair with eyes closed. "I'm all right, Tonks. I've been here just over half an hour, received your letter a few minutes ago and decided to come see you." He drew back from her, took her features in. "You look exhausted." And the truth was that she did. Her hair wasn't its usual shade of pink; instead a more muted shade of violet, one that tinged on a dark purple that was almost black. Her eyes had dark circles underneath them that quickly faded into nothing as Remus gave her his scrutiny for a bit longer than perhaps strictly necessary. "No morphing tricks around me Tonks, I can tell you're tired just from looking at you. Your eyes speak of it even if your features don't." And it was true, the blue orbs that she usually had such a bright shade were a lot darker than usual, weariness in them that did not allow her to display her usual sparkle.
"Tiredness can be cured, Remus. It's nothing of consequence; I've merely been doing my job…the same as you." The tiredness was in her voice too now, and he hated to hear it, hated to work out what pulling double shifts was costing her. One lot with the Ministry, and then another with the Order. He knew that she was a valuable asset to their side and could not afford to be lost, but it didn't mean that he liked the fact that her very rarity was costing her health a heavy price.
"Won't you rest, Nymphadora?"
"Call me that one more time and I'll see that you're resting all right…in an early grave." A wry grin spread over Tonks's features at this, knowing that he would never stop teasing her with her name when it suited him.
"Duly noted, now sleep!" He guided her firmly over to her bed, adding afterwards "thank you very much for your letter…it was appreciated." These words only brought a smile to Tonks's face, causing her to reply simply "you know that I care now," before nestling into her blankets and closing her eyes peacefully. She knew that there was more to be said, but for now they were both too tired in mind and body to make much of it. Another time would allow them to talk of such things.
Remus watched her start to doze before murmuring quietly "sweet dreams, Nymphadora Tonks." He took his leave after this, returning to his own bed and falling asleep to uneasy dreams himself, the thought of the woman across the hall not allowing him to rest. Her simple words of kindness had struck a chord in him, struck deeper than he perhaps ought to have let them.
She cares about me. I mean something to someone. This was Remus's last coherent thought before he drifted off, wondering if he'd see her at breakfast, and what tomorrow would bring.
Author's note: I really, really wanted them to snuggle and fall asleep together in this chapter, but it seemed a bit premature. I promise that such will occur in future chapters.